Showing posts with label Disaster. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Disaster. Show all posts

I Am Legend (2007)




Years after a plague kills most of humanity and transforms the rest into monsters, the sole survivor in New York City struggles valiantly to find a cure.

I feel like I should write more about this movie. But you know something? Fuck this movie!

It sucked so hard the first time i watched. But I thought, "everyone loved it, it really can't be that bad. you're being biased." So I watched it again, and I couldn't believe how much it actually did suck. I think people got caught up in the visuals.

  
These are the questions I have for lovers of this movie:
  • Why/how is Will Smith's character a scientist?
  • Why is it that he's the only one who can stop it? 
  • If he really was that valuable, why would anyone leave him there by himself? 
  • Was there really just one single solitary lion roaming New York City? 
 
This movie sucked so hard, but everyone was so busy sucking Will to notice.

I'm so over it.


Violence? Yes
Explosions? Yes
Nudity? No

Armageddon (1998)



After discovering that an asteroid the size of Texas is going to impact Earth in less than a month, NASA recruits a misfit team of deep core drillers to save humanity.

You know, I forgot all about Eddie Griffin until I watched this flick again. And was that Mark "Hanging with Mr. Cooper" Curry? Wow. All this and Bruce Willis gets to play the hero while Ben Affleck gets to suck? Sounds like my type of movie. Turns out, as a big ensemble flick, this movie sucked but as a disaster flick, Armageddon is serviceable. It really didn't need to be as long as it was. It's very "meh" overall and left me with one question? How do you fire a shotgun while on an oil rig and not have shit blow up?






Violence? Hot Asteroid on Earth Action
Explosions? Pfft. Its a Michael Bay movie
Nudity? No

Metal Tornado (2011)


After a research project goes awry, a scientist and his team race to stop the monstrous magnetic tornadoes their experiment spawned. But fueled by infinite energy and shredding everything in sight, the trillion-watt twisters may prove unstoppable. 

The Helios Project attempts to absorb solar flares into a magnetic vortex to create clean energy, a team of scientists plan to harness the energy and sell it to nations. After a rough first run, the project goes insanely awry when the uncollected energy begins to collect on its own and attract metal objects.

Metal Tornado!

Lou Diamond Philips(!!!), who was one of the scientists who worked on Helios, is asked by the sheriff to help with his investigation of local incidents that are more sciency than he likes. Putting 8 and 8 together, he discovers that the area has been polarized. As he puts forth his theory about the excess energy, he is summarily dismissed by everyone, yet when the "roving magnetic vortex" becomes apparent, it somehow falls on him to stop it. The same experiment is carried out in the company's lab in France.

To stop it, LDP suggests They drop an EMP right into the tornado, hopefully killing its energy before it reaches Philadelphia. Unfortunately, they don't stop it before it reaches Paris and that city is destroyed. On the other end of the spectrum, the U.S. is saved.

Until the fire tornado touches down. *Evil Laugh*
  
Firenado!

The Victim Breakdown:

Victim #1: Taken out by what I believe was a magnetized can of baked beans
Victim #2: Misdirection. Barb wire? Nope. Tractor.
Victim #3: Takes a pitchfork to the dome.
Victim #4: A full of shit woman whose lies to a cop gets her car sucked into the tornado.
Victim #5: Pinned to a wall by her motorcycle and squeezed to death.

Metal Tornado is interesting. It's bad, but packed with cheesy sciency action. I can't say that I expected more, (I mean it was a film about a Metal Tornado) but I did expect more destruction (or more victims, at the least). It doesn't take too long for things to get crazy and the film stays in action mode until the end. I found it funny that the guy that's supposed to be LDP's teenage son, had hair loss issues. It was like dude came straight from Dawson's Creek.


Violence? No
Explosions? Yes
Nudity? No

2012


The plot  (courtesy of IMDB):
"Dr. Adrian Helmsley, part of a worldwide geophysical team investigating the effect on the earth of radiation from unprecedented solar storms, learns that the earth's core is heating up. He warns U.S. President Thomas Wilson that the crust of the earth is becoming unstable and that without proper preparations for saving a fraction of the world's population, the entire race is doomed. Meanwhile, writer Jackson Curtis stumbles on the same information. While the world's leaders race to build "arks" to escape the impending cataclysm, Curtis struggles to find a way to save his family. Meanwhile, volcanic eruptions and earthquakes of unprecedented strength wreak havoc around the world."

Wow, that sure sounds stupid. Not just the plot summary, but the character of "Jackson Curtis," who is played by John Cusak. I wonder how 50 Cent feels about that?


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