Mis Peores Amigos (2013)/Promedio Rojo (2004)

Mis Peores Amigos is actually a pretty decent, lighthearted little comedy in which 3 friends reconnect after one falls ill and the others learn he only has weeks to live. The goal is to help him complete a bucket list they made in their teens, which also includes finding a leprechaun and traveling through time. 

 It is a direct sequel (albeit 10 years later) to Primera Roja, the film which first established the main characters and their motivations. In that one, the guys are just trying to survive high school when Roberto, the lead, falls in love with a girl who falls for the handsome bully instead. The same bully who torments him daily.  In between the two films, Roberto, has physically transformed himself from fat nerd to beefy architect and he's purposely left his friends/old life behind, and the reunion in Amigos is understandably frosty.

I didn't know Amores was a sequel until the end, where Netflix hit he with the "you might like these..." and it turned out to be the same story that was narrated and starred the same actors only younger. That was dope and watching these films back to back. I felt more invested in the characters.

This isn't something that's going to sit high on my list, but they are decent at the least. Like Terminator, I didn't know the first one existed until I saw the second,, but I enjoyed both either way.

 

Violence? Happens
Explosions? No
Nudity? No

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American Muscle (2014)

 

I'm a sucker for a good revenge flick and this low budget, super cheesy film was definitely satisfying.

The plot can be summed up thusly:

John Falcon just got out of prison on a early release for a ten year bid. His mantra in prison, "you owe, you pay!" Has become a way of life and now that he's out, he is on a mission to insure that the people who put him there, repay their debt. 

Basically, some people fucked him over and now he's out to kill them. And apparently get pussy along the way as random women would gladly provide:

"Oh, you just got out of prison? Have some pussy."

"Stabbed in a knife fight? Here's some pussy."

"What? You like sunlight too? Boy, have I got some pussy for you."

It was crazy. I love a gratuitous nudity so I'm not complaining, but still I'm worried some impressionable youth might get the idea that gong to jail guarantees you pussy upon your release. (As opposed to being the pussy once you're in.)

Anyway, American Muscle had all that I want/look for in a, revenge flick. Blood, gore, titty, muscle cars, shitty dialogue...it really did have everything and I enjoyed it.
 

You won't, but you're not me.

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Of violence and nudity
Nudity? Yes

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The Babadook (2014)

A single mother, plagued by the violent death of her husband, battles with her son's fear of a monster lurking in the house, but soon discovers a sinister presence all around her.

The Babadook is beloved amongst horror fans and critics. Honestly, I thought it was pretty good up until they shit the bed in the ending. 3 stars is appropriate. nothing more, nothing less and the whole story pretty much boils down to this: How many times must we think children are crazy before we actually believe their crazy bullshit? Seriously, how much can you stand before you actually believe them?

"The Babadook is real and I don't want you to die!" okay, I may not be afraid of that statement.
 

But:
"He going to scare you first."
"You may not be afraid of him now, but you will be when he's eating your insides."  Hmm...I like my insides...you know, inside. 

That right there may be a cause for concern but in light of all that, why wait for the Babadook? Just end it now. That kid sucks anyway and he's totally threatening your life bro. You know what you have to do. 

The Babadook is definitely worth a watch, but just one. I honestly don't think I can enjoy it twice. The Kid was creepy and the mother was reckless. However their was a palpitating sense of dread and that carried the movie from beginning to end and speaking of which, I really want to talk about that (the end) since I know no one actually reads this blog,  (although you totally should)  but there may be at least one guy/gal who does, so I won't. The end is stupid though. You'll see.

Ba
Baa
Dook
Doook!
Doooook!!! 

Violence? I guess. A dog died so there's that
Explosions? Of repressed and latent anger
Nudity? No.

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Maximum Conviction (2012)

Sent to mothball an old prison, a former black ops operative and his partner have their hands full when mercenaries arrive seeking two female inmates.

On the night of a prison transport, a highly trained extraction team runs into the buzzsaw that is Stone Cold Steve Austin and the Jamaican Slayin', Russian Bustin', Police Officer known as Steven Segal.

In case you don't get it, let me break this down further: this flick has Stone Cold Steve Austin--The Second Baddest Man on the Planet --and his sole existence is to lead his team through the chaos and clear a path so that Segal can do his thing.

No bullshit, Maximum Conviction is one of the best popcorn flicks I've seen in quite sometime and I have no idea why I waited so long to watch it. Again, this is popcorn. You don't have to think, just sit back and enjoy. Everything that you expect from this flick is there, quips, one liners, shootouts and just when you thought it wouldn't happen, some mofo gets his arm irreparably broken.

Full disclosure, I'm giving it a three here and a four on Netflix. Nobody reads this blog or cares, but I'm fully aware of what the movie was and it's real value, and I am trying to keep some consistency on this site at least. Also, as far as Netflix it's concerned, I can never get enough of that Pudgy American Samurai.

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Yes
Nudity? No

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Best Night Ever (2013)

 

With her sister and pals in tow, a bride to be heads to her bachelorette bash in Las Vegas where the women's exploits land then in raunchy territory.

I saw a trailer for this film a while back. It looked funny but I didn't think it was worth a download so I kept it moving. I'm  man enough to admit when I'm wrong. Best Night Ever is fucking hilarious. It's basically a raunchy bachelor party movie, but with females. 

You've both seen this movie before and you haven't. It doesn't exactly tread new ground, but once you watch it, you'll see what I mean. The only real drawback to this film was learning that it was written by Seltzer and Friedberg, better known as the two guys behind that rash of horrible spoof movies that effectively killed the genre. Had I known they were involved, I would have skipped it like three times over. But I actually enjoyed it so, what do I know?

So, the score? I think it's hilarious, but idk if I'd watch it again and I certainly don't know that I'd laugh the same if I did. Factoring that in, and including my original enjoyment, I have to go with:

Violence? Mild
Explosions? That happened
Nudity? Technically yes, but you won't like it.

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Life After Beth (2014)

 

The Cast:

• Molly Shannon
• John C. Reilly
• Cheryl Hines
• That guy from Chronicle
• Aubrey Plaza
• A guy who appears to be Paul Reiser*

 

After his girlfriend suddenly dies via snake bite, Zach is devastated. About a week later, her family stops returning his calls and he heads to their house only to discover that Beth is alive and her family is keeping it secret.

After things calm down he is finally told what happened. "She was dead and now she's not." He resolves that she may or may not be a zombie, but he's so happy to have her back that quickly blinded to the truth.

Soon after, ALL of the town's dead have risen and a full blown zombie epidemic is upon the town.

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Life After Beth is less horror and more black comedy, but that doesn't make it any less entertaining. Despite a few plot holes and unexplained phenomena, it's still a pretty rock solid little film. My only real hang up was that I couldn't not see April Ludgate. I kept waiting for Andy to come in and save the day, but he's too busy playing with LEGO and saving the galaxy.  

Overall, It was a very mild zombie flick with a not so subtle message of "let go"  and "careful what you wish for." They also saw fit to throw in at least one pair of titties for guys like me.

*turns out that guy really WAS Paul Riser.

Line of the Film:

Zack: "Beth, you fucking ate a guy!"
Beth: "Duh, Zach. I'm a fucking zombie. Zombies eat guys!"

 

Violence? Yes but nothing crazy
Explosions? Of the Living Dead
Nudity? One scene

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Leprechaun Origins (2014)

 

Two young couples backpacking through Ireland discover that one of Ireland's most famous legends is a terrifying reality.

A group of friends are traveling through Ireland. On the last weekend of their trip, they hear of ancient Celtic ruins and of course decide to visit. What they weren't expecting was to be sacrifices to the vengeful leprechaun who torments the village seeking retribution for his stolen gold.

Let's talk Leprechaun for a second. Gone is the rapping leprechaun who use to bang in the hood.(He's probably still floating around in space.) Gone is the whimsical jokester leprechaun that comically requests his gold and can't resist shining a shoe or two. In his place is a terrible, new incarnation who is, for all intents and purposes, ugly as fuck and bred to kill. Unfortunately, since we live in a PG-13 world, a lot of the deaths were off-screen, which totally fucking sucked, but we did get one sweet spine ripping death scene. So, eh.

As for the rest of the film, no one ever really watches these films for the characters, but they were decent for what it's worth and Little Billy Williamson from Rampage might have actually survived, had he brought his suit of armor. And his guns. And his rage.Overall though,  I never thought I'd say this, but Leprechaun Origins is a pretty decent film. It is ultimately no different than the 400,000 films of this genre, yet because it is a WWE film I expected much, much worse. I mean, have you seen See No Evil? Ugh..

Check it out if you come across it. Or not. It's your life. Whatever.

 

Violence? It's there. Somewhere.
Explosions? Many pants were shat in fear
Nudity? Nope

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The Taking of Deborah Logan (2014)

 

I came across this flick browsing Netflix, and after reading the plot, I threw this one on immediately. It seemed like such an interesting concept. A woman with Alzheimer's may or may not be possessed and by the time everyone figures out what's going on. It may be too late.

The Taking of Deborah Logan starts off slow, but provides what may a decent depiction of life with Alzheimer's. Over the course of 60 days, a documentary film crew films a woman with the disease for a medical thing and above all else, It looks like it sucks both having and having to deal with someone who has it.

From day one, Deborah Logan seemed to be a pretty creepy old lady. The Alzheimer's didn't help her case and the eventual possession certainly didn't change my opinion. Her performance though is stellar. Pure talent.

Watching the footage, her the crew and her daughter begin to suspect there's something much more sinister taking hold of Deborah and their suspicions are confirmed once they find out she is linked to the disappearance of a local serial killer. As things get crazier, some of the most real talk ever is put to film as the cameramen basically put their feet down, ask for double pay and eventually walk the fuck away while the daughter resigns herself to alcoholism, and medical officials try to figure out just what is going on.

Because they spend so much time creating the tense atmosphere, it feels a bit longer than it is. Don't let that turn you away. It's still a solid movie and although I wasn't too happy with the direction the film took in the second act, (the logic of the possession) it managed to pull itself together to end the film decently.

Line of the film (non-spoiler):

"Fucking white people and their attics and basements." 

 

Violence? Mild
Explosions? Of creepy shit
Nudity? Surprisingly,  but titty is titty.

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The Haunting of Helena (2012)

 

Soon after Sophia's young daughter loses her first tooth, a visit from "the tooth fairy" turns into a gory nightmare that won't stop.

Stop. Stop. You had me at gory.

The Cast:

• Creepy Kid
• Oblivious Adults
• The Tooth Fairy
• Benito Mussolini

The Situation:

A recently separated woman finds an apartment for her and daughter to live in and start fresh. Unbeknownst to her, their home was the site of a grisly domestic attack many years ago and since then, the woman haunts the place looking for her teeth, which were removed in the attack.

When Helena loses her first tooth and places out under the pillow, it awakens a supernatural force that sets its sights on her and kills anyone who tries to take her away.

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I'm actually a fan of Tooth Fairy lore. The very idea that someone creepily enters your house while sleeping and leaves you money for your teeth? That's pretty fucking creepy and when done right, it makes for some pretty interesting stories. (I.e. Darkness Falls and the first and second acts of The Haunting of Helena.)

Helena is actually kinda decent and quickly goes from 0-60 after the titular(heh) character loses her first tooth. How so? Well, the very next day her mother is called to school because she's been buying other children's teeth with money the tooth fairy has given her to do so. WWII era money. Crazy, right? Why was this not given more attention?  Because Helena is a child and everyone instantly dismisses everything she says and does as child stuff.

Movies like this annoy me. If the kid tells you that shit has gotten real and you're a witness to shit getting real, why not put 100% faith in the kid going forward? Clearly they aren't lying! That's like the one of the dumbest tropes in horror flicks.
 

If I have a kid, and something like this happens, I'm either believing every word they say, or I'm putting them down. Better safe than sorry I always say.

On the other end of the spectrum, her mother wears Uggs and clearly deserves all that happens to her.

/rant

Again, that nonsense aside, it's a decent little film with a few scares and a solid premise. The visuals are pretty good and the story does just enough to keep you watching until the end.  After that? Well, it'd be too late to do anything about it. Unless you're a blogger. Aww who am I kidding?  no one reads this crap.

 

Violence? Yes
Explosions? No
Nudity? No

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Rigor Mortis(2012)

 A public housing tenement is plunged into a dark storm of supernatural chaos.

The Cast:

• The Bella Twins
• The Soulless Body aka David Blaine
• The Bait
• The Hunter
• The Dark Lord

The Situation:

After accidentally murdering an old man, the Dark Lord, who happens to dabble in necromancy, makes a promise to bring him back to his grieving widow. He manages to do so, but notes that he's missing a soul. To his delight, there are twin ghosts terrorizing the building who just happen to be looking for a body to inhabit.

Peanut butter meets Jelly and shit gets real. Coming to the rescue is the bait and the Hunter who helps although he'd rather just cook rice and get along with the ghosts.  

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Rigor Mortis is supposedly a homage to a series of Hong Kong Vampire flicks. I don't know anything about that. What I do know, is that this film combines two of my favorite genres (supernatural and martial arts) and spits out a very decent film. The visuals are fantastic and not to be understated. The monster was bad on its own, but definitely worse once infused with twin magic.

My prediction? You won't love it, you won't hate it, but you'll enjoy how pretty it looks.

 

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Of violence
Nudity? Nope

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Oldboy (2014)

The Cast:

• Josh Brolin
• Elizabeth Olsen
• Christopher Moltisanti
• Sam Jackson
• Bond Villain 46

The Situation:

On the night of his daughter's 3rd birthday, a self-absorbed, alcoholic salesman finds himself abducted and awakens to find himself trapped in a hotel room. It is nearly 20 years later when he's released and he sets out to uncover the mystery of why he was imprisoned and by whom.

The Resolution:

If you've watched the original, you know how this turns out. If you're watching this for the first time, you, like our "hero," may not like what you discover.

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Oldboy (2014) is an American remake of the beloved Korean film OldBoy With a few deviations here and there, it played surprisingly close to the original. As this one was being directed by Spike Lee, I was expecting a completely different film,  but it really wasn't that bad. Of course the original is better, but this wasn't "A Spike Lee Joint." If that makes sense to anyone.

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Of violence
Nudity? Booty. Man Butt. Fleece Johnson would be proud....And aroused.

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The Sacrament

 

The Cast:

• A Vice Documentary film crew
• A cult
• Father

The Situation: 

After receiving a mysterious letter from his estranged sister, a vice journalist agrees to bring a crew with him as he attempts to reunite with her at a religious commune on another continent. 

Eden Parish upon first glance seems to be Heaven on Earth for its inhabitants. Father has made it possible and preaches peace and family. With the arrival of the outsiders, however, their tranquility is shaken and the journalists learn that there is a lot more to this church group than they originally thought.

The Resolution:

Have you ever heard of Jonestown? Now picture that story, but from their point of view.

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The Sacrament is unnerving. Not because of traditional scares or general horror film bullshit, but because this is the type of shit that actually happens. From the moment they told the story of the letter, you knew something wasn't right, but the tension would be continuously built until that damn burst, and shit got real. And the worst of it is realizing that this shit has, does, and somehow will continue to happen. 

I don't want to spoil it for you or worse, hype it up, but The Sacrament is the type of film you watch and then you don't want to deal with anything else. I finished it, then said, "I- I just want to go to bed," and seriously just went to bed after. It was 3pm!  Smh. 

Outside of mine, this film has nothing but negative reviews. I liked it. Wouldn't watch it again, but it was genuinely fucked up and worth at least one watch if you're into fucked up movies.

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Of Christ love
Nudity? No

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A Company Man (2013)

 

Hyeong Do, an assassin who look just like a company worker. He wants to stop but things doesn't go easy like he thought.

I put off this movie for a while. Can't say why. It sounded good, but I was just never in the mood for it.

The Cast: 

• A dedicated hitman who is a rising star in his company of secret assassins.
• Middle Management
• The rest of the company

The Situation:

Losing interest in his work, a top hitman makes a few career altering decisions, (finding love, leaving people alive, etc.) that can't go ignored in his industry. And they don't due to his meddling middle manager who has had it in for our hero since his star had begun to rise.

A Company Man was a pretty good film overall. A lot of action, a lot of gun fights and unfortunately drama. But in reality, the story is about a conflicted hitman who is losing his zeal for the job, so you kinda have to expect drama. In exchange for putting up with that however, the climactic scene sees a pissed off Hyeong Do return to the company and engage in  gun battles with all the current employees as he makes his way to his former boss. 

Violence? Yes
Explosions? No
Nudity? No

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The Purge: Anarchy (2014)

One night a year, all crime - including murder - is legal for 12 hours. A man heads out into the chaos, intent on killing thugs as revenge for his son's death, but ends up rescuing a stranded couple.

The Cast:

A mother and daughter who find themselves targets
A husband and wife who are driving back home to tell people about their split
A lone wolf with an agenda

The Situation:

Three different stories, become one as  five people are forced to band together to try and survive purge night. 

Purge Night or "Commencement" as they call it in the film, is really just a night where the rich and the government set out to rid the world of the poor as a means of population control. What it does though, is allow chaos to reign supreme for about 12 hrs as people give in to their baser instincts. Faces are licked, fires are lit and everybody's shot!

Supposedly, Anarchy takes place during the same purge as the first. While the first one was a home invasion story, this one is more survival horror. Although it's a relatively different take (with completely different actors), the story is pretty coherent and straightforward enough to where there should be no problem following along: Bad guys are given permission to kill, while innocents must survive the night.



The people who are dragged out of their house are in a shitty situation, can't argue that, but for everyone else that is caught outside on Purge Night, why the fuck are you outside on Purge Night? Why the fuck are you even traveling on Purge Day? That's the type of illogical decison that turns me away from films like this. But then we wouldn't have films like this w/o characters who make illogical decisions. Anyway, besides that nonsense, The Purge: Anarchy was actually a pretty good film. While not the same genre, it is and was an improvement over the first. The cast is full of "where do I knew them from" talent and I'd be lying to you if I didn't say that there is some drama, but it is not hammy and actually handled well within the context of the film. There's also a surprise casting near the end who you'll be happy to see with a gun.

Side note: The most interesting thing about the Purge series is that there are no female hunters, just victims. It's like saying that women can't be bloodthirsty killers. I'm sure that will be addressed in a future sequel, but for now this'll do.

 
Violence? Yes
Explosions? Yes
Nudity? Surprisingly, nudity is the only thing that's illegal on Purge night. 

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Haunter (2013)

Putting a new spin on spooky, the haunted soul in this film--15 year old Lisa--is long dead, and the ghost she senses is a flesh-and-blood teen.

Our central character is Lisa Johnson, a typical suburban teen. Snotty, angsty, and pretty much apathetic. After her parents sit her down for a talk, she reveals to them that they are living in what appears to be a time loop. Of course they don't believe her, which also explains her attitude.

While doing the laundry, she appears to have seen a ghost and as the strange occurrences multiply, she believes the place to be haunted. As she starts to dig deeper into the mystery, Lisa makes contact with a living teen, Olivia, who begs for help as she's desperately trying to convince her family that the house isn't safe. Lisa then races to solve the mystery of the house before it claims another family.

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"In a twist, a dead girl finds herself haunted by the living."  What a great premise!  Think about it, what if the living are haunting the dead? How exactly would that play out? Definitely an interesting concept.

I thought the film was going to be a haunting from the ghosts' pov, with a "big"  reveal in the end, but they let on pretty early that Lisa was already dead. What we got instead was a murder mystery told from the side of a dead girl, who is trying to prevent history from repeating itself. 

Haunter is secretly entertaining and one of the better films to go into blind. I only have two gripes: 

1. When Lisa first thought she was being haunted, she immediately pulled out a Ouija board from her attic:

Why is it that when white people feel their place is haunted they go straight to the Ouija board. Do all white people have ouija boards on their houses? Is that a thing?

2. The house has claimed a number of victims through the years and they've all died seemingly in the same manner. The way they were portrayed though, each family lived the same way as well. The youngest child playing video games, the mother oblivious, the father turning and the oldest child not feeling good about the situation. It was weird, in the sense of, "just how much control does this house have?"

Outside of that, good movie. Very engaging and well put together.

Violence? Mild
Explosions? No
Nudity? No

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Recess: Taking the Fifth Grade(2003)

Fans of the Recess gang can follow along as the kids graduate from the fourth grade to the fifth, all while learning about friendship and growing up.

Recess: Taking The Fifth Grade is a movie containing three interconnected stories, starring the cast of one of the greatest animated series of all time. The common thread being friendship, humility, and being a kid in a world where adults have long forgotten how.

In Story One:

The kids come back to school as fifth graders, excited to take on the world.
Much to their dismay, they discover that for some odd reason, The Board of Education has decided that irrational changes were necessary and those changes included removing their favorite teacher, replacing their lockers with motivational posters, replacing their lunch with "nutritious paste" and heartbreakingly, ending recess.

Fed up with the bullshit, T.J. decides he will take no more and barricades himself in his room, declaring that he will no longer go to school out of protest of the changes. His protest soon gains traction with the rest of the school and eventually the adults come to their senses and see the error of their ways.

In Story Two:

Now playground heroes, T.J. and the gang are requested to meet with King Fred, the new Big Chief, who inducts  them into the super secret fifth and sixth grade club, a place where ALL of the fifth and sixth graders can relax and shit on the stupid kids that are younger than them. 

Finally feeling accepted, they nearly lose Gus and Mikey to gluttony, temptation and ignorance, but TJ, Gretchen, Vince and Spinelli manage to snap them out of it by reminding them they are good people, who are in danger of losing their way.

In Story Three:

It's Halloween, and Spinelli, who is usually the biggest Halloween nut, suddenly feels that she's too old for Halloween, and her cynicism begins to ruin it for the gang. When she gets her spirit back, she sets out to right her wrongs and prove that you're never too old for Halloween

Recess was a great show. I think it cracks my top ten, definitely top 20 at least. But one thing bugs me about this film, maybe it's because I'm watching it now, but the voices don't sound the same. Like something feels/sounds off. It's not a huge deal, but still, it's distracting.

Violence? No
Explosions? No
Nudity? No

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Red 2 (2012)

At some point during the cold war, the U.S.had a nuclear weapon secretly built in Russia. Documents linking a connection between The RED team and the weapon have also been released. This leads to a race between the world's terrorists and the US government to get to it first, with Team RED caught in the crossfire, since they supposedly know it's location.

 

They are being hunted by Han aka Storm Shadow, who speaks perfect English, btw and is naturally the #1 Contract Killer in the world. He has a personal motive for killing Bruce as he was responsible for Han's imprisonment at the hands of the G.I. Joes.

 Red 2 pretty much continues the story from the first. Retired gov't agents defend themselves from another secret onslaught by the US and British governments, each seeking to quell all information on an obscure subject that could probably be ignored if they didn't have a propensity to fill body bags with the bodies of their own people.

I don't think I want to see a third, but I've actually enjoyed the RED film series and there are a lot of familiar faces in this particular film. Eventhough it became a bit annoying, they gave Mary Louise-Parker more to do and she clearly had fun with it. I was loving that Neal McDonough wass the main villain of this film and the chemistry between the actors is awesome. Specifically Willis and Malkovich. Nes'pas?

As usual, though, Storm Shadow, is just about the best character in the film. Malkovich is pretty good, but no one is touching Storm Shadow. Nobody not code named "Snake-Eyes" anyway.

In conclusion, RED 2. Pretty good.

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Yes
Nudity? No

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You're Next (2014)

You're next is the story 10 people who are trapped in a house by killers wearing animal masks. Basically it is a slasher flick where the inhabitants of a country home are brutally murdered by a group of brutal murderers.

Our killer get he ball rolling at dinner, where before the family can even break bread, they elect to start their reign of terror. One by glorious one, the victims are picked off as they panic and make stupid decisions regarding their health and safety.

 "I want to fuck you in this bed next to your dead mom." 

- This is actual dialogue from the film, btw.

You're Next is a popcorn flick for horror fans. This film is hilarious. Bad decisions, awesome visuals, wooden dialogue. It is needlessly violent, completely unabashed in its gore and I loved just about every bit of it. Those dudes in the animal masks had to learn the hard way that they fucked with the wrong Mexican Australian.

Films of these type are usually all the same, but You're Next played strayed from the formula for a bit. At some point, the momentum began to shift towards "team victim" as they begin to fight back, under the leadership of the hot Aussie, who proves that she can be as ruthless as her pursuers. The third act started to drag a bit, as both sides know what they're up against and each knows only death will end the nightmare, but before then it takes a good turn towards something I should have seen coming but didn't. Shit, I was openly rooting for the bad guys for the first 30 minutes.

Overall, I'd say it is honestly a solid three star film that is much better than I thought it would be and originally gave it credit for. I'm tempted to give it a four, but I don't think I liked it that much.

Scattered Thoughts:

• There are just too many people In this film. I'm waiting for mofos to get picked off. The hot chick with the Australian accent can stay though.
•  These people are kinda insufferable. Let's go sheep masks! 
•  Nothing brings a family together like the slaughter of its members.
• "Someone should make a run for the car" haha. White people. That always ends well
• Honestly, the fact that everyone looks the same age kinda takes me away from the film.  

Violence? Yes
Explosions? No
Nudity? Yes

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The Thieves (2012)

This slick caper finds Korean and Chinese personal thieves joining forces to pinch a $20 million diamond from an impenetrable casino vault.

Two competing teams of thieves (Team China and Team Korea) Team up to do a  job worth a potential $20 million. Their task is to steal a necklace which belongs to notorious Chinese gangster, Wei Hong and sell it back to him. They have a very well thought out plan, but as they've said numerous times, they are thieves and none of them should be trusted.

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I would describe The Thieves as Ocean's Thirteen meets Smoking Aces. A slick crime caper that starts as a slow burn heist thriller and becomes a convoluted tale of revenge and misperceptions after a botched casino robbery.

You know what's crazy about these movies? They almost always pull off improbable heists, in broad daylight and somehow no one ever sees anything or notice anything astray. It's ridiculous, and as cheesy as they are though, I think I just like heist flicks.

Violence? Yes
Explosions? No
Nudity? No

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A Fantastic Fear of Everything (2012)

While researching a book on Victorian-era murderers, author Jack Nife comes to fear they're really stalking him and grows agoraphobic.

Jack Nife is a writer who, while researching serial killers for an upcoming book. He got so deep into his research that he begins to suspect that he's being stalked and anticipates his own murder. To that end, he's become something of a shut in and rarely goes outside, because he feels safest at home. After a lunch date with his literary agent, he learns that she's set up a meeting with a producer who could decide the fate of his work. The catch, he's out of clean clothes and the only thing he fears more than being murdered is washing clothes at the Laundrette. (That's Laundromat for all of the American readers). But he soon discovers that the night has just begun.

Honestly, A Fantastic Fear of Everything started out real slow and definitely became a different film by the end, yet everything played into itself and made a good cohesive story. No bullshit, it feels longer than it is, but it is a good story. Simon Pegg is awesome and you can tell that he's given his all to this performance as a man who begins a slow descent into paranoia. To his credit though, he plays it equally convincing as a man who's trying to conquer his fears and bring himself back to sanity, while dealing with a nearly impossible situation. 

 I'm not a fan of seeing Simon Pegg w/o Nick Frost (and Vice Versa) but they are each capable actors and don't need to be joined at the hip. The other thing that bothered me was his character's name. Jack Nife? really? Lazy fucks. 

Violence? No

Explosions? No

Nudity? No

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