V/H/S/2 (2013)

 

Searching for a missing student, two private investigators break into his house and find collection of VHS tapes. Viewing the horrific contents of each cassette, they realize there may be dark motives behind the student's disappearance.

I think the dopest thing about this movie, is that poster right there. But you came for a review, and because pt. 1 wasn't bad enough. Here's a sequel to finally set things right.

Story 1: The Eye (redux)

After an accident, a man gets an eye implant, which is actually a camera. He sees things....Dead things. Shit happens.

Started with an interesting premise, but fizzled as there wasn't enough time for it to fully develop. It's basically The Eye with significantly less Jessica Alba.

Story 2: The Zombie Experience

A guy gets like 2 minutes into his bike ride before riding into a zombie infestation. He's done, but we get the pov of a zombie thereafter so that's dope. We watch fist hand as he learns to be a zombie which is also pretty clever as it gives a first person view of a, zombie outbreak, stiffening that hasn't

been done before. It also humanizes them in a small way

This is one story I would have liked to seen fleshed out. It was original and strangely captivating.

Story 3: The Cultist of Personality

A group of documentary filmmakers convince a cult leader to let them film in his commune for an unbiased look at his life and work. As you can guess, shit happens.

Story 4: Pranking out of this World

Sibling rivalry.taken to the next level is Interrupted by a flash of light and a loss of power. Then it gets real. 

Story 4 is the one story that can't be talked about without spoiling it. The only thing that I can say is that it should come with an Epilepsy warning.

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I had been holding off on V/H/S/2 ever since I heard they were doing a sequel and every since the first one kinda sucked. Honestly, I did not have high hopes, so there was no hopes to dash. The first two stories were decent for what they are. The last two are very meh. If you're going to invest time in this movie, find something productive to do and multitask. You'll thank me for it. I just don't see the appeal of the V/H/S series. True, the sequel did up the ante, but much like the first, I wasn't thrilled with the offerings overall.  I know I'm a harsher critic than most, but I don't ask for much. I just want entertaining stories that aren't likely to trigger epilepsy.

 

Violence? Yes
Nudity? Yes
Explosions?  No

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Movie 43 (2013)

Featuring some of the biggest talents in our industry today, and directed by the Farrelly Brothers, Movie 43 is a sketch comedy composed of many different segments. In the vein of The Kentucky Fried movie and The Onion Movie.

As with all movies of this type, some of the sketches are hit and miss and with others the joke runs on a bit too long. I applaud the effort but it's a different time and the charm of those movies is hard to replicate. That first scene though? Genius. Unfortunately, it gave me high expectations for the rest of the film which weren't met.

Movie 43 is about six or seven sketches including the one that introduces and ends the film. Overall, I expected it to be a little longer and a little funnier for what it was, but I'd say it's score averages out to 2.5 but the first scene + my generosity allows me to round up to 3.

Here are some trailers for comparison (since this review is seriously short):

Kentucky Fried Movie (1977):

The Onion Movie (2008):

Movie 43 (2013):

Violence? Mild
Explosions? Mild
Nudity? Happens

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Trick 'r Treat (2007)

Four interwoven stories that occur on Halloween: An everyday high school principal has a secret life as a serial killer; a college virgin might have just met the one guy for her; a group of teenagers pull a mean prank; a woman who loathes the night has to contend with her holiday-obsessed husband.

 
I remember looking forward to this flick. I thought it was a new horror movie with a new type of villain. But I was disappointed. Trick 'r Treat is actually an anthology of four horror stories. Connecting each of them is that little sack-headed thing on the poster. Each story revolves around someone breaking a "Halloween rule" and being punished for it. It was decent for what it was. I expected different so I'm biased now. Fuck this film.

Violence? Yes

Explosions? No

Nudity? No

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Trapped Ashes (2006)

Trapped in a house of horror, seven people discover that the only way they'll get out is to tell their scariest stories.

6 people are on a tour of a Hollywood ghost town. They manage to convince the driver to let them into the house in which Hysteria was filmed. He warns them that it is haunted but they will not be deterred. While they tour the house, they get trapped in a large secret room and the driver tells them that they are stuck in the room and they may not get out without telling a personal horror story.

Story one is essentially about killer boobs. It's better than it sounds and a solid tale to lead off this shindig. An actress comes to Hollywood and gets a boob job, only to find that her breasts feed off human blood.

For the second story, the wife wouldn't tell her story so the husband does for her. They went to Japan to try and ignite sparks in their relationship only to find themselves wrapped up in a Japanese ghost story as the wife finds herself seduced by and ghost fucked by a demon and he learns that he'll have to venture into Hell to save her.

Story 3 is about a two dudes who were derailed by the cooch of a goddamn succubus, and neither of them had tree fiddy!

Story 4 is told by the goth girl. (You can't have a movie like this without a goth girl) and she tells of her twin. Which just happens to be a tape worm that her mother also carried to term to avoid miscarriage. That tale also comes with this gem: "we've pulled the goalie" a.k.a. we're not using protection.

Only four stories are told, but just when you start to believe that the movie is robbing you, the tour guide tells the final story, which ends all the other stories and brings the movie to a close.

Boom! Old man laying the hammer. Down!

Trapped Ashes is actually a pretty decent movie. It plays like it wants to tank it in the end, but it actually pulls everything together and for lack of a better term, "puts a bow on it" and there are a lot of Hollywood "in" references if that's your thing.

Violence? Yes
Explosions? No
Nudity? Yes 

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Green Lantern: Emerald Knights (2011)

 

As the home planet of the Green Lantern Corps faces a battle with an ancient enemy, Hal Jordan prepares new recruit Arisia for the coming conflict by relating stories of the first Green Lantern and several of Hal's comrades.

The energy being known as Krona has unleashed shadow demons upon the universe. For some odd reason he wants to destroy the universe with anti matter. The guardians have taken precautions to save their history and order the lanterns to look into the rift that they came from.

Emerald Knights is essentially an anthology of stories that attempt to shed some light on the history of the Green Lanterns and a few of the more important members of the Corp. The not so subtle goal of the film is to essentially spell out what it means to be a part of the Lantern Corps. They do this by telling these stories to a new recruit, Arisia. An energy being, long ago banished by the the Lanterns, tears a whole in the sun and intends to come through. Their home planet OA is evacuated and these stories are told while they are on guard duty and trying to contain the breach.

Looks like she just had a breach in her pants.

 

From the DC animated studios comes a second movie about The Green Lantern. Including the main, there are six different stories and they all feature a lot of action and information. But I couldn't help feeling that this was  more informational than helpful towards the Green Lantern franchise. The bulk of people buying this are already fans and know the history. Don't get me wrong, I liked Emerald Knights, but I kinda wanted a full length lantern movie, not six short stories.  Whatever, I guess.

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Yes
Nudity? No

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The ABCs of Death (2012)

I'm this audacious anthology film, 26 masters of horror work their way down the alphabet with terrifying, humorous and poignant takes about death.

Anthology films are usually just alright overall. Some good segments, some bad. This one has 26. The premise behind it is that 26 directors chose a letter from the alphabet and a word that began with it. Then created a short tale relating to it.  They really are short stories though and the bulk of them were international. Full creative freedom was given and they definitely took advantage of that.

The titles are displayed after the short, but you can generally guess the name by its content. I wasn't planning on reviewing each one individually just pointing out a few here and there.

B is for Bigfoot sucks but provides our first titty.
C is for Cycle is mindfucky and actually pretty interesting.
D is for Dogfight is wild. You kind of have to see it to believe.

On the other end,

P is for Pressure is rough. Sad.
S is for Speed is decent.
V is for Vagitus (The Cry of a Newborn Baby). Considering everything that came before it, this was nothing that I expected.
W is for WTF is actually very tongue in cheek, and one of the better entries because it includes my favorite concept: clown zombies

At a little over two hours, I feel like the bulk of the tales in the ABCs of Death were mediocre and didn't really stand out.  There were maybe one or two more on top of those I've mentioned, but not many more. Watching the whole thing is almost worth it for F, N W and Z alone, but all in all it was pretty average. Inexplicably, I find myself looking out for a sequel though, as I was surprisingly entertained.

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Eh
Nudity? Yes.

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Scary or Die (2012)

The creation of filmmaker Michael Emanuel, SCARY OR DIE tells five interwoven horror stories that take place in and around the "City of Angels". A flesh-eating clown desperately trying to protect the person he craves the most, A dirty cop and a hit gone wrong with a vengeful Necromancer, a beautiful but mysterious woman and a lonely man looking for love in all the wrong places, a gruesome blood splattered uprising of Illegal Mexican Zombies, and a Cajun conjure grandfather whose gift of never ending love goes terribly awry...

Scary or Die is a horror anthology consisting of five short stories which aim to do inspire fear or something I don't know. I was really only invested in what I thought would be a zombie clown story but I had to wade through the other crap to get there.

Overall, every story was okay, but ultimately underwhelming. The film reminded me of V/H/S(2012) which had the same format (but with two decent films!) and also floundered.



The Crossing:

Some rednecks get more than they bargained for after the last group of Mexicans they've killed rise from the dead and feast on them.

TaeJungs Lament:

A widower mourns the loss of his wife and leads a very lonely existence and every woman he sees looks like his wife. Things are pretty depressing until he witnesses a kidnapping and decides to save the girl.

Re-membered:

A take on the Tale Tell Heart. A guy drives around with a dismembered body in his trunk. On the highway, it begins to bang and when he searches the trunk he finds it missing.

Clowned:

A man, bitten by a clown, finds himself slowly becoming one. He sets off to find the clown that bit him in hopes of ending the ordeal. But as his urge to kill rises, his family becomes potential victims in his thirst for food.
 [This was the one I had been waiting for. I thought this was going to be about clown zombies, but a story about a clown infection is also acceptable.]

Lover Come Back:

An abused woman comes back from the dead to reclaim the soul of the man that killed her, intending for them to spend eternity together.

Why oh why have they not made a movie about Zombie Clowns or Were-Clowns?

 I'd watch that. I'd watch it hard.

Out of Ten? 5

Violence? Yes
Explosions? No
Nudity? No

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