Too big to fail?

Q: What happens when you have a project soooo good, that everyone wants to be in on it?

A: You make it an ensemble movie, try to give everyone equal billing, and hope against hope that all of those actors mesh, and the plot is thick enough to support the extra weight.

Hollywood has taken this approach numerous times. Has it worked? Or Has it failed? The answer is yes to both. Personally, I'd say they fail more often than not, but that's a debate for another day.

Today, I'm just listing 10 ensemble flicks. Nothing more, nothing less.

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Collector sets

***Needless to say, this refers to collector' sets that you can get ON SALE. Paying full price for any collector's set is never worth it.***

The thing about buying collectors sets, is that they often include some piece of shit sequel/prequel that you don't want. So the question becomes, "Is it worth it?" And by that I mean, "Can I stomach paying for and actually owning this bad film?"

Well, depending on the film series, I say you're allowed (at most) 2 bad films in a collectors set. I break it down like this:

3 film set = 1 bad film
4 film set = 1 bad film
5 or More films = 2/3 bad films.

It's all about averages. And most films offer about one bad flick per series. Once you get 2 bad films, the value of the set decreases and you aren't getting your money's worth. ie, you are actually wasting money buying crappy films and you'd do better buying them individually.

The question is, are you getting enough value with the set to justify buying that bad film? In my opinion, the answer to that depends on the movie(s), the design of the set and any promotional material and special features that come with it.



For example:

Hellraiser.
Not every movie in that series was good. But I love, love, love, this box set. Look at its design. See how it tries to distract you from that fact that one, or more of these movies sucked? It's a goddamn puzzle box. That's so dope. 

via (horrordvds.com)

The Avengers

Love the Blu-Ray box set, but I'm not a fan of every movie.(Iron Man 2, Ed Norton's Hulk, Avengers) But the set comes in a S.H.I.E.L.D. briefcase. Again, dope. It's a six disc set, and according to my theory, there were guaranteed to be about 2 or 3 that I don't like, so I'd buy this set.



Spiderman

via (comicbookmovie.com)

Let's look at this logically. The first Spiderman was good. Second decent and the Third was outright trash. 

You could spend the money on this box set, but why even bother allowing the third movie into your house? Such a lame design as well. I could stomach one bad film, but I would only buy 1 of these and that would be Pt. 2 if he didn't take off his mask so fucking much.

Die Hard

Via (dvdextra.hu)

I like John McClaine. He's a good dude. But the Die Hard series needs to stop. On the surface, this looks like a fantastic box set. But if you drill deeper, you'll see why I wouldn't pick it up. Yes it comes with a book, and a complete behind the scenes disc. But, it also comes with Live Free or Die Hard, A Good Day to Die Hard, and to a lesser extent, Die Hard 2: Die Harder.

Anyway, those are just a few examples; Two good and two bad.  Ultimately, it will come down to if you like the films or not. You are guaranteed to think at least one of the movies in a box set will suck though.

You're welcome to prove me wrong.

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Speak on It!!! - Rapper/Actors

While some would make the case that rappers are not actors, I would be willing to take the opposite stance. Rappers are in fact actors. They act gangster or hood, intelligent or dumb, and rich and or poor. The question is, can they translate that to the big screen and more often than not, the answer is a resounding "No." Now true, there have been a few who have crossed over but there have been a lot more who have not.

What is the difference between the guys on top:


And the guys below?



The difference is marketability and acting talent. The exceptions to this rule are 50 Cent, Master P and Jay-Z. Master P and Jay-Z are fucking moguls. So no one besides them, expects them to be actors; They are just so bad though. 50 Cent is marketable, but he cannot act.

Everyone else here just can't act. Period.

Also, he may try to block it out, but I'll make damn sure you don't ever forget about Marky Mark!

Stay Funky.

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The Fall of the Action Hero

I lament the fall of our Big Damn Heroes. Van Damme fell into drugs and only wants to do "serious films" (like Universal Soldier 5), Steven Segal is a lawman, Wesely Snipes decided he was too good to pay his taxes, and Arnold is Governing. What is going on? Obviously, I knew the times would change, but how long before we return to the "kick ass, take names" action flick?

Of the original action stars, Sly Stallone is the only one still kicking (barely). Lucky for us, it seems he's trying to pass the torch, but who will take it? If you've seen Black Dynamite and Blood and Bone, you'd know that Michael Jai White is certainly a capable candidate. Terry Crews has the build, but he can't carry a movie solo. Dwayne "Don't Call Me The Rock" Johnson was too busy carving his name in the "family friendly" market, but he's finally stepping his game up (Faster/Fast 5). Jet Li is both too short & too Asian, & Jason Statham is too likely to remove his shirt and the world just can't handle Danny Trejo (Machete). The current solution is to just pair them up in an ensemble movie. The Expendables Series = Equal screentime, equal badassness. (Even Chuck Norris is signed onto that)

So my question is who will step up and be the next "Big Damn Hero(es)?" Do we need one? Are ensemble action movies our only choice now? Hopefully those answers will come soon. There's nothing left to do in the meanwhile but wait. Somedays, however, I'll catch Commando, or Kick-Boxer, or even Passenger 57 and wonder aloud, "What happened?"



The Expendables (2010):

The Expendables 2 (2012):

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Versitile Actors

It is a given that acting is harder than it looks. However, there are a few who make it look genuinely easy. These are the Versatile Actors. They can blend into any role, raise the quality of the work, act circles around the cast and steal the scenes they are in. Basically, these guys are the cream of the acting crop and worth every penny.

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They Died Too Soon...

***Editor Note: This list was done in 2010, and as much as I hated 2011 year in movies, I'm sure I'm missing at least one or two characters. Hit the comments, let me know your thoughts.***

King Leonidas - 300

Spartans are warriors and they always fight to the death. But it takes a special type of badass to defy the laws of his own country and lead a team of 300 men who nearly toppled the Persian Empire. Plus he kicked a dude into a bottomless pit and nearly speared Xerxes to death.

Angeline Jolie - Wanted

Honestly, I didn't like Wanted, but there is no denying that Fox was a bad ass assassin. True, some of her scenes were over the top, but the opening scene in which she fires a shotgun out of a moving car, during a high speed chase, while steering with her feet and shitting on the new guy, earned her the distinction of making this list.

Tony Montana - Scarface

One of Pacino's greatest performances. Tony Montana went from a penniless Cuban immigrant to a millionaire drug lord. He was badass even until the end, nearly taking out every one who stormed his house all while high as fuck. Cocaine is indeed a hell of a drug.

John Creasy - Man on Fire

What. A. Character. John Creasy marked Denzel's second foray into Badassery after playing Det. Alanzo Harris In Training Day. After the child Creasy is bodyguarding disappears, he tears through the Mexican mob in search of her. At one point, he even places a bomb in some poor dude's ass. Yep, it was a bad time for villainy when John Creasy was around.

Doc Holiday - Tombstone

Val Kilmer, like him or not, has played some awesome characters in his career. However, he will never top his portrayal of Doc Holiday in Tombstone. Dude got up from his deathbed, just to participate in the final gun brawl. I think that alone solidifies his place on this list.

Gunnery Sgt. Hartman - Full Metal Jacket

R. Lee. Ermy is a legit badass who has played many variations of that in his acting career. His most famous role was that of Gunnery Sgt. Hartman In Full Metal Jacket. He verbally destroyed the new recruits while simultaneously making himself a character we'd never forget.

Big Daddy - Kick-Ass

In a world w/o superheroes, one man took it upon himself to not only teach his daughter how to become a lethal killing machine, he also dressed up in costume with her and wrecked shop. I can forgive the fact that this was Nicholas Cage in a costume. Big Daddy was a legit character.

Juno - The Descent II

Juno led her crew on a spelunking expedition into a cave system that was previously undiscovered. When shit got real however, so did she. Little to no hesitation or remorse as she pick-axed, clawed, and fought they cave mutants.

Bill The Butcher - Gangs of New York

Daniel Day-Lewis is so selective with his roles that nearly every character he plays is badass in one way or another. While some may go with his oil baron in There Will Be Blood, I'm choosing, Bill the Butcher.

Colonel Miles Quaritch aka Colonel Gunz

When he's not benching 250lbs in a tiny wife beater, Colonel Gunz breathes badassery. Not only was he shot with two giant arrows, he pilots a mechanical suit while on fire, and pursues those eco pussies in a known toxic environment without even thinking of oxygen until his clip was empty. All. Man.

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More Things Change, Denzel Stays The Same

**Don't ask me where I'm going with this. It is just something I've been holding onto. I figure that since I have a blog, I might as well make a post.**

So I was conversing with a coworker the other day and we started taking about Safehouse(2012), the new Denzel movie. Besides the fact that it's an apparently decent film, I noted that denzel plays the same character in every movie. She disagreed.

Essentially, that discussion led to this post.

Now don't get me wrong, When I say Denzel plays the same character, I don't mean the same exact, just the same qualities or characteristics amongst genres. For instance, I'm sure you can take his character from one film, swap it with another and have essentially the same film.

[Now, to be fair, this doesn't work with crossing genres. Action characters aren't the same as Dramatic characters, so naturally, they won't make good examples. But within those genres, you can essentially swap and have (roughly) the same film.]

For example, Try pulling Man on Fire Denzel and swapping him with The Book of Eli Denzel. Can you not see that as the same film (more or less). Why not swap Philadelphia Denzel for John Q Denzel? Concept still stands. Understand that I don't mean any of this as a knock on him or his talent, as each of his performances are consistently good. For the record, he's hardly the only one. Morgan Freeman does this as well as Jack Nicholson. They are all equally accepted as awesome, so no one points this out. I just find this interesting.

So, Denzel, Jack, Morgan. Who am I missing?

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Eye Candy Actresses - Addendum

What started as a list of spillovers in 2010, became a full list in 2012 as the names piled up. 

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Manly Cinema

The movie landscape has changed. No longer do we have the macho man shooting and kung-fuing people, sexing women and swearing like a sailor the whole time. We get movies about Kung-Fu Pandas, and pussified heroes, shitty versions of Bond and a general "family friendly" atmosphere. I'm not against a family atmosphere, movies can be broad and all encompassing. But the "protect the children" line  and the "let's not be offensive to anyone" is being used to wipe out all traces of our former masculinity.

Everything offends somebody. When does protecting children mean we should shun the action hero who kills the bad guys and sexes the ladies? Its really been few and far between for 1 man army movies (Taken, Rambo, Predator, Black Dynamite)

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5 Asian women in american films

 Asia imports many things into the United States: Toys, Cars...robots. However one of their most valuable commodities is hot women. Holding about 1/4th of the world's population, there is no shortage either. The thing is, crossing oceans to prove yourself in the US film industry however, is no easy task.

With that in mind, here are five Asian imports who have made a name for themselves, in Hollywood:

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Eye Candy Actresses: The Sequel

In Part One, I wrote about women who are more "Eye Candy" than actors. In part two, I'll provide you with a few who I feel are "on the bubble" so to speak. These actresses are hot, but their acting skills are in question.

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3 Reasons You Suck...

 

...A-Team edition


1) Ridiculously over the top Action. Seriously, have you seen the
trailer? At one point, they are shooting down planes while falling
through the air in a tank. *sigh*

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3 Reasons You Suck...

           (via)

...The Karate Kid (aka Karate Kid Black around here)

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Eye Candy Actresses

Eye candy is a staple of every movie and even in a shitty movie, it is more than welcome. Sometimes though, it just seems like Hollywood quit, and decided to cast the pretty chick in order to collect more $$$. The philosophy is this: "Who cares what she says or how? As long as she's there, the $$$ will flow!" So 9 times out of 10, Hollywood will cast an "actress" who is not required to say more than a few lines here and there. To that end, I've put together a list of a few women who I feel are guaranteed to make a studio money with minimal to no acting skills required.

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3 Reasons You Suck...

...Get Him to the Greek.

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Karate Kid Black

Here is the trailer for the Karate Kid Black starring Jaden Smith (Will's kid) and Jackie Chan.

"Karate Kid Black" just sounds smoother...

Also:

 

Image via - (Great New Movies)

Thoughts after the jump.

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First Post

Welcome to the site. I have seen a lot of movies, old and new and I have no idea where to begin. I'm probably getting in over my head here, but if this doesn't work, I'll just add it to the pile of things I've failed at so far in life.

Well, Let's get started.

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