Dream Home (2010)

Cheung, will do anything to own her perfect little dream home -- anything. And with a mix of cold-hearted determination and homicidal tendencies, the title and deed do become hers. But who will have to pay the price for Cheung's outrageous methods? 

Dream Home dances between her present day serial killing life and her past, which attempts to explain what led her to that point. The movie isn't that good. In fact, it's quite boring. The only interesting scenes are when she's killing people.From the first scene you could tell she meant business. She strangled a dude with a plastic fastener and watched as he took a box cutter to his carotid artery in an attempt to free himself.

I don't know what to think about this film, but Dream Home is only good it for the kills. Hardcore, gory deaths. Speaking of which, I found a new kill to add to the list involving suffocation by vacuum.

Trailer:

  

Out of Ten? 6

Violence? Yes
Explosions? No
Nudity? Yes

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Samourais (2002)

Half a century ago, a Japanese family summoned a demon known as Kodeni to dispose of its adversaries. Once the killing was done, the family was cursed. Now, Tokyo Police Inspector Fujiwara is investigating the murder of a video game designer. The investigation leads him to a frightening discovery - the same lethal demon is about to be reborn. Fujiwara must travel to Paris and kill this unborn child who is the reincarnation of Kodeni and who threatens to destroy the world.

A woman is chased through a forest by a samurai. Right before he delivers the killing blow, she is saved by five men wielding swords. After a short battle, she gives birth to a baby who quickly ages into a full grown adult in a matter of seconds. He then grabs a sword sand kills both the mother and the samurai that was hunting her. 5 centuries later, the demon baby has worn out his current body and is in need of another. While being questioned about the latest killing, he manages to take out the police in the interrogation room before allowing himself to be killed by the chief warning him that he will resurrect in his daughter's womb.

Soon after the chief pulls the trigger and kills him, a shogun appears in the room, announces that he is an ancestor of the chief and tells him the story of the demon. He says that he must slay his daughter, as she carries the demon child and if she gives birth, there will be nothing thar can stop him. But eventually, he joins up with his daughter's boyfriend Marcos to both stop the demon and defeat a secret sect bent on allowing him to be reborn and continue his work.

Aah Japan...I never know what's happening in your films, yet I always come back for more.
Samourais was okay, worthy of a five at the least. Despite the dope.fight scenes, and the forced comedy, this movie is getting a 4 off the stregnth of Marcos' annoying friend, Nadir.

Out of Ten? 4

Violence? Yes
Explosions? one
Nudity? No

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Saving Private Perez (2011)

Despite his ruthless reputation, the most notorious drug lord in Mexico has one soft spot -- his mother -- and when she orders him to invade Iraq to rescue his little brother, he assembles a squad of oddball hombres to fulfill his suicidal mission.

Julian Perez is the most dangerous, most feared and most powerful drug lord in Mexico. When he goes to visit his mom in the hospital, she tells him that his brother has joined the US Army, and is now missing in action since his plane was shot down over Iraq. She also tells him that if he wants to make amends to her, he would go to there and bring his brother home alive. Perez then assembles a team of four capable men to travel and help him with this task. His first question, "Where the hell is Iraq?"

Upon first hearing the title, Saving Private Perez sounds like it should be a comedy, but instead it takes itself seriously as an action adventure film with a little comedy sprinkled in. There's clear movement from A to B with no filler and yet It seemed like they weren't quite sure which direction to go, so they added a bit of everything, it didn't help, but it didn't hurt either.

I went in with no expectations, but it turned out to be a bit better than I would have given it credit for.

Out of Ten? 6.5

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Yes
Nudity? No

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Jumanji (1995)

When two kids play an old magic board-game they found, they release a man trapped for decades in it and a host of dangers that can only be stopped by finishing the game.

It's been years since I watched Jumanji. Watching it again recently, I realized that it's a fairly dark film. A man is sucked into a board game for 26 years, a young girl is deemed psychotic for telling people that story, his family is dead, there's a man hunting him, and sadistic animals wreaking havoc throughout the film. But I enjoyed it then and I enjoyed it now, especially now that I can appreciate the darker aspects of the film I wasn't able to notice before.

I know some of you are saying, "Flicks, How dark can this movie be? It's a family adventure. You're over exaggerating."

Hmm...Am I?  Here's a direct quote from the film:

You think that mosquitos, monkeys, and lions are bad? That is just the beginning. I've seen things you've only seen in your nightmares. Things you can't even imagine. Things you can't even see. There are things that hunt you in the night. Then something screams. Then you hear them eating, and you hope to God that you're not dessert. Afraid? You don't even know what afraid is. You would not last five minutes without me.

And he's giving that speech to a little kid.

Out of Ten? 7

Violence? Surprisingly, none
Explosions? No
Nudity? No

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Clash - 2009

Trinh codename Phoenix, a female mob enforcer, must complete a series of organized crime jobs for her boss Hac Long in order to win the release of her kidnapped daughter. She hires several mercenaries to help, including Quan dubbed Tiger, who she becomes attracted to. Trinh and Quan's relationship becomes complicated as it becomes evident that their motivations are not the same.

Vietnamese big budget action flick.
At the behest of the big boss, A woman assembles a group of mercenaries to complete an arms deal. One of the guys is recognized and they have to fight for their lives to escape. After being betrayed by one of their own on another mission, the two remaining members try to track him down and retrieve the stolen merchandise and extract a measure of revenge. By the time they catch up to him, their motivations for doing so are radically different.

There's nothing special about this flick. Clash is basically about shootouts and Muy Thai. The big boss is actually quite a badass and when he finally shows that side, it's a thing of beauty.

 Overall though, I can say I've seen better.

Out of Ten? 5.5

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Yes
Nudity? Peek-A-Boob.

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Quick Hits #13

	Series 7: The Contenders (2001) - The film is set up like a reality tv  program where 6 strangers are chosen at random and given guns to compete in a contest where the only prize is their own lives. The last person left alive Is declared the winner. Keeping true to the reality tv theme, Series 7 Opens with a tv intro, has a narrator, and even comes complete with contestant biographies and confessionals. Watching this film, I laughed a bit more than I thought I would. But I wouldn't really recommend it.  I can see why and I get what they are trying to do, and yet it still drags. At The end, the door was left wide open for a sequel, but I'm hoping no studio is that desperate. Out of Ten? 5.5
	True Lies (1994) - You know, I forgot how fun this movie is. I think this was the last great action movie for both Jamie Lee Curtis and The Governator. I think the pairing of the two as husband and wife was odd, but their on-screen chemistry helped to smooth things out. This was also one of the first of the "my husband is a secret agent" films that you see so prevalent now. Also, we get one of the best one-liners captured on film. As the terrorist is hooked to a missle, Arnold hits the launch button, winks and says, "You're Fired." Classic.
	Galaxy Quest (1999) - A group of Aliens belive a TV space crew to be real  heroes and enlist them to save their people and their planet. Big names were attached to this project, and maybe it was the writing or maybe it was the directing, but something failed along the way. Could have been the concept, but something prevented this flick from being as successful as it should have been. With all that being said, it is still an enjoyable cult fave. Out of Ten? 7
	Time Crimes (2007) - Low budget Spanish thriller about a man who accidentally travels back in time and makes a mess of things as he tries to kill himself to restore the timeline. Despite the wtf feeling that generally accompanies time travel films, the writing is actually sharp and everything no matter how crazy, actually brings everything together. Cohesively. Out of Ten? 6.5

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True Legend (2012)

Su Qi-Er retired from his life as a renowned Qing dynasty general in order to pursue his dream of a family and his own martial arts school. However, Su's peaceful life is shattered when his vengeful adopted brother, Yuan Lie, kidnaps his son and leaves Su for dead. Saved from his demise by his wife Ying and the reclusive doctor Yu, Su resolves to perfect his technique so that he may defeat Yuan Lie and reunite his family.Now burning to become a martial arts master, Su Qi-er submits to a teacher who helps him become more powerful than ever before.  

True Legend is essentially a biopic about  Su Can, a former chinese general, turned drunken beggar and his ascent to Legendary Martial Arts status.

The film starts with an awesome ninja style raid on the enemies headquarters. Su Leads a team into enemy territory to rescue his captured prince. For this, he is offered the position of Governor, which he declines because he's retiring to be with his family. He nominated his brother Yuan for the job and the story really begins there. 5 years later, Governor Yuan pays a visit to  Su and his family. Su's father says he doesn't trust him and relays the bloody history between himself and Yuan's father.Believing him to be out of control, with a deadly technique, the Five Venom Fist, Su's father killed.YUAN's father and raised them as brothers. Yuan had always resented this, and he fears that now that he's governor, nothing good can result.

Yuan arrives while Su is away, announces that he has mastered the Five Venom Fist and after a short battle he prices the old man right by killing him and taking his head. Su arrives too late top stop him, but during their fight he finds out that Yuan is hardcore. After landing some pretty good cuts with a sword, he realizes that he's causing no damage. Just then Yuan laughs and reveals that he has metal fucking armor sewn 1inch deep into his flesh.

 Hard.Fucking.Core.

Not long after this reveal, Yuan wings the fight (duh), infects him with the venom technique and throws him into a waterfall to die. Our hero goes through the "I've been throughly defeated and now I'm completely useless" phase and even becomes an alcoholic until his hair grows in and he defeats his own self pity. Believing him to be unable, she decides to rescue their son herself. Reading the note she left about his instability to save his family, Su, races off to the castle and fucks shit up on the way to defeat Yuan. Before the final battle however, Yuan says he won't kill his wife, but he has her buried alive in the forest. After a final fight that saw them fight into and out of a snake pit, Su kills Yuan and the race is then on to find his wife. Unfortunately he finds her too late. Now a drunken heartbroken beggar, we move onto phase two of our film: The Drunken Fist.

After wandering into a bar and fighting a drunken fist master, he runs into Ma, an old friend from his war days. Ma tells him that Foreign warriors are challenging Chinese to fights and are killing them and he decides to support his friend in his fight with the foreigners. During the fight, his son gets involved and he uses the drunken fist to save him and take on the foreigners who are apparently aided, controlled and released by "White Tupac" David Carradine, who I'm sure I've seen in more films post mortem than when he was alive.

 White Tupac

In the epilogue we learn that he wandered the country and used the fist. the style would then be copied and spread throughout the land. Making him a true Wushu master.


True Legend is a solid flick. Good action. Easy to follow story. Yet, still a bit longer than I'd have liked. But there is Michelle Yeoh...

Out of ten? 7

Violence? Yes
Explosions? No
Nudity? No

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Quick Hits #12

	Bad Boys (1995) - The original was a great flick. It was good to see Martin Lawrence and Will Smith team up. The action was good and the comedy in between those scenes kept us alert. If you notice, you'll see that Martin Lawrence received top billing...interesting. Out of Ten? 9
	Dragon Tiger Gate (2006) - Two brothers, who are separated when their parents split, find themselves on opposite sides of the law as adults. After a gang murder, they team up and reclaim their birthright. Dragon Tiger Gate is based on a comic book so the more absurd elements of the film are believable. The Fight scenes are okay but when they aren't fighting, the film offers nothing. There's so much drama between the fight scenes that it's waaaay to easy to lose interest. Out of Ten? 5
	Mandrill (2009) - After his parents are brutally killed in front of him, little Mandrill goes to live with his uncle who raises him like a son. When he asks about his father he is told that his father was like chilean action hero John Colt. From that day, little Mandrill grows up and lives his life in that manner. He eventually becomes a one named chilean badass assassin/secret agent on the hunt for revenge. There's no real way to explain the film. I went into this flick expecting nothing. But this movie was surprisingly good. I found it to be something like an exploitation Chilean Bond flick that is self aware of its cheese factor. The soundtrack is good as well. Out of Ten? 7.5
	Knocked Up (2007) - You know, I hadn't actually seen this flick from beginning to end. I decided to watch it the other day. Forgot how funny it is. Well rounded funny cast + Katherine Heigl as the hot chick and out of character celebrity cameos. Very enjoyable but time has shown that the magic of this flick would not be repeated. Out of Ten? 8
	Superbad (2007) - The movie that brought us McLovin, and we're all richer for it. Superbad was hilarious and It seems the cast and crew genuinely had a good time and enjoyed making this flick. That always makes a movie better. I don't think there's anyone who hasn't yet seen it, but if you haven't, go watch it now. Out of Ten? 10

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Mirage Man - 2007

A shy, inconspicuous man named Maco decides to become a self-made superhero when he gains national notoriety for unintentionally rescuing a television reporter from the clutches of two dangerous criminals.

Running along the streets at night, Marco Gutierrez comes across a burglary in progress. Inside of the house, he spots one of the robbers as he prepares to rape a woman. At the top of the movie, we learn that his parents died in a rape n rob so flashing back to that, he uses his pent up anger to destroy the thieves.
After watching and getting inspired by the report of his heroic work, he decides to become a superhero. After finally settling on an outfit, shit gets real and the crimefighting begins. Mirageman is saving the day and dude is fucking cats up along the way.

After his attempt to rescue a girl from a gang of pedophiles goes awry, Mirageman disappears to regroup after the reality of his "work" hits him. (ie shit got a bit too real and he got fucked up.) Out of the game for three weeks, the public's initial dismissal becomes concern. After getting the very public message that his lady was abducted, he returns to the game and wrecks shop as he goes to rescue her. Once his identity is threatened in the process, he receives a helping hand from a man who believes in him and implores him not to quit. Getting back to work, he vows to solve the pedophile case that nearly ruined him earlier. Since this is a gang of pedophiles, and considering his history with them, he's allowed to get a bit more violent and he does. Killing nearly every one them along the way to save the kidnapped girl and save the day and in true superhero fashion, the door is left wide open for a sequel.

Mirageman is a solid flick. Not only did it manage to ground the modern day vigilante mythos, it also managed to find the right balance between the action, comedic and dramatic elements.They even managed to include the "trying on costumes" and "coming up with a good name" part of superhero films. It was kinda like a Chilean Spiderman film and they even make a joke about it at one point.

Marko Zaror. 

Remember this face. If he ever blows up, I want you to say that you heard about him here first.
Out of Ten? 7

Violence? Yes
Explosions? No
Nudity? No

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Exiled - 2007

The time is 1998. The setting is Macau. Every living soul jumps at every chance to make quick money before the Portuguese colony ushers in a new era under the Chinese rule. For the jaded hit men, they wonder where this journey will end. Against this backdrop come two hit men from Hong Kong sent to take out a renegade member trying to turn over a new leaf with his wife and newborn baby. They soon find themselves in the throes of a dilemma when two of their former associates also show up, intent on thwarting them at every cost.

Boooooring.
This movie its about...nothing.

Guns are fired, people are killed, there are slow motion poses. Yet, I took away nothing from this film. I thought the movie was about the dude in the first scene. Turns out it is about the hit squad sent to kill him.

The opening scene takes a minute to develop, but when the guns start blasting, shit gets real...for about 5 minutes. If a hit is ordered and a guy is to be killed, why then are you furnishing his house? Do you feel guilty for shooting it up? I don't get it. They fucking made dinner. Bread was broke. I don't know think that's how you treat the guys that come to kill you, but I guess it's a different culture in China. They even took family fucking photos. "Say, this has been fun and all, but you know I have to kill you?" With that, they finally.got back to business. The funniest part of the film? The bad guys wrapped a dude up in a hospital sheet and he hit every object as they tossed him from a 5 story window. They then used his body for bait as they shot it, to provoke his rescue. That's Classic scumbag villain behavior.

Following that scene, the hit squad brings the body home and the wife flips her shit and fires at the team. (Good thing she's a terrible shot, I would have hated to see her hit someone standing 1 ft away.) With reckless abandon for everyone and everything else living in the building, she burns the furniture and her husband's body and walks away. Apparently she's now on a mission to kill them. The gang flees safely, steals a shipment of gold and have a final confrontation with the big boss. With the help of the big boss, she gets her revenge, and in the time it takes for an airborne can of Redbull to hit the ground there is a final bloody shootout which mercifully leads to the end credits.

Out of Ten? 5

Exiled is a long and uneventful film. The best thing going for it was that it actually ended.


Violence? Gun heavy
Explosions? No
Nudity? A quick flash of titty.

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Geisha Assassin - 2008

This story is set during the Edo ages in Japan. On a rainy night, Kotono confronts the samurais who have killed her father. The samurai attack her one by one, but she manages to withstand them. When she is scaring the remaining samurai away, three ninja's suddenly appear. Will she succeed in beating them as well?

The title card explains that the word "gei" meant weapons. Geishas were ones who practiced swordsmanship and even men could be geishas.

Geisha Assassin starts slow as we come in on a geisha as she follows a samurai through the streets, seeking to avenge her father's death. The man who killed her father tells her she can't defeat him as she is now and sets up battles for her. The rest of the movie is her fighting tough challengers on her way to get to him. Although she reaches her final opponent quickly, the fights are consistently satisfying. The final fight contains the necessary evil of flashbacks to explain the exact situation behind her father's death. But even the flashbacks include a fight scene.

Geisha Assassin is a short movie that begins slow and feels a bit long. (Especially during the end scenes.) But we learn about her father's death and the technique she uses. Plus there's a fight that takes place in the rain with Motherfucking Ninjas(!!!), and when her weapon is unavailable, she's a pretty capable martial artist. Also, as is customary in these films, she has to be beautiful, but deadly. (Although she's not a badass...or really hot. She's just skilled with a sword.)

Its definitely not a must see, but there is an "oh shit" moment or two.

Out of Ten? 6.

Violence? Fuck yeah, its a swordfighting flick that includes Fuckin Ninjas!!!!
Explosions? Ninja bombs
Nudity? No

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Bulletface - 2010

Horror and Revenge drive this thriller set in the sex and human trafficking underbelly of a nightmarish city where spinal fluid has become the drug of choice...with frightening consequences.

A Federal agent is sent to prison after a human trafficking deal goes awry. After her brother is killed by the Drug Lord, Marcos, she is released for two days of revenge. Marcos' gang is manufacturing a synthetic drug using spinal fluid. He's looking to recreate a ritualistic formula that would render him practically immortal.

This movie sucked so I'm going to jump to the end:

She succeeds in killing him by overdosing him w his drug.

Moving on...

There are multiple prison rape scenes and I guess they were trying to show what she had been through or what was in store for her so we could understand why she never returned to jail at the end of the two days, but outside of the obvious "don't go to jail or this could be you" heavy handed message they were trying to get across, The significance of  the rape scenes is never discussed.

However, I can appreciate that they put down a mattress before each rapin'. (Considerate rapists are considerate.)

Out of Ten? 4

Violence? Yes
Exclusions? No
Nudity? Yes

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The Raid: Redemption (2011)

A SWAT team becomes trapped in a tenement run by a ruthless mobster and his army of killers and thugs.

There is a story, but does that matter? Dudes are getting bodied left and right.

Really?

Fine. Okay, here's the story:

There is an apartment complex controlled by a notorious drug kingpin. There is a swat team assigned the task of taking him out and stabilizing the building. Once inside, the kingpin offers free rent for life to anyone that takes them out. The mission then becomes a fight for survival as the team tries to escape the building alive.

The best part?: They get that shit out of the way within 10 minutes. There's nothing but action after that point and this has to have been one of the best pure guy films I have ever seen. I can overlook the so-so ending, because the start to finish action easily overshadows it.

The Raid: Redemption is currently getting a limited run in theaters, and by the time you read this, it may be over. If you should happen to come across it, know that it is highly recommend it.

Here's the trailer if you haven't yet seen it:
**(BTW it is subtitled.)**

Violence? Fuck. Yes.
Explosions? Of Violence
Nudity? No

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Director's Showcase #1

Guillermo Del Toro

Guillermo del Toro (born October 9, 1964) is a Mexican director, producer, screenwriter, novelist and designer. He is mostly known for his acclaimed films, Blade II, Pan's Labyrinth and the Hellboy film franchise. His films draw heavily on sources as diverse as weird fiction, fantasy and war.


Guillermo del Toro presents...
Is a label given to a series of foreign language films that would not be as noticed without his name attached. The man knows quality work and wouldn't attach himself to something he wouldn't feel, is worthy or something he wouldn't have made himself.


If he's not directing, he's "presenting" here are a few of his foreign films that may interest you:

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The Dead - 2010

When the last evacuation flight out of war-torn Africa crashes off the coast, American Air Force Engineer Lieutenant Brian Murphy emerges as the sole survivor in a land where the dead are returning to life and attacking the living.

This movie spent more time watching me than the other way around.

The acting is terrible. (It's like everyone is doing their best African Vin Diesel impression) and for a movie about zombies in Africa, you'd think they'd have enough bodies, to not have to kill the same zombie 3 or 4 times.

Hungry Hungry Africans

This has to be one of the worst zombie films that I've tried to watch. It absolutely has to be, and I've seen a lot of Romero films. Smh. To its credit, I managed to get through about 30 minutes. That's 15 minutes longer than I gave Zombie Strippers, so I guess it wasn't that bad.

I refuse to watch the rest of this film, so out of fairness, I won't give it an official score. But fuck everything about this film.

(Unofficial) Out of Ten? 2

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The BBC

BBC programs have been some of the better produced and higher quality shows in existence. Foreign entertainment in general, may be an acquired taste for some, but believe me when I tell you that there is some really good stuff overseas.

American Television has a way of stealing the works from other countries. Knowing that, I figure maybe you'll like the originals better. To that end, I've put together a small list of a few BBC shows that I've really enjoyed. Idk whether or not you're interested in things made outside of the States, but you should give these shows a chance.

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Troll Hunter - 2011

A group of students investigates a series of mysterious bear killings, but learns that there are much more dangerous things going on. They start to follow a mysterious hunter, learning that he is actually a troll hunter.

In Norway, A troll hunter works in secret with the cooperation of the government to hunt and eliminate wild trolls. In order to keep people in the dark, the attacks are disguised as bear attacks and other wild animals.
After many years, he is tired of his job and he allows a young crew to film him as he goes on his last hunt.

Along the way they learn about the existence of trolls and the government conspiracy to cover it up. [Idk if this has a place here, but The trolls can smell Christians. No idea where they were trying to go with that, but I found it funny. - Ed.] By the end of the film, there's a tongue n cheek admission, that trolls do in fact exist, but of course the overall truth is silenced.

You know something, Troll Hunter isn't that good. Yes it starts slow, yes it is humorous and yes the action does pick up, but it bored me. I don't know what to make of this film. I fell asleep twice before I finally got through the whole thing and when I did, I didn't feel like I missed much of anything.

Out of 10? 6.5

I don't get the hype behind the film.

Violence? Yes. Troll violence.
Explosions? No
Nudity? No.

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Triangle - 2009

The story revolves around the passengers of a yachting trip in the Atlantic Ocean who, when struck by mysterious weather conditions, jump to another ship only to experience greater havoc on the open seas.

Spoiler Alert: Cute Chick/Stupid Hat = Instant Death.

Shit happens fairly quickly in Triangle. A seemingly distraught Jennie, boards a yacht with some friends intending to get some peace of mind. The ship runs into a storm at sea and capsizes. After the storm subsides, the survivors find each other and suddenly a ghost ship appears. They board the ship, thinking it salvation.

As the group wanders through the ship, Jennie finds her keys and sees another person. They soon discover that no one is aboard the ship except a killer who is quickly picking them off.

...And That's when the movie starts to pick up. Seriously.

Watch the trailer. I know it doesn't do the film justice, but trust me when I tell you that this film is crazy:

Not, only does Triangle get better as it goes along, this has to be the only movie in existence where the old, "no more bullets, throw the gun" is used and actually fucking works.

I was going to go for a 6.5, but I'm bumping it to a solid 7. Everything comes full circle and Triangle pulls this off pretty well. Plus they threw a gun. It always brings me joy to see that.

This movie blew my mind a bit. Just a lil. But that's how daddy likes it. 

Violence? Yes
Explosions? No
Nudity? No

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La Soga - 2009

A cop works against his country's corrupt government in order to find justice on a case.

La soga is a tale of a Dominican mercenary who is secretly contracted by the police force yet operates outside of the law. As a child, he witness a drug dealer kill his father. Since being recruited by the Police General, his sole purpose is to kill drug criminals who have been deported back to DR. You'll learn that his father was killed by a drug dealer and that is what set him on this path. He waits for the deportation of that same criminal who is now in NYC so that he can finally have his vengeance. To clarify, he doesn't just hunt criminals, there is (of course) a procedure. If you fuck up in the states and get deported, just pay the gov't a protection fee and you're cool. If/when you don't pay, you get to meet...La Soga.

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5 Asian women in american films

 Asia imports many things into the United States: Toys, Cars...robots. However one of their most valuable commodities is hot women. Holding about 1/4th of the world's population, there is no shortage either. The thing is, crossing oceans to prove yourself in the US film industry however, is no easy task.

With that in mind, here are five Asian imports who have made a name for themselves, in Hollywood:

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