Sprayed and Neutered




So I was on the train the other day...

...And I'm riding home after having drinks with friends, when a drunk guy gets on. He pulls out a beer and let's everyone know he's in a good mood and celebrating. When he pops the top, the beer sprays and accidentally hits another passenger. He immediately apologizes, produces a napkin and motions to clean it off for him. The guy refuses and tells him that its okay, and to "just leave it." So he puts that beer down, and pulls out another. This time opening it slowly just in case. After he finishes that beer, he reaches down to pick up the one that exploded earlier. He asks another passenger, (a big dude with a red cap) "is this yours?" and gets sharply rebuffed. "You know that's not mine. Why are you asking me stupid questions?!"The drunk dude replies, "Sorry brother. Just checking," and goes about his business.

Maybe 10 minutes later, a "performer" gets on the train and announces he's gonna sing for us. Dude is terrible, and without hesitation, the big dude begins to boo him. The guy finishes and says, "Don't hate" to which big dude responds, "That's not hate. You suck! Booo!" The drunk dude then chimes in with, "Yeah, you're terrible," And tries to give the big dude a fist bump. Big dude says, "Man, get the fuck away from me! Why are you talking to me? You don't know me and I don't know you. Let's just leave it at that!"

Surprisingly, this actually hurts the drunk dude's feelings. He says to big dude, very glumly, "You're right. I'm sorry I got in your face. But you didn't have to yell at me like that. You didn't have to say it like that" and he returned to his seat and slumped down for the rest of his ride. After he left, the big dude said to me, "You see this foolishness? He's lucky I didn't just punch him in his face!" I agreed. Partly because it was true, and partly b/c I didn't want to get punched in the face. [or worse, end up on WorldStar]

Sometimes it's best to just smile and nod.

Reading is Fundamental



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Mis Peores Amigos (2013)/Promedio Rojo (2004)





Mis Peores Amigos is actually a pretty decent, lighthearted little comedy in which 3 friends reconnect after one falls ill and the others learn he only has weeks to live. The goal is to help him complete a bucket list they made in their teens, which also includes finding a leprechaun and traveling through time. 

 It is a direct sequel (albeit 10 years later) to Primera Roja, the film which first established the main characters and their motivations. In that one, the guys are just trying to survive high school when Roberto, the lead, falls in love with a girl who falls for the handsome bully instead. The same bully who torments him daily.  In between the two films, Roberto, has physically transformed himself from fat nerd to beefy architect and he's purposely left his friends/old life behind, and the reunion in Amigos is understandably frosty.

I didn't know Amores was a sequel until the end, where Netflix hit he with the "you might like these..." and it turned out to be the same story that was narrated and starred the same actors only younger. That was dope and watching these films back to back. I felt more invested in the characters.

This isn't something that's going to sit high on my list, but they are decent at the least. Like Terminator, I didn't know the first one existed until I saw the second,, but I enjoyed both either way.

 
Violence? Happens
Explosions? No
Nudity? No

American Muscle (2014)



 



I'm a sucker for a good revenge flick and this low budget, super cheesy film was definitely satisfying.
The plot can be summed up thusly:

John Falcon just got out of prison on a early release for a ten year bid. His mantra in prison, "you owe, you pay!" Has become a way of life and now that he's out, he is on a mission to insure that the people who put him there, repay their debt. 

Basically, some people fucked him over and now he's out to kill them. And apparently get pussy along the way as random women would gladly provide:

"Oh, you just got out of prison? Have some pussy."
"Stabbed in a knife fight? Here's some pussy."
"What? You like sunlight too? Boy, have I got some pussy for you."


It was crazy. I love a gratuitous nudity so I'm not complaining, but still I'm worried some impressionable youth might get the idea that gong to jail guarantees you pussy upon your release. (As opposed to being the pussy once you're in.)

Anyway, American Muscle had all that I want/look for in a, revenge flick. Blood, gore, titty, muscle cars, shitty dialogue...it really did have everything and I enjoyed it.
 
You won't, but you're not me.

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Of violence and nudity
Nudity? Yes

The Babadook (2014)



A single mother, plagued by the violent death of her husband, battles with her son's fear of a monster lurking in the house, but soon discovers a sinister presence all around her.

The Babadook is beloved amongst horror fans and critics. Honestly, I thought it was pretty good up until they shit the bed in the ending. 3 stars is appropriate. nothing more, nothing less and the whole story pretty much boils down to this: How many times must we think children are crazy before we actually believe their crazy bullshit? Seriously, how much can you stand before you actually believe them?

"The Babadook is real and I don't want you to die!" okay, I may not be afraid of that statement.
 
But:
"He going to scare you first."
"You may not be afraid of him now, but you will be when he's eating your insides."
  Hmm...I like my insides...you know, inside. 

That right there may be a cause for concern but in light of all that, why wait for the Babadook? Just end it now. That kid sucks anyway and he's totally threatening your life bro. You know what you have to do. 




The Babadook is definitely worth a watch, but just one. I honestly don't think I can enjoy it twice. The Kid was creepy and the mother was reckless. However their was a palpitating sense of dread and that carried the movie from beginning to end and speaking of which, I really want to talk about that (the end) since I know no one actually reads this blog,  (although you totally should)  but there may be at least one guy/gal who does, so I won't. The end is stupid though. You'll see.

Ba
Baa
Dook
Doook!
Doooook!!! 

Violence? I guess. A dog died so there's that
Explosions? Of repressed and latent anger
Nudity? No.

Knights of Badassdom (2013)


 
Live-action role players conjure up a demon from Hell by mistake and they must deal with the consequences.

Knights of Badassdom is a dope ass horror comedy hybrid based around the concept of Live Action Role Playing and while the title is clunky as fuck, the film is put together well (and the soundtrack is fucking fantastic.) You can tell that everyone actually enjoyed themselves while making the film and that showed. On top of that, blood, guts and metal really fleshed out the film.

I can't give it a 5 because of one particular scene, but personal grievances aside, it doesn't fit my criteria because I wouldn't buy it. I can see myself owning it, but I wouldn't walk into a store specifically looking for this film to purchase. It's still a rock solid film and I dug it.

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Of Rock!
Nudity? No

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