Dead Before Dawn (2013)

A group of college kids unwittingly create an evil curse that causes everyone whine they make eye contact with to turn into zombie demons.

So why would I waste my time with this flick? Devin Bostick. He plays Roderick in the Wimpy Kid series of films and I want to Dr what he can do outside of the confines of a family film. Especially as a lead. Also 

Christopher Lloyd is in it. Can't beat that. Anyway, onto the review:

The Situation: 

When he was a small child, Roderick watched his father get possessed by a artifact. He still has nightmares since then and he refuses to go near the occult shop his family owns. Feeling guilty though, he agrees to watch the shop for his grandfather who is receiving an award later that night.

In an attempt to impress a girl he's crushing on, he disturbs an item he was specifically warned not to touch and in doing so releases the curse of all curses. one created by them in jest but becomes real in a few hours. At 10 pm, everyone they make eye contact with will kill themselves and come back as a Zombie-Demon (Zemons). Freaking out because he knows that shit has gotten real, his love interest tells him "Nothing's gonna happen. It'd be cool if it did, but it won't." You can guess what happens after that. 

The rest of the film is spent trying to fix what evil they have wrought with predictable, yet hilarious results. 

-------------------------------------------------------

Dead By Dawn was a fun little film. I think dude is still Roderick, he wasn't really playing that much different. Just less confident, I guess. They did find a way to get Christopher Lloyd to yell out, "Great Scott!" which is worth an automatic half star from me, but unlike the Sith, I do deal in absolutes. Meaning It's a bonus full star the film will get: 

Violence? Yes

Explosions? No

Nudity? No

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13/13/13 (2013)

For Millennia, calendars have added an extra day every four years. In doing so, they violated the ancient Mayan calendar. Now we are in the 13th month of the 13th year of the...

[Even Netflix couldn't even be bothered to  finish their summary. This movie is gonna be terrible..]

The Cast:

• Jack
• Candace
• Crazy Mofos

The Situation:

People are going crazy and everyone is slowly loading their minds. Becoming violent, cranky and generally disrespectful.

According to Candace, a woman he meets at the hospital following his wife's psychotic break, people who were born on a leap year are seemingly immune to the chaos. She explains the situation to Jack. February 29th is not supposed to exist and the current day is 131313, as every leap year has added a day to the calendar.

Although the evidence around him is overwhelming, he decides to disbelieve Candace and rescue his daughter, who most certainly has gone bat shit crazy along with the rest of the world. [If he knew that his daughter was killing and eating spiders, he probably wouldn't have tried so hard to save her.]

The Resolution:

There is no resolution. Everyone dies.

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

This is the thing. I felt kinda forced and obligated to watch this movie. Not only have I seen three different versions of 11/11/11, I've seen 12/12/12 AND I suggested 13/13/13 in that review. I brought this upon myself and I don't have much of a choice here. Don't judge me.

Whatever. You're a jerk.

Sidenote:
Why are they still making end of the world Y2k movies? Isn't there some other thing to latch on to?

Sidenote 2:
Asylum movies are a door way into Hollywood for first time directors and actors. They are extremely low budget, so if your movies is good, it opens up more doors. Third movie is not. Far from it in fact. Bad writing, Bad dialogue, bad direction, it's all there and it was about as bad as I expected it to be. Let's never talk about it again.

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Of violence and F-bombs
Nudity? No

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Osombie (2012)

While in Afghanistan, a young woman discovers that Osama bin Laden has risen --and is building a zombie army to carry out his evil bidding.

The US government believes that Afgani militants are using a secret militia base in the mountains to plan a future attack. A group of U.S. Army Rangers have been tasked with finding the base and wiping out the threat. Along the way they run into freedom fighter Derek Miller and his sister Dusty who are also in search of the camp.

Derek, believes that bin Laden is hiding out at a militia camp and he is creating the zombies as a new weapon to aid them in war on terror this is dismissed, but they decide to travel together since they are all headed to the same place. They have 48 hrs to cut their way through both zombies and the few living Taliban militants and reach the camp before a scheduled air strike that will provide them a chance to escape.

Dakka Dakka Jihad. Zombie jihad.

Stray Quotage:

"Why aren't there any Wal-Mart's in Afghanistan? Because they're targets all over."

"Look alive gentlemen. Alive? Oh, the irony."
 
"Confucius say, man who fart church, must sit in own pew."
 

"Thank you Call of Duty"

Osombie or Zombie Bin Laden is a concept so beyond ridiculous it just begged me to watch. The weird thing, it wasn't terrible. Shit, the opening scene covered the Seal Team Six raid, the "burying his body at sea", and Bin Laden's well known use of zombie guards. It is not a movie to be taken seriously. Obviously. It's an entertainingly bad zombie flick that may go on a bit too long, but is worth it for its interesting concept (and tons and tons of headshots).

Zombies themselves are so overdone that I will always react positively to any movie that deviates from the norm. Even slightly. Osombie is a zombie movie with a war on terror twist and in the scope of the film, it works. They even brought up the fact that you never see zombie shit. All they do is eat, but they leave no excrement. What is that about?
  

Violence? Tons and tons of headshots
Explosions? Bodies and faces
Nudity? No

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I Am Legend (2007)

Years after a plague kills most of humanity and transforms the rest into monsters, the sole survivor in New York City struggles valiantly to find a cure.

I feel like I should write more about this movie. But you know something? Fuck this movie!

It sucked so hard the first time i watched. But I thought, "everyone loved it, it really can't be that bad. you're being biased." So I watched it again, and I couldn't believe how much it actually did suck. I think people got caught up in the visuals.

  
These are the questions I have for lovers of this movie:

• Why/how is Will Smith's character a scientist?
• Why is it that he's the only one who can stop it? 
• If he really was that valuable, why would anyone leave him there by himself? 
• Was there really just one single solitary lion roaming New York City? 

 
This movie sucked so hard, but everyone was so busy sucking Will to notice.

I'm so over it.

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Yes
Nudity? No

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Cockneys vs Zombies (2012)

A gang of bank robbers fight their way out of a zombie-infested London.

At a construction site, two workers unearth what appears to be a tomb, sealed by order of King Charles in 1666. Exploring it, they find a pit full of human skulls, two of which re-animate and take their lines.

On the other side of town, two brothers plan for a bank heist. They first deliver to a care home for meals on wheels and introduce one of the best characters ever, their grandfather, Ray. He's a tough old bloke and a badass. At the rest home, the zombies attack, but are beat the fuck up by Ray, who quickly takes charge of the situation. At the bank, they actually recognize the threat as zombies and react accordingly. The kids run back to save their grandfather and his friends by extension.

Highlights:

• They make reference to the running/sprinting zombies from the other films. Essentially calling it stupid.
• Not only does the dude have a zombies mouth hanging from his wrist, he kicks a zombie baby right into an "anti child violence ad"
• There's a hilarious slow speed chase between one of the old guys and the zombies at home
• Zombie hooligans fight even when they're dead. "They [still] can't stand each other!"

Cockneys Vs Zombies is a very entertaining film and an awesome blend of comedy and horror. Zombies are overdone, but whenever they put a new twist, it catches my attention. In this film, it was old people versus zombies. Especially after they are brought guns and arm up. Especially Ray, who as I've mentioned is a beast. And i want him to be my grandpa. It's completely unexplained just how and why Katy is such a badass, but it doesn't matter, because she is also a beast.  

Violence? Yes
Explosions?  Yes
Nudity? No

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Mutants (2009)

While clearing a house for supplies, a man is infected with the disease after a mutant is shot and explodes in his face. His wife, being an EMT packs him up and rushes off to get some space to fix him. She tells him that he has about three days, maybe less before he turns and tries to keep him alive and delay the inevitable while waiting for rescue. The tension increases as 4 other dangerous survivors find them, but despite all of that, it doesn't really get any better or worse until the end as their fortress is besieged by mutants and it becomes a true fight for survival.


Mutants was dull. It just seemed like not a lot was happening. This movie stuck to the standard script and didn't defer. What I did notice was the violent transformation for infected folk. It just looked rough.

I guess that's their contribution to the genre?

Violence? Yes
Explosions? No
Nudity? No

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Scary or Die (2012)

The creation of filmmaker Michael Emanuel, SCARY OR DIE tells five interwoven horror stories that take place in and around the "City of Angels". A flesh-eating clown desperately trying to protect the person he craves the most, A dirty cop and a hit gone wrong with a vengeful Necromancer, a beautiful but mysterious woman and a lonely man looking for love in all the wrong places, a gruesome blood splattered uprising of Illegal Mexican Zombies, and a Cajun conjure grandfather whose gift of never ending love goes terribly awry...

Scary or Die is a horror anthology consisting of five short stories which aim to do inspire fear or something I don't know. I was really only invested in what I thought would be a zombie clown story but I had to wade through the other crap to get there.

Overall, every story was okay, but ultimately underwhelming. The film reminded me of V/H/S(2012) which had the same format (but with two decent films!) and also floundered.



The Crossing:

Some rednecks get more than they bargained for after the last group of Mexicans they've killed rise from the dead and feast on them.

TaeJungs Lament:

A widower mourns the loss of his wife and leads a very lonely existence and every woman he sees looks like his wife. Things are pretty depressing until he witnesses a kidnapping and decides to save the girl.

Re-membered:

A take on the Tale Tell Heart. A guy drives around with a dismembered body in his trunk. On the highway, it begins to bang and when he searches the trunk he finds it missing.

Clowned:

A man, bitten by a clown, finds himself slowly becoming one. He sets off to find the clown that bit him in hopes of ending the ordeal. But as his urge to kill rises, his family becomes potential victims in his thirst for food.
 [This was the one I had been waiting for. I thought this was going to be about clown zombies, but a story about a clown infection is also acceptable.]

Lover Come Back:

An abused woman comes back from the dead to reclaim the soul of the man that killed her, intending for them to spend eternity together.

Why oh why have they not made a movie about Zombie Clowns or Were-Clowns?

 I'd watch that. I'd watch it hard.

Out of Ten? 5

Violence? Yes
Explosions? No
Nudity? No

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Rec 3: Genesis (2013)

A couple's wedding day turns into a horrific events as some of the guests start showing signs of a strange illness.

The movie starts with footage of the guests arriving to the wedding of Koldo and Carla, two very happily in love people. Koldo's uncle shows up sporting a bandage and when asked, says that one of the dogs bit him at his job. It doesn't take long before he's off biting people and the infection spreads quickly and violently. Separated during the chaos, Koldo and Carla spend the rest of the film trying to find each other and survive but they have no idea of what they're up against.

 No Caption Necessary.

Outside of the infected, Rec 3 is nothing like the other two. The close quarters and dark corners are gone and with that the suspense. It's like they purposely took the movie from it's environment in an attempt to see if it has legs elsewhere. (hint: it doesn't). Or maybe they wanted to make a separate movie and just slapped the "Rec" title on it to rein in more money because REC 3 was clearly a love story and thinly connected to the first two at that.

If you've been following the series, you'd remember that at some point, a dog was infected. That seemingly minor detail is what links this film to the other two. (Well that and the Hazmat guys.)
Funny thing is, Genesis isn't that bad as a standalone film. As a film in the REC canon though, it is bad. After watching the first two you come to expect a certain film and REC 3 deviates. Far. It is a love story with monsters as an obstacle. If it didn't give us anything new pertaining to the virus I'd score it lower. However, it is now known that the infected are stopped in their tracks when they hear the "Word of God" and they show their true demonic form when viewed in a mirror.

I really don't feel that this was a true REC movie, but because I didn't hate it, I'll meet you halfway at say...6.5?

Out of Ten? 6.5

Violence? Yes
Explosions? No
Nudity? No

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Deadheads (2011)

Undead slackers Mike and Brent are reborn as part of a major zombie outbreak in this gore-happy comedy that also serves as a love story. While searching for Mike's missing fiancée, the two monster pals find themselves quarry for bounty hunters. 

A man wakes up and fights his way out of a lab that looks to have been destroyed by an accident of some type. He manages to find a farmhouse and while attempting to gain entry, he sees a zombie at the door and flees. Eventually he runs into another man, Brent, who like him, can talk and explains to him his predicament. They are zombies and have been undead for about 3 years and are in Colorado.
Figuring he needs a drink, they head to a local bar. There, Mike finds an engagement ring in his pocket and suddenly remembers his girlfriend. The duo decides to travel to Michigan find her and make things right. Before they can do that however, they'll have to escape the bar, which has been overrun with zombies and avoid the government hired negro who has been sent to bring them in.

Deadheads is billed as a zombie comedy love story. As we all know, zombies have been done to death, (hah) yet a zombie love story is definitely unique to the genre. It's not a flat out love story, as it's supposed to be a comedy as well. On the comedic side, it is funny ha, but not funny haha. Unique to this film in particular is the badass hero who just happens to be negro. Of course he's an ex con, but you can't win them all. We all know they tend to die fairly quickly, but this one made it.
I was impressed.

Out of Ten? 6

Violence? Yes
Explosions? No
Nudity? No

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Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead (2006)

What happens when a fast-food chicken franchise is built on a sacred Native American burial site rife with restless spirits? Zombie chickens! Now it's up to high school grad Arbie, to find a way to destroy the featherless fiends.

Movies open with teens banging in an Indian burial ground. Wendy promises Arbie that college will never change her. A year later, he returns to the make out spot only to find that it has since been bulldozed and an American Chicken Bunker has been built on top. A large group of people are protesting the restaurant, upset with the treatment of both the burial ground and the chickens that go into their product.

At the protest, not only does Arbie reconnect with Wendy, he discovers that she is also a lesbian. Out of spite, he gets a job at the restaurant looking for revenge. Once there, he discovers that the Indians and the chickens are seeking revenge as well and the tainted chicken manages to turn people into chicken zombies.


Poultrygeist is a Low budget Tromaville horror/comedy/ musical. I would say it's mildly offensive, but that would be generous. I think you'd have to search to find the line this film didn't cross yet I found it surprisingly funny. Even the musical numbers hit the comedy notes.
Tromaville movies are not for everyone, but Poultrygeist kinda works. It does drag towards the end, but it's decent good before it gets to that point.


Stray Quotage:

-You're the best dry humper I'm the school
    Yeah, that's what the basketball team says.

-you're the counter girl.
     Counter girl?
-Just a little nickname we have here.
     Oh okay.
-Cool. I'll get your skirt.

-How can I ever love someone who wants me to eat cock?!

-Would you stick around if you shit up a bathroom this bad?!

-There hasn't been such a dangerous combination of chicken and Indian since the creation of Tandoori.



I am a fan of originality, and of all the zombie films, chicken zombies are definitely original.

 

Out of Ten? 6.5

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Yes
Nudity? Yes

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Growth (2010)

In 1989, a breakthrough in advanced parasitic research on Cuttyhunk Island, gave scientists a jump in human evolution. But, something in the experiment went horribly wrong and the island mysteriously lost three quarters of its population. Now, a new strain of parasite has emerged, and threatens the island once again.

There's an isolated island where scientists live and work have gone to practice their craft. Since WWII.
Working on what they call "The Human Growth Project" They aim to use parasites to surpass our own genetic limitations. Their miscalculation was that parasites need to feed and they destroy a body from inside.

After a body is found it is believed that the parasites are still alive and are re-infecting people. Jamie who used to live on the island, returns with a group of friends to claim an inheritance. Being back on the island, she begins to uncover seemingly repressed memories. In the meanwhile, Justin, the weakest of the group gets infected with a parasite. 

 Justin immediately becomes more confident and powerful after getting his superpowers (Take that Chronicle!) 

I've been accused of giving too much detail, and writing more at this point would spoil it. It's a decent B-Movie, but nothing to write home about. Growth is not a film that would or should get a theatrical release, but it is better than something you'd see on the SyFy network.

Out of Ten? 6

Violence? Yes
Explosions? No
Nudity? No

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Devil's Playground (2010)

As the world succumbs to a zombie apocalypse, Cole a hardened mercenary, is chasing the one person who can provide a cure. In his way aren't only the flesh eating super athletic cannibals as humanities greatest danger, are people themselves!

After a medical trial results in a viral infection, a former mercenary is sent to track down the one test subject who seems to show no symptoms or complications. Pretty soon after receiving his mission, the 29,999 other test subjects become mindless zombies and the country is quickly overrun. She now becomes the country's only hope. Luckily, he finds her pretty quickly, but the pace and the carnage immediately picks up as they set out to escape a country full of flesh eating monsters.


The Devil's Playground is standard zombie fare with one interesting twist, not only do the infected give chase, they can also jump and climb walls. That's right folks. these zombies know parkour.

My only question?
Who the fuck "tests" a drug with 30,000 people? How is that even remotely considered a good idea?

Out of Ten? 5.5

Violence? Yes
Explosions? One
Nudity? No

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Rammbock Berlin Undead (2010)

Just when Michael arrives in Berlin to visit his ex-girlfriend Gabi, a terrible virus starts spreading across the city at a rapid pace, turning people into mindless homicidal maniacs. Much to Michael's concern, Gabi's not home; instead, he meets Harper, a teenage plumber's apprentice at work in her apartment block. Together, they manage to barricade themselves when raging hordes of infected people swarm the building. Surrounded by these thirsty zombies, Michael and Harper have their hands full to survive - and it will take all of their ingenuity to make their way out to try and find Gabi.

This movie amounted to nothing.

Nothing. Happened.

There were no creative or inventive kills and there was no character development. Just a few people, trapped in an apartment complex, looking for a way out.

Out of Ten? 4

Violence? Yes
Explosions? No
Nudity? No

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Pontypool (2008)

Valentine's Day is off to a bizarre start for a radio shock-jock when he runs into a crazed woman on his way to work -- and that's only the beginning. Soon, scores of other people in the small Ontario town of Pontypool start acting awfully odd.

Trapped inside a radio station, a late night dj and his crew report on what begins as an angry mob and devolves into the makings of a zombie attack. With reports from Ben, their man on the street, the tensions rise as we learn more about the mob and their actions. They look wild eyed and they seem to be eating people. Also they are all saying one word. Still in the dark, the terror hits home when one of their own is infected in the studio, yet a doctor appears and sheds light on the situation. His theory is that the virus is in words and it is spread when that word is spoken and understood. Thing is, it could be any word.


Pontypool definitely adds something new to the genre. A zombie tale that grips you solely via words, then transforms into a zombie tale where the virus is spread by words. The spoken word theme is constant throughout the film and it remains engaging.

Violence? One scene
Explosions? Off camera
Nudity? No

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Black Death - 2011

Set during the time of the first outbreak of bubonic plague in England, a young monk is tasked with learning the truth about reports of people being brought back to life in a small village.

During the time of the Bubonic Plague, a village stands unaffected. The Catholic Bishop has assembled a group of holy warriors and a monk, to investigate the village. Along the way, they have to travel through a forest and they come across thieves. A battle ensues and Shit gets real fairly quickly. someone even used a fucking morningstar!!!

Full Face-Smashery.

Limbs were lost, blood was sprayed, lives were lost. It was the most exciting 2 minutes in cinema.Then it gets boring again. The crew comes across a village that seems to have no dead. Although the villagers are welcoming, the group suspects them of evil. Our Monk is led to a ritual site and watches as his love interest is suddenly brought back from the dead by the village's queen. At the same time, the rest of the village are drugging and tying up the 1st of the crew. She offers them a chance at freedom if they renounce God, yet the men hold steady.

The following exchange made me chuckle:
"I'm going to teach you about pain."
"There's nothing you can teach me about pain!" Followed by very intense screaming. Classic.

Watching the situation unfold, one of the guys finally gets in "Fuck That!" mode and renounces. He is then led from the village and immediately hung. So, yeah, there's no real winning here.
Also, someone is drawn and quartered. When was the last time you've seen that happen? My thought process: "If he dies, That's totally making the list."

Being released, the Monk searches the swamp for the Witch, intending to both kill her and finally put an end to this dreadful crap. But that's wishful thinking because, there's still about 10minutes left as of this writing. The Swamp Witch wisely uses this time to taunt the Monk and break him down mentally. By the end, we're treated to a montage of sorts, showing the Monk as a crusader now, his heart blackened and cold, he hunts and burns witches.

"Spread the word of God. If there's something out there that's unexplainable, convert it or kill it." That's pretty much the theology of Christianity/Catholicism, but besides that, Black Death is straight filler. Only two scenes are worth your time. Everything else massively sucked. I had to start this film like 3x before I finally finished it. It was just boring and disinteresting. I'll never understand the hype surrounding it.

Out of Ten? 5

Violence? Yes
Explosions? No
Nudity? No

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Quick Hits #8

Flick's Quick Hits - Rapid fire reviews and thoughts on a few movies at once.

Featuring: The Incredibles, Man on Fire, Outbreak, Tangled

	The Incredibles (2004) - An awesome Pixar film. I find it odd that its been nearly 10 years and there's hasn't been even a rumor of a sequel. Anyway, the cast gives the movie an almost human feel and both the story and animation are top-notch. Out of Ten? 10
	Man on Fire (2004) - One of the best and baddest Denzel movies in existence. As a former marine turned bodyguard, he had no problems doing what was necessary to ensure the safe return of dakota fanning. Denzel's Badassness made this movie work and kept it afloat as it tended to lag in some scenes. Out of Ten? 8
	Outbreak (1995) - Ensemble disaster movie. A pandemic spreads and nearly threatens to take out the world. Its up to a team of Rene Russo, Dustin Hoffman, Kevin Spacey and Cuba Gooding, Jr. to stop it. Can they? What happens when two team members become infected? Do you care? I guess you'll have to watch this decent flick to find out. Out of Ten? 8
	Tangled is a fantasy film and an animated take on the story of RAPUNZEL. The story is standard Disney faire, complete with singing and dancing. Maximus, the royal horse is far and away the best character of the film. Dude is hilarious. Anyway, I don't have much to say about the film good or bad, soooo... Out of ten? 6.5

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The Dead - 2010

When the last evacuation flight out of war-torn Africa crashes off the coast, American Air Force Engineer Lieutenant Brian Murphy emerges as the sole survivor in a land where the dead are returning to life and attacking the living.

This movie spent more time watching me than the other way around.

The acting is terrible. (It's like everyone is doing their best African Vin Diesel impression) and for a movie about zombies in Africa, you'd think they'd have enough bodies, to not have to kill the same zombie 3 or 4 times.

Hungry Hungry Africans

This has to be one of the worst zombie films that I've tried to watch. It absolutely has to be, and I've seen a lot of Romero films. Smh. To its credit, I managed to get through about 30 minutes. That's 15 minutes longer than I gave Zombie Strippers, so I guess it wasn't that bad.

I refuse to watch the rest of this film, so out of fairness, I won't give it an official score. But fuck everything about this film.

(Unofficial) Out of Ten? 2

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Dylan Dog: Dead of Night - 2011

The adventures of supernatural private eye, Dylan Dog, who seeks out the monsters of the Louisiana bayou in his signature red shirt, black jacket, and blue jeans.

Monsters exist. The only thing keeping the peace between them and keeping them secret is Dylan Dog, Paranormal Investigator.

Superman...?

After years of keeping the peace and protecting the supernatural beings, Dylan's gf was killed by the monsters. He understandably turns his back on them, but not before killing a few in revenge. After years of staying away from them, Dylan as a private investigator, takes a case and the progression leads him to believe that one of the ruling monster families seeks to revive an ancient monster.

Having never read the Dylan Dog comics, I can't say whether this was successful as a transition from comic to film. According to Italian movie nerds, this movie murdered the franchise, so in theory, Taye's death was an unnecessary sacrifice and he adds yet another failure to his filmography. Assuming that's true, how appropriate is it that this franchise killing machine appear as the final monster that needs to be killed.

I guess they couldn't find Ted McGinley.

Despite how it may sound, Dylan Dog is an okay movie. Strong performances from Routh and Sam Huntington, (as hero and sidekick/comic relief, respectively,) carry the film. But it just feels...off. Like something is missing. I can't explain it, but if you watch you'd understand.

Out of Ten? 7. A decent low budget  thriller that has it's moments.

Violence? Yes
Explosions? One or two.
Nudity? No

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The BBC

BBC programs have been some of the better produced and higher quality shows in existence. Foreign entertainment in general, may be an acquired taste for some, but believe me when I tell you that there is some really good stuff overseas.

American Television has a way of stealing the works from other countries. Knowing that, I figure maybe you'll like the originals better. To that end, I've put together a small list of a few BBC shows that I've really enjoyed. Idk whether or not you're interested in things made outside of the States, but you should give these shows a chance.

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Zombie Strippers - 2008

Two of my favorite things, nearly ruined forever.

In the not too distant future a secret government re-animation chemo-virus gets released into conservative Sartre, Nebraska and lands in an underground strip club. As the virus begins to spread, turning the strippers into "Super Zombie Strippers" the girls struggle with whether or not to conform to the new "fad" even if it means there's no turning back. - IMDB 

I remember sitting down to watch this flick..and I remember quickly skipping through it, because it was flat out terrible. I mean, watching Mind of Mencia followed by Dane Cook's Tourgasm, on repeat, may have been more entertaining. I couldn't bring myself to waste life on this movie. Maybe with friends and a lot of liquor this could be enjoyable? We'll see...I think I'll need a lot of liquor.

Moving on, but unfortunately related, this movie also stars Robert Englund.  I'm developing a theory: Robert Englund must owe someone some money. Either that or he has an expensive habit. Why else would he lend himself to this bullshit? Someone is either holding his family hostage, or they own a good amount of dirt on him. Or maybe he's lost his mind through the 9 Elm Street movies. I just can't see how anyone could read this script and think it was worth filming. I just can't figure it out. This just goes to show that there are two powerful motivators in Hollywood. Pussy and Money. (Three if you count cocaine.)

Fuck this! Let's kill the producer.

If you're that hard up for strippers, or zombies, check it out. But don't say that I didn't warn you. 

Out of Ten? 4

Violence? Yes

Explosions? Probably

Nudity? yes. 

Blu-Ray/DVD? Blu-ray offers crystal clear suckage. (I guess I mean that literally and figuratively.) Still doesn't mean you should buy this flick. 

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