Mis Peores Amigos (2013)/Promedio Rojo (2004)

Mis Peores Amigos is actually a pretty decent, lighthearted little comedy in which 3 friends reconnect after one falls ill and the others learn he only has weeks to live. The goal is to help him complete a bucket list they made in their teens, which also includes finding a leprechaun and traveling through time. 

 It is a direct sequel (albeit 10 years later) to Primera Roja, the film which first established the main characters and their motivations. In that one, the guys are just trying to survive high school when Roberto, the lead, falls in love with a girl who falls for the handsome bully instead. The same bully who torments him daily.  In between the two films, Roberto, has physically transformed himself from fat nerd to beefy architect and he's purposely left his friends/old life behind, and the reunion in Amigos is understandably frosty.

I didn't know Amores was a sequel until the end, where Netflix hit he with the "you might like these..." and it turned out to be the same story that was narrated and starred the same actors only younger. That was dope and watching these films back to back. I felt more invested in the characters.

This isn't something that's going to sit high on my list, but they are decent at the least. Like Terminator, I didn't know the first one existed until I saw the second,, but I enjoyed both either way.

 

Violence? Happens
Explosions? No
Nudity? No

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Witching & Bitching (2013)

In this heist film turned horror-fest, a gang of thieves lands in a coven of witches who are preparing for an ancient ritual -- and need a sacrifice.

If I were trying to talk you into watching this film. I'd say: "Witching and Bitching is like a Spanish version of From Dusk til Dawn in that it starts as one gene and quickly transitions into something darker."

But that's where it ends. Witching & Bitching is a different beast. This shit showed up on my Netflix list and was a five star movie. It basically dared me to watch and I can't express exactly how much I enjoyed it. Tight, hilarious dialogue, committed characters, impressive set pieces and effects, slick direction, this film had it all and each piece kept things moving in the right direction quickly. It's over before you know it.

The only real drawback is the ending. But most movies these days write themselves into a hole so I can forgive that.

With all that said, Witching & Bitching earns a solid 5. It's an  enjoyable film that hits my "5 star" criteria:

• I'd watch it again
• I'm certain others would enjoy it
• I'd buy it.

 

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Yes
Nudity? No

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Best Night Ever (2013)

 

With her sister and pals in tow, a bride to be heads to her bachelorette bash in Las Vegas where the women's exploits land then in raunchy territory.

I saw a trailer for this film a while back. It looked funny but I didn't think it was worth a download so I kept it moving. I'm  man enough to admit when I'm wrong. Best Night Ever is fucking hilarious. It's basically a raunchy bachelor party movie, but with females. 

You've both seen this movie before and you haven't. It doesn't exactly tread new ground, but once you watch it, you'll see what I mean. The only real drawback to this film was learning that it was written by Seltzer and Friedberg, better known as the two guys behind that rash of horrible spoof movies that effectively killed the genre. Had I known they were involved, I would have skipped it like three times over. But I actually enjoyed it so, what do I know?

So, the score? I think it's hilarious, but idk if I'd watch it again and I certainly don't know that I'd laugh the same if I did. Factoring that in, and including my original enjoyment, I have to go with:

Violence? Mild
Explosions? That happened
Nudity? Technically yes, but you won't like it.

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Life After Beth (2014)

 

The Cast:

• Molly Shannon
• John C. Reilly
• Cheryl Hines
• That guy from Chronicle
• Aubrey Plaza
• A guy who appears to be Paul Reiser*

 

After his girlfriend suddenly dies via snake bite, Zach is devastated. About a week later, her family stops returning his calls and he heads to their house only to discover that Beth is alive and her family is keeping it secret.

After things calm down he is finally told what happened. "She was dead and now she's not." He resolves that she may or may not be a zombie, but he's so happy to have her back that quickly blinded to the truth.

Soon after, ALL of the town's dead have risen and a full blown zombie epidemic is upon the town.

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Life After Beth is less horror and more black comedy, but that doesn't make it any less entertaining. Despite a few plot holes and unexplained phenomena, it's still a pretty rock solid little film. My only real hang up was that I couldn't not see April Ludgate. I kept waiting for Andy to come in and save the day, but he's too busy playing with LEGO and saving the galaxy.  

Overall, It was a very mild zombie flick with a not so subtle message of "let go"  and "careful what you wish for." They also saw fit to throw in at least one pair of titties for guys like me.

*turns out that guy really WAS Paul Riser.

Line of the Film:

Zack: "Beth, you fucking ate a guy!"
Beth: "Duh, Zach. I'm a fucking zombie. Zombies eat guys!"

 

Violence? Yes but nothing crazy
Explosions? Of the Living Dead
Nudity? One scene

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Recess: Taking the Fifth Grade(2003)

Fans of the Recess gang can follow along as the kids graduate from the fourth grade to the fifth, all while learning about friendship and growing up.

Recess: Taking The Fifth Grade is a movie containing three interconnected stories, starring the cast of one of the greatest animated series of all time. The common thread being friendship, humility, and being a kid in a world where adults have long forgotten how.

In Story One:

The kids come back to school as fifth graders, excited to take on the world.
Much to their dismay, they discover that for some odd reason, The Board of Education has decided that irrational changes were necessary and those changes included removing their favorite teacher, replacing their lockers with motivational posters, replacing their lunch with "nutritious paste" and heartbreakingly, ending recess.

Fed up with the bullshit, T.J. decides he will take no more and barricades himself in his room, declaring that he will no longer go to school out of protest of the changes. His protest soon gains traction with the rest of the school and eventually the adults come to their senses and see the error of their ways.

In Story Two:

Now playground heroes, T.J. and the gang are requested to meet with King Fred, the new Big Chief, who inducts  them into the super secret fifth and sixth grade club, a place where ALL of the fifth and sixth graders can relax and shit on the stupid kids that are younger than them. 

Finally feeling accepted, they nearly lose Gus and Mikey to gluttony, temptation and ignorance, but TJ, Gretchen, Vince and Spinelli manage to snap them out of it by reminding them they are good people, who are in danger of losing their way.

In Story Three:

It's Halloween, and Spinelli, who is usually the biggest Halloween nut, suddenly feels that she's too old for Halloween, and her cynicism begins to ruin it for the gang. When she gets her spirit back, she sets out to right her wrongs and prove that you're never too old for Halloween

Recess was a great show. I think it cracks my top ten, definitely top 20 at least. But one thing bugs me about this film, maybe it's because I'm watching it now, but the voices don't sound the same. Like something feels/sounds off. It's not a huge deal, but still, it's distracting.

Violence? No
Explosions? No
Nudity? No

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Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs 2 (2013)

Picking up where the first film ended, Flynt has saved the town and has finally earned the respect of his peers. But what he seeks now is the respect of,  xxx, master inventor and the guy who made flynt into who he is today.

Volunteering to clean up the town, xxx, offers Flynn a job and relocates the town's entire population. After running into trouble with the island, he seeks Flynn's help in locating the machine that started it all. Once flynt returns to the island, he finds that although the food has evolved into foodimals, they aren't the only threat to his existence.

If you watched and enjoyed the first Cloudy film, you'll enjoy this one as well. It's more or less the same, but with "higher stakes," and foodimals within a Jurassic Park vibe. All of the familiar characters return and we're introduced to xxx, who's portrayed as a Steve Jobs' type inventor but is in reality a corporate villain.

Kinda like Steve Jobs actually...

Anyway, watch it.

 

Violence? No
Explosions? Yes
Nudity? No

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Red 2 (2012)

At some point during the cold war, the U.S.had a nuclear weapon secretly built in Russia. Documents linking a connection between The RED team and the weapon have also been released. This leads to a race between the world's terrorists and the US government to get to it first, with Team RED caught in the crossfire, since they supposedly know it's location.

 

They are being hunted by Han aka Storm Shadow, who speaks perfect English, btw and is naturally the #1 Contract Killer in the world. He has a personal motive for killing Bruce as he was responsible for Han's imprisonment at the hands of the G.I. Joes.

 Red 2 pretty much continues the story from the first. Retired gov't agents defend themselves from another secret onslaught by the US and British governments, each seeking to quell all information on an obscure subject that could probably be ignored if they didn't have a propensity to fill body bags with the bodies of their own people.

I don't think I want to see a third, but I've actually enjoyed the RED film series and there are a lot of familiar faces in this particular film. Eventhough it became a bit annoying, they gave Mary Louise-Parker more to do and she clearly had fun with it. I was loving that Neal McDonough wass the main villain of this film and the chemistry between the actors is awesome. Specifically Willis and Malkovich. Nes'pas?

As usual, though, Storm Shadow, is just about the best character in the film. Malkovich is pretty good, but no one is touching Storm Shadow. Nobody not code named "Snake-Eyes" anyway.

In conclusion, RED 2. Pretty good.

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Yes
Nudity? No

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The Thieves (2012)

This slick caper finds Korean and Chinese personal thieves joining forces to pinch a $20 million diamond from an impenetrable casino vault.

Two competing teams of thieves (Team China and Team Korea) Team up to do a  job worth a potential $20 million. Their task is to steal a necklace which belongs to notorious Chinese gangster, Wei Hong and sell it back to him. They have a very well thought out plan, but as they've said numerous times, they are thieves and none of them should be trusted.

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I would describe The Thieves as Ocean's Thirteen meets Smoking Aces. A slick crime caper that starts as a slow burn heist thriller and becomes a convoluted tale of revenge and misperceptions after a botched casino robbery.

You know what's crazy about these movies? They almost always pull off improbable heists, in broad daylight and somehow no one ever sees anything or notice anything astray. It's ridiculous, and as cheesy as they are though, I think I just like heist flicks.

Violence? Yes
Explosions? No
Nudity? No

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Odd Thomas (2013)

In a California desert town, a short-order cook with clairvoyant abilities encounters a mysterious man with a link to dark, threatening forces.

A man with clairvoyant abilities races to stop an evil. The problem with it is that he doesn't know the nature of the incident. The bulk of the film is Thomas, with the help of his super foxy girlfriend, Stormy, using his psychic and detective skills to try and uncover the mystery. The one thing he does know is that someone is going to bring a massive amount of death and misery to the town, and being the only secret psychic detective, he must to solve the case and save the town.

I can't remember when I heard about this, or what for that matter,  but I vaguely recall it being good things.

Odd Thomas is very similar in tone to John Dies at the End and if you couldn't tell from that review, I really liked that film. It's a fun little detective story that's unlike any of the previous ones we've seen and the chemistry between the cast is fantastic and one of the highlights of this film. Unfortunately, it seems to be one of the films that got caught in the 3D fad. The 3D is kinda weak, and while it doesn't ruin the film, it does take a bit away. Outside of that, I can't express how much I enjoyed the movie. The comedy works in the context of the film, as in it isn't too much or too little and the visuals are excellent as well. By the third act, I found myself really invested. Like emotionally. I like films like these; Witty dialogue, likable characters, cohesive story and everything fits together and all is tied up neatly by the end. 

Violence? Yes

Explosions? Yes

Nudity? No

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Rapture-Palooza(2013)

Two teens battle their way through a religious apocalypse on a mission to defeat the Antichrist.

The Cast:

• Anna Kendrick
• Craig Robinson
• The Robs (Coddrey/Huebel)
• Rachew Maddow

 

The Situation:

Here one min, gone the next, the bulk of humanity is raptured and many are left below. In addition to the locusts, falling rocks and wraiths, the rapture has also seen the rise of the anti-christ, a Seattle born politician named Earl, who calls himself The Beast

The Beast has big plans for reshaping the world, but falls for the adorkably innocent, girl next door, Kendrick. After learning she's a virgin, he sets out to do damage to her various orifices and plant his demon seeds, firmly establishing his empire.

The Resolution:

The Beast is defeated, and peace returns to the land, but someone is pregnant...

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Rapture-palooza came out around the same time as This is the End, the other rapture based movie, also starring Craig Robinson. I saw the trailers, read about it, did all that jazz, but I wasn't too enthused. I finally say down to watch it the other day and quite honestly, I enjoyed it. 

The Beast is a legitimate beastly character. He wants what he wants and he's not shy or subtle about it and some of the best parts of the movie were his advances towards Anna Kendrick. Every other character played their role well and you can guess my surprise at finding my guy, Tyler Labine as one of the Beasts' guards.

Needless to say, Rapture-Palooza is not as good as This is the End, but they really can't be compared. On top of everything, the title is "Rapture-Palooza." You kinda know what you're getting into.

Violence? Yes

Explosions? yes

Nudity? No

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Dead Before Dawn (2013)

A group of college kids unwittingly create an evil curse that causes everyone whine they make eye contact with to turn into zombie demons.

So why would I waste my time with this flick? Devin Bostick. He plays Roderick in the Wimpy Kid series of films and I want to Dr what he can do outside of the confines of a family film. Especially as a lead. Also 

Christopher Lloyd is in it. Can't beat that. Anyway, onto the review:

The Situation: 

When he was a small child, Roderick watched his father get possessed by a artifact. He still has nightmares since then and he refuses to go near the occult shop his family owns. Feeling guilty though, he agrees to watch the shop for his grandfather who is receiving an award later that night.

In an attempt to impress a girl he's crushing on, he disturbs an item he was specifically warned not to touch and in doing so releases the curse of all curses. one created by them in jest but becomes real in a few hours. At 10 pm, everyone they make eye contact with will kill themselves and come back as a Zombie-Demon (Zemons). Freaking out because he knows that shit has gotten real, his love interest tells him "Nothing's gonna happen. It'd be cool if it did, but it won't." You can guess what happens after that. 

The rest of the film is spent trying to fix what evil they have wrought with predictable, yet hilarious results. 

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Dead By Dawn was a fun little film. I think dude is still Roderick, he wasn't really playing that much different. Just less confident, I guess. They did find a way to get Christopher Lloyd to yell out, "Great Scott!" which is worth an automatic half star from me, but unlike the Sith, I do deal in absolutes. Meaning It's a bonus full star the film will get: 

Violence? Yes

Explosions? No

Nudity? No

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Despicable Me 2 (2013)

The Greatest, meanest super villain has had an official change of heart after adopting three girls in the last film. Yes, you've read that right, Gru and his minions are now good guys and we start the film at the Princess party he's throwing for Agnes' birthday.

The Cast:

• Gru villain turned hero 
• His secret agent partner 
• The kids
• El Macho, the Manliest super villain ever
• Pollito the guard chicken
• The minions, including Kevin Dave and Tim

The Situation:

The League of Anti Villains have recruited Gru to help them save the world as a secret high tech lab has gone missing and with it, a top secret serum that could have disastrous effects if left in the wrong hands.

Unbeknownst to Gru, his minions have also gone missing. Is it connected? You'll have to watch to find out.

The Resolution:

The villain is found, the world is saved and true love exists. This you already knew. The fun is in getting there.

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Despicable Me 2 is actually a pretty fun movie. Obviously not as good as the first, but definitely a worthy sequel. There are call backs to the first film and it doesn't stray from the universe it created. That makes it feel like more like a direct sequel than a related cash grab. (Like the standalone Minion movies)

Speaking of which, The minions are again consistently one of the best parts of the film. Stealing nearly every scene they are in, speaking their weird blend of Spanish, Korean, French and Italian.

Again, it was pretty good. Watch it. I laughed a lot and enjoyed it and in the end, that's all that matters.

Violence? Animated
Explosions? Of Volcanic proportions
Nudity? There is Minion ass if you're into that sort of thing. No judgments though.

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Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days (2013)

The third installment of the Wimpy Kid series. Have enjoyed the first two. Don't think they can keep it entertaining forever....

It's summertime and Greg and the gang are headed to the 8th grade in the fall. Greg has plans to make the most of his summer by playing video games and getting closer to Holly. His father on the other hand thinks he should be doing active sports and pretty much forbids him from playing any games. However, fortune smiles on Greg when he discovers that Rowley has a membership to a prestigious country club and Holly is also a member.  There, he makes plans to salvage his summer, even going so far as to lie to his parents about working there.

As always in these scenarios, the parents find out the truth and after the most recent turn at disappointing him, he faces the threat of being sent off to Spag Union, a disciplinary boarding school. A Wilderness Scouts retreat with his father is Greg's final chance to save himself and change his father's mind.

Stray Quotage:

"Fregly claims to wear a special cologne, but everyone knows he just never washes."

"In case we don't make it, there's something I must tell you, "one time I went to the bathroom without washing my hands.
One time I used your toothbrush to get dog poop off my shoe.
Wait, what?"

The Wimpy Kid movies are always good for a laugh. Especially that Chirag Gupta. [Man, that little dude is hilarious.] But the one thing I've taken away from these films is that  no one is really aging but the dude that plays Greg. He's noticeably getting older and the weird thing is, Roderick, who's supposed to be the oldest sibling, isn't. Man, it must suck to hit puberty on film. I bet that money is right though.

Violence? No
Explosions? Yes
Nudity? No

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The Tower (2012)

A Christmas party at a luxury high rise in Seoul turns into a nightmare when two helicopters collide over the building, starting a deadly fire.

Tower Sky is the largest residential skyscraper in south Korea. 110ft twin towers with a sky bridge at the 70th floor. On the night of their big xmas party, two helicopters, carrying artificial snow, hit an updraft, lose control and crash into the buildings. When the gas tank of the first plane explodes, the top half of the building is engulfed in flames. It was discovered that the sprinkler system has frozen pipes and as a result there is no water above the 60th floor. 

The Firefighters, who have worked quickly to extinguish the fires at its point of origin, and have evacuated most of the building,  are under pressure from their Commissioner to neglect the people trapped in a restaurant on the bottom floor and save the remaining important people first. Also, due to the intense heat, the building itself is fracturing and suffering structural damage which may cause it to collapse. To head that off, there are plans to blow it up, regardless of who is left inside.

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The Destruction was like 9/11 times 9/11

The Tower is a Korean version of The Towering Inferno and 9/11. People are trapped in a high rise that suddenly catches fire. It will collapse due to structural damage. Aside from that, the film is itself is dramatic, (so be prepared for that) but the action scenes and visual effects are dope and they secretly carry the film. (Only because some of the characters are terrible.)

If nothing else, The Tower is something to watch on a rainy day. Especially if you liked The Towering Inferno and/or want to relive 9/11.

 

Violence? Hot man on fire action
Explosions? Hot fire on concrete action
Nudity? Nope

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The Last Stand (2013)

The sheriff of a sleepy border town finds his quiet life interrupted when a drug boss escapes FBI custody and fled straight toward his town.

 

Ah-nold is back. The Last Stand was his  first official starring role since being Governor, and he's a little older, a little slower, but he's still got it. Apparently forest Whitaker is also in this (for which there no excuse), but I do like Peter Stormare. He's awesome.

At the town's diner, Sheriff Arnold spies a couple of shifty eyed truckers and decides to run their plates as he thinks they were suspicious. The plates come back clean, but unbeknownst to him, he really is up to some shady stuff.

During a nighttime prison transport, under the watch of Mister Whitaker, one of the country's most notorious gangsters escapes, with a very well orchestrated prison break. [It was actually a pretty cool sequence of events.] There's a typical FBI manhunt until the gang cross into Schwarzeneggers borders. There, he and his crew make their last stand, attempting to hold off the bad guys until help arrives. Generally after all the hard work has been done. 

 

The getaway car, a modified Corvette Zero one, is a thing of beauty. I'm not a car guy, but even I had to acknowledge it's greatness. Specifically it's MPG. Dude drove it over 90 for about a, legit day and didn't even need to refuel once. Dope.

  

The Last Stand is better than I thought it would be. Like I said, the car and the prison break were dope. On top of that, This movie sounds and looks amazing. It really is a much better movie than I originally gave it credit for. Plus, It's always nice to see Luiz Guzman as he's one of my favorite supporting actors.

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Pfft. A Schwarzenegger movie without explosions? What do you think you're watching, Twins?
Nudity? None

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Fun Size (2012)

When feisty teenager Wren losses her offbeat kid brother on Halloween, she joins forces with her best buds to find him during one crazy night.

Fun Size has been on my radar since I learned that it featured Jane Levy. She's my new favorite. It should be known that this is a Disney movie and I've set my phasers to "family."

Wren Desantis is a senior in high school with dreams of attending NYU in the fall. She gets invited to the hottest Halloween party by the hottest guy in school. Everything is going perfectly until her mom, in the midst of a midlife crisis, sticks her with her bratty brother Albert, who is a seriously destructive kid with no boundaries. 

Long story short, she loses him during the night and spends the entire night looking for him while he has a baby's day out type of adventure. Which includes him getting revenge on a bully who has stolen his candy. Their mother comes to her senses and they each regroup in time to have a heart warming family moment before the end of the night and Wren finds love.

Fun Size is like Baby's day out + Adventures in Babysitting. It's an okay family movie. Wasn't expecting a home run and I was only watching it for Jane Levy anyway. Thomas Cub from Project X was a pleasant surprise though. 

Line of the Film:

Why do you say his name like that?
         Because it's either Kevin or Steven. Pick one because Keevan doesn't exist!

Haha. Classic Keevan.

Violence? No
Explosions? Shit bomb
Nudity? No

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Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs (2009)

 

The most delicious event since macaroni met cheese. Inspired by the beloved children's book, the film focuses on a town where food falls from the sky like rain.

 
The Cast:

• Flynt
• Flynts Dad
• Officer Mr T
• Perky young reporter
• The town of Swallow Falls aka Chew and Swallow

Every since he was a child flynt has always wanted to be a scientist and have people like him. After the town is destroyed when the local sardine economy collapses, Flynt invents a machine with the intention to turn water into food, thus saving the town from sardines.

He pretty much destroys the town, in his efforts, but the machine works. The problem is that it is eventually over worked and the food begins to mutate.  Soon the entire town is threatened with food related destruction and In an effort to save the world, Flynt and co travel to the satellite to shut it down.  They find that it now resides inside a giant meatball, filed with live foods and there, humans are at the bottom of the food chain.

Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs is an awesome movie.It's an awkward comedy that's essentially about a man who means to do well and gain everyone's respect, but ultimately fails spectacularly before finding his own self worth and/or saving the world. In between all of that are a ton of puns and simple jokes that amuse immature people such as myself.

                                                                                                              Stray Quotage:

"I wanted to run away that day. But you can't run away from your own feet."

"You've seen a meteor shower, but you've never seen a shower meatier than this."

"Who needs the approval of one family member when you can get it from a whole town of acquaintances?"

"What is that, a scrunchie? I haven't seen one of those since 1995"

Violence? Animated
Explosions? Of fruits and vegetables and non nutritious stuff
Nudity? Seriously?! Have a little decency perv!

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The Hangover Part III (2013)

***An iCheckmovies Listed Film****

The action packed conclusion to the trilogy no one asked for. Part Two was exactly the same as the first making it a blatant cash grab and middle finger to the consumer. This film promises to be different.

Since the events of the first film, it is revealed that Super Criminal Mr. Chow has stolre 21 million dollars from a rival drug lord and disappeared until he was arrested in Bangkok. Alan was the only person he's been in contact with and it's up to the guys to find Chow in three days or the drug Lord will kill Doug, who is being held in exchange. 

Doug is forever doomed to be sub ancillary. 

I think he's only had maybe 20minutes and 20 lines in three movies. 

Dude is a macguffin. Easiest paycheck ever.

Listen, Hangover three is basically the Alan and Chow show. It's possible I'm viewing this from a biased angle, but I feel it tries a bit too hard to be funny. It isn't really a good movie at all. there are a lot of callbacks to the original two films, but the "series" is structured in such a way that it's nearly impossible to do anything differently and if you do, you end up with something like this crap.

I watched it. You don't have to. [If you haven't already]

Violence? Yes
Explosions? No
Nudity? You'll need to be able to see in the dark.

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The Incredible Burt Wonderstone (2013)

  Steve Carrell and Steve Buscemi as magicians? and Olivia Wilde? I'm in!

The Cast:

• Burt Wonderstone, Master Magician [Has the hair to prove it]
• Anton Marvelington, magicians sidekick/BFF
• Jane the New Nicole, aka the Magicians sexy assistant [Olivia Wilde]
• Steve Gray, The Brain Rapist a Kriss Angel type magician [Jim Carey]
• Rance Halloway, OG magician and Burt's inspiration.

The Situation:

A lonely, bullied little boy receives a magic kit on his birthday and falls in love with the world of magic, as he believes it will help people like him. He meets another boy who shares his interest and soon a magic team is born. Many years later they continue to perform their act, "Burt and Anton: A Magical Friendship," the to the delight of crowds worldwide.

Doing the same thing day in and out for nearly a decade, Burt has lost his passion for the business. Off stage he is moody, arrogant, apathetic. and his personality drives people away. When rival magician, Steve Gray appears on the scene, his act begins to take away their fans, and drive down their ticket sales, putting what appears to be the final nail in his career.

He aims to get himself back on track, but to do so,  he'll have to win back his friends, regain his passion and pull off his greatest trick, redemption.

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Stray Quotage:

"That trick just blew your mind, because that's what magic does. It blows your mind."

"Pretend I'm still here and tell me all about it."

"The world record for staring was 24 hrs, I've been doing it for 3 days and I'm bored. So I want to spice it up with some pepper spray."

"It's called a Magical Friendship. You can't be magical friends with yourself!"

"You're here. But what about your work with the poor?
Turns out they didn't want magic. They actually wanted food and clean water."

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Basically Burt Wonderstone is a redemption story wrapped inside of the battle of old magic versus new. Burt's rival, The Brain Rapist is about as much as a magician as David Blaine and his "tricks" Everything about him, down to his name is ridiculous and an affront to magic, but he gets results,  which unfortunately cannot be denied and it sets the stage for the battle between traditional and non traditional magic. 

As much as I'd like to, I can't really trash this movie. As far as the magic battle goes, both sides are given proper attention and it's tough to truly pick a side. The opening scene though, has one of my new favorite actors, Greg Heffley aka the Wimpy Kid as a bully in an odd turn off events. It's actually a pretty funny concept knowing his history.

Idk if that accounts for anything but whatever. This is my blog. Burt Wonderstone is a good move. Watch it, don't watch it, I don't care.

Violence? No
Explosions? No
Nudity? No

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Thankskilling 3 (2012)

Hot on the heels of surprise cult hit  Thankskilling, comes Thankskilling 3 with the return of Turkey, the serial killing Turkey. Thankskilling is not a movie you expect to be good. You know it's bad, beyond terrible even, but that's part of the charm. You're just going along for the ride.

 

The Cast:

Turkey
Uncle Donny
Yomi
Randa Space Worm
Muffy
The Pluckmaster 1 self plucking and roasting oven.

The Situation:

While sitting at home with his family, Turkey is watching the news when he hears the news that Thankskilling 2, was named the worst movie ever made and all copies except for one have been destroyed. Turkey sets out to get the final copy as he inserted bits of an ancient curse into it and that would cast everyone who watched it under his spell and cause them to die a horrible lonely death. 

The heroes, Uncle Donny, Yomi, Ronda Worm and Muffy discover the truth about the film and learn that the last copy must be destroyed in space in order to break his curse. Turkey would very much like to destroy humanity and attempts to kill everyone that gets in the way of his plans. 

The fate of the world is directly tied to the last remaining copy of Thankskilling 2 aka "In space, no one can hear you baste."

The Resolution: 

Turkey is defeated and the world is saved. The heroes get their happy ending, but Turkey can never be killed. 

(((((((())))))))))(((((((((()))))))))))(((((((()))))))(((((((()))))))(((((((()))))))(((((((()))))))(((((((()))))))

Thankskilling 3 lacks the charm of the first film. I feel that while it's enjoyable, the film drags and it's apparent that they tried to outdo their original. Hitting on some parts and wildly missing on others.

Besides being a bit longer than it needs to be, it's pretty much an excuse to be as ridiculous and as offensive as possible and only people who have liked the first could possibly like the second --and even then that goodwill may be stretched-- but it is so absolutely ridiculous that it becomes enjoyable.

Stray Quotage:

• Nice tits, bitch...in space!
• Your movie was worse than that toilet paper commercial that actually shows people wiping their asses.
• I'm not mean, I'm nasty.
• I got glaucoma. I've got a glock, you've got a coma. I can't see shit.

 For the record, there is not and never was a Thankskilling 2, but here's another Thankskilling 3 poster:

 

Violence? Yes
Explosions? No
Nudity? First Scene

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