Kitchen Nightmares

Kitchen Nightmares has become my official guilty pleasure show. I still think reality shows are stupid, but there's something about this one that draws me in.

In case you were wondering, there is not much of a difference between the British and US versions. The US version puts on that reality show sheen while the British version is more of a regular TV show and in line with what Gordon preaches: "Simple is Better."

Speaking of simple, The narrative is just that and stays the same across the pond:

[Somewhere, there is a restaurant that is failing, Gordon Ramsey answers their call for help, butts heads with the chef/owner, says "Fuck," a lot, changes the decor and eventually everyone triumphs. (At least for a night.) and all of this happens within a week.]

They never stray from the formula and after he leaves, it's up to the restaurants themselves to keep up their successes. I find myself surprisingly interested in the fate of these places.

People love to hate him because no one wants to cheer for assholes and I'm favorably biased towards competent assholes so I like him. Here's the thing you need to accept about Gordon Ramsay, he is the way he is because:

1. He has to be. These people have been coddled and are living in their own world. They've never heard any criticism or taken it well and sometimes tough love is the only way to get through to someone and tell them to stop being so goddamn stubborn.


2. He knows his shit. Anyone would be hard pressed to argue with his track record/body of work. So why don't they deserve to be called out when they do?


3. He could just go away and sleep on a bed of money. He payed his dues and he owes no one anything yet takes time from his own schedule to legitimately help falling business get back on track. He genuinely cares. (or he's the greatest actor ever)


4. He's effective. Obviously he knows what he's talking about so why give him shit for helping (So what if it is in a non PC way)?

He's an asshole with a heart of gold (at least that's how he presents himself) but the fact of the matter is: Your personality/actions will almost always be excused if you know what the fuck you're talking about. Would you take shit from the people you've decided to help? Especially if you're paying them to let you help?

Anyway here are some goodies:

Bonus: A clip from the recently aired Amys Restaurant, the only place he's ever walked out on.

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Quick Hits #13

	Series 7: The Contenders (2001) - The film is set up like a reality tv  program where 6 strangers are chosen at random and given guns to compete in a contest where the only prize is their own lives. The last person left alive Is declared the winner. Keeping true to the reality tv theme, Series 7 Opens with a tv intro, has a narrator, and even comes complete with contestant biographies and confessionals. Watching this film, I laughed a bit more than I thought I would. But I wouldn't really recommend it.  I can see why and I get what they are trying to do, and yet it still drags. At The end, the door was left wide open for a sequel, but I'm hoping no studio is that desperate. Out of Ten? 5.5
	True Lies (1994) - You know, I forgot how fun this movie is. I think this was the last great action movie for both Jamie Lee Curtis and The Governator. I think the pairing of the two as husband and wife was odd, but their on-screen chemistry helped to smooth things out. This was also one of the first of the "my husband is a secret agent" films that you see so prevalent now. Also, we get one of the best one-liners captured on film. As the terrorist is hooked to a missle, Arnold hits the launch button, winks and says, "You're Fired." Classic.
	Galaxy Quest (1999) - A group of Aliens belive a TV space crew to be real  heroes and enlist them to save their people and their planet. Big names were attached to this project, and maybe it was the writing or maybe it was the directing, but something failed along the way. Could have been the concept, but something prevented this flick from being as successful as it should have been. With all that being said, it is still an enjoyable cult fave. Out of Ten? 7
	Time Crimes (2007) - Low budget Spanish thriller about a man who accidentally travels back in time and makes a mess of things as he tries to kill himself to restore the timeline. Despite the wtf feeling that generally accompanies time travel films, the writing is actually sharp and everything no matter how crazy, actually brings everything together. Cohesively. Out of Ten? 6.5

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Tapped - 2009

Examines the role of the bottled water industry and its effects on our health, climate change, pollution, and our reliance on oil.

Documentary involving bottled water vs tap water.

Informative, but gets boring quickly. I found myself wanting to turn it off. I mean, bottled water it's bad, tap is good. What else do I need to know? But I am glad I sat through the film. The documentary does bring up some very interesting truths:

• 40% of bottled water is tap water
• 775 million gallons of oil to produce bottled water.
• Tap water is the natural "enemy" of bottled water
• Bottled water is not regulated by the fda
• They have their own inspectors
• Their records are not made available to the public.
• There is a lot, and I mean a lot of fucked up shit in bottled water.
• Bottled water companies do not transport across state lines. (This means they don't have to answer to the FDA.)
• Bottled water companies pump from one town in each state, and sell the water back to them

Crazy.

I'm sure that if they cut the towns in on the profits, this wouldn't be such a big issue. Money is an equalizer. Hush money tastes and feels much better. But here's the big question, "Will any of this cause me to not drink bottled water in the future?" Probably not. And I think that's where this documentary fucked up. It is true that bottled water is not good for anyone, however it is so readily available that I doubt people care. Especially given the fact that we have good reason not to trust tap water outside of our own homes.

Let's be real. Would you drink tap/fountain water if you saw this?

Out of Ten? 7

Although biased a bit, towards tap water (understandably), Tapped is pretty well done and offers up very interesting factoids about the bottled water industry and their mindset. If you're at all interested, this movie is currently available via Netflix Instant Watch.

Violence? No

Explosions? No

Nudity? No

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Beyond Scared Straight - 2010

'Beyond Scared Straight!' will once again show young offender intervention programs, only these have evolved since 'scaring teens is no longer as easy of a task.' Each episode will focus on a different prison program, following a group of at-risk teens and preteens going through the program and then catching up with them two months later.

Remember the old scared straight videos they used to show in schools? Basically a bunch of troubled teens were confronted by inmates who were in their position at one point in life. Look at the little kid in the poster. He had know clue what he was getting into and he was just posing for a fucking advertisement.

In this series, the spirit is the same, yet the delivery is different. Instead of everyone meeting in a neutral studio setting, the Teens (both make and female) are sent to a correctional institute where they become inmates for a day and receive a crash course on life in prison and each episode gives you a bit of background on the youths, (namely who they are and why they are there) and at the end you get a quick follow up as to their current situation (at the end of production).

The show makes a case of who is in a better position to help the troubled youth? Parents, prisoners, or government? Overwhelmingly, the answer seems to be both prisoners and a taste of prison life. These kids think they are on top of the world. Nothing can touch them, no one can tell them anything and they can do whatever they want. Damn the repercussions. The inmates give them that hard dose of reality that their parents, for whatever reason, have been unable to provide. The guards contribute too and often, yet they aren't as impactful as the prisoners.

The male inmates are pretty straightforward. "I was like you, I effed up. I don't want you to make the same mistake. You're not tough." The stories with the female inmates, however, are the bread and butter of this show in my opinion. Female inmates are ruthless, they look like dudes, and yet because they are women, they can still be nurturing when it comes to helping the teens stay on the right path. Diabla, Green Eyes, and everyone else in there take great strides to help these kids. But they make certain to let the kids know that if push comes to shove and they do end up in the system, they will be owned.

Do you want to get on the wrong side of Diabla? 

My only real gripe with the show is their heavy anti weed status. On one hand, weed really isn't that addictive and it isn't an out and out life ruiner. (2 out of every 10 smokers become addicted.) On the other hand, when you do start so young (some as young as 12 in this show) it does has a higher chance of impeding your decision making, as presumably, you wouldn't have developed that will power as of yet.

Also, the prison experience has a tendency to "break" some of the younger kids. Like the kids that are aged 8-13 really have no business being in the program. 1) Their minds are too young to comprehend why they are even there in the first place and 2) they are waaay to easy to break. And once they're gone, they are way more likely to become withdrawn and enter the system themselves as they get older.

Anyway, enough talking, here are some clips:

Solid series. I think the show is awesome. You can't beat the entertainment value of a "tough as nails" teen reacting to 20+ dudes calling him a bitch and telling him that his ass in danger.

Beyond Scared Straight airs on A&E and season 1 may be available on Netflix Instant Watch.

Violence? No
Explosions? No
Nudity? No

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JCVD - 2008

You're looking at a broken man...with no one to blame but himself.

JCVD is a remarkably candid discussion disguised as a movie. In it, former action star Jean Claude Van Damme plays himself as he tries to restart his career in Hollywood. With brutal honesty, he discusses his current life and why and how his career initially fell apart. In between those scenes, he's being held hostage during a bank robbery and the criminals make it appear that he's become so destitute that he chose to rob it. After a while he goes with it in order to get the money to pay his lawyers fees.

JCVD is actually a pretty good movie and it provides and in depth look into Van Damme's life and struggles and It makes you feel bad for him. You do want to see him succeed. For Fuck's sake, he's Jean Claude Van Damme! Have we forgotten Bloodsport already?! Bloodsport!!!

The movie is about atonement and redemption. Van Damme is conveying to you that he has been his own worst enemy and showing you how he is trying to dig himself out of the hole he's put himself into. It is definitely worth a watch, in my opinion. Take a look at the trailer. It just doesn't seem like one of his usual "Straight to TV movies."

Besides, how can you hate a guy that says something to the effect of "I need to be more selective with my roles going forward, I'm trying to protect my image this time around." and immediately does "Universal Soldier 5?"

Violence? Yes. It may be introspective, but it is still a Van Damme flick.
Explosions? Yes, still a Van Damme flick.
Nudity? No. Not this time.

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Conan O'Brien Can't Stop - 2011

A documentary on Conan O'Brien's comedy tour of the U.S. and Canada after leaving his post at "The Tonight Show" and severing his relationship with NBC.

Filmed during his infamous "break" from television, Conan O'brien Can't Stop is a glimpse into the manic life of everyone's favorite unemployed (at the time) comedian.

As par for the course at the time, there was a candid discussion of the NBC nonsense, and you can see that it really did hurt him. But he'd tell you himself that that buyout helped the healing process. Can't Stop didn't touch too much on his private life, just his work ethic and work-ahol-ism. He drives his employees crazy, but they are family too. His loyal staff including his P.A. Soma, help him through this tour and provide laughs as well.

Mmm...Come for the laughs, stay for Soma...brown-chicken-brown-cow.

What I learned from watching this documentary:

• Conan needs to perform. He has to.
• The "Legally Prohibited From appearing on Television Comedy tour" was a success
• Each arena was sold out
• He regularly stays behind to sign autographs
• He genuinely loves his work and loves his fans even more so
• He is a pretty good guitarist

Out of Ten? 10

It is still a documentary, so don't be surprised at the lulls. However, even at his most depressed, he manages to be entertaining. Conan O'Brien fans, you will love this one.

Violence? No
Explosions? No
Nudity? No

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This Film is Not Yet Rated - 2006

Fed up with the secrecy surrounding the MPAA? This Film is Not Yet Rated is a documentary in which we watch as Kirby Dick documents his efforts to uncover more about the mysterious MPAA, their secret raters, and the criteria for rating movies. In this film, (as of 2006) we uncover the identities of each rater and discover some of their recent movie ratings.



Everyone knows the MPAA is a powerful organization in Hollywood. Their ratings can make or break a movie. Thing is, they are also very subjective as what is okay in one movie is not allowed in the next, and apparently, when confronted they become very secretive. This movie actually provides some leverage and a small measure of revenge for every filmmaker who's had to deal with their system.

Unfortunately, I watched This Film is Not Yet Rated a few years too late, but the impact was the same. For a public organization, The MPAA has always been very vague and secretive regarding the way it operates
and it was actually very interesting to learn about its history, albeit in an unauthorized way.

It is not available on Instant Watch just yet, however the trailer may sell this movie better than I can:

I really liked this flick. It is definitely dated, however it is still entertaining.

Violence? in multiple movie clips.
Explosions? in multiple movie clips.
Nudity? in multiple movie clips.

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Steven Seagal: Lawman

***This is the end of Steven Seagal Week! We had a lot of fun this week and today, we'll end the party with the TV Series, Steven Seagal: Lawman ***

The basic premise of this show is Cops + Steven Seagal = Awesome. (img via-A&E)

Steven Seagal was one of the most popular action stars of the late 80s/early 90s. For "various" reasons, he dropped off the face of the earth and we hadn't heard from him outside of a few Bullshit movies. It turns out that for nearly 20yrs. he is/was a fucking police officer in the town of Jefferson Parrish, Louisiana. A&E somehow realized how awesome this was, and convinced him to allow us to experience this awesome concept.
 

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Pawn Stars

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On the History channel, you can catch Pawn Stars, a reality show about Rick Harrison, and the Las Vegas Pawn shop that he owns and operates with his family.

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Billy The Exterminator

Billy The Exterminator is actually a pretty wicked reality show that you can find on A&E. It is basically about a family who happen to own and operate an extermination business. Billy is the most active son and the one whom the show is centered around.

The family has a good sense of humor and while they do terminate insects, the other pests (beavers, alligators, raccoons, etc.) are handed over to a nature preserve after being checked for rabies. Billy provides the comedic moments as he finds himself in some of the most off the wall jobs. For example, he was once called out to remove a Fire Anthill that was threatening a gator park. In reaching the anthill, he had to cross the gator pond and at one point was surrounded by no less than 10 hungry gators.

While completing his tasks, he provides critical info such as how to find an animals den (beaver/coyote) or how they get into your homes through cracks and crevices (roaches/wasps). Overall, its actually a pretty interesting show and I think you might like it if you gave it a shot on a lazy day.

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Food Wars

One of the best shows you're not watching? Maybe not. But Food Wars is pretty entertaining and Camile Ford is not only hot she's actually kind of entertaining.

The Food Wars are often fought between neighboring restaurants who just happen to serve the the same specialty food and they both claim to have the best version. More often than not, these rivalries are the result of family disputes. In the Chicago Pizza battle, 2 brothers made Jumbo Slices of pizza, 1 changed the recipe against the others wishes and opened his own spot, and thus a food rivalry was born.

Again, its not the best show, and its still admittedly finding its legs, but if you're a foodie or if you like to travel, this show will definitely give you a few ideas on where to go and what to eat.

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