Dragonball: Battle of Gods (2014)

As in every DBZ feature, the Earth is either threatened or under attack and Goku sets out to save us. This time, our villain is Beerus, the God of Destruction. Awakened from a 39yr slumber, he seeks out a fight with a Super Sayan God. Not finding a worthy challenge among the remaining Sayans, and after defeating ALL of the Z-Fighters, he decides to destroy Earth. Goku, champion fighter and savior of Earth, learns that in order to have the strength to challenge pyrrus he must become a god himself. 

Goku vs Beerus is one of the best fights they have animated. Not because of the action, but because of the story development. Goku's been humbled by a stronger fighter and realizes that he cannot win without using power borrowed from his friends, and he hates every minute, lamenting that the God form is something that he'll never be able to achieve on his own. He's vulnerable. I can't remember the last time that's happened.

Anyway, I had been looking forward to watching this flick ever since it was announced and admittedly, I could be biased by nostalgia, but I feel that Battle of Gods Lived up to its hype. I thoroughly enjoyed all of it. The humor, the fights all the references and cameos. All of it. It also summed up the events of Dragon Ball and Dragon Ball Z so that new viewers could jump right into this story.

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Yes
Nudity? No

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G.I. Joe Resolute (2009)

Listen, I'm fairly certain that I've written about this masterpiece once before but if not, here goes:

G.I. Joe Resolute is just about the best G.I.Joe film/resurrection the property has ever seen. Yes, even better than Retaliation. 

Now, I know what you're thinking: "Crowe, no. They took another beloved children's toon and ruined it, chasing dollars." No. Actually they took a beloved children's cartoon and turned it into something it should have been all along: a team of commandos, taking out a team of ruthless terrorists by any means necessary.

Doubt me?  Here's are a few reasons I gave it that star total below:

• Look at that fucking poster. That doesn't sell you?
• It was aired on the cartoon fucking network and wasn't TV Y-7
• They explained away the cobra commander's uselessness and made him into a complete badass at the same damn time.
• Snake eyes 
• Motherfucking Snake Eyes
• There's a red and blue laser reference with comments on how no one can shoot
• Motherfuckers actually die. Like for real.
• The Joes are almost as ruthless as  Cobra
• The Baroness. Say what you will about Lady Jaye, but the Baroness is where it was at. Jet black hair, glasses, an accent? *wait, uh, are anyone else's pants getting tighter art this moment?* anyway she was the type of girl you could not bring home to mama and she knew it.
• It didn't have The RZA teaching Snake Eyes (or Storm Shadow) Kung fucking Fu.

I stand by what I've said above, despite the lack of Dwayne Johnson, Resolute was better than Retaliation.

In retrospect, I think Retaliation took a few of their cues from Resolute. At the least, I doubt these three things are Coincidental:

• Cobra Commander being a ruthless bad ass
• The inclusion of Road block
• The inclusion of Firefly
• The destruction of a whole country 

 

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Yes
Nudity? No

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The Raid 2: Berendal (2014)

Only a short time after the first raid, Rama goes undercover with the thugs of Jakarta and plans to bring down the syndicate and uncover the corruption within his police force.

The Cast:

• Rama is back kicking ass and generally being a badass superman
• Mob boss' son. Dude was just too handsome to think straight. This caused a lot of drama
• Bejo - Upstart mobster. Big plans include mob son
• Mob boss Thai. Calm and collected
• Mob boss Japan. Also calm and collected
• Hammer girl because anyone that can do what she does with a hammer gets my undying affection

 

The Situation:

Directly after the Events of The Raid, Rama is recruited by a team of shadowy police agents whose main goal is to discover and eliminate corrupt cops.  They ask him to go undercover at a prison and befriend the son of a powerful mob boss in order to help them out.

Not too long after, shit gets unbelievably real.

Oh, and there's a Claw Hammer fight. Old Boy's hammer scene was good, but Berandal's hammer scene(s) took that one out to the back and shot it.

-------------------------------------

The Raid 2 is unquestionably one of the hardest movies I've ever had to review. If you go back and read my review for the first, you will see that I offer nothing but gushing praise:

The best part?: They get that shit [the plot] out of the way within 10 minutes. There's nothing but action after that point and this has to have been one of the best pure guy films I have ever seen. I can overlook the so-so ending, because the start to finish action easily overshadows it.

While Berandal is everything Redemption was (and then some), I just feel like there's something off. Thing is I can't quite explain what it is, so I end up sounding like some lunatic who can't decide whether he's team Raid or not. I'm Team Raid all the way, I just  think it was the running time. 2 1/2 hrs of Ass Kicking Violence is wild, but to be fair, the time flies. Maybe it was the one man superman narrative that they gave Rama? In the first film he had a team, in this one he's wrecking shop solo.  I've been saying to anyone who will listen that Berandal will take the series away from its roots, and it did to an extent, but the action really was fast and furious. Idk man. Something is off and something is bothering me about it, but I really have no idea what it is.  Since watching it though, I have realized that comparing it to the first will not get me anywhere and I've learned that technically, Berendal was supposed to be the first film, but they didn't have the funding and Redemption was made as a way to raise funds. Looking at it like that I can't hate it. I'm on the fence of whether to watch it again though and promote it as much as the first. I think that's what's bugging me. 

I have no reservations towards scoring this film high. I do not think it was better than the first, but that is probably just diminishing returns. I do recommend Berendal to any Raid fans, but I am not a fan of the running time. A lot happened in this film though. Chances are there will be a sequel, but where they go and how will be anyone's guess.

Violence? Ultra. There's a bad guy who is a Claw Hammer expert

Explosions? Pffft of Hyper Violence. Claw Hammer dude. Claw Hammer.

Nudity? Actually, Yeah. That happened.

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The Man From Nowhere (2010)

***An iCheck Movies Listed Film***

 

 

 

A quiet pawnshop keeper with a violent past takes on a drug- and organ trafficking ring in hope of saving the child who is his only friend.

The Cast:

• Badass that just wants to be left alone
• Little girl who warms his heart
• Druggie mom who dances for dollars
• Korean gangsters who are tough guys until they eat a fist or two

The Situation:

After a woman steals a brick of heroin, Korean Gangsters track her down, cut her up and take her daughter. Their neighbor, a reluctant badass and friend of the little girl, gets caught up in the drama when the thugs knock over his shop and rushes out to save her from a grisly fate.

The Resolution:

Badass man goes full Taken and cleans house in route to save the girl. When he gets some bad news, his pissed off meter goes to over 9000(!!!) and he wrecks even more shop.

//////////////////////////////////////

The Man From Nowhere is one of the best crime thrillers to come from (South) Korea. As it starts off, it seems very similar to The Professional, but it quickly takes a different turn once the ball gets rolling and becomes more comparable to Taken. That's not to say it's the same, but Nowhere borrows from both films while guiding the film down a different path. 

It's a solid foreign flick that's action packed, fight filled and well acted. Here's the trailer so judge for yourself.

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Of fists to the face
Nudity? Itty bitty titty

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This Is The End (2013)

Wanted to see this movie when it dropped. Funds wasn't right just then. The stars have finally aligned. 

The Cast:

Seth Rogan, Jonah Hill, Jay Baruchel, Craig Robinson, James Franco, Danny McBride star as themselves. Plus Tons of celebrity cameos including Rihanna, a coked up Michael Cera, and a fiery Emma Watson.

The Situation: 

Jay Baruchel comes to LA to visit Seth Rogen for the weekend. They go to James Franco's house for a party and not soon after earthquakes and the destruction of society as a whole. The guys hold up in the house, board up the windows and doors and try to wait it out. 

Jay floats out the idea that it's the rapture but that is shot down. Yet slowly reaffirmed.

Stray Quotage:

"This place is like a piece of me. You've just stepped in me.
Sweet, you let us come inside you."

"Sick reference, bro. Your references are always out of control."

"Just because a bunch of people fell into a hole outside, doesn't mean we can't have fun."

"Is Michael Ceras butthole as cute as I pictured?"

"A huge earthquake comes, who do they rescue first? Actors."

"We're all actors. We pretend to be hard. We're soft. We're all as soft as baby shit."

This is the End is hilarious. I Thoroughly enjoyed it although I think it went on a bit longer than it should have, it was so well put together that I can't hold that against it. Granted I'm late to the party, but I really can't talk more about it because it's too easy to spoil. So go watch it. Then come back.

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Yes
Nudity? No

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Rambo IV (2009)

In Thailand, John Rambo joins a group of mercenaries to venture into war-torn Burma, and rescue a group of Christian aid workers who were kidnapped by the ruthless local infantry unit.

So I'm browsing the site (like you should all be doing) and I realize that I never put up a review for the latest (and greatest) Rambo movie.

First off, John Rambo is a Mother.Fucking.Beast. Dude goes into Burma, rips out throats and damn near destroys the entire Burma army.  Why the Burman army you ask? Well, FUCK THE BURMESE ARMY! That's why.  They were so cartoonishly over the top evil that you would not care how they met their end because they deserved it.

The Burma Commander's sole purpose was to stand around, look tough, smoke and scream, "Dak dlak. Alack lack dlacka!" While his soldiers completely put the Vikings to shame in the way they ransacked and destroyed two villages and everyone within.

You'd have to watch it to fully understand, but by the time Rambo got through with them, you'd be standing and applauding. There's no one more American than John Rambo and did I mention that he ripped out a man's throat with his bare hands? 

Deepthroated - Click the Pic to watch.

Honestly I feel like the hyper violence was a distraction tactic and I think he was just trying to get us to look past his age. Thing is, I do not care...Okay, I cared a little, but Rambo IV released during a time when we needed a movie like this. At the time, the top film at the box office was either Paul Blart or Beverly Hills Chihuahua. Fuck that. I'd take an old ass Rambo, or even Rambo in space if it's attached to action like this.

 

Violence? He shot someone point blank with an M-50
Explosions? Dude blew up an un-detonated bomb from Vietnam.
Nudity? Yes. Dem Burmese is crazy.

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Justice League: The Flashpoint Paradox (2013)

The Reverse Flash aka Zoom, sets up a plan to erase the Flash and blow him up along with his museum, and a few blocks of the city. He straps bombs to himself, Flash and each of his Rogues, but the Justice League (yes, even Aquaman) shows up and helps to disarm them. The next morning, Barry Allen wakes up to a world where his mother is alive. He learns that in this world, he's powerless, the Flash doesn't exist and Aquaman and Atlantis are at war with Wonder Woman and the Amazons and that war threatens to destroy humanity. 

Apparently, Aquaman was laying down some Aqua Lovin to Wonder Woman, showing her how it's done under the sea.  Fishy Style. His wife took offense and lost her head. Wonder Woman took her crown next and war was soon declared.

Flash discovers that at some point he has traveled through time and changed something which has completely altered the timeline. With that in mind, he works together with Batman and Cyborg to first find Superman, then to stop the war and find a way to travel backwards through time to fix whatever happened to the time stream.

While Flash is out saving the world, Zoom finds the time to sit back and enjoy a nice cup of coffee.

The Flashpoint Paradox is a quick and dirty movie featuring caneos from many of DC comics famous characters. Including Luthor, deathstroke, Cyborg, clayface and even Etrigan makes an appearance. Actual killing occurs and Aquaman finally gets his due as a bad ass character (Too bad for him it's in an alternate universe. Womp Wamp.)

Believe me when I say that Flashpoint is good. Damn good. It was just as good as Doom and I was definitely digging the animation and cool visual effects and super excited that there's finally a DC movie that has some blood death and destruction. It's like when animated movies aren't about Superman, they can get so much darker. There was a fucking decapitation! Shit was real. 

Sometimes just the idea of Superman can be a detriment to the brand and it sucks that they had to go to a different timeline to do a darker story, but I like it. One thing I learned from this film though, is that it doesn't matter which universe he's in, Batman will always be a goddamn bad ass.

 

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Yes
Nudity? No

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Space Jam (1996)

Michael Jordan agrees to help the Looney Toons play a basketball game vs. alien slavers to determine their freedom.

After the Toons are challenged to a high stakes basketball game, the villainous Swackhammer, creates a team of ringers and steals the talent of several NBA players, ensuring his teams victory. So what do the looney tunes do? Kidnap Michael Jordan and get him to play with their squad. (duh!) Reluctant at first, he agrees when he realizes that he's the greatest player and he gets to spread his dominance all over the faces of the Monstars (especially since they were actual NBA talents and he gets off on that.) So what happens towards the end? Jordan is Jordan, wins the game in the clutch and becomes a goddamn toon in the process! Dude was a beast!

All Star Squad!!!!

• Space Jam had done what no other movie could at the time; combining the talents of three different assholes, finding a medium and adding music to create a fantastic experience.


• Michael Jordan - Hands down one of the greatest NBA players ever and no so secret asshole.


• Bill Murray- one of the greatest comedians and not so secret party crasher/sarcastic asshole.


• The Looney Tunes - great animated Comedy Team, headed by Bugs Bunny one of the most recognizable and sarcastic asshole characters in existence
• Basketball - the only sport that goes hand in hand with Michael Jordan. You could do a AA baseball movie, but fuck you, Hitler. Let's not remember that bullshit.


• The Quad. City. DJs. - have you ever rode the train?! The Muthafuckin' choo-choo train?!!

There was no way this movie could not be awesome. Failure was not an option. True, the Toon Squad had to cover for Jordan's acting inexperience but he covered for their lack of b-ball skills. Bill Murray on the other hand, took the the role of player/coach/one liner King. He was just happy to be there. Unsurprisingly, Daffy was jealous, but he stayed in his lane.

Overall, The Toon Squad did their thing. Bugs was distracted by Lola, but he managed to get his head in the game (first), and help in the victory. Plus, Bugs rapped over and killed a track. Idk how he convinced Jordan not to spit a quick 16, but he's a sarcastic winner/beat killer who also courted Jordan and is one of the most recognizable toons? You just know he got that victory bunny later.

There's also the Monstars Anthem, which as you know, is dope, but The Monstars were the bad guys. Smh.

Bugs Bunny Kills A Track:

The Monstars' Anthem:

The Space Jam: 

Violence? No
Explosions? No
Nudity? No

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The King Of Kong (2007)

Documentary covering the attempt of a man to break the Donkey Kong world record and the current (at the time) record holder's attempt to stop him.

The battle of the century was set to take place. Steve Webbe would attempt to break the worlds highest score in Donkey Kong. Billy Mitchell, the current record holder, would do anything in his power to not let that happen.

Walter Day (old guy) was clearly influential in getting the video game culture off the ground. And if you'd like to learn a bit more about him and Billy Mitchell, check out Chasing Ghosts another solid documentary.

I don't want to spoil too much by writing about it but I think that everyone, even people with a passing interest in video games would enjoy this doc. It's the basic tale of an underdog taking on a powerhouse, but there's a lot of twists and turns along the way to keep you hooked.

The King of Kong is an excellent documentary that is so compelling that you invest in the characters. It sucks you in. You want Steve to win, you want Walter to eat a dick, and more importantly, you'll want to see Billy Mitchell fail, if only because of the way he continues to win.

 Billy Mitchell. He knows people hate him. He cultivates it. Radiates it.

Violence? No
Explosions? No
Nudity? No

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Singham (2011)

A humiliated gangster, Jaikant Shikre, uses his influence and goon power to terrorize a newly transferred police officer while trying to win the elected seat of Minister. Super Inspector Bajirao Singham will have his hands full watching his back, protecting his woman and cleaning up the police force, all while trying to take down Shikre before the election.

Jaikant Shikre is a ruthless smooth talking gangster. He owns Goa and essentially does what he wants. His intention is to run for government, knowing that if he is elected, he'll be untouchable. His misdeeds eventually land him in the crosshairs of super Inspector Bajirao Singham.

 

Singham=Indian Jon Hamm

Singham is the embodiment of justice. He is an uncorruptable honest cop who not only has his own theme song, his intro includes singing and dancing, cool shades and slow motion walking. Also, According to his song, he destroys evil and never lets bad guys escape.

Because this is a Bollywood movie, there has to be some type of love story and or signing and dancing-- Singhams into notwithstanding-- so we get to watch Singham develop as a character as he meets and falls in love with Kavya Goatum, the daughter of a guy who used to live in the village. He saves her honor and after spending time with each other, she eventually drops the L word. He's initially taken aback but after a song and dance montage he comes to accept his true feelings for her.

With that out of the way, we can get back to the good stuff. During their first confrontation, Singham gets the upper hand and reminds Shikre that he is nothing but criminal scum. Embarrassed, he leaves immediately and sets about plans for revenge. He gets Singham transferred to Goa and outright threatens to kill him because he runs that place and there's no one there that can stop him.

Singham is definitely entertaining and the beauty of it is, I can't tell whether it is intentionally over the top or not. Either way it's glorious.

In the end, Singham delivered:

3 public belt to ass whippings
2 very public shamings of the police
2 song and dance routines
2 inspirational speeches
4 open palm super slaps

I'm having a hard time trying to justify giving Singham just a 5. I really enjoyed it but it isn't a "5" and I really don't want to come back to change this later, sooo...4?.

Violence? Yes
Explosions? No
Nudity? No

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How to Train Your Dragon (2010)

****An iCheckMovies Listed Movie Review****

A hapless young Viking who aspires to hunt dragons becomes the unlikely friend of a young dragon himself, and learns there may be more to the creatures than he assumed.

Vikings. Dragons. Finally these two awesome entities collide. Why hasn't this been done sooner?

Hiccup is atypical. he longs to be a true Viking yet In a village full of burly warriors, he's a scrawny thinker and for that he is ostracized. During a nighttime raid, he manages to capture the elusive Night Flier, a dragon that no one has ever seen. No one believes him so he sets out to find it on his own. Unable to kill it, he sets it free and they develop a mutual respect and friendship. He eventually uses his new found knowledge to rewrite their information books as he learns that everything they know about dragons is wrong.

The dragons are presented as pests to the Viking village and it is eventually decided that wiping out their nest is their best option for survival. Hiccup, however, learns that the dragons are only raiding their village in order to feed their queen, otherwise she will eat them. When he tries to tell his father, he is summarily dismissed and basically called a traitor. Thick headed and foolhardy, his father uses Hiccup's dragon, Toothless, to direct him to the hidden dragon nest which he intends to destroy and bites off more than he can chew when the Queen Dragon is awakened.

The "Queen Dragon." It can fly and has fire breath.

Hiccup immediately gathers his friends and remaining dragons and flies out to the island in order to save both toothless and his dad.


How to Train Your Dragon was actually a pretty solid film. It was a little more adult oriented and the action was consistently good. Plus, I'm a sucker for nearly anything dragon. [Dragon-Related tangent: You know the one thing that is never covered in dragon movies? Dragon shit. Seriously. They eat, they shit. How has this not been covered?!]

Out of Ten? 8 

Fuck Thriftshops, Dragons are fucking awesome.

Violence? Hot Man on Dragon and Dragon on Man action.
Explosions? Yes
Nudity? No

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The Quick and the Dead (1995)

Lady avenger returns to western town owned by a ruthless gunslinger hosting an elimination tournament....In the west, you're either quick or you're dead.

The Quick and the Dead is hands down one of the best films of the Western genre. There's a coherent story, there's gunfights, and there's lawlessness all strung together to make a solid flick. While Sharon Shtone headlines, the bulk of the work is done by Gene Hackman and a young Leonardo DiCaprio. Plus, let's not forget that Russell Crowe is in this film too.

So to sum things up:

A list cast + balance between action/drama + gun fights + the wild west = a solid western and one you should watch.


Violence? Yes
Explosions? No
Nudity? Yes

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Django Unchained (2013)

With the help of a German bounty hunter, a freed slave sets out to rescue his wife from a brutal Mississippi plantation owner.

Jamie Foxx plays a slave who is guaranteed his freedom upon completing one task, identifying the men who were his former overseers and helped to ruin his life. Under the tutelage of Christoph Waltz, he takes a shine to the bounty hunting business essentially because he gets paid to shoot white folk. He seeks to reunite with this wife who was branded, ripped away from him and sold into further slavery after a failed attempt to escape.

Somehow I found this to be the least Tarantino-y of his films, but it still worked. What can I say? The man makes good films. There were a few scenes that were played for laughs, including the "Masks On or Off" mob scene, but Jaimie Foxx took me out of it in a few of the other scenes. Luckily Christoph Waltz and Leonardo DiCaprio were there to reign me back in. Even Sam Jackson managed to bring levity to the film as the loyal "Uncle Tom" house negro every slave owner was required to have. I was really not digging the Tarantino cameo. Why was he Australian? Seriously? I'd rather him just get in there and "nigger it up" than listen to him speak in that accent. Were Australians even in the states during the Civil War Era? Why? Also the movie was a bit longer than I'd've liked. Did he seriously think he would win an Oscar for Django?

Anyway Django Unchained is definitely definitely definitely a solid film. Much better than I had originally given it credit for, but not something that I'd give a ten to.

Out of Ten? 8

Violence? Tarantino
Explosions? Yes
Nudity? Peek-a-boo titty. Seriously. Blink and you'll miss it.

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Not Another Teen Movie (2001)

On a bet, a gridiron hero at John Hughes High School sets out to turn a bespectacled plain Jane into a beautiful prom queen in this outrageous parody, which is also A sendup of all the teen movies that have accumulated in the past two decades.

Not Another Teen Movie is underrated. A solid cast and solid character work kept the film grounded and it just hit the right notes as a parody.

There's something about this flick that consistently draws me in. It is funny, very quotable, and actually holds up to multiple viewings. Plus, everytime I watch it, I notice something new. Like the great H. Jon Benjamin making an appearance or the "Hot Dogs for Practicing Oral Sex" sight gag.

Anyway, here's the cheerleader scene from the big game. Going with this one because:

A. Jaime Pressly
B. They're cheerleaders
C. I gotta have a little something for me on this site.

N.A.T.M. didn't receive the fanfare of the "Scary Movie" titles, yet it was just as good as the first 2 (The only ones that count) and it was one of the last true spoof films made before the destruction of the genre.

Out of Ten? 10

Violence? Do it for Marty's Torso...
Explosions? One.
Nudity? Yes.

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Battle Royale (2000)

In the future, the Japanese government captures a class of ninth-grade students and forces them to kill each other under the revolutionary "Battle Royale" act.

30 teens are flown to a remote island near Japan where They are told that they are unruly students who do not respond to traditional punishments. To this end, the government has forced them to fight to the death in a Battle Royale, with the winner being the only one to get off the island. Each student is given a bag containing a map, food or a weapon and should they decide not to fight, they are each wearing neck collars which can be detonated remotely.

Battle Royale is a crazy movie. It's s lot more brutal than you'd expect, but at the same time, there's not much that you could argue with. It moves pretty quick from the school to the island and from Kill "A" to Kill "Z", but by the end, you're left with a decent film that both pushes boundaries and leaves you entertained.

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Yes
Nudity? Yes

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Iron Sky (2012)

The Nazis set up a secret base on the moon in 1945 where they hide out and plan to return to power in 2018.

In 1945, Nazi's left Earth and set up a base on the Dark Side of the Moon. There, they have established a 4th Reich and are building a massive weapon which they plan to use to subjugate Earth. After a planned flight to the moon, a US astronaut is captured and interrogated. When they discover that his cell phone provides the energy/technology necessary to power their death ray, they send and emissary back to Earth to collect more. Once there, the invasion begins...

There's not much more you need to know to enjoy this film. Iron Sky is not only original, it's funny, entertaining and well written. Truthfully it's a bit campy and may not be for everyone, but It's like independence day. Only funnier. And there's Nazis. Also, Iron Sky looks absolutely impressive and their art direction/ cinematography is crazy. If nothing else, you'll have to acknowledge the visuals.

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Yes
Nudity? No

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Immortals (2011)

In Ancient Greece, King Hyperion searches for a powerful weapon that will free the bloodthirsty Titans and enable them to overpower the gods and enslave mankind. Unable to interfere directly, the gods choose a champion to defend them.

According to legend, Immortal beings were once at war with each other. The winners of the war dubbed themselves Gods and took their place above the clouds. The losers were called Titans and were sealed at the bottom of Mt. Tartarus. Lost in the battle was an ancient and powerful weapon, the Epirus Bow. King Hyperion seeks to release the Titans and retrieve the bow in order to rule all of the lands. Theseus is destined to stop him.

We follow Theseus on his journey as he reluctantly falls into his role as the hero of the story. Zeus and the other Gods watch the events, but are unable to interfere until the Titans are released or until the weapon is found. After the Titans are released however, the gods reappear and fuck shit up. At that point, It's all out warfare as the Gods battle the Titans, Theseus takes on Hyperion, and their respective armies battle each other. 

The Immortals is definitely a better movie than I thought it'd be. When this film first released, I figured it was going to look pretty but suck. Well it looks pretty and it's good. Admittedly, I could be influenced because I like Greek/Roman mythology, but this was a total dude movie that came in beneath the radar. I enjoyed it. Simply put, it's a visually awesome film with a clear storyline, brutality, and the super hot Freida Pinto.

Umm...Hmm...

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Yes
Nudity? Brief

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Chocolate (2008)

Acclaimed Thai action director Prachya Pinkaew helms this martial arts drama, which follows Zen, a young autistic woman who discovers that she has the uncanny ability to absorb precision fighting skills just by watching martial arts movies. When her cancer-ridden mother's creditors come calling, Zen attempts to settle the debts by standing up to a hardnosed gang of criminals who have wrongfully swindled money from her family. 

From the people who brought you ong bak and the protector comes Chocolate. The tale of an autistic girl who learns martial arts by watching street fights and film. After her mother is hospitalized, an autistic girl tries to collect debts owed to pay her medical bills. In doing so she runs afoul of many shady dudes and eventually the guy responsible for her father's exile.

Chocolate is an awesome film and fits perfectly within the realm of the Ong Bak/Protector universe. The fighting and stunt work are crazy and the story moves straightforward from A to B. Fight fans, will love it. Plus the villain is a rock star. No matter how many times he is attacked, he never loses his shades. Because that wouldn't be cool.


Here's the trailer. (Spoiler alert!: Fight happens.)

Bonus points for the super cool villain.

Violence? Yes
Explosions? No
Nudity? No

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Ted (2012)

As the result of a childhood wish, John Bennett's teddy bear, Ted, came to life and has been by John's side ever since - a friendship that's tested when Lori, John's girlfriend of four years, wants more from their relationship.

After making a wish, a young boy awakens the next night to find that his stuffed bear is now alive. They make a pact and vow to be best friends forever. Nearly thirty years later the two are still inseparable, Much to the chagrin of Mila Kunis who feels that he can never grow up if he is always hanging with his teddy bear.
 
Ted is essentially the story of a man, his teddy bear and the woman and creepy family that almost comes between them. What happens when you are still holding onto a piece of your childhood as a full grown adult?

Ted is a though movie to write about. I'm really not trying to hype it up, but, it's one of the funniest movies I've ever seen. It was Almost like a live action family guy. A movie about Stewie and Rupert complete with throwaway gags but with the right amount of action/drama to sell it as a solid picture.
Seth MacFarlane is a funny guy and he knows his audience. But I think with Ted he's finally crafted a film that can reach a larger audience and has finally redeemed himself for The Winner.

Out of Ten? 10

Violence? Mild
Explosions? No
Nudity? Titty

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Spork (2010)

A colorful and foul-mouthed feature musical comedy.A film about a frizzy-haired, pink-cheeked outcast named Spork who is trying to navigate her way through the annals of junior high. When a school dance show provides a chance for Spork to show up a mean girls gang, her trailer-park neighbor steps up to coach her with some "booty-poppin" moves.

14 yr old Spork is an awkward teen hermaphrodite who is trying to fit in. After seeing an infomercial for late night pills, she enters into the school dance competition to earn the money to buy the pills to change herself. By the film's end, she learns that she only needs to accept herself and her life will get better.

These films are usually the same: shy, awkward teen, coming of age in school where they are just trying to fit into a world that hates them because they are different. The kid's actual talent is downplayed (awkwardly) to the point in which when they finally cut loose, it's both a relief to you and them. With all that being said though,  Idk why this movie was so entertaining. Maybe it's because they hit all the right awkward kid in high school notes and included The bitchy white girls, the gay bff, the hip black kids, the heartfelt talks. All of it. or maybe out was the equal opportunity offensiveness. It really isn't for the easily offended. Sex, racism, homophobia, no stone is left un-turned, yet they're all played for laughs and I'm all about the equal opportunity offensiveness.

Spork is a coming if age story  about an awkward teen. It works because the other characters are equally as outlandish as she is awkward. The kids are clearly talented and I was impressed with the film overall. Definitely feeling the soundtrack too.

Violence? No
Explosions? OF DANCE!
Nudity? No, perv!

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