Best Night Ever (2013)

 

With her sister and pals in tow, a bride to be heads to her bachelorette bash in Las Vegas where the women's exploits land then in raunchy territory.

I saw a trailer for this film a while back. It looked funny but I didn't think it was worth a download so I kept it moving. I'm  man enough to admit when I'm wrong. Best Night Ever is fucking hilarious. It's basically a raunchy bachelor party movie, but with females. 

You've both seen this movie before and you haven't. It doesn't exactly tread new ground, but once you watch it, you'll see what I mean. The only real drawback to this film was learning that it was written by Seltzer and Friedberg, better known as the two guys behind that rash of horrible spoof movies that effectively killed the genre. Had I known they were involved, I would have skipped it like three times over. But I actually enjoyed it so, what do I know?

So, the score? I think it's hilarious, but idk if I'd watch it again and I certainly don't know that I'd laugh the same if I did. Factoring that in, and including my original enjoyment, I have to go with:

Violence? Mild
Explosions? That happened
Nudity? Technically yes, but you won't like it.

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Almost Human (2013)

Two years after disappearing in a blinding blue light, a young lumberjack returns to rural Maine and embarks on a murderous rampage.

 
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On October 13th, 1987, a man is abducted when a blue light hits the car he's riding in. Running for his life, his buddy Seth turns to their mutual friend Mark who lives nearby and explains the situation. Mark of course doesn't believe him and soon the threat arrives at his house. After about a minute or so, Seth pulls out his phone to call to Liam Neeson, because Mark is also taken.

That beard enhances beast mode and multiplies his rage.

Since they live in a small town full of idiots, Seth is taken into custody as a suspect in the disappearances of his friends, but he is released due to an unsurprising lack of evidence. 2 years later, Mike returns. Different. Changed. He's headed home, looking to impregnate Jen, who was his girlfriend at the time and remake the planet in his image.

It falls on Seth and Jen to stop Mike who was already an imposing dude, but now that he's on that alien juice, has become  a rampaging beast.

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I'm not going to say. Almost Human was good.

I'm not going to say Almost Human was bad.
I am going to say that Alien Powered Roid-Rage Mike was a fucking beast.
I will also say that there was tentacle rape, if you're into that sort of stuff. No judgements. This is a judgement free blog, freak.

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Of alien made carnage
Nudity? No

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Escape From Tomorrow (2013)

On the last day of a family vacation at Disney World, Jim White learns that he's lost his job. Soon thereafter, he begins to lose his mind.

I've actually been led astray by that poster. This movie is pretty bad and there's no salvaging it. I didn't have high hopes or expectations, but I didn't think it would suck sooooo much. While watching, I picked out a few things that irked me:

• This film being black n white. That takes away from the magic of Disney. Which is very well known for its (subjectively creepy) bright and colorful atmosphere.
• The dialogue & characters. Can't really decide which was worst, they both sucked. Like a pair of fake boobs, they neither felt natural.
• The writing/editing/direction. If they weren't so busy running around and filming in secret, the story would have probably felt a bit more cohesive and less rushed/disjointed.
• Smiley, giggly French girls who are clearly stoned and underaged yet are still lusted after American Beauty style by this unemployed middle aged loser. Seriously, one of the girls had braces.
• Cat flu. I guess the logic behind that was: Bird flu has been done. Swine flu is too far out. Mad cow? Not sexy enough. Why not cat flu? Genius.

The novelty of Escape From Tomorrow is that it was secretly filmed in the Disney World theme park, where they explicitly have a "no filming of any kind" policy.  That means that a lot of the film was rushed since they had to film scenes before security caught them. That was pretty ballsy on their part, but it didn't amount to anything but a time waste for everyone involved and everyone watching.

For the first 5 minutes though, it was a pretty good story. I actually sympathized with Jim White, (which is incidentally one of the laziest character names ever) who lost his job while at the happiest place on Earth and has to pretend everything is okay for his family. Not 5 minutes later,  he's standing in line with a bunch of people who are sneezing and coughing and ebola'ing Disney World. The guy doesn't even have health insurance anymore. Throw in an unruly child and a super naggy/frigid wife and I can see why he would go mad.

After that however, nothing. Just visual garbage.

Because Escape from Tomorrow sucks, it feels way longer than it is and should be. To its credit though, although the scenes where Jim White decides that alcohol is the solution to his problems are hilarious, it still doesn't excuse or save this dreck. Overall I'd say it's more of a student film or art-house film that rode the popularity of its viral stunt to a bigger release than it should have had. It flat out sucks though and if I could throw it under the bin, I would. If I could pull a Bill Cosby and buy every copy so that no one else would ever think this was good or interesting or waste their eyeballs in any other way, I definitely would.

Don't waste your time or your life on Escape From Tomorrow.

 

Violence? Yes...No. But that would have improved the film.
Explosions? Of boredom and nagging wife rage
Nudity? No They did film in Disney World, pervs.

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The Monkey's Paw (2013)

When Jake Tilton receives a money's paw. A cursed artifact that grants the bearer three wishes, he discovers that there's a dark twist to the gift.

The Monkey's Paw is based on that old classic tale whose moral is pretty much, "Be careful what you wish for. " The Monkey Paw itself, is like the Djinn from Wishmaster. It'll grant you your deepest desires, but also spin it in a very evil/twisted way.

I wished for this film to be good, yet here I sit, disappointed. There was just so much potential in this film, but not only did it go nowhere, it took a good while to get there. It's tough to talk about it without spoiling it, but instead of being a movie where you have to think about creative wishes, it becomes a movie where there's a human enemy who isn't above killing to get what he wants. Bleh. The other part of it is, the bulk of events could have been easily avoided if the main characters weren't so fucking stupid.

Anyway, *eye roll* the best part about this movie is that they did not skimp or shy away from cranium based explosions. Heads were pooping like pimples. It was awesome.

Twitter:  Monkey's Paw?  Simpsons did it!...better.

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Of the cranial kind
Nudity? Nope. Surprisingly. But the violence covered it.

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The Sacrament

 

The Cast:

• A Vice Documentary film crew
• A cult
• Father

The Situation: 

After receiving a mysterious letter from his estranged sister, a vice journalist agrees to bring a crew with him as he attempts to reunite with her at a religious commune on another continent. 

Eden Parish upon first glance seems to be Heaven on Earth for its inhabitants. Father has made it possible and preaches peace and family. With the arrival of the outsiders, however, their tranquility is shaken and the journalists learn that there is a lot more to this church group than they originally thought.

The Resolution:

Have you ever heard of Jonestown? Now picture that story, but from their point of view.

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The Sacrament is unnerving. Not because of traditional scares or general horror film bullshit, but because this is the type of shit that actually happens. From the moment they told the story of the letter, you knew something wasn't right, but the tension would be continuously built until that damn burst, and shit got real. And the worst of it is realizing that this shit has, does, and somehow will continue to happen. 

I don't want to spoil it for you or worse, hype it up, but The Sacrament is the type of film you watch and then you don't want to deal with anything else. I finished it, then said, "I- I just want to go to bed," and seriously just went to bed after. It was 3pm!  Smh. 

Outside of mine, this film has nothing but negative reviews. I liked it. Wouldn't watch it again, but it was genuinely fucked up and worth at least one watch if you're into fucked up movies.

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Of Christ love
Nudity? No

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Black Rock (2012)

Three women's vacation on a remote island turns into a nightmare when they realize a sinister neighbor doesn't appreciate their presence.

The Cast: 

• Abby, Lou & Sarah - Three former bffs who are trying to rekindle their friendship with a relaxing weekend in the woods.
• Henry, Derek & Alex - Three men from the nearby town, who's animal hunt turns into a hunt for vagina

 
The Situation: 

After making friends and mingling, one of the women "accidentally" kills one of the men when he decides it's time for the raping. This act triggers the PTSD in the other two guys, who are former war vets, and they decide get revenge...with their guns.

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Katie Aselton, (due to her work in The League), is one of my favorite actresses, and I practically jumped at this film when I saw that not only was she in it, she directed it as well. Much to my surprise though, she is also credited with writing the story. Shit I think she was the casting director too, as there's a part where both she and Lake Bell end up Butt-Ass Nekkid and knowing Katie, she probably only added that scene and cast Lake Bell in that role so that we can see Lake Bell's fantastic rack. God Bless Katie Aselton. The only real dark spot on this tale however, is Kate Bosworth. From where did they dig her up? Kate Bosworth hasn't been relevant since Blue Crush and honestly, calling her relevant at all is pretty fucking generous on my part.

Outside of that, Black Rock is decent. Simply decent and nothing more. A popcorn thriller starring three feuding ladies who find themselves in a bind and are forced to come together to deal with a deadly threat. It could have probably been a bit better than it was, but it wasn't terrible, (as far as films like these go.)

Violence? Yes
Explosions? No
Nudity? Yes

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Alone With Her (2006)

A coffee shop waitress has a secret admirer who's been filming her with surveillance equipment, first from afar and then at much closer range.

The Cast: 

• Amy - Our heroine. Secretly watched masturbation bait.
• Doug - His name may not be real but his hidden cameras are.
• Jen -Snowflake Bff. Sniffs out the ruse and gets snuffed out for her troubles

The Situation: 

After falling for a woman who he feels is perfect for him, Doug quickly begins to become obsessed. What starts off as harmless infatuation, becomes darker as he uses hidden cameras to learn her inner most secrets and desires with plans to use them to win her over. Because she should love him. Because they are perfect for each other! Why won't she love him?!!!!

Alone with her is a voyeuristic thriller starring the foxy Ana Claudia Talancon, and the perfect casting choice of Colin Hanks as her creepy stalker. It isn't the greatest movie ever, far from it, but it is decently entertaining (until the third act at least) and she was kind enough to grace us with full frontal (a few times).

I wouldn't recommend it to anyone who isn't truly interested in thrillers and low budget films like these. It is an interesting and for the most part original concept, but it really isn't everyone's cup of tea.

Violence? Yes
Explosions? No
Nudity? Yes
.

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A Fantastic Fear of Everything (2012)

While researching a book on Victorian-era murderers, author Jack Nife comes to fear they're really stalking him and grows agoraphobic.

Jack Nife is a writer who, while researching serial killers for an upcoming book. He got so deep into his research that he begins to suspect that he's being stalked and anticipates his own murder. To that end, he's become something of a shut in and rarely goes outside, because he feels safest at home. After a lunch date with his literary agent, he learns that she's set up a meeting with a producer who could decide the fate of his work. The catch, he's out of clean clothes and the only thing he fears more than being murdered is washing clothes at the Laundrette. (That's Laundromat for all of the American readers). But he soon discovers that the night has just begun.

Honestly, A Fantastic Fear of Everything started out real slow and definitely became a different film by the end, yet everything played into itself and made a good cohesive story. No bullshit, it feels longer than it is, but it is a good story. Simon Pegg is awesome and you can tell that he's given his all to this performance as a man who begins a slow descent into paranoia. To his credit though, he plays it equally convincing as a man who's trying to conquer his fears and bring himself back to sanity, while dealing with a nearly impossible situation. 

 I'm not a fan of seeing Simon Pegg w/o Nick Frost (and Vice Versa) but they are each capable actors and don't need to be joined at the hip. The other thing that bothered me was his character's name. Jack Nife? really? Lazy fucks. 

Violence? No

Explosions? No

Nudity? No

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Lovelace (2013)

One infamous film revolutionized the entire porn industry. And newly destroyed its star's life. Amanda Seyfried stars as adult film icon Linda Lovelace, a woman coerced into and abused by the porn industry before taking charge of her life.

Lovelace attempts to tell the story of Linda Lovelace, in her own words. Basically things boil down into a he said she said regarding how her adult film career got started and how she's been perceived since. If you aren't familiar with the story, allow me to sum it up for you thusly: 

A young woman meets and falls for a guy who discovers she has an incredible talent for oral sex. Her talents are put on display in a mainstream adult film and she becomes world famous. She attempts to break free from the business and when the dust is settled, she becomes the most famous name in the anti-pornography movement. Her case being, she was drugged and forced into every scene she's ever done and she hadn't received a dime.

Apparently, parts of her story are true and others are wildly embellished so, it's really a he said/she said situation and the truth lies somewhere in the middle. This movie though, contains events mainly from her POV. It's a very curious case and one that I would encourage you to read up on if you're interested.

Anyway, because this movie is told from her pov, her "coersion" is a, bit more heavy handed as we see it.

With Lovelace, it feels like you're watching two films. One being her rise to stardom from what appears to be everyone else's pov and the other from her pov, which essentially fills in some missing parts and characterization. In essence, you're watching the same sequence of events, but one is a dream and the other a nightmare. After Deep Throat becomes a cultural and mainstream success, Linda Lovelace becomes a household name. Six years later, she's renouncing her fame and business and is planning on releasing a tell all about her marriage to Chuck Traynor, claiming he's an abusive scumbag who forced her into the business.

I got into this movie for two very good reasons: Amanda Seyfried and Boobs. Specifically, Amanda Seyfried's boobs. [But I wasn't planning on complaining about anyone else that wanted to put the boobs on screen either. What can I say? I'm a simple man.] I was skeptical of her casting as Linda Lovelace, but she rocked it. I'll shout if from the heavens, "AMANDA SEYFRIED KNOCKED THIS ROLE OUT OF THE PARK!" The highs, the lows, the mannerisms of a woman from innocent teen to strong confident woman who is eventually worn down by the ways of scumbags before she takes control of her life.

Obviously, there's a lot of porn culture in this film and that will probably bring about nostalgia for a good amount of people, but you gotta remember, It was a different time. A braless time. And in my opinion, there was only one thing that cast doubt on the Lovelace story. At one point in the film, she paints Hugh Hefner in a negative light. I refuse to believe he's anything other than a charming gentleman who gets bitches by respecting them and not referring to them as such. So basically her whole life is a lie.

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Heh. No
Nudity? Yes

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The Miami Connection (1987)

The Miami Connection has got to be one of the most unintentionally hilarious movies I've seen in a while. I honestly miss movies like these. 

The premise is simple, there's a  Japanese biker gang who are bikers by day and ninjas by night. The biker ninjas are trying to control Miami in order to further their drug trade and other nefarious activities. The only thing stopping them from achieving total supremacy is a band of musicians known as DragonSound. They are all orphans, best friends and black belts in taekwondo,  capable of wrecking shop if pushed.

After a few minor squabbles with a band that used to perform at their club, DragonSound are pushed into a direct blood feud with the Miami Ninja after a member is killed in an ambush. 

 Cocaine!!!!

The movie is bad. No one is claiming it's good. This is, the music is dope. I could see myself buying the soundtrack (if bugging things were still in fashion) If nothing else, I'd watch it again just for that. Also the concept of a biker gang by day, killer Ninja squad by night is hilarious. And they have their own theme song! This movie is so 80s.    

 

 

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Of sound and karate
Nudity? Titty does make an appearance, but really, beggars can't be choosers I guess.

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Saved! (2004)

 

When Mary, a devout senior at a Christian high school, accidentally gets pregnant, she starts to see her peers and her faith in a whole new light.

After finding out that her boyfriend thinks he's gay, a young teen decides to do everything in her power to help him. This eventually leads to her sleeping with him, and inadvertently getting pregnant. This obviously changes her outlook on her life and her faith and as she becomes detached from her community they step up their efforts to save her.

With the help of Cassandra Edelstein, the rebel Jewish girl, who is in a Christian school and is totally a rebel, and Macaulay Culkin who is the wheelchair bound brother to the hyper conservative Mandy Moore, she tries to hide her pregnancy until graduation. With two months left, her secret is revealed and things will never be the same.

Stay Quotage:

-You're not born a gay, you're born again.

-Please be cancer, please be cancer, please, be cancer.

-There's only one reason Christian girls come down to the planned parenthood.

- You have to pray on it. Prayer works. It's been medically proven!

Just kidding, Mary has her baby, a happy, healthy lil girl and happy endings reign supreme.

Saved! Is a clever satire played with a wink and a nod to the elements of fundamental Christians, televangelists and life in the bible belt in general. Especially when one's faith has been shaken and they've fallen out with their community. I had been meaning to watch this movie for a whike. Then it just dropped off the radar completely. Although at times it felt like it aimed to beat you over the head with "message" I liked it. You could tell everyone involved was having fun and it showed.

Violence? No
Explosions? Of Christlove!
Nudity? No

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The Final (2010)

Using gruesome forms of torture, an unpopular high school kid leads a group of outcasts taking revenge on the "cool" kids who've always harassed them.

The bullied kids have banded together and plan to use their combined knowledge of horror movies to "teach them [the bullies] a lesson." To their credit, they do not intend to kill or harm any innocents, only to maim the bullies and leave then scarred so they will always remember be outcasts themselves. Every detail has been meticulously planned and they get them there under the guise of an "invitation only" Halloween costume party. On the night of the party, they pray for forgiveness and get to work.

 

The Final is a movie about bullying, taken to the absolute extreme. No time is wasted getting into the story as all the time before the torturing is spent visually explaining how bad the bullies are and how justified the kids are in retaliation. The Bullies, for what it's worth, are pretty unrepentant and literally tell them that the only reason they do what they do, is because they know that they can't be stopped. [Because they're bullies. And that's what they do!!!] So when they get revenged, you aren't supposed to feel bad for them.

I didn't know what to expect, but I definitely did not expect this. On one end, bullying is real and people do snap. But on the other end, if you let it break you, you're weak. Yes, it's easier to get a gun and kill, than it is to train and get revenge by being better person. But which is more satisfying?

[Oooh shit, I'm here comes a rant]

The problem with anti bullying movies is that it won't stop people from being bullied. To me it makes the victims look worse for having to go to such lengths.

And what's the end result? Maybe bullied kids should leave a note explaining in clear terms just why they've snapped. Maybe then we can address the core issues and stop blaming stupid shit like video games.

[Phew. Rant over. Cue somber point in 3..2..1...]

Everyone has a breaking point, but the lamest part is the realization that we can all be caught up in a revenge fest when bullying goes too far. These kids made sure to avoid the innocents, the ones in real life don't often make that distinction.

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Only of Nerd Rage!
Nudity? No

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Magicians (2007)

A pair of rivaling stage magicians are forced to confront their falling out over a guillotine mishap when they compete in a magic competition.

Magic duo Karl and Harry were best friends and partners until Harry caught Karl and his wife together in a sword box.

Four years later, they are individually trying to get their lives together when Harry comes across across a flyer advertising a magic competition with a grand prize of 20k. He calls Karl suggesting that they enter it, but for purely business reasons as he still hates him and at the competition qualifiers, they break up again and decide to go at it solo. But by the end, all is made right and a good movie was made.

I don't want to give too much away, that's why the review is paced as such. Magicians is actually a pretty decent movie. A lighthearted comedy involving friendship, betrayal and of course, magic.

Violence? Marie Antoinette
Explosions? Of Magic
Nudity? The Booty. Man Butt!

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Starlet (2012)

An unlikely bond forms between 21yr old Jane and 85yr old Sadie when they cross paths at a garage sale. Seeking to spruce up her room, Jane hits yard sales and picks up a few items. One of those items is a thermos that she plans to turn into a vase. When cleaning it out she finds stacks of bills and nearly immediately goes on a shopping spree.

Feeling guilty though, (after buying her own shit of course) she attempts to return it, and trying to gauge whether or not she should give the money back, she tries to hang out with the woman to get a feel for her situation. They eventually get closer as the days go on, but then, drama as they prepare for a trip to Paris.

Starlet is like a feel good story. Somewhat. As far as a story about an adult film star who finds about 10k I'm a thermos at a yard sale then befriends the owner out of guilt and eventually develops a legit friendship and has that sacrificed by a former friend on some high school shit then has a falling out with the old woman as a result and eventually reconciles can be. 

The film came with the promise of explicit content and I loves me some explicit content. (Heh) So I watched it specifically for the explicit content and stayed for a pretty decent story. The explicit content occurred at the half way point and it wasn't very explicit either. (Or maybe I'm just a freak?) Also I think I just like to type explicit content. Explicit content. The movie was alright though, but the ending completely threw me off. I hate endings that are open to interpretation. That's such bullshit and you will always lose major points for that.

 

Violence? No
Explosions? No
Nudity? Porn star sex doubles

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Video Game High School (2012)

***Update: This movie is a compilation of a web series that recently began airing season 2. There may be a sequel in the works... ***

In a world where professional video gaming is the biggest sport on Earth, hapless young gamer Brian D gets the chance of a lifetime: to sharpen his skills with the best of the best by enrolling in the most elite private gaming academy in the world.

After killing the top gamer on live tv, Brian D gets an invite to the VGHS where graduates usually become pros and make money. He soon finds himself the target of the top gamer, the principal, and Matrix, The Law's girlfriend. 

Directed by one of the premier graphic artists on YouTube and with appearances by Harley from Epic Meal Time and Zachari Levy from Chuck. I can see why VGHS is an internet favorite. The movie cuts flawlessly between real life and game life, has multiple references toward gaming culture, is funny and looks good.

My only surprise is they didn't blatantly set up a sequel.

Trailer:

Violence? Fantasy
Explosions? Fantasy
Nudity? Only in my personal fantasies

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Stand Off (2012)

Unable to pay a debt to a mobster, Jimbo robs a fish market. But when he realizes the mobster owns the market, he goes on the run with his baby.

A young man named Jimbo owes local mobster, Mad Dog Flynn about 4k and is given 3 days to return the money. Upon seeing his kid, Mad Dog then revises the offer, and says he'll erase his debt if Jimbo gives up his son. Freaking out, he decides to rob a fish market, which unbeknownst to him, has ties to mad dog. In doing so Jimbo grabs a bag that mad dog will kill to get back.

Look at that poster. Seriously, look. I'll wait.

Now I've seen a lot of things in my time, but Brendan Fraser as a tough guy?  Ohh you must mean that Brendan Fraser from Ghana in Africa, right?  You can't be talking about The Mummy Brendan Fraser. 

You are?!

Seriously, This guy?!! 

I've never met a tough man named Brendan. The name itself is as soft as baby thighs.

With all that said, the first thing you should know about Stand Off is that, Brendan Fraser is not Jimbo nor is he Mad Dog Flynn. That means he's staying in his lane and not playing a tough guy of any kind. I'm still standing by what I wrote earlier because it's true. People named Brendan are not tough guys.

I feel like I should give Stand Off a proper review, but honestly, the film is largely forgettable. Yes It is a little darker than his usual films, but I watched it because of that poster. Again, guys named Brendan are not tough and should never ever be depicted holding guns. 
 

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Yes
Nudity? No

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Bad Kids Go to Hell (2012)

At the exclusive Crestview Academy, six students serving Saturday detention begin falling prey to a series of gruesome "accidents" at the school.

 
Six students, (the blonde, the rebel, the outsider, the token, the awkward nerd, the nerdy rich girl) are all serving detention for various offenses. The Outsider claims that the library has been haunted since the school took over Indian land and demolished it to build the library. She finally convinces them to have a seance and they place a bell there for the spirit to ring. It's all fun and games until it rings. Then shit gets real.

Ooh, just look at how bad those kids are. Those Hooligans!

Bad Kids go to Hell is the type of film that takes a few turns on it's way from A to B. Surprisingly, this actually helped. The story had to stay tight to pull that off and all loose ends were tied. I didn't really know what to expect as I went in blind. But after seeing the intro, I got hooked. Be warned though, there is some bullshit in the end, that had to happen for the ending to make sense, But it was really some bullshit.

Although it starts slow Bad Kids is a surprisingly entertaining film. I laughed fairly often, but it outright drags in some parts. If you like horror comedies, you may find this interesting.

Violence? Yes
Explosions? No
Nudity? Yes

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Drool (2009)

After starting a romance with her female neighbor, housewife Anora accidentally shoots her abusive husband and takes a road trip with her new lover.

Anora, a southern housewife in an abusive relationship begins to fall for her neighbor, a sexy upbeat cosmetics saleswoman named Imogene. As they grow closer, her husband Cheb, reminds us that this is the South by smashing a beer and forbidding her from having "any niggers in his fucking house!" A few days later he, stumbles home drunk and finds them making out. He immediately goes for his gun and in the fracas, she shoots him dead.

Imogene helps her pack up the body and they gather up the kids and go on a trip to take care of the body. Along the way, they all grow closer and by the end, they have a good old fashioned southern seafood dinner and decide to stay longer, realizing that they wouldn't have left the town or known anything else if it wasn't for his death.

A few things:

1 - The plot summary says "Accidentally." GTFOH, she emptied the clip into him. That was no accident. Oh wait, maybe she had a seizure while holding the gun. Yeah, that's what happened...

2 - I'm not a fan of how the southern negro female is portrayed as so aloof and super bubbly.

3 - Drool opens with a proposal. A guy tells a girl that he had a dream about her blowing him on the grass beneath a tree in a field. He begs her to make his dream come true. Naturally, she says yes, because she's a teen and what proper woman could refuse?

4 - When they arrive at their destination, they find a mini cemetery. Suggesting that this may not be the first body Imogene has helped to bury.

5 - Jill Marie Jones is sexy. Jill Marie Jones in all of that makeup is not:

Drool is basically a story of addition by subtraction. Someone overbearing had to die, for everyone else to live. It was pretty good for what it was. Again, I really was not feeling the magical happy bubbly southern negress thing they had going, but it didn't really affect the film too much.

Violence? Eh
Explosions? No
Nudity? No. Smh

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Deadheads (2011)

Undead slackers Mike and Brent are reborn as part of a major zombie outbreak in this gore-happy comedy that also serves as a love story. While searching for Mike's missing fiancée, the two monster pals find themselves quarry for bounty hunters. 

A man wakes up and fights his way out of a lab that looks to have been destroyed by an accident of some type. He manages to find a farmhouse and while attempting to gain entry, he sees a zombie at the door and flees. Eventually he runs into another man, Brent, who like him, can talk and explains to him his predicament. They are zombies and have been undead for about 3 years and are in Colorado.
Figuring he needs a drink, they head to a local bar. There, Mike finds an engagement ring in his pocket and suddenly remembers his girlfriend. The duo decides to travel to Michigan find her and make things right. Before they can do that however, they'll have to escape the bar, which has been overrun with zombies and avoid the government hired negro who has been sent to bring them in.

Deadheads is billed as a zombie comedy love story. As we all know, zombies have been done to death, (hah) yet a zombie love story is definitely unique to the genre. It's not a flat out love story, as it's supposed to be a comedy as well. On the comedic side, it is funny ha, but not funny haha. Unique to this film in particular is the badass hero who just happens to be negro. Of course he's an ex con, but you can't win them all. We all know they tend to die fairly quickly, but this one made it.
I was impressed.

Out of Ten? 6

Violence? Yes
Explosions? No
Nudity? No

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Martin & Orloff (2002)

Mascot designer Martin Flam is down in the dumps, tired of his isolated existence and unsatisfying job. But when he fails even at killing himself, he turns to therapy as a last resort for a second chance. Unfortunately for him, his doctor, Eric Orloff, appears to be unhinged himself, only Martin doesn't know this yet. In the end, however, a little insanity may be the perfect ticket out of Lonelyville.

Martin Flam is a costume designer who is filed with guilt after an job related incident. After returning to the office following a suicide attempt, he is given work on a new campaign for a shady client who may or may not be responsible for the death of a previous costumed mascot. He has issues with this assignment but doesn't speak up for fear of losing his job. As part of his recovery, Martin is also assigned to see Dr. Eric Orlaff, a somewhat unhinged psychiatrist who "doesn't subscribe to any specific school of psychiatry."

Throughout his unorthodox therapy, Martin develops a reluctant friendship with Dr. Orloff and each day brings a new situation. The time spent together helps him to realize that he should not do work he doesn't believe in and he needs to stand up for himself. This revelation brings Martin face to face with his boss and client for a climatic showdown which even includes a Jon Woo Face/Off reference

Martin and Orloff is a light comedy about an odd couple friendship between a stuffy suicidal man and his impulsive psychiatrist. Initially, the only reason I watched this film was because of Jon Benjamin, yet I was pleasantly surprised by how entertaining it was.

Out of Ten? 7

It's entertaining, but it isn't for everyone.

Violence? Mild
Explosions? Yes
Nudity? No

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