American Muscle (2014)

 

I'm a sucker for a good revenge flick and this low budget, super cheesy film was definitely satisfying.

The plot can be summed up thusly:

John Falcon just got out of prison on a early release for a ten year bid. His mantra in prison, "you owe, you pay!" Has become a way of life and now that he's out, he is on a mission to insure that the people who put him there, repay their debt. 

Basically, some people fucked him over and now he's out to kill them. And apparently get pussy along the way as random women would gladly provide:

"Oh, you just got out of prison? Have some pussy."

"Stabbed in a knife fight? Here's some pussy."

"What? You like sunlight too? Boy, have I got some pussy for you."

It was crazy. I love a gratuitous nudity so I'm not complaining, but still I'm worried some impressionable youth might get the idea that gong to jail guarantees you pussy upon your release. (As opposed to being the pussy once you're in.)

Anyway, American Muscle had all that I want/look for in a, revenge flick. Blood, gore, titty, muscle cars, shitty dialogue...it really did have everything and I enjoyed it.
 

You won't, but you're not me.

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Of violence and nudity
Nudity? Yes

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Rampage: Capital Punishment (2014)

A man takes over a TV station and holds a number of hostages as a political platform to awaken humanity, instead of money.

The Cast:

• Little Bill Williamson
• Ted from Hey Dude
• The Best Damn News Team Ever
• Inept cops
• Civilian Canon fodder

The Situation:

3 years after the events of the first film, Bill Williamson has returned, this time taking control of a local news station in the next stage of his anarchist agenda. He basically wants to Purge the 1% and is imploring people to help him rid the world of the corrupt rich and save the world. 

Sandwiched in between is his slaughter if the 99% which basically amounts to population control.

The Resolution:

People are killed, stuff is blown up and the highly implausible adventures of Little Billy Williamson continue.

------------------------------------------

Line of the film: "What I've done in the past and what I'm doing today, is because there is no gun control."

I can't decide I whether that line is funny or sad, but it rings true either way. 

You've probably never heard of either, but if you're in the mood for a popcorn flick that's just randomly destructive, look no further. The Rampage Series is what postal should have been, --someone going crazy and shooting things-- but it's better as it's own film. Specifically, what sets it apart are the high production values and the obscene amount of destruction caused by one man. In the first film, dude nearly layed waste to an entire town. Capital Punishment, though, is a lot more talky than the first but the story is roughly the same.

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Yes
Nudity? No

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Alone With Her (2006)

A coffee shop waitress has a secret admirer who's been filming her with surveillance equipment, first from afar and then at much closer range.

The Cast: 

• Amy - Our heroine. Secretly watched masturbation bait.
• Doug - His name may not be real but his hidden cameras are.
• Jen -Snowflake Bff. Sniffs out the ruse and gets snuffed out for her troubles

The Situation: 

After falling for a woman who he feels is perfect for him, Doug quickly begins to become obsessed. What starts off as harmless infatuation, becomes darker as he uses hidden cameras to learn her inner most secrets and desires with plans to use them to win her over. Because she should love him. Because they are perfect for each other! Why won't she love him?!!!!

Alone with her is a voyeuristic thriller starring the foxy Ana Claudia Talancon, and the perfect casting choice of Colin Hanks as her creepy stalker. It isn't the greatest movie ever, far from it, but it is decently entertaining (until the third act at least) and she was kind enough to grace us with full frontal (a few times).

I wouldn't recommend it to anyone who isn't truly interested in thrillers and low budget films like these. It is an interesting and for the most part original concept, but it really isn't everyone's cup of tea.

Violence? Yes
Explosions? No
Nudity? Yes
.

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On The Job (2013)

Filipino crime thriller inspired by a real-life scandal in which prison inmates are temporarily released from prison to work as contract killers on behalf of politicians and high ranking military officials.

On The Job, supposedly based on a true story, is about 2 convicts, who are occasionally released from prison to perform the duties of a contract killer. It sounds interesting right? Well, meh.  In concept? Yes. Very intriguing. In execution? No. I say "it was pretty lame."

The movie is about Tatang and Daniel. Tatang, the older of the two, has been informed that he's being paroled. Naturally, Thelma, who he takes orders from, lets him know that she will no longer need his services once he gets out as she wouldn't be able to control him. She asks him to prep Daniel, his cellmate and partner, to take over his role.

On a mission to hit a snitch, Daniel's gun jams and they inadvertently leave him alive. They manage to finish the job at the hospital and narrowly escape after getting into a shootout with police. Thelma is rightfully pissed as the last thing she needs is the national attention coming from a nearly botched job. In addition to all of that, The New chief of the FIB, [Think, FBI but more Pinoy] is the son of an influential man. He is investigating the killings and trying to straddle the line between good guys and bad guys, but his family connections may be too much to overcome.

So this is the thing, I don't think I've ever watched/reviewed a Filipino film on/for this blog. if I have, then disregard this sentence. I find Tagalog to be an interesting language. A unique mixture of English, Spanish and quite possibly Portuguese. That has no impact on my enjoyment or review of this film, just something I felt like typing out.  Anyway, On The Job was supposed to be a tale of corruption, wrapped inside of an crime drama. When they weren't killing people, it was boring. After a while, you're kinda just watching it to watch it. I was curious to see how it ended. Either Tang makes it out or he dies, Daniel dies, or they both get caught and the operation is exposed.

 

  

Violence? Yes
Explosions? No
Nudity? Yes

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Cottage Country (2013)

 

Todd (Labine) wants everything to be just perfect at the family cottage where he plans to propose to Cammie (Akerman). But things go awry with the arrival of Todd's slacker brother Salinger (Petronijevic) and his free-spirited girlfriend Masha (Punch). When Todd accidentally dispatches his irksome sibling with an axe, Cammie is determined not to let murder stand in the way of their happiness.

The Cast:

• Tyler Labine as the straight man pushed too far
• Malin Ackerman as his gf who will not be denied an awesome weekend and potential marriage
• Salinger the obnoxious brother
• Masha his eastern European girlfriend
• Dov, a friend who is investigating the renters

The Story: 

A man rents out his family's Cabin in the Woods (wink) with the express intention of proposing marriage to his girlfriend. That very night, his brother shows up and attempts to throw an obnoxious wrench in his plans, but his girlfriend works to ensure that his sudden and unexpected death does not put a damper on the weekend's plans. 

Cottage Country was not a terrible film, but it was not a fantastic film either. I watched it because I support Tyler Labine and I did find it funny how they inverted Labine's usual role as the obnoxious friend and had him play the boring straight-laced character. By the end if the movie though, not much happened. It started meh, got dark, like a dark comedy should, then somehow lost its way. It'll do for a passable film to watch with your SO if they are into such things. You could do worse and you could do much better. But it'll do. I'm giving it a three because I laughed and the death scenes were pretty good. (In general)

 

Violence? Yes
Explosions? No
Nudity? No

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Only God Forgives (2013)

 

When a cop kills the brother of a British gangster who runs a Bangkok fight club, his crime-boss mother flies in from London to supervise revenge.

 

The Cast:

Ryan Gosling/ Julian
Billy the bro aka Sir DB
Police Chief Chops-A-Lot aka Samurai Cop
Mama (Te quiero, Mamaaaaa!!!!!)
Mai, hot Thai stripper chick.

The Situation: 

Billy and Julian, run a fight club type of operation in Bangkok. Thai men fight, people wager on the outcome and occasionally drugs are passed through.

Billy is a scumbag and he actually deserved to be killed. Raping and killing prostitutes, drinking, beating women and cruising the streets for 14yr old tang? Yep, that's no way to gain sympathy as a character. Julian tracks down his killer and accepts his death as justified. His mother on the other hand, isn't so easily pacified, and she sets off a chain of events and pits the family against the hard edged chief of police, samurai cop who isn't afraid to go above the law and get his hands dirty to stop crime. 

The basic premise behind Only God Forgives is "an unstoppable force meets an immovable object," but with Julian caught in the middle of the chaos. Yes his brother was killed and yes he should want  revenge, but the killing was sort of justified. His mother, on the other hand, wants swift and brutal revenge, not caring that she's up against a samurai cop who is will bring her family nothing but ruin for crossing his path.

-----------------------------

Now I've...had...the time of my liiifffee......

With the exception of The Ides of March, I'd say that Ryan Gosling has been attempting to make the most of his anti hero persona developed in Drive. This film though, doesn't much to help.  He's just in it to look pretty and collect a paycheck. Dude barely talks and except for one scene where he fights (and loses) he doesn't really do shit but look mopey for the entire film. Aside from all of that, it's deliberately slow, painful, and includes a lot of long stares and silence. Tension is supposed to be being built but nothing is really happening other than Karaoke. (Asians sure do like their karaoke)
 

Only God Forgives is like an art house picture film. Like it's trying to be something more than it is. Also, it's a strange movie, Everyone moves like robots. It's weird. Do yourself a favor and don't watch it. Dopest part of this movie is that poster. Which has already been made into a shirt, here

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Of slow paced, well plotted violence
Nudity? Yes? No? Idk. They'd have to throw in a lot of titty to salvage this film.

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Killing Them Softly (2012)

The Cast:

Mark Trapman = Ray Liota. [Should have never opened his trap, man.]
Squirrel = mastermind
Frankie = Does jobs for squirrel. Has a greasy head
Russell = Australian dopefiend. Talks too much
Brad Pitt = Man in Black, hired to figure out/snuff out whoever robbed the card game
Counselor = Mouthpiece for the mafia
Dylan = The Gooch. Say his name, pants are shat.

The Situation:

Frankie and Russell are hired by Squirrel to knock off a card game. It had been robbed before and they never figured out who did it. Mark Trapman eventually confessed and in theory if they knock it off again, they figure he'll get the blame.

When the two guys reunite later on, Russell reveals that there's a contract out on them. Frankie realizes that he may have spilled the beans. So now he's looking over his shoulder and waiting for his number to be called.

Brad Pitt shows up as the guy the mob hires to sniff out and snuff out whoever was responsible. But when he shows up and is ready to get shit done, he finds himself hampered by men with a corporate mentality. None of them want a murder and he's completely dismayed by that.

Russell gets picked up by the cops and Brad Pitt finally catches up with Frankie leans on him a bit and pretty much tells him that he's got a decision to make: give up Squirrel, kill him and walk or feign innocence and get killed later.

The Resolution:

Everybody dies. Except Brad. He's way too cool for that nonsense.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Killing Them Softly is a gritty thriller that was also surprisingly dialogue heavy, which is something I should have figured given its cast. There were also a political undertones, but laid atop a mafia movie.

The Mafia as an organization is portrayed  as a microcosm of the United States and the disruption of their card games is played similar to the plight of the U.S. economy. It's quite annoying to realize this at first, but as you're watching the film with this in mind, it becomes a bit more enjoyable.  

The main theme and plot of the film run parallel to the state of the U.S. and it's economy as the disruption of the mob related card games is shown to disrupt their personal economic stability yet they aren't willing to do what's needed to fix it. So it doesn't seem like I'm taking from my ass, here's a direct allegory: Brad Pitt was brought in to fix their problems, and he's eager to do so, but he finds himself hampered by politics and political pressure. This sound like anyone you know? *cough* Obama what? *cough* *cough*

It's pretty heavy handed, but even if you aren't in tune with the message consider this: At the very least, you'll get to watch Brad Pitt be handsome and shoot some goombas.

Stray Quotage:

"How about a tip?
     Here's a tip, put a condom on with your mouth. And you stop acting like your anus is a national treasure. You're a hooker for christ sakes."

"He's been here three days. What he hasn't fucked, he's drank. He was fucking drunk when I left him at 2:30"

"It's not so much what you've been doing, it's what guys think you've been doing."

"I'm living in America, and here in America you're on your own. America is not a country, it's a business. Now fucking pay me!"

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Of violence
Nudity? No. Surprisingly.

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Sweet Sweetback's Bad Assss Song (1971)

***An iCheckMovies Listed Film***

The Cast:

• Sweet Sweetback
• The Man aka Honky Devils
• The Black Community

The Situation:

After a murder, the police come down to the nearest negro community live sex show to "borrow" a man for their line up. He's just supposed to stand there and make them look good.

Sweetback is sent with the policemen and he stands by as they brutally assault anther black guy in front of him. He snaps, beats them to death and goes on the lam.

He's picked up immediately, but the community comes to his rescue and he flees once again. The police launch a city and statewide manhunt, to bring him in and Sweetback attempts to escape the state knowing he's facing certain death of the honkys catch him.

The Resolution:

He escapes because he's about as crafty as he is uppity. 

---------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 Mario van Peebles is one sorry looking mofo. And I don't mean that in the negative sense, 

I mean that like "this motherfucker just 'looks' Apologetic" sense.

Sweet Sweetback Bad Asssss Song has got to be one of the most ridiculous and pointless movies I've ever seen. This is the type of movie I would watch, then never tell anyone that I had seen it and yes I'm aware of the irony of that statement on regards to this blog. Somehow this was to be made to stick it to the man? I just don't get it. It's not about anything. A black dude beats up two white cops for beating another black dude. This leads to all the white cops in a city wide manhunt for him and all the Black folks helping him out. Funky handshakes and all. No one white can be trusted and all his problems are solved with his fists or his sex, which is literally him just laying still between a woman's legs.

I like the grindhouse/exploitation films because the shit these films could get away with could never be repeated in this era. Never. Case in point, This kid, no more than 12 is getting skins. He's told he has a Sweetback cuz his lovin is so good and he grows into a man before the end of the scene. Meaning that girl, (who is a pedophile btw) has pussy so good it can turn a boy into a man by the time he's reached his fist orgasm. Why is this movie not about her? [Seriously, a movie about cooch so good it can skip puberty and turn a boy into a full grown man? I'm bringing the beer and masturbatory aids.]

As for Sweetback, this man does nothing but lay perfectly still and somehow brings women to wildly orgasm. I figure that either his dick moves on its own and/or he's still 12 and that original pussy made him a grown baby. Seriously, wtf Melvin? Oh wait, let me guess, "you're sorry."

Aww. I can't stay mad at that. Apology accepted

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Of boredom
Nudity? Usually when someone is about to get the D.

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The Man From Nowhere (2010)

***An iCheck Movies Listed Film***

 

 

 

A quiet pawnshop keeper with a violent past takes on a drug- and organ trafficking ring in hope of saving the child who is his only friend.

The Cast:

• Badass that just wants to be left alone
• Little girl who warms his heart
• Druggie mom who dances for dollars
• Korean gangsters who are tough guys until they eat a fist or two

The Situation:

After a woman steals a brick of heroin, Korean Gangsters track her down, cut her up and take her daughter. Their neighbor, a reluctant badass and friend of the little girl, gets caught up in the drama when the thugs knock over his shop and rushes out to save her from a grisly fate.

The Resolution:

Badass man goes full Taken and cleans house in route to save the girl. When he gets some bad news, his pissed off meter goes to over 9000(!!!) and he wrecks even more shop.

//////////////////////////////////////

The Man From Nowhere is one of the best crime thrillers to come from (South) Korea. As it starts off, it seems very similar to The Professional, but it quickly takes a different turn once the ball gets rolling and becomes more comparable to Taken. That's not to say it's the same, but Nowhere borrows from both films while guiding the film down a different path. 

It's a solid foreign flick that's action packed, fight filled and well acted. Here's the trailer so judge for yourself.

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Of fists to the face
Nudity? Itty bitty titty

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The Collector (2009)

So I watched The Collection first and thoroughly enjoyed it. I knew I was going to have to check out the original and I finally got my hands on a copy. So now I'll get to see just how our intrepid hero, Arkin, came to be part of and subsequently escape the collection.

Arkin is a contractor, working on a house out in Nowheresville, USA. He took the job to help his (super hot) baby mama repay her debts to loan sharks as she's planning on taking the kid and disappearing if she doesn't have the money by midnight. The house belongs to a jeweler and in doing contracted work, he's been casing it. Now that his girlfriend needs the money, he's making his move, against the wishes of his partner, Captain xxx from The Wire. Unbeknownst to him, the collector has also been casing the house, and he's come to collect.

Listen, they are going to take you...

At the beginning of The Collector, I was thinking about how it is probably better that I watched its sequel, first, because honestly, if I had watched them in order, I would have quit 35 min into the first. I'm glad I stuck around though, it does get better. It's still ridiculous though and quite frankly I am surprised it got a sequel with a theatrical release.

What I like about the Collector series is how this dude sets up the most elaborate traps within the most ridiculous time-frames. It truly makes no sense, but they are so evil genius and they look so cool that it's easy to overlook. I also found it funny that after being fooled by traps twice, Arkin wises up and he can automatically see all the setups. Including a floor literally full of bear traps. It's very rare that a character gets smarter over the course of a horror film. Plus The Collector just kills and collects. No rhyme, no reason, no back-story. That's both rare and awesome.

So to answer my original inquiry, how did he get collected? Essentially, he was in the wrong place at the wrong time and refused to die

 

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Yes
Nudity? Yes

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Bullet to the Head (2012)

Stallone is a Hitman who's been in and out of jail and has a long string of arrests but few convictions. At a bar after his last job, he is attacked by a dude, and manages to fight him off, but the guy escapes after killing his partner. He's being tracked down by Detective Kwon a.k.a.The "Ninja Ninja Ninja" guy from Ninja Assassin. Kwon offers to team up, and he refuses of course, but after a group of guys attempted to murder Kwon, he figures they share a common enemy and decides to take him up on his offer.

What do you mean there are no Ninja!!!

Bullet to the Head is a simple film with a simple premise: two guys on opposite sides of the law have the same enemies and must team up to get shit done. This includes a girl (played by the super hot Sarah Shahi) who becomes a damsel and the hired goon who is a beast that must be taken down for them to win. 

The thing about this movie is that it's enjoyable. It doesn't take itself too seriously, yet its not too cheesy either. Stallone's character is named Jimmy Bobo for Christ Sakes. The other thing about this film is that there's a lot happening, but at the same time, nothing is happening. I can't really explain it better. There's a lot happening, but it isn't about anything and while the action and violence are right for its context, I wouldn't say it's over the top, but more "right at the line" instead.

In a world of twilight, hangover and Madea, This is the type of mindless action film that we need. Something manly to let off steam. Stallone clearly knows his audience. He even included a motherfucking axe fight!  Smh. I'm not going to say this movie is dope, but I will say that it was satisfying.

That moment when you squeeze a trigger and a little poo comes out.

 

  

Violence? Headshots. Chest shots. Shots shots.
Explosions? He used to be an explosives expert in the war, so now he explosives everything. He'd fuck around and put a bomb in your coffee if you aren't careful.
Nudity? Not a lot, but it's there. You'll be pleased.

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Kill the Irishman (2011)

The true story of Danny Greene, a tough Irish thug working for mobsters in Cleveland during the 1970's.

 
Rags to riches to jail to snitches to riches to death story of a Danny Green, an Irish orphan who became a mafia connected union king pin in the 70's. As most mobster biopics, this one starts slow but is filled with gun play and explosions. ALL the explosions.

Heem cahhn't beee keeled!

Oh, hey, almost forgot. Fat Val Kilmer (aka Val Eatmore) also stars in this flick. I Just thought you should know that.

Despite all the action, and explosions this movie bored me. And I'm a man who loves his "actsplosions"

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Safe (2012)

A former cage fighter's rescue of an abducted 12yr old girl pits them both against Triad gangs, the Russian Mafia and a bunch of corrupt cops.

Mei is an 11yr old Chinese genius who has been blessed with a photographic memory. She has been taken in by the Triad to be used as a counter, to make sure their money is correct in all their interests.

The Stath is a cage fighter who takes dives, hoping that taking a beating will absolve him from his sins. He rubs some people the wrong way and decides to go underground.

Their paths cross after the Stath sees her being pursued on a subway. He hops a train to save her and discovers that they have common enemies. Together, they team up to right wrongs and fight injustice.

 

Well, no, not really, but Safe is actually a pretty decent movie. It's a typical Statham action film that hits on all the usual points: fighting, car chases, shoot outs, etc. It works. I was pleasantly entertained. I feel robbed of a climatic battle at the end, but that was explained away with a pretty good joke.

It's not the best, but something to watch on a lazy day or if you're looking for something entertaining to watch with a female. (They love the Stath). My favorite part off the movie though, was this guy right here:

  You know he means that both ways.

The HAIC of the Triad is James Hong aka David Lo-Pan!!!!!  I love that guy.

Sidenote: Safe was Filmed on the subways and streets of NYC. Meaning that The Stath AND Lo-Pan was in N.Y. and no one told me?! You're all jerks.

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Of violence
Nudity? Nope

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Sushi Girl (2012)

Upon his release from prison, a thief is treated to dinner by his criminal cohorts, but the evening quickly devolves into a violent, bloody ambush.

Six years ago, Max Duke (yeaahh boy) organized a diamond heist. This was Fish's first and only heist with the crew. Things went wrong  after a traffic accident and Fish went to jail keeping his mouth shut and protecting everyone else. Unfortunately for him, the diamonds have gone missing and they think he knows where they are. Upon his release from prison, they organize a dinner party where they dig up the past and probe him for information.

 

In order to celebrate Fish's release from prison, Tony Todd organizes a Yakuza style dinner party. A Sushi platter is served on a woman and the closer you get to her erogenous zones, the more dangerous the food becomes. Including Fugu, the dangerous and poisonous Blowfish. Candyman did always have a flair for the dramatic.

 

Sushi Girl is a heist movie. After a botched diamond heist, one man takes the fall for the crew but is later hassled by them because they hadn't received their cut. (Since losing six years of his life didn't put any money in their pockets.) The point of the dinner is to tie up their loose ends and they resort to torture to try to get the whereabouts of the diamonds.

You know, I'm a sucker for almost any film starring Tony Todd. There's something about him that I just have to watch. You know what else this film offers? Noah Hatahway. Do you know who that is? Mother.Fucking. Atreyu. Child star of The Never Ending Story.

Mother.Fucking. Falcor!!!!

Cast wise? the movie is dope. Even Mark Hamill is in the film. He plays a live action joker!
Story wise? the movie is okay.  

Naked chick on a table wise? I love it.

Violence? Yes
Explosions? No
Nudity? Yes

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Too big to fail?

Q: What happens when you have a project soooo good, that everyone wants to be in on it?

A: You make it an ensemble movie, try to give everyone equal billing, and hope against hope that all of those actors mesh, and the plot is thick enough to support the extra weight.

Hollywood has taken this approach numerous times. Has it worked? Or Has it failed? The answer is yes to both. Personally, I'd say they fail more often than not, but that's a debate for another day.

Today, I'm just listing 10 ensemble flicks. Nothing more, nothing less.

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Posse (1993)

A group of mostly black infantrymen return from the Spanish-American War with a cache of gold. They travel to the West where their leader searches for the men who lynched his father.

I watched Posse because I didn't think I had seen it. But I had. Just not from beginning to end. While the cast put on fine performances, I was still disappointed overall (I'm looking at you deebo). Posse was a decent film, it just didn't captivate me.

 Side Note: An ensemble film about negro cowboys and two of the most famous negro actors you could get at the time were Tone Loc and Big Daddy Kane? 

Also, Billy Zane dies in almost every movie he's in. Just sayin'

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Parker (2013)

A thief with a unique code of professional ethics is double-crossed by his crew and left for dead. Assuming a new disguise and forming an unlikely alliance with a woman on the inside, he looks to hijack the score of the crew's latest heist.

"I can't stop him. He is who he is." - I think that line sums up The Stath perfectly.

In Parker, The Stath is man of ethics and a compassionate thief. Shit. I'd let him rob me. He'd have to keep his shirt on though. Unlike his female fans, I'd rather not have him intimidate me with his body.
So Stath and his crew rob a state fair,  easily netting about 1 mil. After the job is done, they try to convince him to join in on the next plan. Once he refuses, he is betrayed by his crew and left for dead.

Only he doesn't die....He gets pissed.

Dun-dun-dunnnnn

 Cowboy hat Statham comes with a terrible Texas accent.

First thing he does after waking up in a hospital is choke out the nurse. Shit man, it's hard enough to be a male nurse even harder for a black dude, without the white man literally choking him out. Second, is steal an ambulance, patch himself up and get to work tracking them down. The bad guys, knowing that Parker is coming, reach out for help from their Chicago mob partners, and they immediately intervene. Problem is they've only pissed him off more. At one point he actually says, "no one likes chaos." Which is funny because no one actually liked Chaos. It sucked.

I forgot that Jennifer Lopez was in this movie. She kinda sucks, but she's pretty to look at. Although she reeks of desperation. Listen Lopez, Stath is too busy choking out minorities and delivering ass whoopings. You think he cares about Latinas? Ah, of course he does! Stath loves the cooch. Even if it's been with Diddy.

Sorry, rant over.

He doesn't immediately know where they are, so a lot of the film is him tracking then down. And Jennifer Lopez being in his business. You're not a goddamn detective, Lopez. This isn't out of sight. Shut the fuck up and let this happen. Also she's pretty smug for someone who's so desperate.

Okay, rant officially over.

Soooo...This happened...

His plan is to allow them to complete their heist, kill them and take the money for himself. But it's a lot of nothing until then.  The day before the heist, he is a attacked by Chicago's best enforcer in his hotel room. Stath knocks him out in a bathroom, but you know there's no way dude was not going over the balcony. And then he went over the balcony. Thus fulfilling the prophecy. The rest of the film occurs how you would expect, shooting, killing and getting away.

Parker is a capable movie. It's more of a heist movie than a revenge flick but unfortunately it is hampered by JLO. Outside of that and it's nearly two hour running time, it's decent. It should be better though. All this guy does is steal cars and shoot people. It's like his life is Grand Theft Auto. If anything, watch it with another. There's enough drama (and J Lo) to keep her interested and enough action to keep guys satisfied. And they effectively eliminated any chance for a sequel. Can't ask for anything else.

Plus the bad guys consist of Michael Chiklis and Bunk from the Wire. (Took me way too long to realize who it was) and Nick Nolte is also in this film. Nick fucking Nolte. He plays The Staths father in law. Dude sounds like he's been living off a steady diet of cigarettes and shame.

 

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Yes
Nudity? Peek a boob (Not JLo)

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Death sentence (2007)

Nick Hume is a mild-mannered executive with a perfect life, until one gruesome night he witnesses something that changes him forever. Transformed by grief, Hume eventually comes to the disturbing conclusion that no length is too great when protecting his family.

Kevin Bacon is not a badass. Bless his heart though, he really tries here. Death Sentence over reaches and tries to force you to care about his family, so when he hurts, you hurt and when he kills you cheer. I hate being force fed emotions. That shit turns me off as a viewer. I expected better. Shit, I started to cheer for the gang after a while. Logic being, the quicker he is killed, the quicker this crap ends.

Plus, I refuse to believe that Kevin Bacon can go From happy feet to packing heat and be intimidating. Don't get me wrong, there is obviously a story in between, but Death Sentence does not tell it correctly.

  

                                     

Violence? Yes
Explosions? No

Nudity?  No

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Killer Girl K (2011) [TV Series]

After her mother is kidnapped and killed, a young woman who was (already quite bad ass) joins a shadowy group to get the revenge training she needs. When she eventually accomplishes that task, she wants to retire. But to do so she'll have to fight her way out of the company.


Killer Girl K/Little Girl K is an action filled Korean series. It doesn't break new ground, but it does look good and the fight scenes are well done.

             

Sexy. Bad Ass. Women. They even did an their own stunts.

Here's a fight scene that I think you'll enjoy. Decide for yourself if it's worth checking out or not:

Violence? Yes
Explosions? No
Nudity? Yes

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