Mis Peores Amigos (2013)/Promedio Rojo (2004)

Mis Peores Amigos is actually a pretty decent, lighthearted little comedy in which 3 friends reconnect after one falls ill and the others learn he only has weeks to live. The goal is to help him complete a bucket list they made in their teens, which also includes finding a leprechaun and traveling through time. 

 It is a direct sequel (albeit 10 years later) to Primera Roja, the film which first established the main characters and their motivations. In that one, the guys are just trying to survive high school when Roberto, the lead, falls in love with a girl who falls for the handsome bully instead. The same bully who torments him daily.  In between the two films, Roberto, has physically transformed himself from fat nerd to beefy architect and he's purposely left his friends/old life behind, and the reunion in Amigos is understandably frosty.

I didn't know Amores was a sequel until the end, where Netflix hit he with the "you might like these..." and it turned out to be the same story that was narrated and starred the same actors only younger. That was dope and watching these films back to back. I felt more invested in the characters.

This isn't something that's going to sit high on my list, but they are decent at the least. Like Terminator, I didn't know the first one existed until I saw the second,, but I enjoyed both either way.

 

Violence? Happens
Explosions? No
Nudity? No

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Life After Beth (2014)

 

The Cast:

• Molly Shannon
• John C. Reilly
• Cheryl Hines
• That guy from Chronicle
• Aubrey Plaza
• A guy who appears to be Paul Reiser*

 

After his girlfriend suddenly dies via snake bite, Zach is devastated. About a week later, her family stops returning his calls and he heads to their house only to discover that Beth is alive and her family is keeping it secret.

After things calm down he is finally told what happened. "She was dead and now she's not." He resolves that she may or may not be a zombie, but he's so happy to have her back that quickly blinded to the truth.

Soon after, ALL of the town's dead have risen and a full blown zombie epidemic is upon the town.

-----------------------

Life After Beth is less horror and more black comedy, but that doesn't make it any less entertaining. Despite a few plot holes and unexplained phenomena, it's still a pretty rock solid little film. My only real hang up was that I couldn't not see April Ludgate. I kept waiting for Andy to come in and save the day, but he's too busy playing with LEGO and saving the galaxy.  

Overall, It was a very mild zombie flick with a not so subtle message of "let go"  and "careful what you wish for." They also saw fit to throw in at least one pair of titties for guys like me.

*turns out that guy really WAS Paul Riser.

Line of the Film:

Zack: "Beth, you fucking ate a guy!"
Beth: "Duh, Zach. I'm a fucking zombie. Zombies eat guys!"

 

Violence? Yes but nothing crazy
Explosions? Of the Living Dead
Nudity? One scene

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Fun Size (2012)

When feisty teenager Wren losses her offbeat kid brother on Halloween, she joins forces with her best buds to find him during one crazy night.

Fun Size has been on my radar since I learned that it featured Jane Levy. She's my new favorite. It should be known that this is a Disney movie and I've set my phasers to "family."

Wren Desantis is a senior in high school with dreams of attending NYU in the fall. She gets invited to the hottest Halloween party by the hottest guy in school. Everything is going perfectly until her mom, in the midst of a midlife crisis, sticks her with her bratty brother Albert, who is a seriously destructive kid with no boundaries. 

Long story short, she loses him during the night and spends the entire night looking for him while he has a baby's day out type of adventure. Which includes him getting revenge on a bully who has stolen his candy. Their mother comes to her senses and they each regroup in time to have a heart warming family moment before the end of the night and Wren finds love.

Fun Size is like Baby's day out + Adventures in Babysitting. It's an okay family movie. Wasn't expecting a home run and I was only watching it for Jane Levy anyway. Thomas Cub from Project X was a pleasant surprise though. 

Line of the Film:

Why do you say his name like that?
         Because it's either Kevin or Steven. Pick one because Keevan doesn't exist!

Haha. Classic Keevan.

Violence? No
Explosions? Shit bomb
Nudity? No

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D.E.B.S. (2004)

Recruited by the U.S. government for their unique ability to lie, cheat and fight, Amy, Max, Janet and Dominique join an underground academy of secret agents known only as D.E.B.S. These crime fighting hotties set out to save the world and keep their lipstick perfectly applied while doing so. When D.E.B.S. star player, Amy, falls for Lucy Diamond, the deadliest criminal the world has ever known, chaos erupts and the D.E.B.S. loyalty is put to the test.

Sarah Foster and Jordana Brewster star as lovers on the opposite ends of the law in this flick that's about teen crime-fighters which quickly becomes a thinly disguised lesbian love story. Didn't know what to expect, got an action comedy that's heavy on the sexy. Lesbians are hot, lesbians in short skirts and guns are hotter. And they put together a hell of a cast list. Look for Meagan Good, and Devon Aoki as well.


Trailer:

Violence? Yes

Explosions? Yes

Nudity? No

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Shuffle (2011)

Desperate to solve the mystery behind his wife's death, Lovell Milo is trapped living his life out of order. He is forced to piece together clues while waking up every day at a different day of his life.

I feel like Shuffle is and was a crazy concept for a film and one that could have gone either way. Luckily, it didn't try to do too much or blatantly hammer in the drama. It played it straight as an Scrooge-like "this is what your life could be if you don't change your ways" film and it paid off.

From beginning to end, shuffle gives you many pieces, and surprisingly brings them all together seamlessly by the end and honestly, for a time traveling romance dramedy, I enjoyed it. Any movie that you can watch with your SO (whether they stay awake or not) that makes you feel some way for having them around is A-Okay in my book.

Violence? Mild
Explosions? No
Nudity? No

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Oblivion (2013)

A veteran assigned to extract Earth's remaining resources begins to question what he knows about his mission and himself.

So apparently we fought a war against robots. We won, but in reality we lost because we used our nukes against them and wrecked the planet. The robots now mine the planet and destroy any remaining human. Except Tom Cruise, because Scientology is the one true religion.

Nothing happens for about half of the film, then Morgan Freeman finally shows up, (for 10 minutes) explains the plot and earns his freckle. His presence didn't help any as the movie was basically Tom Cruise making Tom Cruise faces and flying/walking around a desert for about 2hrs.

Oblivion is essentially a polished turd. Sure it looks pretty, but ultimately it is still shit. I won't go into specifics because I don't want to spoil it and judging from the crowds it has received at theaters, people want to see it. They have no idea what they're getting into though. It reached Avatarian levels of suck.

There are way too many bad things to say about this movie, but I'll try something positive: this movie will look fantastic in high definition.

There. Now don't waste your money or your time.

Out of Ten? 4

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Yes
Nudity? No

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Singham (2011)

A humiliated gangster, Jaikant Shikre, uses his influence and goon power to terrorize a newly transferred police officer while trying to win the elected seat of Minister. Super Inspector Bajirao Singham will have his hands full watching his back, protecting his woman and cleaning up the police force, all while trying to take down Shikre before the election.

Jaikant Shikre is a ruthless smooth talking gangster. He owns Goa and essentially does what he wants. His intention is to run for government, knowing that if he is elected, he'll be untouchable. His misdeeds eventually land him in the crosshairs of super Inspector Bajirao Singham.

 

Singham=Indian Jon Hamm

Singham is the embodiment of justice. He is an uncorruptable honest cop who not only has his own theme song, his intro includes singing and dancing, cool shades and slow motion walking. Also, According to his song, he destroys evil and never lets bad guys escape.

Because this is a Bollywood movie, there has to be some type of love story and or signing and dancing-- Singhams into notwithstanding-- so we get to watch Singham develop as a character as he meets and falls in love with Kavya Goatum, the daughter of a guy who used to live in the village. He saves her honor and after spending time with each other, she eventually drops the L word. He's initially taken aback but after a song and dance montage he comes to accept his true feelings for her.

With that out of the way, we can get back to the good stuff. During their first confrontation, Singham gets the upper hand and reminds Shikre that he is nothing but criminal scum. Embarrassed, he leaves immediately and sets about plans for revenge. He gets Singham transferred to Goa and outright threatens to kill him because he runs that place and there's no one there that can stop him.

Singham is definitely entertaining and the beauty of it is, I can't tell whether it is intentionally over the top or not. Either way it's glorious.

In the end, Singham delivered:

3 public belt to ass whippings
2 very public shamings of the police
2 song and dance routines
2 inspirational speeches
4 open palm super slaps

I'm having a hard time trying to justify giving Singham just a 5. I really enjoyed it but it isn't a "5" and I really don't want to come back to change this later, sooo...4?.

Violence? Yes
Explosions? No
Nudity? No

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Deadfall (2012)

A thriller that follows two siblings who decide to fend for themselves in the wake of a botched casino heist, and their unlikely reunion during another family's Thanksgiving celebration.

After a casino robbery, two siblings plan to head to Canada. But split up to avoid the cops. They intend to meet up across the border but they find each other unexpectedly at the same thanksgiving dinner, at the house of a former sheriff and attended by a current deputy. Things become even more complicated when the sister falls for her patsy.

Olivia Wilde has a big forehead. 

I've Somehow never noticed that before. 

I thoroughly enjoyed the sex scene which featured the most realistic depiction of sex ever: Hot and heavy foreplay followed by about 1 min of actual sex, quickly followed by labored breathing.
It's like they took my life and put it on the screen. I'll have to check my room for cameras later because I swear they were watching me somehow.


Three issues with this film:

1) Why do the sheriffs department treat the only female deputy like shit? Her father is the fucking sheriff and he encourages it. At one point leaving her off a mission because he was afraid she'd have to change her tampon.
Wow.

Fun fact #1: she's the only competent member of the force
Fun fact #2: a few of those dick cops are killed, so...it works out?

2) Deadfall is the type of movie that let's you know when there's a stunt by slowing down the footage so you can understand that there's a stunt happening. Because we're stupid.

3) The other issue is that you have to wait for them to set up all the pieces. Problem is, nothing really happens until everyone is in the same room. And even then, not much occurs.

Deadfall is basically two different movies. Eric Bana is having an crime thriller adventure and Olivia Wilde is in a romance drama. Problem is they both suck.

Has Eric Bana secretly sucked as an actor? 

I never thought that before Deadfall, but then I thought about Hanna. Has he?

Out of Ten? 5.5

Violence? Yes
Explosions? No
Nudity? Olivia Wilde boob!

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Deadheads (2011)

Undead slackers Mike and Brent are reborn as part of a major zombie outbreak in this gore-happy comedy that also serves as a love story. While searching for Mike's missing fiancée, the two monster pals find themselves quarry for bounty hunters. 

A man wakes up and fights his way out of a lab that looks to have been destroyed by an accident of some type. He manages to find a farmhouse and while attempting to gain entry, he sees a zombie at the door and flees. Eventually he runs into another man, Brent, who like him, can talk and explains to him his predicament. They are zombies and have been undead for about 3 years and are in Colorado.
Figuring he needs a drink, they head to a local bar. There, Mike finds an engagement ring in his pocket and suddenly remembers his girlfriend. The duo decides to travel to Michigan find her and make things right. Before they can do that however, they'll have to escape the bar, which has been overrun with zombies and avoid the government hired negro who has been sent to bring them in.

Deadheads is billed as a zombie comedy love story. As we all know, zombies have been done to death, (hah) yet a zombie love story is definitely unique to the genre. It's not a flat out love story, as it's supposed to be a comedy as well. On the comedic side, it is funny ha, but not funny haha. Unique to this film in particular is the badass hero who just happens to be negro. Of course he's an ex con, but you can't win them all. We all know they tend to die fairly quickly, but this one made it.
I was impressed.

Out of Ten? 6

Violence? Yes
Explosions? No
Nudity? No

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Griff the Invisible (2010)

Griff, office worker by day, superhero by night, has his world turned upside down when he meets Melody, a beautiful young scientist who shares his passion for the impossible.

Griff the invisible is a Superhero film about an office drone, who is a worker bee by day, and a vigilante crime fighter by night. He even has an Adam West era Batman setup in his apartment including an escape ladder that acts as a Batpole and he takes calls on a special red phone from the commissioner of the police department. His life however, is turned upside down as a girl and potential lover discovers his secret. He discovers that she's almost as weird as he is, but can he live in both worlds?

After a while, I was just watching until it ended. But then there was a twist. It didn't make the movie better. It didn't make it worse. It did however change the complexity. They feed you enough to make you think it's one thing, but by the end you'll see that Griff isn't at all what you expected.

Out of Ten? 5

Violence? Yes
Explosions? No
Nudity? No

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Adventureland (2008)

Unable to afford the European vacation he'd dreamed of, recent college grad James Brennan (Jesse Eisenberg) reluctantly takes a gig at a local amusement park, only to learn that the dead-end job is, in fact, excellent preparation for the real world.

This movie didn't interest me at all. It was about as bland and emotionless as Kristen Stewart.
The soundtrack made this film though. Also van wilder. He helped.
Sigh. Why do the boring movies just feel longer?

Out of Ten? 5

Violence? No
Explosions? No
Nudity? No

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#1 Cheerleader Camp (2010)

When they're hired to work at a cheerleading camp for the summer, two lusty college friends prepare for the most spirited three months of their lives. But the squad won't be ready for serious competition without some remedial training in sex appeal.

A former gymnastics washout becomes a maintenance man at a cheerleader camp. After circumstances nearly force his dream girl to quit the camp, he sets out to save her team and her scholarship. By hiring strippers.

An obvious raunchy comedy that doesn't take itself too seriously. Although the film opens with topless girls on trampolines and TnA is prominently featured, it is a cheerleading film and there are a lot of scenes where the ladies work on their routines. At the end, there's a Bring It On type cheerleading competition, so we all win.

Anyway, Pictures!

Out of Ten? 6

Violence? No
Explosions? No
Nudity? Gimme a YES!!

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Ghajini (2008)

After a vicious attack claims the life of his girlfriend and leaves him with a debilitating case of short-term memory loss, mobile phone mogul Sanjay Singhania sets out on a quest to bring down the perpetrators that have ruined his life.

It is quickly explained that a man suffers from short term memory loss after receiving an injury from an assault. Everyday he wakes up, he reminds himself, via notes and pictures, that his mission is to hunt and kill those responsible for his condition and taking the life of his lady. As the movie unfolds, The narrative transitions from a revenge thriller into a romantic comedy. Although this may be par for the course in India, as an international viewer, It's a little jarring to sit down for Memento and have that spliced with Enchanted.

The action part of the film is pretty much a direct knockoff of Memento. A tattooed, super buff guy with short term memory is out to hunt and kill the people responsible for his condition and the death of his wife. Sound familiar?

The romantic comedy part is pretty standard fare. She pretends that she knows him and says he's proposed. He has never met her, yet falls in love instantly when he does. No Bollywood movie is complete without a song and dance number and this film is no exception. 

At three hours long, Ghajini has a little something for both men and women in the same film.

 

Nip Slip.

 Out of Ten? 6

Long, but ultimately rewarding if you can make it to the end.

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Of violence
Nudity? Definitely could have used some.

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Friends with Kids - 2012

Two best friends decide to have a child together while keeping their relationship platonic, so they can avoid the toll kids can take on romantic relationships.

Friends With Kids is an ensemble romantic dramedy about two thirty-somethings and life long friends who decide to have a kid with no attachments or commitments to each other. On a primal level, Friends With Kids is Friends With Benefits taken to an extremely ridiculous level. The story however stays the same. At one point, one of the "friends" becomes emotionally attached while the other still thinks it's okay to do everyone/thing else. When true feelings are revealed, a relationship is either made or a friendship is lost.

Bleh.

Here are the three problems I had with this flick:

1) Having a kid will change the nature of any relationship. Period. Once you have a kid, you're not living for you, you're living for them. So what the fuck was really supposed to happen in a "Let's have kids with no strings attached" relationship?

2) You can't tell someone constantly that you aren't into them, then announce to the world that you love them  then reject them with the "I love you as a friend" excuse, then be on some, "I love you. I've always loved you." You can't just turn your emotions on and off on a dime. You'll just come off as schizo and not in control of yourself.

3) "I want to show you how much I love you. Just let me fuck the shit out of you. I promise you'll understand. I will leave you alone forever, if you just let me fuck the shit out of you."

Idk whether I'm more mad that this line actually made the script, or that it actually worked.

Why not:

"Hey baby, Suck my dick. I promise that you'll understand everything once you suck me off and swallow my load." Or "Hey, you'll understand how I feel when I'm pounding your ass. Just let me fuck your ass. I'll leave you alone for life if you still don't get it." (Feel free to add your own in the comments.)


Overall, Friends With Kids is emotional cliched bullshit. A true chick flick. Hot dudes, drama, and unrealistic expectations of/for men. Logically, the idea of that type of relationship is a bad idea that could never end well. But logic has no place in a chick flick, so we get this dreck. There's a reason I don't watch movies like this: they're either to long or sappy, or just plain unrealistic. , while starting off good, FWK immediately fell into both. Plus it was waaaay longer than it needed to be. The acting was dynamite and the laughs came frequently, but by the end you could tell that they had just given up. (see #3)

Out of Ten? 5

Rom-Droms are usually full of shit.  I think the only one worth it's salt was Run, Fatboy, Run.

Violence? No
Explosions? No
Nudity? Yes (in a porn)

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Romeo + Juliet - 1996

Shakespeare's famous play is updated to the hip modern suburb of Verona still retaining its original dialogue. The gun-toting members of the families wage a vicious war on the streets as the star-crossed lovers fulfill their tragic destiny.

I'm going to state the obvious here...This isn't your daddy's Shakespeare.

After crashing a Capulet party, the Montagues are accosted and in the fray, Mercucio, Romeo's best friend is mortally wounded by Tybalt. Romeo kills Tybault in retaltion and we're off to the races. I know I don't need to rehash this story. Everyone knows it by now.  Rival families, forbidden love, bloodshed, suicide.

The movie is dope. It's gritty, it's modern, and by moving it out of its dusty ass contemporary setting, it puts a new spin on a classic tale. Not only did the performances of DiCaprio and Danes make the film, the performance of the entire cast and the new stylized nature makes the film breathable.

"Fetch my Longsword..."  Dope.

Romeo + Juliet was an awesome film and one of the few remakes or re-tellings that have surpassed the original. After being subjected to that same old stuffy Shakespeare version throughout school, this version will be like a breath of fresh air.

I can get with the updated version. Swords are now guns, clothing is (relatively) current and it takes away the boredom of the original. Mercucio and Tybalt are my favorite characters in this film. Fitting, because they are the catalysts who set this play in motion.

Violence? Yes
Explosions? No
Nudity? Yes

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John Tucker Must Die - 2006

Three ex-girlfriends of a serial cheater set up their former lover to fall for the new girl in town so they can watch him get his heart broken.

This movie, despite it's title. Despite it's content. Despite being a "romantic comedy." Despite co-starring Ashanti, is actually pretty funny.


Jesse Metcalf, former heartthrob, current douche, plays John Tucker, a "king of the jocks" popular guy who as all popular guys do, ends up dating a few women at the same time.

Yes. John Tucker gets down with jungle fever.

So after the girls find out he's dating them at the same time, they set out to destroy him. Only problem, he's john tucker, THE most awesome dude at school.

As the ladies set their plans in motion The funniest moments of this flick begin to take shape. Apparently this Dude is made of Teflon because nothing sticks. They eventually get him to fall for a new girl who's goal is to break his heart. Surprisingly, this works.

You wouldn't fall for her? 

But because he is John Tucker, I'd say he bounces back pretty quickly:

Out of Ten? I'd say...6.5

Overall, it's another high school movie, meaning it will have both highs and lows, but minus Ashanti, it isn't all that bad.

Violence? No
Explosions? No
Nudity? No.
Blu-Ray/DVD? Dvd. Aside from the laughs, there's nothing special about this flick.

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