Not Another Teen Movie (2001)

On a bet, a gridiron hero at John Hughes High School sets out to turn a bespectacled plain Jane into a beautiful prom queen in this outrageous parody, which is also A sendup of all the teen movies that have accumulated in the past two decades.

Not Another Teen Movie is underrated. A solid cast and solid character work kept the film grounded and it just hit the right notes as a parody.

There's something about this flick that consistently draws me in. It is funny, very quotable, and actually holds up to multiple viewings. Plus, everytime I watch it, I notice something new. Like the great H. Jon Benjamin making an appearance or the "Hot Dogs for Practicing Oral Sex" sight gag.

Anyway, here's the cheerleader scene from the big game. Going with this one because:

A. Jaime Pressly
B. They're cheerleaders
C. I gotta have a little something for me on this site.

N.A.T.M. didn't receive the fanfare of the "Scary Movie" titles, yet it was just as good as the first 2 (The only ones that count) and it was one of the last true spoof films made before the destruction of the genre.

Out of Ten? 10

Violence? Do it for Marty's Torso...
Explosions? One.
Nudity? Yes.

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Neverland (2010)

A man known as Jimmy, uses a group of young pickpockets to do his bidding. A heist goes wrong at an antiquities store when Jimmy finds and drops an orb and the entire crew suddenly vanishes. Captured and led aboard a pirate ship, (helmed by the smoking hot Anna Friel) Jimmy bests the crew and he reveals himself to them as James Hook. He is soon seduced by power when Captain Bonnie shows him her magic fairy dust (wink wink) and promises that they can rule this world by capturing the mineral dust from the tree fairies that inhabit the land. Once Hook is involved, he desires to get the dust, return home, and rule London.

Peter, meanwhile, is taken in by a group of Indians who have also fell into the doorway over 200 years ago. They have become protectors of the tree spirits since the pirates arrived. While in their company, he discovers that one of the natives also has similar dreams about an island somewhere in the realm. When the chiefs daughter points out that the island is real, Peter goes with her to see if they can find a way out. Eventually, he finds more info on Neverland among a forest utopia, and not too long after, Peter meets the tree fairies and is given the task of retrieving the orb and saving the realm from the pirates. To aid him, the fairies have given him the power to fly and have also sent one of their own, Tinkerbell, to assist him. Peter accepts the task and sets out on his mission. He will eventually engage the Pirates in a battle that would change Neverland forever.

Neverland is a SyFy Mini series featuring a retelling of the story of Peter Pan. For the sake of clarity, Neverland is a dimension at both the corner and the center of the universe and anyone inside of it never ages. Hence the name. This version starts in the real world of 17th century London. There, it attempts to establish a quick exposition of the characters before life in the fantasy realm fleshes them out further. James Hook isn't flat out evil, just shamed by his peers and blinded by his lust for revenge. He's also a surrogate father to Peter and his crew. Peter has an innocent heart and is willing to do anything for his adopted father.

I thought it was a decent series overall, but nothing that would make me want to watch a series religiously. If the film stayed in London or even if Hook was female, that would have scored it some major points as far as remakes go. But overall, it was okay. Standard faire brought to life with stunning visuals and computer generated graphics.

 

When I first saw her, I thought Anna Friel would be captain hook. A change in genders would have definitely made the story fresher, but that didn't hurt it overall.

Out of Five? 3.5

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Yes
Nudity? No

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Saint Nick (2010)

 
(For context, what we call Christmas, is known as St. Nick's day in Amsterdam and it takes place on the 5th of December. It features a man with a long white beard and a red robe riding a white horse who as the myth goes, comes from Spain on a ship carrying gifts for the good children and takes the naughty ones back with him when he leaves.)


Amsterdam. December 5th, 1492.
A village is attacked/ransacked by a Bishop named Nicholas and his men. They rode in, slaughtered half of the town, put up a list of demands, and laughed their way back to the ship. The villagers, seeking retribution, launch a late night attack and burn him alive on his ship at sea.

December 5th 1968.
A family is shown at home, revelling in the season. The parents are doting and the children are singing carols while staying up waiting for a visit from St. Nicholas. As the oldest child steps out to check the livestock, he returns to find his family slaughtered and Saint Nick galloping away from his roof.

December 5th, Present day.


A class of young adults are exchanging gifts, mocking St. Nick and the holiday in general, believing it to be created for monetary gain. As the urban myth goes, once every 32 years, when there's a full moon on December 5th, Saint Nick and the Black Petes come to town to grab up kids and kill their families. Geort, the lone child survivor from the attack 40 years ago, is now a police officer who works to prove the existence of an evil St.Nick and destroy him. Predictably, no one believes his story, but that doesn't stop him from trying. He knows he's coming, so he prowls the city, Hunting. and it isn't too long before we get our first victims of the present day.

Surviving two of St. Nick's attacks, young teen Frank is rescued by Goert. Who scares off St. Nick and reveals that his goal is to completely destroy Amsterdam and fire is the only way to hurt him. He says that the curse can only be lifted if his boat is blown up at midnight and as Frank prepares to destroy St. Nicks boat, he is stopped by The Black Petes and the Danish Swat team. After all is said and done, he learns the true meaning of the holiday.


An evil Santa works as a movie monster. Quite frankly, who would believe that such a benevolent character is not only real, he's also a bloodthirsty maniac who only appears every 32 years? No one and anyone who does will just be labeled "senile" and will be immediately dismissed.
It's almost too perfect in a horror sense.

Okay, I'm getting carried away with the concept. The movie itself was actually decent. Pretty straightforward with minimal clunkiness. I was pleased with the overall presentation, but I thought that there could have been more attacks, just to show the brutality of Saint Nick...but less is more I guess.


Happy Holidays!

Out of Ten? 7

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Yes
Nudity? No

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Jack Frost (1995)

When his prison transport collides with a truck full of "genetic material," condemned serial killer Jack Frost is inexplicably transformed into a terrifying, murderous snowman. With a red plaid scarf, a carrot nose and a heart made out of coal, the icy madman sets his sights on a small rural town and goes on an old-fashioned killing spree.

Jack Frost was a prolific and deranged serial killer who managed to elude cops for 5 years across 11 states. On the night if his execution, he escapes custody but is covered in an acid which disfigures and dissolves his body. What it does next is fuse his cells with the snow he died upon, and he is reborn as a man of snow. He has not forgotten his history with Sheriff Sam Tyler (who arrested him), and since he vowed to Tyler and his family, he sets out to do just that. The site of his incident was not to far from where he was caught and now that he's free once again, he sets out to get his revenge. The sleepy town of Snowmonton County is holding their annual snowman contest. Unbeknownst to them, a killer snowman is coming for their Sheriff. And he intends to collect his prize...

Jack Frost is a holiday themed horror film about a killer snowman. I find that these are the types of films that you have to enjoy for what they are, Cheesy low budget films with absurd premises and (possibly) high entertainment value.

There's not much more ridiculous than watching a grown man wrestle a snowman in a pool of anti-freeze on the flatbed of a pickup truck.

Violence? Yes
Explosions? No
Nudity? No

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