Psycho Gothic Lolita (2010)

After assassins kill her mother and maim her father, innocent Yuki --now dining gothic leather -- goes on a mission for revenge.

At a birthday dinner, five hooded assailants, break into their home. In the struggle, her father is seriously injured and her mother is killed right in front of her. 

Lolita sneaks into a gambling den where debauchery is ever present. After disembowling the guard, she heads for her first kill, Sakie, the Queen.

By the time she reaches and executes the fifth guy, she learns that there was more to the story than just a random murder. Her mother was a devil, and they were exorcists. She is also a devil and he's been baiting her until she revealed her true form.

 Harbinger of Justice, executing those responsible for her mother's death. 

Before you ask: Why not? Japanese B movies are still B movies. 

Didn't really know what to expect when I started Psycho Gothic Lolita and honestly I was bored until the fighting started. It plays kinda like Kill Bill. A woman was wronged by 5 people, makes a list and sets out to get her revenge. But this is Japanese, so there's a lot of blood and gore and weirdness. It works for the film, but if you have no experience with the genre you'll hate it.

For a move made in Japan in 2010, it really lacks the flair that accompanies the genre. But technically it's an exploitation flick, so I guess that can explain it.

Idk whatever.

 

Violence? Yes. Oh yes
Explosions? Blood Spray
Nudity? No

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Karate Girl (2011)

Years after someone murdered her karate master father and kidnapped her sister, Ayaka sets out to put her family back together.

 

A ruthless businessman is attempting to control Kurenai Karate all over the world. To do so, he'll need the black belt held by Sojiro Kurenai, the greatest karate master of all time.

After a short battle,  it's protector is slain along with his eldest daughter. The businessman absconds with the black belt and his youngest daughter. With his final breaths, the protector manages to revive his eldest, Ayako and tells her let no man take the belt, which was around his waist the whole time.

About 8 years later, we find Ayako working in a movie theater. She uses karate to stop a pair of purse snatchers and becomes instantly popular with the crowd of onlookers. The pics and videos hit the web, alerting the bed guys to her presence. When the businessman finds out that the belt in his possession is a fake, Ayako is still alive and he was paralyzed for no reason, he  sets out to track down Ayako and retrieve the real one, but not before heart punching one of his henchman.

Keith Gets His Head Kicked In...

What I like about these Japanese karate flicks specifically is that the actors really take a beating to sell it. No punches are pulled and it just looks better. Comes across more fluid I mean. As the end credits roll, there are scenes showing the choreography.

Karate Girl it's not a barn burner, but it is a decent flick and the fight choreography is well done. It's basically about a girl who knows karate and fucks shit up, but only because she's forced to. In the process she reunites with her sister (who the bad guy kidnapped) and it's double the fun as they take out Keith, the biggest, baddest, whitest martial artist the bad guy has on his team. [Dude ate like 8 tandem kicks to the head. 6 alone, just because of his name.] I also found out that this starred the same girl from High Kick Girl!. I thought those kicks looked familiar...

Violence? Yes. No blood though, just kicks to the face.
Explosions? Of kicks to the face
Nudity? No naked ass-whippings

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Goemon (2009)

Based on a Japanese folk legend that echoes the tale of Robin Hood, this ninja thriller follows the exploits of Goemon Ishikawa, who leaves his fighting clan after its chief is murdered and uses his skills as a thief to help the poor. But after learning the identity of his leader's killer - the traitorous Hideyoshi - Goemon sets out on a bloody path of vengeance, joined by his loyal friend, Saizo.

In this Robin Hood type story. Goemon is a revered master thief who steals from the rich and gives to the poor.After recovering what they call Pandoras Box, he opens it and it leads him to a scroll/ map. Which eventually leads him to a letter that proves two powerful men were complicit in the death of The former Lord Nobunaga. His adopted father. Now aware of the truth, he sets out for revenge.
Goemon is like "The Spirit" all flash no substance. It's long, dull and it takes itself a bit too seriously [That's what she said.] Plus, I hate when I expect an all out action flick and get sucked into drama. I stopped paying attention halfway through. I may come back to it at a later date, but until then, I'll leave this unrated.

In retrospect, I'll probably never even give this flick a second look.

Unofficial score: 4/10

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Battle Royale (2000)

In the future, the Japanese government captures a class of ninth-grade students and forces them to kill each other under the revolutionary "Battle Royale" act.

30 teens are flown to a remote island near Japan where They are told that they are unruly students who do not respond to traditional punishments. To this end, the government has forced them to fight to the death in a Battle Royale, with the winner being the only one to get off the island. Each student is given a bag containing a map, food or a weapon and should they decide not to fight, they are each wearing neck collars which can be detonated remotely.

Battle Royale is a crazy movie. It's s lot more brutal than you'd expect, but at the same time, there's not much that you could argue with. It moves pretty quick from the school to the island and from Kill "A" to Kill "Z", but by the end, you're left with a decent film that both pushes boundaries and leaves you entertained.

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Yes
Nudity? Yes

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Outrage (2010)

Writer, director and actor Takeshi "Beat" Kitano returns to his roots in this gripping gangster drama that details the intense rivalry between two powerful yakuza syndicates and the efforts of a small crew to prevent all-out war from erupting.

Two Yakuza gangs have made a pact of nonviolence, yet long standing tensions bubble to the surface and they soon find themselves on the brink of all out war.

This film does not glorify gang violence at all. If anything it is a "behind the curtain" view of the life of a Yakuza. Politics, Power grabs, in fighting, blackmail, extortion, executions, you know, the good stuff. Outrage is long and deliberate but when the gang war is finally on, no one survives. The idea behind that is to wipe out the whole crew so that there's no one who can come back for revenge later and in doing so, I have to give credit where it's due. The ruthless gangs always come up with new ways to kill and in this film, they created a vehicular lynching.

From the front seat of a car, they tied a rope around a guys neck and tied the other end to a pole on the highway. Then they put the car in full speed wich instantly snapped his neck and pulled him backward.

Crazy.

Out of Ten? 6

Not to quote the cover, but Outrage is definitely not for the squeamish

Violence? Yes
Explosions? One
Nudity? Two Titties

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Yakuza Weapon (2011)

Minus two limbs after his first showdown with a Yakuza chief, Shozo is remade into a machine-gun-armed, rocket-launcher-legged vengeance machine. Now the kingpin and his men are the targets of a psychotic who's made of more firepower than they carry.

 Guns, swords, chivalry and loyalty are the ways of the Yazuka. Feeling that those are outdated, one man, Kurawaki, disposes of the old chief and assumes command. He believes that business and drug distribution is the new way to go and it is his goal to unite the families under his control. Upon hearing that his father has been slain, Shozo, a young and fearless man, returns to Japan intent on revenge and proving that he is the toughest of all the Yakuza. After their first battle, Shozo is left missing both his right arm and his left leg. After being patched up and given cybernetic weapon enhancements, he sets out to take down Kurawaki once and for all. What he doesn't know is that Kurawaki has also been enhanced and he now commands an army of drug fueled supporters.

She can shoot rockets from her vadge. That's right folks, Vagina Cannon!

Yakuza Weapon is a Japanese grindhouse movie. That means gore, comedy, and cyber/human weapons. There's machine gun arms, Cock Rockets and a freaking Vagina Cannon! This film basks in its ridiculousness while still telling a decent story. It isn't the type of film that you'd watch if you were looking for serious action, but it is still entertaining.

Out of Ten? 6.5

Violence? Yes

Explosions? Yes

Nudity? Vagina Cannon

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Queen's Blade (2009)

In 4 years time the competition that will decide who the next Queen shall be will start. The strongest warrior will continue to rule the country according to tradition and expand it. The contestants need only be older than 12 years. They need not be human, intelligent or even of that country. The rules for the tournament are simple: murder is allowed. Any weapon can be chosen. The winner is decided when one of the participants flees or can't move anymore. Such event is broadcasted trough a crystal sphere by the court's magic teacher to all population to see and enjoy.

Queen's Blade is an anime where scantily clad female warriors battle each other for the right to be Queen. Of what? Who cares? It doesn't matter.

This anime features:

• Sword Fighting
• Titty
• Mud/oil wrestling
• Titty
• Angels
• Titty
• Thongs 
• A Boston Crab

Heh.

Blatant nudity aside, the story/plot is actually pretty good. And I'm definitely not upset about the nudity. The fights are well done and the story is easy to follow. Then again, what's so hard to understand about women fighting and exposed breasts? After a few episodes, the series tends to drag a bit, but I found it funny that the characters get bent out of shape when they come across any one who doesn't wear underwear.

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Yes
Nudity? Umm, yeah. I guess there could be more...I guess.

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Geisha Assassin - 2008

This story is set during the Edo ages in Japan. On a rainy night, Kotono confronts the samurais who have killed her father. The samurai attack her one by one, but she manages to withstand them. When she is scaring the remaining samurai away, three ninja's suddenly appear. Will she succeed in beating them as well?

The title card explains that the word "gei" meant weapons. Geishas were ones who practiced swordsmanship and even men could be geishas.

Geisha Assassin starts slow as we come in on a geisha as she follows a samurai through the streets, seeking to avenge her father's death. The man who killed her father tells her she can't defeat him as she is now and sets up battles for her. The rest of the movie is her fighting tough challengers on her way to get to him. Although she reaches her final opponent quickly, the fights are consistently satisfying. The final fight contains the necessary evil of flashbacks to explain the exact situation behind her father's death. But even the flashbacks include a fight scene.

Geisha Assassin is a short movie that begins slow and feels a bit long. (Especially during the end scenes.) But we learn about her father's death and the technique she uses. Plus there's a fight that takes place in the rain with Motherfucking Ninjas(!!!), and when her weapon is unavailable, she's a pretty capable martial artist. Also, as is customary in these films, she has to be beautiful, but deadly. (Although she's not a badass...or really hot. She's just skilled with a sword.)

Its definitely not a must see, but there is an "oh shit" moment or two.

Out of Ten? 6.

Violence? Fuck yeah, its a swordfighting flick that includes Fuckin Ninjas!!!!
Explosions? Ninja bombs
Nudity? No

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Quick hits #9

Flick's Quick Hits - Rapid fire reviews and thoughts on a few movies at once.

Featuring: Portlandia, Samurai Champloo, Damages, and Sons of Tuscon

	Portlandia (2011) - SNL's Fred Armisen and Carrie Brownstein start in this sketch comedy is basically centered on portland and all it's hipsterish activities and citizens. it's funny in spurts. Out of five? 3.5
	Samurai Champloo (2004) - An Anime set during samurai era japan and overlayed with hip hop beats. Mugen and jin are swordmasters who basically are stopped from killing each other by fuu, who recruits them in the search for her father. Eh. Not a bad anime. If you're into swordplay and/or the samurai era, this may interest you. Out of 5? 3.5  There is a lull between action scenes, but when it's time to fight, shit gets real.
	Damages (2007) - Unscrupulous lawyer drama. Glenn close plays patty hewes, a no nonsense attorney specializing in corporate fraud, who will do whatever it takes to get money back to the people who were cheated out of it. She's a master manipulator. Expect a lot of mental chess and the desperate CEOs will do whatever it takes to keep their money. So expect deaths too. Out of 5? 4. Dramas bore me a bit, but this one was okay. Story jumps back and forth through time both giving and taking information. Kept me engrossed.
	Sons of Tuscon (2010) - Canceled after 4 episodes, Sons of Tuscon is actually a pretty funny series with a basic premise. After their father is jailed, for securities fraud, 3 young kids set out to find a guy to poise as their father. They find Ron, an adult slacker in need of a home + money and more they're a family. I'm not afraid to say that this was one of the shows I slept on when it aired, but it was canceled after 4 episodes. Neither Tuscon nor I had a chance to connect. Then I found it on Netflix. Out of Five? 4

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Ninja Assassin - 2010

Trained since childhood to be a lethal killer, Raizo has since turned his back on the Ozunu clan that raised him and now seeks revenge for their heartless murders. Teaming up with Europol investigator Mika, Raizo steadily butchers his enemies while inching ever closer to the long-awaited bloody reunion with his former master.

Raizo, (which is fun to say with a Japanese accent) defected from the clan after they killed his ninja boo many moons ago, and while they hunt him down, he's made it his priority to wipe them out. [Not trying to defend their actions, but, In their defense though, she showed compassion. Ninjas don't show compassion and they damn sure showed none in killing her.] We get multiple scenes of him training and practicing among the flashbacks that tell his story. At one point, he even does handstand pushups on top of a bed of nails. Eventually he meets Mika, an investigator with interpol, who had drawn the attention of/uncovered the secret dealings of the clan by digging too deep into older (seemingly unrelated) cases.

Really? I always wanted to be a ninja, but this scene showed me that I wasn't Asian enough.

Towards the end, Raizo is finally captured. But with the help of a tracking device placed on him by Mika, the armed forces of Europol storm the hidden ninja compound and bring the pain! Thus setting up the final confrontation between Raizo and the leader of the clan.

Hot. Ninja. Action

Ninja Assassin is quite possibly one of the best ninja movies ever. Swords. Shoryuken, blood gore, you name it. If it was ninja related it was probably in this film. Shit was crazy. But here's my favorite part: the protagonist was actually Asian! No disrespect to Michael Dudikoff and the American Ninja franchise, but your time has passed. Actually, all disrespect and for the record, "American Ninja" is an oxymoron. Jerk.

Ninja Assassin makes American Ninja look like that time we were kids and played "Ninja" in our backyards. 

The logic behind the film is sound. Ninja clans exist and shadowy gov't figures would pay them as mercenaries, because who would ever believe that ninjas are real? However, there's just a couple things that bother me:

1. Parsel tongue - On the hunt, the ninjas speak in a hushed whispers and drag out their "wooorrrdddssssss"
2. Ninja healing factor - Ninjas are mystical, that much is true, but do they possess a super-human healing factor?
3. How he was receiving notice of the clan's activities/targets. - How/why exactly was this happening. He is not in the clan. Why/How is he receiving notice of their targets?
4. The white children - The kids were supposed to be orphaned or otherwise unwanted kids in Japan. How exactly does this happen:

You just know that one of these kids grows up to be Michael Dudikoff.

Violence? Glorious Ninja violence
Explosions? No
Nudity? No

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Death Note (anime)

Plot via IMDB:

A battle between the world's 2 greatest minds begins when Light Yagami finds the Death Note, a notebook with the power to kill, and decides to rid the world of criminals.

Light Yagami, after obtaining the notebook, is given the name  "Kira"(killer) and he begins to kill criminals on his path to infamy. Along the way, he meets someone who poses the greatest threat to his plans, a man known as "L," who is the world's greatest detective. The race is then on, as L tries to uncover the identity of Kira, and Light tries to uncover L's real name in order to eliminate him.

Death Note is essentially the story of a boy who tried to play God, his rise to power and eventually his fall from grace. It is hands down one of the best anime series ever produced and If I had to compare it to a movie, I'd say Heat. The level of cat and mouse that goes on between Light and L is equal to that of the Pacino and DeNiro characters.

Pick it up, watch it, love it.


Violence? Yes but the bulk of the deaths are criminals.
Explosions? 2 or 3.
Nudity? No

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Legends of The Dark King

via nt2099

The world is an apocolyptic wasteland. Overrun by lawlessness. One man seeks to clean it up, but to do so, he must use his devine fist of the north star technique to destroy all who get in his path, become king,
and unite the world.

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Appleseed

In this anime movie, a war survivor is brought to utopia and discovers she holds the key to the survival of the Bioroid race.
 
Appleseed is an example of animated badassery. We are introduced to Deunan who is immediately revealed to be one badass soldier. Her former partner Briareos is equally badass, and in one scene, tore the arm off of a cyber-woman and beat her with it.

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