Barbarian Queen (1985)

When Roman forces invade her village, violate her sister and capture her fiancé, an Amazonian queen vows revenge and sets out to liberate her people.

 As Amazonian Queen Amethea gets ready for her wedding, a group of Romans attack on horse back and although the men fight valiantly, the invaders do a lot of damage and collect a lot of new slaves. After the battle, she learns that her sister has also been kidnapped and she embarks on a path of revenge.

Revenge never looked so good...or fought so bad.

Barbarian Queen is such a crappy movie filled with bad dialogue. But that's the thing. You aren't supposed to love the dialogue, your supposed to be watching the hot Amazon women kick all sorts of ass. The sex appeal is the only reason these films were made, might as well enjoy it. Sword fights, barbarians, titty. Can't ask for much else. Okay, maybe you can ask for better dialogue. ::Shrug::

Violence? Yes
Explosions? No
Nudity? Yes

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Bleach: Hell Verse (2010)

"Hell" is the place where a person is sent to who committed violent crimes when they were alive. Shinigami are forbidden to go there. One day prisoners revolt and make their escape to Karakura - the real world - where Ichigo and his friends live. Ichigo and his friends are defeated one after the other by prisoners with overwhelming power. A mysterious man appears who comes to their rescue. With Kokutou leading the way Ichigo, Rukia, Uryuu, and Renji march into Hell to save the world.

4 mysterious figures appear in karakura town and try to capture ichigos attention by taking his sisters. They claim to be trapped in Hell and will return them once he breaks down the doors so they can escape. Another figure from Hell appears and offers to help in his quest. In exchange, he asks ichigo to help him break the chains which bind him.

Bleach is a fairly simple anime to get into and the movies are all entertaining. Best part is that you don't need to follow the series to get into the films. They are pretty straightforward. I hadn't seen a bleach movie or even watched the series in a while, but I still remember the characters like I never left. Plus it had been a while since I've heard the "Number One" song. It's a good song and I'm happy to have it back in my life.

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Yes
Nudity? No

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Iron Monkey 2 (1996)

Donnie Yen returns to fight off a deadly assassin named Snow Fox and aids a band of insurrectionists battling a malevolent gang of weapon smugglers.

Iron Monkey 2 is not an official sequel, which explains a lot. It's an Iron Monkey movie in name and Kung Fu only. In the time between the two films, The Iron monkey went from mythical robin hood like super hero to leader of the Chinese resistance.

The plot itself was/is simple but I found it hard to follow and that was probably because I was bored.
There was a lot of gunfire in this film. I hate martial arts movies with guns. It kinda ruins the setting and more importantly, takes me out of it. The best part about Iron Monkey though, was the flying guillotine. That weapon is so sick and definitely needed to be featured more.

The flying guillotine is the best part of any martial arts film. 

[Disclaimer: This is a scene from another film.]

The action in Iron Monkey 2 was fast and intense. When they did fight I mean. But Donnie Yen did not look interested, at least that's how I saw it. Second best part, They Molotov'd a dude in the climax. Kung Fu fight-- > Molotov-- > end credits.

That sequence almost made the film worth while.

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Yes
Nudity? No

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Sword of the Stranger (2007)

A nameless ronin stumbles upon a young boy by the name of Kotaro, his dog and the many Chinese assassins dispatched to claim the boy in some strange ritual for immorality.

Wandering Swordsman Nameless, is hired by a young boy, Kotoro, to provide safe passage for him and his dog to another temple within Japan. He is wanted by the Chinese as they believe his blood is the final ingredient in their immorality potion. The three bond along the way and Nameless faces off with the fearsome blonde haired blue eyed General of the Chinese army.

The story drags a bit but stays coherent and the action is right on the money. I love anime swordsman movies when shit gets super real. I haven't seen one like this since Ninja Scroll. For so long I've been asking, "where's the violence? Where's the bloodspray?" Well it's been right here the whole time. Even the dog gets in some shots.

Sword of the Stranger is a solid movie full of action, with a coherent story and decent characters. I thoroughly enjoyed it and it would have scored higher if the Chinese speaking parts were translated.

Violence? And how.
Explosions? Yes
Nudity? No

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Goemon (2009)

Based on a Japanese folk legend that echoes the tale of Robin Hood, this ninja thriller follows the exploits of Goemon Ishikawa, who leaves his fighting clan after its chief is murdered and uses his skills as a thief to help the poor. But after learning the identity of his leader's killer - the traitorous Hideyoshi - Goemon sets out on a bloody path of vengeance, joined by his loyal friend, Saizo.

In this Robin Hood type story. Goemon is a revered master thief who steals from the rich and gives to the poor.After recovering what they call Pandoras Box, he opens it and it leads him to a scroll/ map. Which eventually leads him to a letter that proves two powerful men were complicit in the death of The former Lord Nobunaga. His adopted father. Now aware of the truth, he sets out for revenge.
Goemon is like "The Spirit" all flash no substance. It's long, dull and it takes itself a bit too seriously [That's what she said.] Plus, I hate when I expect an all out action flick and get sucked into drama. I stopped paying attention halfway through. I may come back to it at a later date, but until then, I'll leave this unrated.

In retrospect, I'll probably never even give this flick a second look.

Unofficial score: 4/10

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Samourais (2002)

Half a century ago, a Japanese family summoned a demon known as Kodeni to dispose of its adversaries. Once the killing was done, the family was cursed. Now, Tokyo Police Inspector Fujiwara is investigating the murder of a video game designer. The investigation leads him to a frightening discovery - the same lethal demon is about to be reborn. Fujiwara must travel to Paris and kill this unborn child who is the reincarnation of Kodeni and who threatens to destroy the world.

A woman is chased through a forest by a samurai. Right before he delivers the killing blow, she is saved by five men wielding swords. After a short battle, she gives birth to a baby who quickly ages into a full grown adult in a matter of seconds. He then grabs a sword sand kills both the mother and the samurai that was hunting her. 5 centuries later, the demon baby has worn out his current body and is in need of another. While being questioned about the latest killing, he manages to take out the police in the interrogation room before allowing himself to be killed by the chief warning him that he will resurrect in his daughter's womb.

Soon after the chief pulls the trigger and kills him, a shogun appears in the room, announces that he is an ancestor of the chief and tells him the story of the demon. He says that he must slay his daughter, as she carries the demon child and if she gives birth, there will be nothing thar can stop him. But eventually, he joins up with his daughter's boyfriend Marcos to both stop the demon and defeat a secret sect bent on allowing him to be reborn and continue his work.

Aah Japan...I never know what's happening in your films, yet I always come back for more.
Samourais was okay, worthy of a five at the least. Despite the dope.fight scenes, and the forced comedy, this movie is getting a 4 off the stregnth of Marcos' annoying friend, Nadir.

Out of Ten? 4

Violence? Yes
Explosions? one
Nudity? No

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Chocolate (2008)

Acclaimed Thai action director Prachya Pinkaew helms this martial arts drama, which follows Zen, a young autistic woman who discovers that she has the uncanny ability to absorb precision fighting skills just by watching martial arts movies. When her cancer-ridden mother's creditors come calling, Zen attempts to settle the debts by standing up to a hardnosed gang of criminals who have wrongfully swindled money from her family. 

From the people who brought you ong bak and the protector comes Chocolate. The tale of an autistic girl who learns martial arts by watching street fights and film. After her mother is hospitalized, an autistic girl tries to collect debts owed to pay her medical bills. In doing so she runs afoul of many shady dudes and eventually the guy responsible for her father's exile.

Chocolate is an awesome film and fits perfectly within the realm of the Ong Bak/Protector universe. The fighting and stunt work are crazy and the story moves straightforward from A to B. Fight fans, will love it. Plus the villain is a rock star. No matter how many times he is attacked, he never loses his shades. Because that wouldn't be cool.


Here's the trailer. (Spoiler alert!: Fight happens.)

Bonus points for the super cool villain.

Violence? Yes
Explosions? No
Nudity? No

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Ninja (2009)

A westerner named Casey, studying Ninjutsu in Japan, is asked by the Sensei to return to New York to protect the legendary Yoroi Bitsu, an armored chest that contains the weapons of the last Koga Ninja.

The top two students in the running to replace the leader of the dojo don't like each other two much. During a heated training exercise, the Japan born student tries to kill the Last Samurai and is expelled from the school.Years later, he shows up as a Snake Eyes clone, conducting mercenary work, specifically assassinations for an unnamed secret organization.

The dojo throws a small ceremony to name his successor and pass down the ancient weaponry. My question is, if the techniques are to be passed down in secret, why have a public ceremony? Anyway, Snake eyes crashes the party and after being reminded of his expulsion, he threatens the Sensei and everyone there that day. As the ninja weapons are being hidden, snake eyes is preparing for war. He has a closet full of weapons and at nightfall, he makes his move, taking out nearly the whole school on his way to kill his former teacher. The old man is dope. he even gets in a "I taught you everything you know," but like a good ninja, snake eyes resorts to chicanery to win, using poison darts then decapitation to end the battle.

After giving away her location by calling her father, snake eyes sees the number and deduces that the weapons are in New York. He calls the leader of the secret society to bring in the ninja girl and makes plans of his own to join them shortly. After being attacked, the ninja kids are on the run. This eventually leads to a fight on the train, which not only had to be the longest ride, but it also gave me a new kill to add to the list (skip to 5:15 for the kill)

Sidenote: I don't get how she is the daughter of the head of the ninja school, yet a complete punk bitch during fight scenes. I thought these mofos were ninjas. A little gunfire and she turned into a quivering bitch. She was dead weight throughout the film. Useless. it's like they watered down her character during filming.

After finally getting arrested, the (cliched) stubborn cops believe they are the bad guys and treat them like so. Chaining them to chairs and blatantly disregarding their stories. Snake Eyes shows up at the station and the cops eat sword for their efforts. Nifty little lightsaber effect on his sword too, but that just added insult to injury. After a battle atop the police station, we quickly learn that the last samurai is no match for Snake Eyes, who captures Ninja Girl and flees. The Last Samurai is now on a mission to rescue Ninja Girl. Tearing through the secret society along the way, he gets in contact with snake eyes and offers to trade the ninja weapons for the girl. Making his way to the deal, last samurai puts on the ancient weaponry and finally claims his birthright as an American Ninja. Which of course leads to the final fight scene and the downfall of Snake Eyes.

I came into this film expecting total crap. What I got was decent crap. Passable, but still crap. The dialogue was bad but who needs words when you can let spin kicks speak for you? (Seriously. I think his dialogue was 80% spin kicks. I don't think I saw dude throw a punch the whole film!), the logic behind the plot was flawed, and somehow a police helicopter was written into and out of the movie during the same scene. Outside of all that, the evil ninja was, of course, a total badass and the action scenes (read: bloodshed) saved the film from a worse score.

Out of Ten? 6

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Smoke Bombs.
Nudity? No. Unfortunately

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True Legend (2012)

Su Qi-Er retired from his life as a renowned Qing dynasty general in order to pursue his dream of a family and his own martial arts school. However, Su's peaceful life is shattered when his vengeful adopted brother, Yuan Lie, kidnaps his son and leaves Su for dead. Saved from his demise by his wife Ying and the reclusive doctor Yu, Su resolves to perfect his technique so that he may defeat Yuan Lie and reunite his family.Now burning to become a martial arts master, Su Qi-er submits to a teacher who helps him become more powerful than ever before.  

True Legend is essentially a biopic about  Su Can, a former chinese general, turned drunken beggar and his ascent to Legendary Martial Arts status.

The film starts with an awesome ninja style raid on the enemies headquarters. Su Leads a team into enemy territory to rescue his captured prince. For this, he is offered the position of Governor, which he declines because he's retiring to be with his family. He nominated his brother Yuan for the job and the story really begins there. 5 years later, Governor Yuan pays a visit to  Su and his family. Su's father says he doesn't trust him and relays the bloody history between himself and Yuan's father.Believing him to be out of control, with a deadly technique, the Five Venom Fist, Su's father killed.YUAN's father and raised them as brothers. Yuan had always resented this, and he fears that now that he's governor, nothing good can result.

Yuan arrives while Su is away, announces that he has mastered the Five Venom Fist and after a short battle he prices the old man right by killing him and taking his head. Su arrives too late top stop him, but during their fight he finds out that Yuan is hardcore. After landing some pretty good cuts with a sword, he realizes that he's causing no damage. Just then Yuan laughs and reveals that he has metal fucking armor sewn 1inch deep into his flesh.

 Hard.Fucking.Core.

Not long after this reveal, Yuan wings the fight (duh), infects him with the venom technique and throws him into a waterfall to die. Our hero goes through the "I've been throughly defeated and now I'm completely useless" phase and even becomes an alcoholic until his hair grows in and he defeats his own self pity. Believing him to be unable, she decides to rescue their son herself. Reading the note she left about his instability to save his family, Su, races off to the castle and fucks shit up on the way to defeat Yuan. Before the final battle however, Yuan says he won't kill his wife, but he has her buried alive in the forest. After a final fight that saw them fight into and out of a snake pit, Su kills Yuan and the race is then on to find his wife. Unfortunately he finds her too late. Now a drunken heartbroken beggar, we move onto phase two of our film: The Drunken Fist.

After wandering into a bar and fighting a drunken fist master, he runs into Ma, an old friend from his war days. Ma tells him that Foreign warriors are challenging Chinese to fights and are killing them and he decides to support his friend in his fight with the foreigners. During the fight, his son gets involved and he uses the drunken fist to save him and take on the foreigners who are apparently aided, controlled and released by "White Tupac" David Carradine, who I'm sure I've seen in more films post mortem than when he was alive.

 White Tupac

In the epilogue we learn that he wandered the country and used the fist. the style would then be copied and spread throughout the land. Making him a true Wushu master.


True Legend is a solid flick. Good action. Easy to follow story. Yet, still a bit longer than I'd have liked. But there is Michelle Yeoh...

Out of ten? 7

Violence? Yes
Explosions? No
Nudity? No

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Queen's Blade (2009)

In 4 years time the competition that will decide who the next Queen shall be will start. The strongest warrior will continue to rule the country according to tradition and expand it. The contestants need only be older than 12 years. They need not be human, intelligent or even of that country. The rules for the tournament are simple: murder is allowed. Any weapon can be chosen. The winner is decided when one of the participants flees or can't move anymore. Such event is broadcasted trough a crystal sphere by the court's magic teacher to all population to see and enjoy.

Queen's Blade is an anime where scantily clad female warriors battle each other for the right to be Queen. Of what? Who cares? It doesn't matter.

This anime features:

• Sword Fighting
• Titty
• Mud/oil wrestling
• Titty
• Angels
• Titty
• Thongs 
• A Boston Crab

Heh.

Blatant nudity aside, the story/plot is actually pretty good. And I'm definitely not upset about the nudity. The fights are well done and the story is easy to follow. Then again, what's so hard to understand about women fighting and exposed breasts? After a few episodes, the series tends to drag a bit, but I found it funny that the characters get bent out of shape when they come across any one who doesn't wear underwear.

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Yes
Nudity? Umm, yeah. I guess there could be more...I guess.

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Geisha Assassin - 2008

This story is set during the Edo ages in Japan. On a rainy night, Kotono confronts the samurais who have killed her father. The samurai attack her one by one, but she manages to withstand them. When she is scaring the remaining samurai away, three ninja's suddenly appear. Will she succeed in beating them as well?

The title card explains that the word "gei" meant weapons. Geishas were ones who practiced swordsmanship and even men could be geishas.

Geisha Assassin starts slow as we come in on a geisha as she follows a samurai through the streets, seeking to avenge her father's death. The man who killed her father tells her she can't defeat him as she is now and sets up battles for her. The rest of the movie is her fighting tough challengers on her way to get to him. Although she reaches her final opponent quickly, the fights are consistently satisfying. The final fight contains the necessary evil of flashbacks to explain the exact situation behind her father's death. But even the flashbacks include a fight scene.

Geisha Assassin is a short movie that begins slow and feels a bit long. (Especially during the end scenes.) But we learn about her father's death and the technique she uses. Plus there's a fight that takes place in the rain with Motherfucking Ninjas(!!!), and when her weapon is unavailable, she's a pretty capable martial artist. Also, as is customary in these films, she has to be beautiful, but deadly. (Although she's not a badass...or really hot. She's just skilled with a sword.)

Its definitely not a must see, but there is an "oh shit" moment or two.

Out of Ten? 6.

Violence? Fuck yeah, its a swordfighting flick that includes Fuckin Ninjas!!!!
Explosions? Ninja bombs
Nudity? No

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Retro Review: Revenge of the Ninja - 1983

After his family is killed in Japan by ninjas, Cho and his son Kane come to America to start a new life. He opens a doll shop but is unwittingly importing heroin in the dolls. When he finds out that his friend has betrayed him, Cho must prepare for the ultimate battle he has ever been involved in.

In the opening scene, ninjas slaughter Cho's family and then lay in wait get to him. Men, women, children. No one is spared. When he returns, he is pissed off and having no earthly ties, he shows them that they are no match for him. Wiping them all out near single handedly.

Sho Kasugi is the original ninja. Dude catches arrows with his teeth?!

At the request of his friend Brayden, he moves to America with his mother and son, who survived the attack. Cho makes it clear to his son that he has sealed his sword and renounced the way of the ninja. In the six years since he left Japan, he's become a partner with Brayden in a Japanese art gallery, but it turns out that his Brayden is using the museum to snuggle in heroin. After a deal goes bad, a masked ninja appears and uses ninja techniques to take out the associates of a crime lord. Soon after, the big bad orders his men to steal the dolls containing the heroin and that's how the story brings it's focus back to our ninja hero, Cho. After realizing that his friend was a backstabbing secret ninja, we learn the history of Brayden and find out that he lived in Japan for twenty years and trained as a ninja. Cho rationalizes that only a ninja can stop a ninja and seeking revenge for all that has been done, he unseals his sword and ninja gear, and sets out for a final ninja battle with the masked ninja.

The masked ninja is definitely impressive. Effectively using evil laughs, smoke pellets, fire, and body doubles to aid him in the fight. But after a lengthy rooftop battle, the masked ninja falls to our hero and good wins the day.

Violence? Ninja
Explosions? No
Nudity? One scene

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Quick hits #9

Flick's Quick Hits - Rapid fire reviews and thoughts on a few movies at once.

Featuring: Portlandia, Samurai Champloo, Damages, and Sons of Tuscon

	Portlandia (2011) - SNL's Fred Armisen and Carrie Brownstein start in this sketch comedy is basically centered on portland and all it's hipsterish activities and citizens. it's funny in spurts. Out of five? 3.5
	Samurai Champloo (2004) - An Anime set during samurai era japan and overlayed with hip hop beats. Mugen and jin are swordmasters who basically are stopped from killing each other by fuu, who recruits them in the search for her father. Eh. Not a bad anime. If you're into swordplay and/or the samurai era, this may interest you. Out of 5? 3.5  There is a lull between action scenes, but when it's time to fight, shit gets real.
	Damages (2007) - Unscrupulous lawyer drama. Glenn close plays patty hewes, a no nonsense attorney specializing in corporate fraud, who will do whatever it takes to get money back to the people who were cheated out of it. She's a master manipulator. Expect a lot of mental chess and the desperate CEOs will do whatever it takes to keep their money. So expect deaths too. Out of 5? 4. Dramas bore me a bit, but this one was okay. Story jumps back and forth through time both giving and taking information. Kept me engrossed.
	Sons of Tuscon (2010) - Canceled after 4 episodes, Sons of Tuscon is actually a pretty funny series with a basic premise. After their father is jailed, for securities fraud, 3 young kids set out to find a guy to poise as their father. They find Ron, an adult slacker in need of a home + money and more they're a family. I'm not afraid to say that this was one of the shows I slept on when it aired, but it was canceled after 4 episodes. Neither Tuscon nor I had a chance to connect. Then I found it on Netflix. Out of Five? 4

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Retro Review: Conan The Barbarian - 1982

Sigh. This movie is beyond clunky

If you haven't seen this movie by now, all you need to understand is that the movie is about 2 hours too long. and in those two hours, you will see about 1hr of Ahnold wearing a loin cloth and fucking shit up, and about another hour of needless drama.

You know how I know he's a barbarian? Only barbarians would punch out camels.

I guess it was better in it's day, but I don't feel like it holds up well at all. The writing is ridiculous and there's an unnecessary amount of dialogue between action scenes and that forces this flick to get way too boring too quickly. At the time, Arnold wasn't good for talking. And let's face it, the movie was to showcase his awesome physique. So then why the long running time? Could he not have fucked shit up in 90minutes?

Anyway, with all that being said, I'm not going to rate the film. I realize that it was made in a different time. So it would be unfair to compare it to any more recent film, excluding the 2011 Remake. I might do that later.

Now, for no good reason, here's a pic of James Earl Jones as Thulsa Doom. The Evil Snake Barbarian Warlord.

"James, we just came up with some new lines for yo- oh, nevermind." 

Violence? He's a fucking barbarian
Explosions? No
Nudity? The women of that time only believed in orgies and being topless when they weren't in an orgy.

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Equilibrium - 2002

In a futuristic world, a strict regime has eliminated war by suppressing emotions: books, art and music are strictly forbidden and feeling is a crime punishable by death. Cleric John Preston (Bale) is a top ranking government agent responsible for destroying those who resist the rules. Whe he misses a dose of Prozium, a mind-altering drug that hinders emotion, Preston, who has been trained to enforce the strict laws of the new regime, suddenly becomes the only person capable of overthrowing it.

This movie is like a version of George Orwell's 1984 and it is easy to tell that is the work that inspired this  flick. The government seeks to eliminate all emotions, as that seems to be the basis of all of mankind's ills. In order to do so, they've created a drug that renders people emotionless and they've issued orders to burn anything that may illicit an emotional response.


Although the film has two credible lead actors, the star of this flick by far, is the fighting technique known as Gun Kata. Undoubtedly, this alone adds a new layer of badassness to the movie. Bale plays it straight as a government agent who after missing a dosage, feels emotions, makes the predictable turn and joins the good guys. Taye as the second in command, becomes his main opposition (besides the gov't) after he turns good.

As the movie goes on, Bale's badass is revealed. Gun battles, Gun Kata, sword fights, he does it all. Overall, once it get's going, Equilibrium is a pretty good movie. It bombed when it was released initially, but I chalk that up to bad timing. It has found something of a second life on DVD as a cult fave.

Out of Ten? 7

Violence? Yup. Futurist weapons are the same as now. Also, they kill the same too!
Explosions? Yup. The Government Explodes.
Nudity? Nope.

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Ninja Assassin - 2010

Trained since childhood to be a lethal killer, Raizo has since turned his back on the Ozunu clan that raised him and now seeks revenge for their heartless murders. Teaming up with Europol investigator Mika, Raizo steadily butchers his enemies while inching ever closer to the long-awaited bloody reunion with his former master.

Raizo, (which is fun to say with a Japanese accent) defected from the clan after they killed his ninja boo many moons ago, and while they hunt him down, he's made it his priority to wipe them out. [Not trying to defend their actions, but, In their defense though, she showed compassion. Ninjas don't show compassion and they damn sure showed none in killing her.] We get multiple scenes of him training and practicing among the flashbacks that tell his story. At one point, he even does handstand pushups on top of a bed of nails. Eventually he meets Mika, an investigator with interpol, who had drawn the attention of/uncovered the secret dealings of the clan by digging too deep into older (seemingly unrelated) cases.

Really? I always wanted to be a ninja, but this scene showed me that I wasn't Asian enough.

Towards the end, Raizo is finally captured. But with the help of a tracking device placed on him by Mika, the armed forces of Europol storm the hidden ninja compound and bring the pain! Thus setting up the final confrontation between Raizo and the leader of the clan.

Hot. Ninja. Action

Ninja Assassin is quite possibly one of the best ninja movies ever. Swords. Shoryuken, blood gore, you name it. If it was ninja related it was probably in this film. Shit was crazy. But here's my favorite part: the protagonist was actually Asian! No disrespect to Michael Dudikoff and the American Ninja franchise, but your time has passed. Actually, all disrespect and for the record, "American Ninja" is an oxymoron. Jerk.

Ninja Assassin makes American Ninja look like that time we were kids and played "Ninja" in our backyards. 

The logic behind the film is sound. Ninja clans exist and shadowy gov't figures would pay them as mercenaries, because who would ever believe that ninjas are real? However, there's just a couple things that bother me:

1. Parsel tongue - On the hunt, the ninjas speak in a hushed whispers and drag out their "wooorrrdddssssss"
2. Ninja healing factor - Ninjas are mystical, that much is true, but do they possess a super-human healing factor?
3. How he was receiving notice of the clan's activities/targets. - How/why exactly was this happening. He is not in the clan. Why/How is he receiving notice of their targets?
4. The white children - The kids were supposed to be orphaned or otherwise unwanted kids in Japan. How exactly does this happen:

You just know that one of these kids grows up to be Michael Dudikoff.

Violence? Glorious Ninja violence
Explosions? No
Nudity? No

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Spartacus Motion Comic

This 4 part micro series details the history behind a few of the series more infamous characters: Arkadius, Crixus/Gargan twins,  Barca and Theocules.

Sigh. Another day, another motion comic. This time, Spartacus gets the animated treatment. I think the series is awesome and one of the better ones I've seen. however it doesn't need a motion comic. But of all created, I think the best story was that of Barca. But only because he didn't get a great amount of screen time during the series. I didn't really care much for the other stories.

You can check them out for yourselves here. But don't say I didn't warn you about it's boringness.

Overall, Spartacus The Motion Comic bored me. Words can't express how happy I was that these episodes were so short.

Out of Ten? 5. 

Motion comics tend to suck.

Violence? Yes
Explosions? No
Nudity? Implied
Blu-ray/DVD? Neither. Unless this comes in the box set our collector's edition? It is not worth it.

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