Sweetwater (2014)

  

A Pioneer woman is forced to fight for what's hers when her husband disappears and a calculating preacher makes a play for her land.

 

The Cast:

• Sadistic PreacherMan - Mr. Josiah
• Capable Sheriff Hobo - Ed Harris 
• Widowed Whore aka Sweetwater - January Jones
• Unscrupulous Bankerman - Stephen Root

Quick Synopsis:

There's a preacher who believes the land is g God's land and he intends to purge it of sin, purify it, and restore it to the way he believes God intended. These are the types of people who are more than willing to kill to achieve their goals and Mr. Josiah is no different. The major conflict starts when the preacher refuses to build a fence to keep his sheep in and Sweetwater's husband, Miguel, confronts him about it. 

In addition to Miguel's disappearance, Josiah is questioned by Sheriff Hobo about two other missing people who Josiah referred to as trespassers when he gunned them down. Not long after, he makes a play for  Sweetwater's land, offering to convert her and her land to the church, forcefully if necessary. This sets the three on a collision course as they head to a bloody climax that will settle their issues once and for all.

 -----------------------------------------------------------------------

Sweetwater is just about the slowest of the slow burn revenge thriller westerns. I was expecting a legit shoot'em up western. I thought it would be something like The Quick and The Dead, but plot and character development got in the way. Seriously, she finally starts her revenge with about 35 minutes left in the film. Although she puts in work, 35 min is not really enough time for killin'. 

What I did find funny though, was that back then women were really thought of as different people. "Here, take this to protect your feminine skin." Absolutely ridiculous, yet hilarious. Another thing was that a very public peep hole masturbation scene proved that there really were no rules in the west

I liked Stephen Root (dude is awesome. Google him, you know who he is) and I'm a fan of Ed Harris, who hasn't gotten enough credit for a lot of the stuff that he's done (Post The Rock). He was pretty damn good as the unique but not queer, county Sheriff.

 Overall though, it was not as good as and as action packed as I thought it'd be:

Violence?  Yes
Explosions?  Of subdued violence
Nudity? Yes

Read More

Posse (1993)

A group of mostly black infantrymen return from the Spanish-American War with a cache of gold. They travel to the West where their leader searches for the men who lynched his father.

I watched Posse because I didn't think I had seen it. But I had. Just not from beginning to end. While the cast put on fine performances, I was still disappointed overall (I'm looking at you deebo). Posse was a decent film, it just didn't captivate me.

 Side Note: An ensemble film about negro cowboys and two of the most famous negro actors you could get at the time were Tone Loc and Big Daddy Kane? 

Also, Billy Zane dies in almost every movie he's in. Just sayin'

Read More

The Quick and the Dead (1995)

Lady avenger returns to western town owned by a ruthless gunslinger hosting an elimination tournament....In the west, you're either quick or you're dead.

The Quick and the Dead is hands down one of the best films of the Western genre. There's a coherent story, there's gunfights, and there's lawlessness all strung together to make a solid flick. While Sharon Shtone headlines, the bulk of the work is done by Gene Hackman and a young Leonardo DiCaprio. Plus, let's not forget that Russell Crowe is in this film too.

So to sum things up:

A list cast + balance between action/drama + gun fights + the wild west = a solid western and one you should watch.


Violence? Yes
Explosions? No
Nudity? Yes

Read More

Django Unchained (2013)

With the help of a German bounty hunter, a freed slave sets out to rescue his wife from a brutal Mississippi plantation owner.

Jamie Foxx plays a slave who is guaranteed his freedom upon completing one task, identifying the men who were his former overseers and helped to ruin his life. Under the tutelage of Christoph Waltz, he takes a shine to the bounty hunting business essentially because he gets paid to shoot white folk. He seeks to reunite with this wife who was branded, ripped away from him and sold into further slavery after a failed attempt to escape.

Somehow I found this to be the least Tarantino-y of his films, but it still worked. What can I say? The man makes good films. There were a few scenes that were played for laughs, including the "Masks On or Off" mob scene, but Jaimie Foxx took me out of it in a few of the other scenes. Luckily Christoph Waltz and Leonardo DiCaprio were there to reign me back in. Even Sam Jackson managed to bring levity to the film as the loyal "Uncle Tom" house negro every slave owner was required to have. I was really not digging the Tarantino cameo. Why was he Australian? Seriously? I'd rather him just get in there and "nigger it up" than listen to him speak in that accent. Were Australians even in the states during the Civil War Era? Why? Also the movie was a bit longer than I'd've liked. Did he seriously think he would win an Oscar for Django?

Anyway Django Unchained is definitely definitely definitely a solid film. Much better than I had originally given it credit for, but not something that I'd give a ten to.

Out of Ten? 8

Violence? Tarantino
Explosions? Yes
Nudity? Peek-a-boo titty. Seriously. Blink and you'll miss it.

Read More

The Man who Came Back (2008)

A man who fought for the South in the Civil War, is framed for murder and watches his family get killed as he is run out of town after being labeled a negro sympathizer. Slow and dramatic, nothing ever really happens, but the tension is built in a way that makes you think something will. When shit finally does happen, it's so forced and so cartoonishly evil that it takes you away and just makes you want to quit the film out of shame.

Seriously They made the main villain so unbelievably evil. How so? Well here's a checklist of every evil deed (in order):

• He's a former overseer
• Pays slaves in un-redeemable coupons
• Hangs negros (Naturally)
• Sends an innocent man to prison and rapes that man's wife in front of him
• Pistol whipped that man's son and dumped the body down a well [Yes. A fucking water well!]
• Tortures whores
• Massacres negroes
• Shatters a family's tombstones spreads the shards across town
• Brings a whip to a fist fight
• Brings a hidden derringer to a fist fight.

Wow. Just. Wow.
I think only UDay Hussain can say that he's done worse.

Out of Ten? 4

This film is like a long ass western soap opera.

Violence? Yes
Explosions? No
Nudity? Yes

Read More

High Plains Invaders

 I don't care what anyone else says, this movie sucked. (via)

Set in the Wild West, a group of "settlers" try to survive when confronted with giant mutated bugs. How will the old west deal with a giant mutant insect invasion? I'm still waiting for an answer.

Read More