Mis Peores Amigos (2013)/Promedio Rojo (2004)

Mis Peores Amigos is actually a pretty decent, lighthearted little comedy in which 3 friends reconnect after one falls ill and the others learn he only has weeks to live. The goal is to help him complete a bucket list they made in their teens, which also includes finding a leprechaun and traveling through time. 

 It is a direct sequel (albeit 10 years later) to Primera Roja, the film which first established the main characters and their motivations. In that one, the guys are just trying to survive high school when Roberto, the lead, falls in love with a girl who falls for the handsome bully instead. The same bully who torments him daily.  In between the two films, Roberto, has physically transformed himself from fat nerd to beefy architect and he's purposely left his friends/old life behind, and the reunion in Amigos is understandably frosty.

I didn't know Amores was a sequel until the end, where Netflix hit he with the "you might like these..." and it turned out to be the same story that was narrated and starred the same actors only younger. That was dope and watching these films back to back. I felt more invested in the characters.

This isn't something that's going to sit high on my list, but they are decent at the least. Like Terminator, I didn't know the first one existed until I saw the second,, but I enjoyed both either way.

 

Violence? Happens
Explosions? No
Nudity? No

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Witching & Bitching (2013)

In this heist film turned horror-fest, a gang of thieves lands in a coven of witches who are preparing for an ancient ritual -- and need a sacrifice.

If I were trying to talk you into watching this film. I'd say: "Witching and Bitching is like a Spanish version of From Dusk til Dawn in that it starts as one gene and quickly transitions into something darker."

But that's where it ends. Witching & Bitching is a different beast. This shit showed up on my Netflix list and was a five star movie. It basically dared me to watch and I can't express exactly how much I enjoyed it. Tight, hilarious dialogue, committed characters, impressive set pieces and effects, slick direction, this film had it all and each piece kept things moving in the right direction quickly. It's over before you know it.

The only real drawback is the ending. But most movies these days write themselves into a hole so I can forgive that.

With all that said, Witching & Bitching earns a solid 5. It's an  enjoyable film that hits my "5 star" criteria:

• I'd watch it again
• I'm certain others would enjoy it
• I'd buy it.

 

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Yes
Nudity? No

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Rigor Mortis(2012)

 A public housing tenement is plunged into a dark storm of supernatural chaos.

The Cast:

• The Bella Twins
• The Soulless Body aka David Blaine
• The Bait
• The Hunter
• The Dark Lord

The Situation:

After accidentally murdering an old man, the Dark Lord, who happens to dabble in necromancy, makes a promise to bring him back to his grieving widow. He manages to do so, but notes that he's missing a soul. To his delight, there are twin ghosts terrorizing the building who just happen to be looking for a body to inhabit.

Peanut butter meets Jelly and shit gets real. Coming to the rescue is the bait and the Hunter who helps although he'd rather just cook rice and get along with the ghosts.  

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Rigor Mortis is supposedly a homage to a series of Hong Kong Vampire flicks. I don't know anything about that. What I do know, is that this film combines two of my favorite genres (supernatural and martial arts) and spits out a very decent film. The visuals are fantastic and not to be understated. The monster was bad on its own, but definitely worse once infused with twin magic.

My prediction? You won't love it, you won't hate it, but you'll enjoy how pretty it looks.

 

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Of violence
Nudity? Nope

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A Company Man (2013)

 

Hyeong Do, an assassin who look just like a company worker. He wants to stop but things doesn't go easy like he thought.

I put off this movie for a while. Can't say why. It sounded good, but I was just never in the mood for it.

The Cast: 

• A dedicated hitman who is a rising star in his company of secret assassins.
• Middle Management
• The rest of the company

The Situation:

Losing interest in his work, a top hitman makes a few career altering decisions, (finding love, leaving people alive, etc.) that can't go ignored in his industry. And they don't due to his meddling middle manager who has had it in for our hero since his star had begun to rise.

A Company Man was a pretty good film overall. A lot of action, a lot of gun fights and unfortunately drama. But in reality, the story is about a conflicted hitman who is losing his zeal for the job, so you kinda have to expect drama. In exchange for putting up with that however, the climactic scene sees a pissed off Hyeong Do return to the company and engage in  gun battles with all the current employees as he makes his way to his former boss. 

Violence? Yes
Explosions? No
Nudity? No

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The Thieves (2012)

This slick caper finds Korean and Chinese personal thieves joining forces to pinch a $20 million diamond from an impenetrable casino vault.

Two competing teams of thieves (Team China and Team Korea) Team up to do a  job worth a potential $20 million. Their task is to steal a necklace which belongs to notorious Chinese gangster, Wei Hong and sell it back to him. They have a very well thought out plan, but as they've said numerous times, they are thieves and none of them should be trusted.

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I would describe The Thieves as Ocean's Thirteen meets Smoking Aces. A slick crime caper that starts as a slow burn heist thriller and becomes a convoluted tale of revenge and misperceptions after a botched casino robbery.

You know what's crazy about these movies? They almost always pull off improbable heists, in broad daylight and somehow no one ever sees anything or notice anything astray. It's ridiculous, and as cheesy as they are though, I think I just like heist flicks.

Violence? Yes
Explosions? No
Nudity? No

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Flashpoint (2007)

 

Detective Ma's partner had finally infiltrated a notorious gang and Ma enters the fray to go up against the leader before he takes over the streets.

 

Flash Point is a modern day action thriller so it isn't heavy on the martial arts, but it's there. Detective Ma (Donnie Yen) is a hot tempered badass detective who has no time to waste on bureaucracy. After his partner has his cover blown,  the gang makes an attempt to take him out. This of course enrages detective Ma and now he has even more of a reason to destroy. His only consolation was that they managed to get the head gangster, but once they kill his chief and try to blow up his team,  he decides that all bets are off.

 One of my personal mottoes in life: "If it stars Donnie Yen, I'm in."

There's only one film of his that let me down, 2010s Return of the Fist. That kinda sucked. Anyway, what I don't get I'd why it took me so long to watch Flash Point. Granted I'm not happy with the drama, but the fight scenes are so well worth it. Watching Donnie Yen play an arrogant dude was a treat and along with the fight scenes at the end and beginning of the film, that helped make things more enjoyable.

Violence? Yes

Explosions? Yes

Nudity? No

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On The Job (2013)

Filipino crime thriller inspired by a real-life scandal in which prison inmates are temporarily released from prison to work as contract killers on behalf of politicians and high ranking military officials.

On The Job, supposedly based on a true story, is about 2 convicts, who are occasionally released from prison to perform the duties of a contract killer. It sounds interesting right? Well, meh.  In concept? Yes. Very intriguing. In execution? No. I say "it was pretty lame."

The movie is about Tatang and Daniel. Tatang, the older of the two, has been informed that he's being paroled. Naturally, Thelma, who he takes orders from, lets him know that she will no longer need his services once he gets out as she wouldn't be able to control him. She asks him to prep Daniel, his cellmate and partner, to take over his role.

On a mission to hit a snitch, Daniel's gun jams and they inadvertently leave him alive. They manage to finish the job at the hospital and narrowly escape after getting into a shootout with police. Thelma is rightfully pissed as the last thing she needs is the national attention coming from a nearly botched job. In addition to all of that, The New chief of the FIB, [Think, FBI but more Pinoy] is the son of an influential man. He is investigating the killings and trying to straddle the line between good guys and bad guys, but his family connections may be too much to overcome.

So this is the thing, I don't think I've ever watched/reviewed a Filipino film on/for this blog. if I have, then disregard this sentence. I find Tagalog to be an interesting language. A unique mixture of English, Spanish and quite possibly Portuguese. That has no impact on my enjoyment or review of this film, just something I felt like typing out.  Anyway, On The Job was supposed to be a tale of corruption, wrapped inside of an crime drama. When they weren't killing people, it was boring. After a while, you're kinda just watching it to watch it. I was curious to see how it ended. Either Tang makes it out or he dies, Daniel dies, or they both get caught and the operation is exposed.

 

  

Violence? Yes
Explosions? No
Nudity? Yes

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Man of Tai Chi (2013)

In this Kung-Fu tale set in Beijing, a young man armed with incomparable martial arts skills gets embroiled in the world of underground fight clubs.

The Cast:

• Tiger Chen
• Keanu
• Dedicated cop, jing si
• Master Wang
• Secret Surprise Villain Cameo

 

The Situation:

Tiger Chen is a man who just wants to fight. His principles don't allow him to do so, but the beast is awakened when he meets Donaka Park, who leads an undergoes fight club and cultivates Tiger's bloodlust. Whereas Tiger belives he's fighting for money, he discovers that Donaka is only after the destruction and complete corruption of an innocent soul. Hot on Donaka's heels though, is dedicated detective, Jing Si, who is hellbent on shutting down his operation.

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Man of Tai Chi is a battle between balance and chaos fought within Tiger Chen, a star student and sole successor to a 600yr old style of kung-fu. His sensei, Master Wang, represents the good and his employer, Donaka Park, represents the dark, pulling at Tiger to release his inner demons.

 

Donaka Park is played by Keanu and honestly, he has one of those faces to where your can't see him as a villain, but to his credit, he's pretty ruthless in this film.Tiger Chen is no slouch either and together, they do show Tai Chi in another light. Yes it is known for meditation and exercise, but I learned that in the right hands, Tai Chi can fuck people up. The meh part about this movie? The dialogue. It was so wooden. It may have been done on purpose in order to force us to focus on the fighting, but it was a bit distracting. The fighting scenes however, absolutely deliver. Keanu also directed the movie so there's that.

One of the other things I liked was that Donaka wasn't just another rich asshole who ran a fight club, he was a badass dude who could get shit done with his fists. The other thing I liked was the final fight scene. I don't want to spoil it and tell you who the opponent was, but it was unexpected and i was thrilled. Another was that Donaka Park was not a rich pussy. He could actually back up his business. With his fists.

Sidenote: 

I'm actually both surprised and relieved that the RZA wasn't in this movie is some way, but I'm sure he will find his way into the sequel.

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Of Chi
Nudity? Nope

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The Raid 2: Berendal (2014)

Only a short time after the first raid, Rama goes undercover with the thugs of Jakarta and plans to bring down the syndicate and uncover the corruption within his police force.

The Cast:

• Rama is back kicking ass and generally being a badass superman
• Mob boss' son. Dude was just too handsome to think straight. This caused a lot of drama
• Bejo - Upstart mobster. Big plans include mob son
• Mob boss Thai. Calm and collected
• Mob boss Japan. Also calm and collected
• Hammer girl because anyone that can do what she does with a hammer gets my undying affection

 

The Situation:

Directly after the Events of The Raid, Rama is recruited by a team of shadowy police agents whose main goal is to discover and eliminate corrupt cops.  They ask him to go undercover at a prison and befriend the son of a powerful mob boss in order to help them out.

Not too long after, shit gets unbelievably real.

Oh, and there's a Claw Hammer fight. Old Boy's hammer scene was good, but Berandal's hammer scene(s) took that one out to the back and shot it.

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The Raid 2 is unquestionably one of the hardest movies I've ever had to review. If you go back and read my review for the first, you will see that I offer nothing but gushing praise:

The best part?: They get that shit [the plot] out of the way within 10 minutes. There's nothing but action after that point and this has to have been one of the best pure guy films I have ever seen. I can overlook the so-so ending, because the start to finish action easily overshadows it.

While Berandal is everything Redemption was (and then some), I just feel like there's something off. Thing is I can't quite explain what it is, so I end up sounding like some lunatic who can't decide whether he's team Raid or not. I'm Team Raid all the way, I just  think it was the running time. 2 1/2 hrs of Ass Kicking Violence is wild, but to be fair, the time flies. Maybe it was the one man superman narrative that they gave Rama? In the first film he had a team, in this one he's wrecking shop solo.  I've been saying to anyone who will listen that Berandal will take the series away from its roots, and it did to an extent, but the action really was fast and furious. Idk man. Something is off and something is bothering me about it, but I really have no idea what it is.  Since watching it though, I have realized that comparing it to the first will not get me anywhere and I've learned that technically, Berendal was supposed to be the first film, but they didn't have the funding and Redemption was made as a way to raise funds. Looking at it like that I can't hate it. I'm on the fence of whether to watch it again though and promote it as much as the first. I think that's what's bugging me. 

I have no reservations towards scoring this film high. I do not think it was better than the first, but that is probably just diminishing returns. I do recommend Berendal to any Raid fans, but I am not a fan of the running time. A lot happened in this film though. Chances are there will be a sequel, but where they go and how will be anyone's guess.

Violence? Ultra. There's a bad guy who is a Claw Hammer expert

Explosions? Pffft of Hyper Violence. Claw Hammer dude. Claw Hammer.

Nudity? Actually, Yeah. That happened.

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The Tower (2012)

A Christmas party at a luxury high rise in Seoul turns into a nightmare when two helicopters collide over the building, starting a deadly fire.

Tower Sky is the largest residential skyscraper in south Korea. 110ft twin towers with a sky bridge at the 70th floor. On the night of their big xmas party, two helicopters, carrying artificial snow, hit an updraft, lose control and crash into the buildings. When the gas tank of the first plane explodes, the top half of the building is engulfed in flames. It was discovered that the sprinkler system has frozen pipes and as a result there is no water above the 60th floor. 

The Firefighters, who have worked quickly to extinguish the fires at its point of origin, and have evacuated most of the building,  are under pressure from their Commissioner to neglect the people trapped in a restaurant on the bottom floor and save the remaining important people first. Also, due to the intense heat, the building itself is fracturing and suffering structural damage which may cause it to collapse. To head that off, there are plans to blow it up, regardless of who is left inside.

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The Destruction was like 9/11 times 9/11

The Tower is a Korean version of The Towering Inferno and 9/11. People are trapped in a high rise that suddenly catches fire. It will collapse due to structural damage. Aside from that, the film is itself is dramatic, (so be prepared for that) but the action scenes and visual effects are dope and they secretly carry the film. (Only because some of the characters are terrible.)

If nothing else, The Tower is something to watch on a rainy day. Especially if you liked The Towering Inferno and/or want to relive 9/11.

 

Violence? Hot man on fire action
Explosions? Hot fire on concrete action
Nudity? Nope

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Only God Forgives (2013)

 

When a cop kills the brother of a British gangster who runs a Bangkok fight club, his crime-boss mother flies in from London to supervise revenge.

 

The Cast:

Ryan Gosling/ Julian
Billy the bro aka Sir DB
Police Chief Chops-A-Lot aka Samurai Cop
Mama (Te quiero, Mamaaaaa!!!!!)
Mai, hot Thai stripper chick.

The Situation: 

Billy and Julian, run a fight club type of operation in Bangkok. Thai men fight, people wager on the outcome and occasionally drugs are passed through.

Billy is a scumbag and he actually deserved to be killed. Raping and killing prostitutes, drinking, beating women and cruising the streets for 14yr old tang? Yep, that's no way to gain sympathy as a character. Julian tracks down his killer and accepts his death as justified. His mother on the other hand, isn't so easily pacified, and she sets off a chain of events and pits the family against the hard edged chief of police, samurai cop who isn't afraid to go above the law and get his hands dirty to stop crime. 

The basic premise behind Only God Forgives is "an unstoppable force meets an immovable object," but with Julian caught in the middle of the chaos. Yes his brother was killed and yes he should want  revenge, but the killing was sort of justified. His mother, on the other hand, wants swift and brutal revenge, not caring that she's up against a samurai cop who is will bring her family nothing but ruin for crossing his path.

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Now I've...had...the time of my liiifffee......

With the exception of The Ides of March, I'd say that Ryan Gosling has been attempting to make the most of his anti hero persona developed in Drive. This film though, doesn't much to help.  He's just in it to look pretty and collect a paycheck. Dude barely talks and except for one scene where he fights (and loses) he doesn't really do shit but look mopey for the entire film. Aside from all of that, it's deliberately slow, painful, and includes a lot of long stares and silence. Tension is supposed to be being built but nothing is really happening other than Karaoke. (Asians sure do like their karaoke)
 

Only God Forgives is like an art house picture film. Like it's trying to be something more than it is. Also, it's a strange movie, Everyone moves like robots. It's weird. Do yourself a favor and don't watch it. Dopest part of this movie is that poster. Which has already been made into a shirt, here

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Of slow paced, well plotted violence
Nudity? Yes? No? Idk. They'd have to throw in a lot of titty to salvage this film.

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Psycho Gothic Lolita (2010)

After assassins kill her mother and maim her father, innocent Yuki --now dining gothic leather -- goes on a mission for revenge.

At a birthday dinner, five hooded assailants, break into their home. In the struggle, her father is seriously injured and her mother is killed right in front of her. 

Lolita sneaks into a gambling den where debauchery is ever present. After disembowling the guard, she heads for her first kill, Sakie, the Queen.

By the time she reaches and executes the fifth guy, she learns that there was more to the story than just a random murder. Her mother was a devil, and they were exorcists. She is also a devil and he's been baiting her until she revealed her true form.

 Harbinger of Justice, executing those responsible for her mother's death. 

Before you ask: Why not? Japanese B movies are still B movies. 

Didn't really know what to expect when I started Psycho Gothic Lolita and honestly I was bored until the fighting started. It plays kinda like Kill Bill. A woman was wronged by 5 people, makes a list and sets out to get her revenge. But this is Japanese, so there's a lot of blood and gore and weirdness. It works for the film, but if you have no experience with the genre you'll hate it.

For a move made in Japan in 2010, it really lacks the flair that accompanies the genre. But technically it's an exploitation flick, so I guess that can explain it.

Idk whatever.

 

Violence? Yes. Oh yes
Explosions? Blood Spray
Nudity? No

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Master of the Flying Guillotine (1976)

***An iCheck Movies Listed Film***

Well, I could never find a good movie with all the guillotines I wanted so I dipped into the archives. Master of the flying guillotine has to have all of the guillotine I can handle....right?

Here's the quick and dirty:

Essentially, a blind grandmaster travels the country, seeking to avenge the deaths of his two disciples. All he knows is that a one armed man is responsible. So he does what any good master filed with rage would do, guillotine just about every one armed man who crosses his path and those that get in his way.

The one armed boxer is a master of his craft, but he has no desire for fame, fortune or to draw the attention of the Chinese government. He has opened a school and is persuaded to attend the tournament as a way to learn more about kung-fu outside of his own.

After the Grandmaster crashes the tournament, the one armed boxer closes his school and tells of how he defeated the two disciples. He suspects their master is coming for him and he gets ready.

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It's still a good film, but I'll never get my guillotine. *wistful sigh*

Stray Quotage:

"Was he the one armed boxer?
       No! He was just some bum!
I don't care. I intend to kill every one armed man that I come across here. "

"We all want to learn kung-fu. But we don't want to hide all our lives"

"The one armed swordsman is just a one armed chicken."

Sigh. One Armed Boxer vs Flying Guillotine. That's the original/international title and one that's more apt to the film. Despite its title it's only focus is the tournament and the one armed boxer. Shit there's just about an hour long wait until we get to their first confrontation.

I get it. The Master of the Flying Guillotine is clearly the bad guy, as realistically, you really can't go around taking people's heads, but the equation should be simple: arrive, take heads, leave. Unfortunately, the entire first half is tragically void of guillotines, minus one scene in which s chicken gets it. I'm starting to realize that I'll never get the proper amount of flying guillotine in my life. The irony is that I'll probably be killed by guillotine when it's time. 

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Yes
Nudity? No

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Karate Girl (2011)

Years after someone murdered her karate master father and kidnapped her sister, Ayaka sets out to put her family back together.

 

A ruthless businessman is attempting to control Kurenai Karate all over the world. To do so, he'll need the black belt held by Sojiro Kurenai, the greatest karate master of all time.

After a short battle,  it's protector is slain along with his eldest daughter. The businessman absconds with the black belt and his youngest daughter. With his final breaths, the protector manages to revive his eldest, Ayako and tells her let no man take the belt, which was around his waist the whole time.

About 8 years later, we find Ayako working in a movie theater. She uses karate to stop a pair of purse snatchers and becomes instantly popular with the crowd of onlookers. The pics and videos hit the web, alerting the bed guys to her presence. When the businessman finds out that the belt in his possession is a fake, Ayako is still alive and he was paralyzed for no reason, he  sets out to track down Ayako and retrieve the real one, but not before heart punching one of his henchman.

Keith Gets His Head Kicked In...

What I like about these Japanese karate flicks specifically is that the actors really take a beating to sell it. No punches are pulled and it just looks better. Comes across more fluid I mean. As the end credits roll, there are scenes showing the choreography.

Karate Girl it's not a barn burner, but it is a decent flick and the fight choreography is well done. It's basically about a girl who knows karate and fucks shit up, but only because she's forced to. In the process she reunites with her sister (who the bad guy kidnapped) and it's double the fun as they take out Keith, the biggest, baddest, whitest martial artist the bad guy has on his team. [Dude ate like 8 tandem kicks to the head. 6 alone, just because of his name.] I also found out that this starred the same girl from High Kick Girl!. I thought those kicks looked familiar...

Violence? Yes. No blood though, just kicks to the face.
Explosions? Of kicks to the face
Nudity? No naked ass-whippings

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The Guillotines (2012)

Once used be the emperor to quash all opposition, a squad of assassins known as the guillotines falls out of favor when a new ruler takes the throne.

The Guillotines were a secret group of assassins who were created during the Qing Dynasty to secretly destroy rebellion and further the Emperor's notion of a unified land. The new emperor however, believes that The Guillotines are outdated and firearms are both the future and the key towards protecting the dynasty and furthering his legacy. To that end, he's labeled the group as guilty of treason and ordered them to be executed by firing squad.

A small group of Guillotines were on a mission to save one of their own as she was captured by the enemy. As they reach the rebel village, they discover that the new emperor has declared them traitors and ordered their execution. Finding a cause greater than their own in the struggles of the rebels, they switch sides and help defend their land from the empire's inevitable attack.

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 Chinese Jesus

That Guillotines is an action filled drama that's not really about anything. Okay, it's obviously about stuff, but it's long. The fights are of course, slick and very well done, but that's about it really. And despite its super obvious title, I didn't make the connection to the weapon until I saw the abundance of flying guillotines in the opening scene. Needless to say, I was pleasantly delighted. Until the rest of the film unfolded. Smh. There was definitely not enough flying guillotine and my quest continues. Sooner or later, there'll be a movie with ALL the flying guillotines I can handle, but if I can't find that in a movie called "The Guillotines," I don't think I'll ever find it.

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Yes
Nudity? No

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2 Coelhos (2012)

The Cast:

Edgar - Master planner
Maicon - Super gangster
Julia - Foxy double agent
Jader - Crooked politician
Pretty Raheem - Maicons right hand man

The Situation: 

A man has just come back from two years abroad. His plan is to rob the super gangster of two million dollars and link the politician to the crime, effectively killing coelhos(or rabbits) with stones. However, he senses that something is missing and he's waiting for the final piece of the puzzle before he can set things in motion. When he is mugged at a stoplight, he determines that the mugger is just what he's looking for and approaches him with an offer that he can't refuse. Shit gets real after that. 

Before he meets the mugger and while he's still looking for his catalyst, he introduces us to all the main players and catches us up on their situations. Exactly how they tie into his plan is revealed through the film, but he figures it's good to just get to know them first. 

 

As far as master plans go, you can always count on something to throw it off and or force it to be slightly altered.

I love it when a plan comes together and this movie blends things together seamlessly to create a plan and resolution that's actually entertaining and satisfying. It got a little clunky towards the end, but I only counted one loose string. 2 Coelhos takes you for a fun ride with its character work, and I'm digging the way everything worked out. Considering how many characters and directions this film took, something was bound to get lost in the shuffle.

Check out the trailer below:

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Yes
Nudity? Brief, but it's there.

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The Man From Nowhere (2010)

***An iCheck Movies Listed Film***

 

 

 

A quiet pawnshop keeper with a violent past takes on a drug- and organ trafficking ring in hope of saving the child who is his only friend.

The Cast:

• Badass that just wants to be left alone
• Little girl who warms his heart
• Druggie mom who dances for dollars
• Korean gangsters who are tough guys until they eat a fist or two

The Situation:

After a woman steals a brick of heroin, Korean Gangsters track her down, cut her up and take her daughter. Their neighbor, a reluctant badass and friend of the little girl, gets caught up in the drama when the thugs knock over his shop and rushes out to save her from a grisly fate.

The Resolution:

Badass man goes full Taken and cleans house in route to save the girl. When he gets some bad news, his pissed off meter goes to over 9000(!!!) and he wrecks even more shop.

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The Man From Nowhere is one of the best crime thrillers to come from (South) Korea. As it starts off, it seems very similar to The Professional, but it quickly takes a different turn once the ball gets rolling and becomes more comparable to Taken. That's not to say it's the same, but Nowhere borrows from both films while guiding the film down a different path. 

It's a solid foreign flick that's action packed, fight filled and well acted. Here's the trailer so judge for yourself.

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Of fists to the face
Nudity? Itty bitty titty

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Celda 211 (2009)

***An iCheck Movies Listed Film***

 

 

The Cast:

• Juan Oliver,  a new correctional guard, scheduled to start work tomorrow
• Malamadre, notorious criminal. King of the prison. Voice like Popeye smoked chimneys instead of pipes
• The warden and guards
• Elena, Juan's wife and future baby seal

The Situation:

Touring the prison he's due to start guard work, Juan Oliver struck by falling bricks. As opposed to taking him to the infirmary, the officers on duty take him to Cell 211 to recover. Soon after, a riot breaks out and prisoners take over both the cell block and the entire prison. Out of time, the guards are forced to leave him and he awakens to find himself trapped with the inmates until the situation is resolved.

Stuck inside with no means of escape, Juan immediately gets into prisoner mode, knowing that he must do whatever he can to survive and with virtually no news of what's happening inside the prison, friends and family of the inmates start rioting outside the facility. Right in the thick of things is Juan's pregnant wife, Elena.

The Resolution:

The SWAT team was ready to go the minute they got an opening and they did their jobs when they got the greenlight.

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Celda 211 is actually a pretty tense film. Prison riots are no joke and on top of that, the staff also had to deal with riots outside of the prison as well as someone leaking information to the prisoners.

A couple things threw me off though:

1) At what part does a riot become too much riot? They mobbed outside of the prison, threw rocks at the guards and facility then stopped an ambulance and pulled out its passenger. Why you ask? Because prisoners were rioting inside, some were killed and no one was releasing any information. Only in Spain would they have a riot inside and outside of a prison. Nobody cares that much about the prisoners in America.

2) The ETA members on the outside, decide to create more terrorism in response to their members in the prisons being held hostage. Okay. What do they go with? Car bombings. And not of important people either. Just a quick bombing to let everyone know they are upset about the situation.

Here's my question: Why not just blow up the prison or something? Wouldn't that make more sense? Wait, I'm sure you know where the governor or prime minister lives. How about you use that information? Jerks.

Anyway, besides those two things, Celda 211 is actually quite enjoyable. Malamadre is presented as this really intense and intimidating character and Juan thinks pretty quick on his feet. Both are in a ridiculous situation, but for different reasons and throughout the film as tensions increased, Juan thought more like a prisoner than the guard he was supposed to be.

I found the whole thing interesting for this one concept: In the mouth of madness, how long can you keep your sanity?

 

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Yes
Nudity? No

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Bait (2012)

A freak tsunami traps shoppers at a coastal Australian supermarket inside the building - along with a 12-foot Great White Shark.

Before shit gets real, all of the animals in town are uneasy and if that's one thing I've learned from movies is to always pay attention to the animals. When animals are uneasy, some shit is about to go down.

The Cast:

Josh [lost his bff in a previous shark attack ]
Tina [who possesses a thousand yard stare]
The dude from nip tuck, who's being blackmailed [The Game is the Game]
Kyle, the douchebag that every must be in every shark film. [a.k.a. shark bait ]
Klepto Kelly and her bf [I have no idea if her name is Kelly, but I think she stole that too]

The Situation:

An earthquake causes a tsunami that hits  Australia. In town is a supermarket which is literally flooded and leaves only a few survivors in its chaos. Soon they discover that not only are they trapped inside, the waves also brought in two 12ft Great White sharks, -one in the parking lot and one in the market- who have tasted human flesh and are hunting for more.

The Resolution:

Hooks, ropes and guns. I'd say it was handled appropriately. 

[Name one thing you're gonna need this stupid fucking rope for!]

Stray Quotage:

- You know, once you get past that gag reflex, it's actually not that bad. [That's what she said.]

- Piss off!
    What do you think your mother would think of all of this?
   PISS. OFF!

- A shark's only curious about one thing. It's trying to decide if we're food or not. [Read that in an Australian accent]

 - You gotta do something.

        What the fuck do I do, ask it to go away?!

 - I'm not a murderer.
     Yes you are. You're a dog murderer. Which is worse than a person murderer." [He was dead the minute she said "murderer." Sharks hate murderers.]

Bait is an Australian killer shark movie that has been on my radar for a bit and I finally found some downtime to get it in. Surprisingly, I Enjoyed it a bit more than I thought I would. It is in no way a game changing film, but there's a simple premise and solid execution which definitely sells it as what I'd consider a good and original shark attack film. Basically , there are several people trapped inside of a flooded supermarket that's filled with sharks. Tense moments abound as the situation gets keeps getting worse for those involved. 

To lighten the mood though, here are a few of the more humorous parts of the film:

• The first victim is an old guy because fuck old people.
• There's a super dramatic "Nooooo!" After someone else gets chomped.
• Tsunami waves come crashing into town and despite everyone screaming and running, the surfers get super excited and run the other way, towards the water.

Again, I'd say this movie is solid. (Especially compared to other fairly recent shark attack films.) I enjoyed it. I'd come over and watch it again if invited. I'll even bring beer.

Violence? Shark related
Explosions? Of shark related violence.
Nudity? Did you know that sharks are naked? They swim faster without clothes, apparently.

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