The Babadook (2014)

A single mother, plagued by the violent death of her husband, battles with her son's fear of a monster lurking in the house, but soon discovers a sinister presence all around her.

The Babadook is beloved amongst horror fans and critics. Honestly, I thought it was pretty good up until they shit the bed in the ending. 3 stars is appropriate. nothing more, nothing less and the whole story pretty much boils down to this: How many times must we think children are crazy before we actually believe their crazy bullshit? Seriously, how much can you stand before you actually believe them?

"The Babadook is real and I don't want you to die!" okay, I may not be afraid of that statement.
 

But:
"He going to scare you first."
"You may not be afraid of him now, but you will be when he's eating your insides."  Hmm...I like my insides...you know, inside. 

That right there may be a cause for concern but in light of all that, why wait for the Babadook? Just end it now. That kid sucks anyway and he's totally threatening your life bro. You know what you have to do. 

The Babadook is definitely worth a watch, but just one. I honestly don't think I can enjoy it twice. The Kid was creepy and the mother was reckless. However their was a palpitating sense of dread and that carried the movie from beginning to end and speaking of which, I really want to talk about that (the end) since I know no one actually reads this blog,  (although you totally should)  but there may be at least one guy/gal who does, so I won't. The end is stupid though. You'll see.

Ba
Baa
Dook
Doook!
Doooook!!! 

Violence? I guess. A dog died so there's that
Explosions? Of repressed and latent anger
Nudity? No.

Read More

Knights of Badassdom (2013)

 

Live-action role players conjure up a demon from Hell by mistake and they must deal with the consequences.

Knights of Badassdom is a dope ass horror comedy hybrid based around the concept of Live Action Role Playing and while the title is clunky as fuck, the film is put together well (and the soundtrack is fucking fantastic.) You can tell that everyone actually enjoyed themselves while making the film and that showed. On top of that, blood, guts and metal really fleshed out the film.

I can't give it a 5 because of one particular scene, but personal grievances aside, it doesn't fit my criteria because I wouldn't buy it. I can see myself owning it, but I wouldn't walk into a store specifically looking for this film to purchase. It's still a rock solid film and I dug it.

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Of Rock!
Nudity? No

Read More

The Taking of Deborah Logan (2014)

 

I came across this flick browsing Netflix, and after reading the plot, I threw this one on immediately. It seemed like such an interesting concept. A woman with Alzheimer's may or may not be possessed and by the time everyone figures out what's going on. It may be too late.

The Taking of Deborah Logan starts off slow, but provides what may a decent depiction of life with Alzheimer's. Over the course of 60 days, a documentary film crew films a woman with the disease for a medical thing and above all else, It looks like it sucks both having and having to deal with someone who has it.

From day one, Deborah Logan seemed to be a pretty creepy old lady. The Alzheimer's didn't help her case and the eventual possession certainly didn't change my opinion. Her performance though is stellar. Pure talent.

Watching the footage, her the crew and her daughter begin to suspect there's something much more sinister taking hold of Deborah and their suspicions are confirmed once they find out she is linked to the disappearance of a local serial killer. As things get crazier, some of the most real talk ever is put to film as the cameramen basically put their feet down, ask for double pay and eventually walk the fuck away while the daughter resigns herself to alcoholism, and medical officials try to figure out just what is going on.

Because they spend so much time creating the tense atmosphere, it feels a bit longer than it is. Don't let that turn you away. It's still a solid movie and although I wasn't too happy with the direction the film took in the second act, (the logic of the possession) it managed to pull itself together to end the film decently.

Line of the film (non-spoiler):

"Fucking white people and their attics and basements." 

 

Violence? Mild
Explosions? Of creepy shit
Nudity? Surprisingly,  but titty is titty.

Read More

Maniac (2014)

As he helps a young artist with her upcoming exhibition, the owner of a mannequin shop's deadly, suppressed desires come to the surface.

The Cast:

• Stupid hobbit
• His killin knife
• Knife Fodder
• The entire inanimate cast of Mannequin 
• Hot blonde with shitty accent
  

Maniac, is a surprisingly good and mildly disturbing movie. Shot from the pov of a serial killer, his face is barely seen  outside of when he's looking in a mirror and ALL this dude does, is kill chicks and take scalps, like a righteous Inglorious Basterd.

He becomes obsessed with one female and tries to prove to her that they are perfect together. When that inevitably fails, he pulls out his knife and gets to work. 

Am I allowed to say that I am digging the post Frodo, Elijah Wood? He has fully tapped into his awkwardness. Dude has been awkward since Flipper, yet 30 years later he's finally accepted it and we're all better for it.

Anyway, if you are browsing Netflix and come across Maniac, give it a watch. Very few films I know of have been from the literal pov of the serial killer and I can say that very few are as entertaining.

 

Violence? Yes.
Explosions? Of knife work
Nudity? Yes. That happened.

Read More

Escape From Tomorrow (2013)

On the last day of a family vacation at Disney World, Jim White learns that he's lost his job. Soon thereafter, he begins to lose his mind.

I've actually been led astray by that poster. This movie is pretty bad and there's no salvaging it. I didn't have high hopes or expectations, but I didn't think it would suck sooooo much. While watching, I picked out a few things that irked me:

• This film being black n white. That takes away from the magic of Disney. Which is very well known for its (subjectively creepy) bright and colorful atmosphere.
• The dialogue & characters. Can't really decide which was worst, they both sucked. Like a pair of fake boobs, they neither felt natural.
• The writing/editing/direction. If they weren't so busy running around and filming in secret, the story would have probably felt a bit more cohesive and less rushed/disjointed.
• Smiley, giggly French girls who are clearly stoned and underaged yet are still lusted after American Beauty style by this unemployed middle aged loser. Seriously, one of the girls had braces.
• Cat flu. I guess the logic behind that was: Bird flu has been done. Swine flu is too far out. Mad cow? Not sexy enough. Why not cat flu? Genius.

The novelty of Escape From Tomorrow is that it was secretly filmed in the Disney World theme park, where they explicitly have a "no filming of any kind" policy.  That means that a lot of the film was rushed since they had to film scenes before security caught them. That was pretty ballsy on their part, but it didn't amount to anything but a time waste for everyone involved and everyone watching.

For the first 5 minutes though, it was a pretty good story. I actually sympathized with Jim White, (which is incidentally one of the laziest character names ever) who lost his job while at the happiest place on Earth and has to pretend everything is okay for his family. Not 5 minutes later,  he's standing in line with a bunch of people who are sneezing and coughing and ebola'ing Disney World. The guy doesn't even have health insurance anymore. Throw in an unruly child and a super naggy/frigid wife and I can see why he would go mad.

After that however, nothing. Just visual garbage.

Because Escape from Tomorrow sucks, it feels way longer than it is and should be. To its credit though, although the scenes where Jim White decides that alcohol is the solution to his problems are hilarious, it still doesn't excuse or save this dreck. Overall I'd say it's more of a student film or art-house film that rode the popularity of its viral stunt to a bigger release than it should have had. It flat out sucks though and if I could throw it under the bin, I would. If I could pull a Bill Cosby and buy every copy so that no one else would ever think this was good or interesting or waste their eyeballs in any other way, I definitely would.

Don't waste your time or your life on Escape From Tomorrow.

 

Violence? Yes...No. But that would have improved the film.
Explosions? Of boredom and nagging wife rage
Nudity? No They did film in Disney World, pervs.

Read More

A Fantastic Fear of Everything (2012)

While researching a book on Victorian-era murderers, author Jack Nife comes to fear they're really stalking him and grows agoraphobic.

Jack Nife is a writer who, while researching serial killers for an upcoming book. He got so deep into his research that he begins to suspect that he's being stalked and anticipates his own murder. To that end, he's become something of a shut in and rarely goes outside, because he feels safest at home. After a lunch date with his literary agent, he learns that she's set up a meeting with a producer who could decide the fate of his work. The catch, he's out of clean clothes and the only thing he fears more than being murdered is washing clothes at the Laundrette. (That's Laundromat for all of the American readers). But he soon discovers that the night has just begun.

Honestly, A Fantastic Fear of Everything started out real slow and definitely became a different film by the end, yet everything played into itself and made a good cohesive story. No bullshit, it feels longer than it is, but it is a good story. Simon Pegg is awesome and you can tell that he's given his all to this performance as a man who begins a slow descent into paranoia. To his credit though, he plays it equally convincing as a man who's trying to conquer his fears and bring himself back to sanity, while dealing with a nearly impossible situation. 

 I'm not a fan of seeing Simon Pegg w/o Nick Frost (and Vice Versa) but they are each capable actors and don't need to be joined at the hip. The other thing that bothered me was his character's name. Jack Nife? really? Lazy fucks. 

Violence? No

Explosions? No

Nudity? No

Read More

Odd Thomas (2013)

In a California desert town, a short-order cook with clairvoyant abilities encounters a mysterious man with a link to dark, threatening forces.

A man with clairvoyant abilities races to stop an evil. The problem with it is that he doesn't know the nature of the incident. The bulk of the film is Thomas, with the help of his super foxy girlfriend, Stormy, using his psychic and detective skills to try and uncover the mystery. The one thing he does know is that someone is going to bring a massive amount of death and misery to the town, and being the only secret psychic detective, he must to solve the case and save the town.

I can't remember when I heard about this, or what for that matter,  but I vaguely recall it being good things.

Odd Thomas is very similar in tone to John Dies at the End and if you couldn't tell from that review, I really liked that film. It's a fun little detective story that's unlike any of the previous ones we've seen and the chemistry between the cast is fantastic and one of the highlights of this film. Unfortunately, it seems to be one of the films that got caught in the 3D fad. The 3D is kinda weak, and while it doesn't ruin the film, it does take a bit away. Outside of that, I can't express how much I enjoyed the movie. The comedy works in the context of the film, as in it isn't too much or too little and the visuals are excellent as well. By the third act, I found myself really invested. Like emotionally. I like films like these; Witty dialogue, likable characters, cohesive story and everything fits together and all is tied up neatly by the end. 

Violence? Yes

Explosions? Yes

Nudity? No

Read More

Celda 211 (2009)

***An iCheck Movies Listed Film***

 

 

The Cast:

• Juan Oliver,  a new correctional guard, scheduled to start work tomorrow
• Malamadre, notorious criminal. King of the prison. Voice like Popeye smoked chimneys instead of pipes
• The warden and guards
• Elena, Juan's wife and future baby seal

The Situation:

Touring the prison he's due to start guard work, Juan Oliver struck by falling bricks. As opposed to taking him to the infirmary, the officers on duty take him to Cell 211 to recover. Soon after, a riot breaks out and prisoners take over both the cell block and the entire prison. Out of time, the guards are forced to leave him and he awakens to find himself trapped with the inmates until the situation is resolved.

Stuck inside with no means of escape, Juan immediately gets into prisoner mode, knowing that he must do whatever he can to survive and with virtually no news of what's happening inside the prison, friends and family of the inmates start rioting outside the facility. Right in the thick of things is Juan's pregnant wife, Elena.

The Resolution:

The SWAT team was ready to go the minute they got an opening and they did their jobs when they got the greenlight.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Celda 211 is actually a pretty tense film. Prison riots are no joke and on top of that, the staff also had to deal with riots outside of the prison as well as someone leaking information to the prisoners.

A couple things threw me off though:

1) At what part does a riot become too much riot? They mobbed outside of the prison, threw rocks at the guards and facility then stopped an ambulance and pulled out its passenger. Why you ask? Because prisoners were rioting inside, some were killed and no one was releasing any information. Only in Spain would they have a riot inside and outside of a prison. Nobody cares that much about the prisoners in America.

2) The ETA members on the outside, decide to create more terrorism in response to their members in the prisons being held hostage. Okay. What do they go with? Car bombings. And not of important people either. Just a quick bombing to let everyone know they are upset about the situation.

Here's my question: Why not just blow up the prison or something? Wouldn't that make more sense? Wait, I'm sure you know where the governor or prime minister lives. How about you use that information? Jerks.

Anyway, besides those two things, Celda 211 is actually quite enjoyable. Malamadre is presented as this really intense and intimidating character and Juan thinks pretty quick on his feet. Both are in a ridiculous situation, but for different reasons and throughout the film as tensions increased, Juan thought more like a prisoner than the guard he was supposed to be.

I found the whole thing interesting for this one concept: In the mouth of madness, how long can you keep your sanity?

 

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Yes
Nudity? No

Read More

This Is The End (2013)

Wanted to see this movie when it dropped. Funds wasn't right just then. The stars have finally aligned. 

The Cast:

Seth Rogan, Jonah Hill, Jay Baruchel, Craig Robinson, James Franco, Danny McBride star as themselves. Plus Tons of celebrity cameos including Rihanna, a coked up Michael Cera, and a fiery Emma Watson.

The Situation: 

Jay Baruchel comes to LA to visit Seth Rogen for the weekend. They go to James Franco's house for a party and not soon after earthquakes and the destruction of society as a whole. The guys hold up in the house, board up the windows and doors and try to wait it out. 

Jay floats out the idea that it's the rapture but that is shot down. Yet slowly reaffirmed.

Stray Quotage:

"This place is like a piece of me. You've just stepped in me.
Sweet, you let us come inside you."

"Sick reference, bro. Your references are always out of control."

"Just because a bunch of people fell into a hole outside, doesn't mean we can't have fun."

"Is Michael Ceras butthole as cute as I pictured?"

"A huge earthquake comes, who do they rescue first? Actors."

"We're all actors. We pretend to be hard. We're soft. We're all as soft as baby shit."

This is the End is hilarious. I Thoroughly enjoyed it although I think it went on a bit longer than it should have, it was so well put together that I can't hold that against it. Granted I'm late to the party, but I really can't talk more about it because it's too easy to spoil. So go watch it. Then come back.

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Yes
Nudity? No

Read More

Cloned: The Reactor Chronicles (2013)

I think I saw this trailer on Hulu. It seemed like an interesting concept. Time travel and stuff with clones are my weakness. There's only one way these things end : with everyone wearing the same clothes and the wrong one getting shot. It's awesome.

The Cast: 

• Derek, Tracy and Craig, the imperfect teens looking forward to camping and chillin.
• Their perfect murderous clones
• Mother Nature ft The Forest

The Situation: 

Three teens are in a canoe, headed towards the campground on Brewster Island. Unbeknownst to them, genetic experiments were carried out on the island, decades ago and the previous day's lightning storm reignited an old experiment.

A lightning storm on the day they've reached the campground  forces them into a nearby cabin for safety. Shit gets thick when the owners return, but they are soon saved by people who appear to be exact duplicates.

The perfect and the imperfect occupy the house together and try to solve the mystery of how everything came to be and what they should do going forward.

...But they know that they can't all co-exist.

Resolution:

I'm sure you can guess the ending. They all end the same. [Is some people gonna die?!]

Cloned is actually a pretty decent film. The end is somewhat predictable, and kinda fucked up, but you can't really be upset. A lot could have been avoided if they had never gone in the house in the first place, but then we wouldn't have a movie.

Stray Quotage:

"Your girlfriend needs a serious lesson in dropping a deuce in the forest."

"We haven't exactly been close lately.
Well, what do you want me to say? You did a singer abroad and I stayed at home and worked at a hardware store."

"I'll paddle slow in case you change your mind."

"Yeah, technically you're great. Maybe even superior. But what's the point if you make the other person feel lousy?"

"It's either we kill them, or they kill us.
Well, can't we negotiate?!"

"We should come up with a password. So we know it's really us. Okay how about Marco!...Polo!
Yeah that's good." 

 

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Yes
Nudity? Naked people, but no on screen nipples or dongs

Read More

Bait (2012)

A freak tsunami traps shoppers at a coastal Australian supermarket inside the building - along with a 12-foot Great White Shark.

Before shit gets real, all of the animals in town are uneasy and if that's one thing I've learned from movies is to always pay attention to the animals. When animals are uneasy, some shit is about to go down.

The Cast:

Josh [lost his bff in a previous shark attack ]
Tina [who possesses a thousand yard stare]
The dude from nip tuck, who's being blackmailed [The Game is the Game]
Kyle, the douchebag that every must be in every shark film. [a.k.a. shark bait ]
Klepto Kelly and her bf [I have no idea if her name is Kelly, but I think she stole that too]

The Situation:

An earthquake causes a tsunami that hits  Australia. In town is a supermarket which is literally flooded and leaves only a few survivors in its chaos. Soon they discover that not only are they trapped inside, the waves also brought in two 12ft Great White sharks, -one in the parking lot and one in the market- who have tasted human flesh and are hunting for more.

The Resolution:

Hooks, ropes and guns. I'd say it was handled appropriately. 

[Name one thing you're gonna need this stupid fucking rope for!]

Stray Quotage:

- You know, once you get past that gag reflex, it's actually not that bad. [That's what she said.]

- Piss off!
    What do you think your mother would think of all of this?
   PISS. OFF!

- A shark's only curious about one thing. It's trying to decide if we're food or not. [Read that in an Australian accent]

 - You gotta do something.

        What the fuck do I do, ask it to go away?!

 - I'm not a murderer.
     Yes you are. You're a dog murderer. Which is worse than a person murderer." [He was dead the minute she said "murderer." Sharks hate murderers.]

Bait is an Australian killer shark movie that has been on my radar for a bit and I finally found some downtime to get it in. Surprisingly, I Enjoyed it a bit more than I thought I would. It is in no way a game changing film, but there's a simple premise and solid execution which definitely sells it as what I'd consider a good and original shark attack film. Basically , there are several people trapped inside of a flooded supermarket that's filled with sharks. Tense moments abound as the situation gets keeps getting worse for those involved. 

To lighten the mood though, here are a few of the more humorous parts of the film:

• The first victim is an old guy because fuck old people.
• There's a super dramatic "Nooooo!" After someone else gets chomped.
• Tsunami waves come crashing into town and despite everyone screaming and running, the surfers get super excited and run the other way, towards the water.

Again, I'd say this movie is solid. (Especially compared to other fairly recent shark attack films.) I enjoyed it. I'd come over and watch it again if invited. I'll even bring beer.

Violence? Shark related
Explosions? Of shark related violence.
Nudity? Did you know that sharks are naked? They swim faster without clothes, apparently.

Read More

Black Lightning (2009)

College student Dima receives a rusty old car as a gift. When he discovers that it can fly, he uses it to become a real crime fighter.

 

The good guy's story:

Two Construction workers find a hidden building under their dig site. Inside they find a car and make plans to sell it and split the profits. Dima's father buys it and Presents it to him as a gift for his birthday. Although initially unimpressed with the car, he discovers that it can fly. Finding an old record in the car, he decides to tracks down the original scientists and learns that the tech behind it was called the Nanocatalyst. It increases the energy of the fuel one million fold and was designed to allow cars to fly. The project was abandoned after the car failed to take off. They give him the cars manual and he eventually learns how to operate it. 

 

He keeps identity a secret, [sort of] but it's kinda hard to miss a flying car that gains notoriety as he continues to do good deeds. He's earned the name Black Lightning and has become a hero to the people.

The bad guy's story:

A diamond mine exists underneath the city of Moscow but Billionaire Professor, Viktor Alexander, has realized that he does not have enough power to push through and mine the diamonds. On the advice of his head engineer, he learns of the abandoned Nanocatalyst project and figures it would provide enough power to get the job done. Since he's a billionaire, [and not above using people] he fools the original scientists into recreating the experiment, and gets his own nifty flying car out of it. The second nanocatalyst isn't as powerful as the first and with his car he sets out to kill Black Lightning, retrieve the device and achieve his goals. 

Black Lightning is like an old school super hero film. There's romance, there's drama, sacrifice and technology. Plus a villain that's so consumed by greed.and selfishness that he can't see or doesn't care that his ambition would quite literally destroy the city. His greed essentially led to the creation of Black Lightning.  

Overall, I can't say that I was 100% wowed, but I can say that this was a very solid film. It kinda gives you all that you need in a superhero film, but there was something missing. I just can't place what it is. There were flying cars though. Flying cars are awesome.

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Yes
Nudity? No

Read More

American Mary (2012)

A medical student who's piling up debt jumps at the chance when she's offered a lucrative opportunity to perform extreme body-modification surgeries.

Mary is a promising medical student with an expertise in surgery and a large amount of debt. She finds an ad offering $1000 for "services" and responds, meeting the client in a seedy sex club. During her interview, the club owner offers her $5000 on the spot to perform surgery on a guy in the basement that he needs to be kept alive. Since she had left her resume at the club, she becomes their preferred underground surgeon. She isn't a doctor and can't legally operate, but the money is too alluring and after an incident at a med school party, she jumps in with both feet, effectively leaving her legal options behind. 

American Mary starts like any similar film in its genre. A gifted student gets an injustice performed and gets revenge. Where American Mary differs is that it is a movie for the body mod continuity. There aren't a lot squeamish scenes and  there are so many people out there with mods they were able to cast them in the film. On top of all of that, proper respect was given to both surgeons and the community in whole. I was impressed. It's not a terrible film at all.

Violence? Mild
Explosions? Of self expression
Nudity? Yes

Read More

Attack of the Crab Monsters (1957)

****Killer Crabs: #3 on the Most Wanted List****

Killer crustaceans unleash their wrath and their sizeable claws on scientists sent to explore their habitat in this Roger Corman classic.

Fallout from the first H bomb test has reached the island and scientists have been sent there to research the effects of nuclear radiation on the island and it's inhabitants. The first crew has disappeared and a group of their colleagues show up on the island to both look for them and to finish their research. Shit gets real immediately as not 5 minutes into the movie the Giant Crab appears and takes a guy's head. The rest of the people on the island decide to stay although it just doesn't feel right to do so and although they are in a perpetual state of unease, they are scientists first and they need to see proof before they jump to conclusions. They get their proof and then some. Of course, one of the scientists knows exactly what's going on, but he remains tight lipped for as long as he can, until Crabzilla has rained his meaty claws down upon them.

There's a huge fun stupid thing about this movie. I want to spoil it because I know none of you will watch it, but shit man... I'm going to write it anyway. You probably won't even read this review:

The Crab Monsters are highly intelligent Crab-Humanoids created from the nuclear fallout of the testing of the first Hydrogen Bomb. They can speak and are homicidal, intending to kill and assimilate everyone in their path and eventually aim to conquer the world of man.

Do you understand what you just read? The crab can fucking talk! If it wasn't for the fact that the Crab was people...literally, I wouldn't have enjoyed it as much.

Attack of the Crab Monsters has to be watched with "1950s eyes" i.e. paranoid of nuclear everything and distrustful of Russians. It was probably bad at its time, but also scary because it hadn't been done and was completely plausible. The funny thing about it was that they were applying actual science to a movie about a giant killer crab. It's hilarious and one of the few scientifically accurate killer animal films. I shall found it funny that it ended just as abruptly as it started.

I'm determined to knock off every different killer animal movie I can and I had never seen a movie with a killer crab. Netflix just kinda dropped this in my lap. What was I supposed to do?

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Yes
Nudity? No

Read More

Perfume: The Story of a Murderer (2006)

Jean-Baptiste Grenouille, born with a superior olfactory sense, creates the world's finest perfume. His work, however, takes a dark turn as he searches for the ultimate scent.

Perfume is a fantastic movie, but it has to be seen to be enjoyed. I didn't know what I was getting into when I had first watched it, but I was drawn to the poster. It's fantastic. By the end credits, though, I found that I loved the film. It had to be one of the most original movies I've ever seen. A visually descriptive movie about scent is something I don't think has ever been done and it's been done so well.

It is a little more than two hours long and if you're enjoying the movie. You barely notice it, but when you watch with other people who don't feel the same, you'll notice its length. But because I like you and I want you to be aware of Perfume, I'll do you a favor. Below I've posted the trailer, which unfortunately gives away the movie. If you choose to watch it, you'll get the gist of what I'm saying, but you will spoil the experience you would get  going in blindly. You'll also save yourself about 2hrs. Sooo...

The choice is yours:

Violence? Yes
Explosions? No
Nudity? Yes

Read More

The ABCs of Death (2012)

I'm this audacious anthology film, 26 masters of horror work their way down the alphabet with terrifying, humorous and poignant takes about death.

Anthology films are usually just alright overall. Some good segments, some bad. This one has 26. The premise behind it is that 26 directors chose a letter from the alphabet and a word that began with it. Then created a short tale relating to it.  They really are short stories though and the bulk of them were international. Full creative freedom was given and they definitely took advantage of that.

The titles are displayed after the short, but you can generally guess the name by its content. I wasn't planning on reviewing each one individually just pointing out a few here and there.

B is for Bigfoot sucks but provides our first titty.
C is for Cycle is mindfucky and actually pretty interesting.
D is for Dogfight is wild. You kind of have to see it to believe.

On the other end,

P is for Pressure is rough. Sad.
S is for Speed is decent.
V is for Vagitus (The Cry of a Newborn Baby). Considering everything that came before it, this was nothing that I expected.
W is for WTF is actually very tongue in cheek, and one of the better entries because it includes my favorite concept: clown zombies

At a little over two hours, I feel like the bulk of the tales in the ABCs of Death were mediocre and didn't really stand out.  There were maybe one or two more on top of those I've mentioned, but not many more. Watching the whole thing is almost worth it for F, N W and Z alone, but all in all it was pretty average. Inexplicably, I find myself looking out for a sequel though, as I was surprisingly entertained.

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Eh
Nudity? Yes.

Read More

Stitches (2012)

A clown comes back from the dead to haunt those who took his life during a fatal party mishap.

At Tom's 10th birthday party, his mother hires a clown named Stitches to entertain the party. Dude was clearly disgruntled but the kids were just as bad. I immediately understood his frustrations. But he did suck, so I get the kids' frustrations too.

Trying to make their own fun, they eventually tie his laces together and trip him. He stumbles onto the business end of a butcher knife and impales himself. He gets up and tries to stab Tom, but in doing so, he comically slips on his own blood and stabs himself again. But not before staring Tom dead in the eyes, burning his face into his mind and traumatizing him forever.

After the funeral, Tom follows some clowns into a crypt and stumbles onto some type of secret ritual where he's rather ominously told, "a clown who doesn't finish a Party can never rest in peace."
It's about 6 years later and, Tom and his friends are in high school. His birthday is coming up on the weekend and he starts to get that ol' eerie feeling. At the urging of his friend, He agrees to a party thrown at his house for his birthday. it doesn't cross into Project X territory, but it looks like a good party. At least until You Know Who reappears.
 

Stitches is hilarious. Part of the fun is that it doesn't takes itself too seriously. It really can't. The fact that this dude is a clown who can move around the house and kill unnoticed is ridiculous. At one point, This dude was on the phone smoking a cigarette and driving with his feet. I'm like, "Are all clowns this reckless?" (Don't answer that.)

At the end of the day, it's a movie about a zombie clown. It could only be better if he was from outer space, but I'll forgive that trespass, because a killer clown is still a killer clown and they are all horrible people.

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Of blooooddddd
Nudity? Blink and you'll miss it

Read More