5 Asian women in american films


 Asia imports many things into the United States: Toys, Cars...robots. However one of their most valuable commodities is hot women. Holding about 1/4th of the world's population, there is no shortage either. The thing is, crossing oceans to prove yourself in the US film industry however, is no easy task.

With that in mind, here are five Asian imports who have made a name for themselves, in Hollywood:


Death Note (anime)


Plot via IMDB:

A battle between the world's 2 greatest minds begins when Light Yagami finds the Death Note, a notebook with the power to kill, and decides to rid the world of criminals.

Light Yagami, after obtaining the notebook, is given the name  "Kira"(killer) and he begins to kill criminals on his path to infamy. Along the way, he meets someone who poses the greatest threat to his plans, a man known as "L," who is the world's greatest detective. The race is then on, as L tries to uncover the identity of Kira, and Light tries to uncover L's real name in order to eliminate him.

Death Note is essentially the story of a boy who tried to play God, his rise to power and eventually his fall from grace. It is hands down one of the best anime series ever produced and If I had to compare it to a movie, I'd say Heat. The level of cat and mouse that goes on between Light and L is equal to that of the Pacino and DeNiro characters.

Pick it up, watch it, love it.


Violence? Yes but the bulk of the deaths are criminals.
Explosions? 2 or 3.
Nudity? No

The Book of Eli

(via)

In a dystopian future, one man journeys toward San Francisco to deliver an important book. Along the way, he encounters pillagers, marauders and an overlord who seeks to use the book to rule the world.

High Plains Invaders

 I don't care what anyone else says, this movie sucked. (via)

Set in the Wild West, a group of "settlers" try to survive when confronted with giant mutated bugs. How will the old west deal with a giant mutant insect invasion? I'm still waiting for an answer.


Kung-Fu Panda



Plot:
 In the Valley of Peace, Po the Panda finds himself chosen as the Dragon Warrior despite the fact that he is obese and a complete novice at martial arts.
 -IMDB

Quick Hits #2


Flicks' Quick Hits - Rapid fire reviews and thoughts on a few movies at once.
Featuring: Hot Shots2, Seed of Chucky, A Day Without A Mexican, Fighting, & Sorority Row

Sex Drive

Plot:


A high school senior drives cross-country with his best friends to hook up with a babe he met online. (Yup. It's one of those movies...)
-IMDB 

Unthinkable

 In a very extreme version of Good Cop Bad Cop, How far is too far when you are looking to get results?


Unthinkable is a drama/psychological thriller that explores both sides of the controversial topic of torture.

Survival of the Dead

(via)

Plot:
On an island off the coast of North America, local residents simultaneously fight a zombie epidemic while hoping for a cure to return their un-dead relatives back to their human state.

Dinocroc vs. Supergator



PLOT:
A giant crocodile fights a giant alligator on a tropical island. People die.
- Me.

The Action starts the fist minute in. A female scientist sounds an alarm and suddenly, we are a go for carnage. For about 7 minutes, the Supergator is destroying anything in its path and for 7 minutes after that, its the Dinocroc's time to wreck shit. Unsurprisingly, It turns out they're both unethical science experiments, this time created by *gasp* David fucking Carradine(!!!) and they've gone rogue.

There's a lot of foolishness about where and how, but in a movie like this, does plot really matter? It is a fight between a giant crocodile and a giant alligator. For those who do care, there is a backstory that explains everything and it actually recaps the 1st 15 minutes of the movie (including the same footage) for those who missed it.

Overall, DinoCroc vs. SuperGator is a lot longer than it needs to be. It should never take two (2) hours for the giant monster to fight each other. Seriously, why the delay? and for a movie how about giant creatures, plot and backstory should always take a backseat. David Carradine takes the chump way out (heart attack), some characters are overdone, but the important thing is that people get eaten.

Watch, but only if you're into this sort of thing.

Violence? Fuck and Yes
Explosions? Yes
Nudity? No

Kung-Fu Killer

If I had seen the poster, I would have skipped this flick.


White Crane(carradine) is a badass who understands how the darkness of revenge can entrap a person. He was not accepted in his youth so he learned to be feared instead. After being a attacked and left for dead,
however, White Crane seeks vengeance.

Sherlock Holmes (2009)


Plot:
Detective Sherlock Holmes and his stalwart partner Watson engage in a battle of wits and brawn with a nemesis whose plot is a threat to all of England.
-(IMDB)

Eye Candy Actresses: The Sequel


In Part One, I wrote about women who are more "Eye Candy" than actors. In part two, I'll provide you with a few who I feel are "on the bubble" so to speak. These actresses are hot, but their acting skills are in question.

Orphan

 
Plot via IMDB:
A husband and wife who recently lost their baby adopt a 9-year-old girl who is not nearly as innocent as she claims to be.

Steven Seagal: Lawman

***This is the end of Steven Seagal Week! We had a lot of fun this week and today, we'll end the party with the TV Series, Steven Seagal: Lawman ***


The basic premise of this show is Cops + Steven Seagal = Awesome. (img via-A&E)

Steven Seagal was one of the most popular action stars of the late 80s/early 90s. For "various" reasons, he dropped off the face of the earth and we hadn't heard from him outside of a few Bullshit movies. It turns out that for nearly 20yrs. he is/was a fucking police officer in the town of Jefferson Parrish, Louisiana. A&E somehow realized how awesome this was, and convinced him to allow us to experience this awesome concept.
 

Urban Justice

***Welcome to Steven Seagal Week! This week we will honor the "action star" by reviewing a few of his movies since his return to cinema. Today: Urban Justice ***

Urban Justice starts off more like the Death Wish movies. Its set in an urban environment, a relative is killed, and he forms a one many army. The difference is that Seagal kills with a purpose as opposed to just
"getting scum off the streets."

Driven to Kill

***Welcome to Steven Seagal Week! This week we will honor the "action star" by reviewing a few of his movies since his return to cinema. Today's Feature: Driven to Kill***  


Steven Seagal plays a retired Russian gangster who is, "Driven to Kill" after his family is put in danger.
First and foremost, he adopts a Russian accent for this flick. It sounds ridiculous and he slips in and out of it a few times this movie. I can forgive that because he seems to be a badass. Kicking people through
glass and hitting on his ex in front of her new husband all in the first 10min earns him badass points in my book.

The Keeper

***Welcome to Steven Seagal Week! This week we will honor the "action star" by reviewing a few of his movies since his return to cinema. Today's Feature: The Keeper ***


After an action packed beginning, Seagal's character, Roland is shot and betrayed by his partner. During his recovery, the film goes quiet and long. After an attempted kidnapping, Roland is hired for security and
bodyguard work.

Out for a Kill

***Welcome to Steven Seagal Week! This week we will honor the "action star" by reviewing a few of his movies since his return to cinema. Today's Feature: Out For A Kill ***

 

The Chinese mafia has plans to merge and become a conglomerate. On a dig, an Archeologist discovers their smuggling operation, and they seek to eliminate him. (So, in this flick, Steven Seagal stars as an archaeologist? I'm in. The plot doesn't matter, that premise alone was ridiculous enough to get me to watch.)

Quick Hits #1


Flicks' Quick Hits - Rapid fire reviews and thoughts on a few movies at once.
Featuring: S.W.A.T., 300, 30 Days of Night, & Office Space

The Funhouse

The Funhouse takes a little while to get to the action, but wit the simple line, "Let's spend the night at the Funhouse," the fun begins. (Poster via - Movies Online)

I was up late one night and channel surfing. I came across this flick and being in the mood for a bad movie, and having nothing better to do, I decided to watch it.

Plot via IMDB:
Four teenage friends spent the night in a carnival funhouse and are stalked by a deformed man in a frankenstein mask.

The Protector

One of the best fighting films in existence.


Oh, Mighty IMDB, please, please lay that plot on me:
A young fighter named Kham must go to Australia to retrieve his stolen elephant. With the help of a Thai-born Australian detective, Kham must take on all comers, including a gang led by an evil woman and her two deadly bodyguards.
Nice.


Watched it again recently, and I can't say that I remember all of the bath scenes, not that I'm complaining. With the excellent fight scenes its easy to forget everything else. Tony Jaa is incredible and I can see who/why he started to believe his own hype. Especially after that Incredible 4-min tracking shot.

The Protector is all about being pissed and wreaking havoc. He goes through the motions and dispatches the bad guys, but when he's pissed, its a whole different story. A pissed Tony Jaa = Maximum Carnage. Knees, elbows, elephant bones, vases, anything is a weapon.

The Infamous Tracking Shot:


How could you not enjoy that?



Violence? Yes. Muy Thai style.
Explosions?
No
Nudity? No

Hatchet (2004)

 (via)

When a group of tourists on a New Orleans haunted swamp tour find themselves stranded in the wilderness, their evening of fun and spooks turns into a horrific nightmare.

At the beginning this flick, we're treated an opener with Robert England. A Tony Todd appearance adds to the atmosphere as he is generally known for and plays the spooky character well, and Deon Richmond (aka Bud from the Cosby show) doubles as both the token Negro and the comic relief. He made this movie. In some films you need the comic relief and he fucking kills it. The real star however is the being known as Victor Crowley. In this film he is the burly man of legend who ruthlessly destroys anything and anyone foolish enough to cross his path.

Hatchet may be apart of the new breed of slasher flicks. It is strong enough to stand on its own, but a sequel is almost guaranteed. The kills are unique and gory and the comedy adds another layer to this slasher flick. I say watch it alone or with friends but definitely give this one a chance. Whether you're a horror junkie or a casual viewer, you'll have to appreciate what Hatchet brings to the table.

Violence? Fuck yes and how.
Explosions? No.
Nudity? Hatchet takes place during Mardi Gras, so you can expect a titty...or eight.

Legends of The Dark King

via nt2099

The world is an apocolyptic wasteland. Overrun by lawlessness. One man seeks to clean it up, but to do so, he must use his devine fist of the north star technique to destroy all who get in his path, become king,
and unite the world.

The A-Team(2010)



After being setup, the A-Team escapes from military prison, and make moves to clear their names. Not surprisingly, they threw in a few callbacks to the original show, including usings syringes to knock out B.A., the theme song, and a reference to Mexico(the 1st episode). For some odd reason however, they also decided to include a love story, and the mind boggling subplot of B.A. losing his "Bad Attitude." What? Why?

Iron man 2

 
In Iron Man 2 Tony stark is an asshole. But as we'd eventually learn, the suit is killing him each time he uses it and his defense mechanism was to become a arrogant dick, as he knew he wouldn't live much longer. As the movie goes on, it becomes a tale of redemption, as the unflappable and cocky Tony Stark, falls from grace, becomes humbled by the experience and gets a new lease on life, courtesy of his father. The film even goes so far as to have Tony fight Rhodes in an cliched bromance fight. You know, one of those fights that happens when you have to literally kick some sense into your bff.

Spartacus (2010) [TV Series]

 Hands down, one of the best (Man) shows you may or may not be watching.

Spartacus is a show that dudes have been waiting for, and it has just enough (ie drama/eye-candy) to keep women interested as well. Its violent, its bloody, there's sex, and in short it lives in excess.
As the story unfolds, we follow Spartacus as he goes from betrayed and conquered Thracian to Roman gladiator. John Hanna (The Mummy) plays as Spartacus' master and has plans to ride his fame to a senate seat. Lucy Lawless (Xena) is his wife on the show, and she's every bit as cunning and devious as her husband.

Big Trouble In Little China

Poster via (Shihzhu)


In this 80s cult classic, Kurt Russell works this movie as jack Burton. A brash, no bullshit anti-hero who is clearly a fish out of water in San Francisco's Chinatown. He just wants to get his truck and go home.

Part of the fun of this movie is that it plays with your expectations.  Jack Burton is the hero, but he's so full of tough guy bravado that you'll barely notice that he doesn't actually do anything heroic and conversely Lo Pan, doesn't do much villainy. Just when you expect one thing to happen, something else ridiculous happens entirely. In one scene you'll expect a straight up kung-fu fight, but it becomes a gun battle. Then after a Chinese standoff, there's a massive kung-fu brawl.

3 Reasons You Suck...

 

...A-Team edition


1) Ridiculously over the top Action. Seriously, have you seen the
trailer? At one point, they are shooting down planes while falling
through the air in a tank. *sigh*


3 Reasons You Suck...

           (via)

...The Karate Kid (aka Karate Kid Black around here)


Speak on It! - Betty White

 
Stone Cold Comedy Fox via (E-Rockford Blog)


I think Betty White is awesome. At 88 1/2 she keeps chugging along and her comedic timing is as sharp as ever. I also think she genuinely enjoys the laughs.

With that being said, here are a few Betty White links and clips from around the net:

Oldboy

OldBoy is a solid Asian revenge flick.

The gist of the flick is this:

Kidnapped and Imprisoned for 15 years, Oh Dae-Su, trains himself to fight, escapes, and is hell bent on uncovering the identity of the one who put him away.

A New Mortal Kombat?

Via the fine folks at Kotaku, and those at Filmdrunk, we have news and a preview of what may be a new Mortal Kombat. Whether its a video game or a movie is undetermined, but how do you feel?


Here's the clip/trailer/whatever.



I'm excited. It looks like a gritty noir style reboot. This can go either one of two ways. Is the concept still relevant? Can Michael Jai-White carry this film to success?

Appleseed




In this anime movie, a war survivor is brought to utopia and discovers she holds the key to the survival of the Bioroid race.
 

Appleseed is an example of animated badassery. We are introduced to Deunan who is immediately revealed to be one badass soldier. Her former partner Briareos is equally badass, and in one scene, tore the arm off of a cyber-woman and beat her with it.


Eye Candy Actresses




Eye candy is a staple of every movie and even in a shitty movie, it is more than welcome. Sometimes though, it just seems like Hollywood quit, and decided to cast the pretty chick in order to collect more $$$. The philosophy is this: "Who cares what she says or how? As long as she's there, the $$$ will flow!" So 9 times out of 10, Hollywood will cast an "actress" who is not required to say more than a few lines here and there.

To that end, I've put together a list of a few women who I feel are guaranteed to make a studio money with minimal to no acting skills required.


Stinkmeaner Chapter 3: The Hateocracy

These is a video of the best fight or flight scenes of last Sunday's Boondocks episode:

Fucking. Hilarious.




Hands down, one of the best shows on television animated or not.

Dead Set (2008) [TV Series]



Dead Set is a BBC produced 6 episode tv series which takes place during and on the set of Britain's Big Brother Reality TV series.

IMDB provides the plot: 
During a fictional series of Big Brother, a zombie outbreak occurs, but the house-mates are unaware of the impending doom outside of the Big Brother House.

Pawn Stars



On the History channel, you can catch Pawn Stars, a reality show about Rick Harrison, and the Las Vegas Pawn shop that he owns and operates with his family.

The Phantom of the Opera

 
Poster via (Imp Awards)

The Phantom of the Opera is Andrew Lloyd Weber's movie version of the hit musical that had been successfully playing Broadway. But this is the thing, musicals are not my scene. So I basically passed on this flick for years. But I picked it up out of curiosity. After seeing Sweeney Todd, I figured one more musical couldn't hurt. And truthfully, it didn't.

I thought the movie was decent and well done. Nearly every scene with the Phantom (when he wasn't singing) was actually pretty good. What I didn't agree with was the length. I thought the characters were good and played their roles as good as can be expected given the source material.

3 Reasons You Suck...


...Get Him to the Greek.


Blood & Bone

 

In Blood and Bone, Michael Jai White stars as Isiah Bone, an ex-con who enters the underground fight scene in order to fulfill a promise made to a friend. The plot, (which is actually decent), takes a backseat to the fighting. A few UFC stars make an appearance, but you don't have to worry about them acting, as they are there to fight. The fights appear realistic and all of the actors do what they can with their characters.

Michael Jai White wrecks shop as Bone! From the very first scene to the end of the flick, the tone is set and we learn quickly,  that Bone is not one to be fucked with. Eamonn Walker stars as James, a savvy street lord who runs the hood and dreams of attaining more power and plans to use Bone to achieve it. He oozes both charm and intimidation while seemingly not doing anything.(The mark of a good villain.) When the situation calls for it however, he has no problem getting his hands dirty.


No lie, the trailer doesn't do it justice. I skipped this flick because I never thought it would be this enjoyable. On a friend's recommendation,  I grabbed this movie and it now sits happily in my collection. Plain and simple, the movie is a fighting flick with words thrown in, only to set-up the next fight.




He never saw it coming - (via)


Check out the "guest stars:"
  • Kimbo Slice former UFC fighter/Current unemployed tough guy
  • Julian Sands aka The Warlock
  • Gina Carrano former UFC It Girl
  • Bob Sapp a fuckin' monster of a man.
  • Ernest "The Cat" Miller - MMA fighter/pro-wrestler
And like i said earlier, they aren't asked to "act." So they do not weigh the movie down.

If you're in the market for a fight movie I definitely say you should give this film a chance. It is an action drama, so its light on comedy, but it has its moments both intentional and unintentional.

Michael Jai White fans, you will want this in your collection.


Violence? Sweet MMA/UFC/Karate/Street Fighting violence.
Explosions? Nope. Unless you count blows to the head and chest.
Nudity? Nope.

Odd Girl Out



Everyone who knows me, knows that I'll watch almost any flick provided someone I want to see is in it. I stumbled across this flick on a lazy Sunday and once I read Alexa Vega AND Lisa Vidal AND teen bullying, I figured I'd give it a shot.




 **photos via After Ellen & Casanova Casino, respectively** 

Weekly Links 5/28/10



So...50cent plays a cancer patient... - Celebslam
The Trailer for Iron Baby - I Heart Chaos
The Thing Prequel - UHM
TMNT Live-Action Reboot - Deadline
DC is making movies - io9
The Gawker guide to Summer Flicks - Gawker
You Will Hardly Recognize These Celebs in these Flicks - Cinematical
Is ABC Remaking Alias? Does anyone care? - Pajiba
Spider Man Casting News - Filmdrunk
20 WTF Deaths on TV - Mania
Tommy Lee Jones in Captain America? - ScreenJunkies

The Drawn Together Movie: The Movie

 
More fun for fans

What's that you say? A drawn together direct to DVD movie? Yes.
For real-real? Not for play-play? Yep. Its real.

For those not in the know, Drawn Together the TV series ran for 3 seasons before cancellation. It was a animated spoof of reality tv (big brother in particular) and the characters were animated versions of the people you'd normally see. (ie. The frat bro, the virgin, the gay guy, etc.) The show was also known for its black comedy and gross out humor. With that being said, clearly an uncensored and unrated movie was the next logical step towards closure.

Trapped In The Closet (1-22)



I don't know what I can say about this ridiculous hip-hopera.  I sat through all 22 chapters in one sitting and the longer it went on, the more interesting it became. You know that Aristocrats joke that gets worse and worse and as it goes on, it actually become funny? That's Trapped in the Closet in a nutshell. By the end, you're actually upset that its done.

Speak on It! - Negro Presidents in Film

President Freeman has had enough of your shit!


I have a problem with Hollywood. Actually, I have a lot of problems with Hollywood, but this one in particular bugs me. Why is it that, in every movie in which there is a Negro President, the world is either destroyed or will be shortly?

Ahem:

The 5th Element = Zeus aka Tiny Lister
Deep Impact = Morgan Freeman
2012 = Danny Glover
24 = Dennis Hayesburt(President Palmer)
24 = D.B. Woodside(Wayne Palmer aka President Palmer lite)
Idiocracy = Terry Crews

Good or not, these were projects with money thrown behind them.

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