Friends with Kids - 2012

Two best friends decide to have a child together while keeping their relationship platonic, so they can avoid the toll kids can take on romantic relationships.

Friends With Kids is an ensemble romantic dramedy about two thirty-somethings and life long friends who decide to have a kid with no attachments or commitments to each other. On a primal level, Friends With Kids is Friends With Benefits taken to an extremely ridiculous level. The story however stays the same. At one point, one of the "friends" becomes emotionally attached while the other still thinks it's okay to do everyone/thing else. When true feelings are revealed, a relationship is either made or a friendship is lost.

Bleh.

Here are the three problems I had with this flick:

1) Having a kid will change the nature of any relationship. Period. Once you have a kid, you're not living for you, you're living for them. So what the fuck was really supposed to happen in a "Let's have kids with no strings attached" relationship?

2) You can't tell someone constantly that you aren't into them, then announce to the world that you love them  then reject them with the "I love you as a friend" excuse, then be on some, "I love you. I've always loved you." You can't just turn your emotions on and off on a dime. You'll just come off as schizo and not in control of yourself.

3) "I want to show you how much I love you. Just let me fuck the shit out of you. I promise you'll understand. I will leave you alone forever, if you just let me fuck the shit out of you."

Idk whether I'm more mad that this line actually made the script, or that it actually worked.

Why not:

"Hey baby, Suck my dick. I promise that you'll understand everything once you suck me off and swallow my load." Or "Hey, you'll understand how I feel when I'm pounding your ass. Just let me fuck your ass. I'll leave you alone for life if you still don't get it." (Feel free to add your own in the comments.)


Overall, Friends With Kids is emotional cliched bullshit. A true chick flick. Hot dudes, drama, and unrealistic expectations of/for men. Logically, the idea of that type of relationship is a bad idea that could never end well. But logic has no place in a chick flick, so we get this dreck. There's a reason I don't watch movies like this: they're either to long or sappy, or just plain unrealistic. , while starting off good, FWK immediately fell into both. Plus it was waaaay longer than it needed to be. The acting was dynamite and the laughs came frequently, but by the end you could tell that they had just given up. (see #3)

Out of Ten? 5

Rom-Droms are usually full of shit.  I think the only one worth it's salt was Run, Fatboy, Run.

Violence? No
Explosions? No
Nudity? Yes (in a porn)

Read More

Tapped - 2009

Examines the role of the bottled water industry and its effects on our health, climate change, pollution, and our reliance on oil.

Documentary involving bottled water vs tap water.

Informative, but gets boring quickly. I found myself wanting to turn it off. I mean, bottled water it's bad, tap is good. What else do I need to know? But I am glad I sat through the film. The documentary does bring up some very interesting truths:

• 40% of bottled water is tap water
• 775 million gallons of oil to produce bottled water.
• Tap water is the natural "enemy" of bottled water
• Bottled water is not regulated by the fda
• They have their own inspectors
• Their records are not made available to the public.
• There is a lot, and I mean a lot of fucked up shit in bottled water.
• Bottled water companies do not transport across state lines. (This means they don't have to answer to the FDA.)
• Bottled water companies pump from one town in each state, and sell the water back to them

Crazy.

I'm sure that if they cut the towns in on the profits, this wouldn't be such a big issue. Money is an equalizer. Hush money tastes and feels much better. But here's the big question, "Will any of this cause me to not drink bottled water in the future?" Probably not. And I think that's where this documentary fucked up. It is true that bottled water is not good for anyone, however it is so readily available that I doubt people care. Especially given the fact that we have good reason not to trust tap water outside of our own homes.

Let's be real. Would you drink tap/fountain water if you saw this?

Out of Ten? 7

Although biased a bit, towards tap water (understandably), Tapped is pretty well done and offers up very interesting factoids about the bottled water industry and their mindset. If you're at all interested, this movie is currently available via Netflix Instant Watch.

Violence? No

Explosions? No

Nudity? No

Read More

Women in Cages - 1971

American women prisoners in a foreign country. Sex and action.

I don't know if there's a proper way to review these films. It's a women in prison film. They usually run the same. An innocent is imprisoned and either the prisoners are sadistic or the guards are. Usually in these films shit happens until the eventual riot/escape and the heroine manages to be free.

With that being said, there's not much for me to do but wrap this up so I can get to the pictures.

Final Thoughts:

• They can't make movies like this anymore. It's just a different climate. Women have come a long way since skin flicks and society is way too sensitive.
• Pam Grier's chest is a thing of beauty. But her hair in this film is atrocious. She's in the film looking like Buckwheat with tits.

And now, pictures:

Would someone PLEASE get her a hot comb?!

Please.

Violence? Yes
Explosions? No
Nudity? Yes

Read More

Chasing Ghosts: Beyond The Arcade - 2007

1982's Video Game World Champions share their philosophies on joysticks, groupies and life.

Documentary covering the "Golden Age of Arcade Games" with the history of the Twin Galaxies video arcade and the original gamers/world record holders who set the stage and pioneered the industry. Walter Day who ran the arcade was basically put in charge by Guinness to be the official video game record/score keeper for the industry.

What I've learned:

• These players formed both the friendships and The rivalries that helped shaped the industry.
• These guys are totally focused and in tune with these games on a level few of us will ever experience.
• Ottumwa, Iowa is apparently the Video Game capital of the world.
• Gamers are definitely competitive and protective of their games and scores.
• There were video game groupies. 
• Their high scores came on 1 quarter as opposed to using multiple quarters.

Billy Mitchell is prominently featured as he is apparently the Video Game player of the Century.
Some of the guys acknowledge that he is that good, others just hate the guy because he's kind of a dick.
I kinda like him. His character at least.His charisma is undeniable. He makes you want to hate him and see him lose, but he really is good. He's the villain video games need Although for scoring purposes, I feel that Walter Day and Billy Mitchell are a bit too close and it's obvious to see that Walter is a fan. He clearly favors Billy.

The classic gaming era began to decline with the rise of home gaming consoles. Arcades closed as more people opted to play at home and When the newer games came out, they weren't games that these all stars wanted to play. So they gave it up. All over the country arcades were closing and In May 1985, Twin Galaxies closed. That was the official Death Knoll for their 15 minutes of fame, but the bulk of them seemed to have landed on their feet. Decent, steady paychecks, wives and families.

I'm a sucker for video game documentaries and Chasing Ghosts sucked me in. Their enthusiasm, love of the games, competition and hubris all show through, even years later as these World Champions reflect on their fame.

Ending this on a personal note: Fuck you, Frogger! How does anyone score more than 50 in that game?

Why do you have a tie and briefcase? Fuck you. You're a frog. 

Out of Ten? 8

Violence? No
Explosions? Of High Scores
Nudity? No

Read More

Bulletface - 2010

Horror and Revenge drive this thriller set in the sex and human trafficking underbelly of a nightmarish city where spinal fluid has become the drug of choice...with frightening consequences.

A Federal agent is sent to prison after a human trafficking deal goes awry. After her brother is killed by the Drug Lord, Marcos, she is released for two days of revenge. Marcos' gang is manufacturing a synthetic drug using spinal fluid. He's looking to recreate a ritualistic formula that would render him practically immortal.

This movie sucked so I'm going to jump to the end:

She succeeds in killing him by overdosing him w his drug.

Moving on...

There are multiple prison rape scenes and I guess they were trying to show what she had been through or what was in store for her so we could understand why she never returned to jail at the end of the two days, but outside of the obvious "don't go to jail or this could be you" heavy handed message they were trying to get across, The significance of  the rape scenes is never discussed.

However, I can appreciate that they put down a mattress before each rapin'. (Considerate rapists are considerate.)

Out of Ten? 4

Violence? Yes
Exclusions? No
Nudity? Yes

Read More

Apollo 18 - 2012

Decades-old found footage from NASA's abandoned Apollo 18 mission, where two American astronauts were sent on a secret expedition, reveals the reason the U.S. has never returned to the moon. 

We're introduced to our astronauts confessional style. They talk about the mission, their families, the.equipment. Then they are finally launched into space. Not long after they reach the moon, they begin to encounter technical interference and general strange DISTURBANCES. After a sample rock goes missing, they head back out to the surface to collect another and find footprints that aren't theirs. The tracks lead them to a discarded lunar lander, apparently belonging to dead Russian Cosmonauts.
Eventually, They realize that they were sent up there specifically to encounter whatever it is that's killed the russian and one of the astronauts is infected. Predictably, the govt tells them that they won't bring them home due to the infection and they are left on the moon to rot. With that, all traces of the mission are either lost or covered up until some rogue website gets their hands on the footage you've just witnessed.

 Apollo 18 Falls flat amidst the unscary "scares." In fact, it Nearly put me to sleep when I tried to watch it. I'm thinking that it was supposed to be more of a psychological thriller. At least until the end, when we finally get a shot of the creatures. But every moment, both until that point and after, was boring.

Out of Ten? 5

Violence? No
Explosions? One
Nudity? No

Read More

Diary of A Wimpy Kid: Roderick's Rules - 2011

Back in middle school after summer vacation, Greg Heffley and his older brother Rodrick must deal with their parents' misguided attempts to have them bond.

After a few too many instances of brotherly rivalry, their mother orders them to spend time together in order to become closer. The focus is on family bonds as opposed to gaining popularity like last year. We quickly learn that the wimpy kid cannot win either at home or at school.

  

Maybe it's because he looks like a little Paul Rudd.

Wimpy 2 picks up the year after the "cheese touch" incident that ended the last film. Still aspiring to be popular, Greg Heffley remains an asshole, but that aspect of his character has been toned down in this film as we get to lend a sympathetic ear towards as he deals with his relationship.with his brothers, his crush on the new girl, his embarrassing mom, and his never ending quest for popularity.


Overall, This movie is hilarious. And very well acted. Plus, Rachael Harris is hilarious as Greg's embarrassing and doting mother.  Watching her dance is one of the funnier moments of this film.

You can't tell from the fucked up quality, but she's definitely a hottie as a brunette.


Honestly, I have no idea why I find this film series so entertaining, but like a bride at a wedding, I do.
I've never read the books, but each film has been consistently enjoyable thus far and I imagine they've been fairly true to the medium. 


Stay Quotage:

• "Whatever you thought, I already thinked it"
• "Maybe you can dominate me physically, Greg Heffley, but mentally I am stronger."
• "Does he know about the d o r e?" The what?  "The door. Duh! "
• "Poop! He's pooped his pants!" (He then proceeds to lick it to show it's chocolate)

Out of Ten? 8

Violence? No
Explosions? No
Nudity? No

Read More

Romeo + Juliet - 1996

Shakespeare's famous play is updated to the hip modern suburb of Verona still retaining its original dialogue. The gun-toting members of the families wage a vicious war on the streets as the star-crossed lovers fulfill their tragic destiny.

I'm going to state the obvious here...This isn't your daddy's Shakespeare.

After crashing a Capulet party, the Montagues are accosted and in the fray, Mercucio, Romeo's best friend is mortally wounded by Tybalt. Romeo kills Tybault in retaltion and we're off to the races. I know I don't need to rehash this story. Everyone knows it by now.  Rival families, forbidden love, bloodshed, suicide.

The movie is dope. It's gritty, it's modern, and by moving it out of its dusty ass contemporary setting, it puts a new spin on a classic tale. Not only did the performances of DiCaprio and Danes make the film, the performance of the entire cast and the new stylized nature makes the film breathable.

"Fetch my Longsword..."  Dope.

Romeo + Juliet was an awesome film and one of the few remakes or re-tellings that have surpassed the original. After being subjected to that same old stuffy Shakespeare version throughout school, this version will be like a breath of fresh air.

I can get with the updated version. Swords are now guns, clothing is (relatively) current and it takes away the boredom of the original. Mercucio and Tybalt are my favorite characters in this film. Fitting, because they are the catalysts who set this play in motion.

Violence? Yes
Explosions? No
Nudity? Yes

Read More

Black Death - 2011

Set during the time of the first outbreak of bubonic plague in England, a young monk is tasked with learning the truth about reports of people being brought back to life in a small village.

During the time of the Bubonic Plague, a village stands unaffected. The Catholic Bishop has assembled a group of holy warriors and a monk, to investigate the village. Along the way, they have to travel through a forest and they come across thieves. A battle ensues and Shit gets real fairly quickly. someone even used a fucking morningstar!!!

Full Face-Smashery.

Limbs were lost, blood was sprayed, lives were lost. It was the most exciting 2 minutes in cinema.Then it gets boring again. The crew comes across a village that seems to have no dead. Although the villagers are welcoming, the group suspects them of evil. Our Monk is led to a ritual site and watches as his love interest is suddenly brought back from the dead by the village's queen. At the same time, the rest of the village are drugging and tying up the 1st of the crew. She offers them a chance at freedom if they renounce God, yet the men hold steady.

The following exchange made me chuckle:
"I'm going to teach you about pain."
"There's nothing you can teach me about pain!" Followed by very intense screaming. Classic.

Watching the situation unfold, one of the guys finally gets in "Fuck That!" mode and renounces. He is then led from the village and immediately hung. So, yeah, there's no real winning here.
Also, someone is drawn and quartered. When was the last time you've seen that happen? My thought process: "If he dies, That's totally making the list."

Being released, the Monk searches the swamp for the Witch, intending to both kill her and finally put an end to this dreadful crap. But that's wishful thinking because, there's still about 10minutes left as of this writing. The Swamp Witch wisely uses this time to taunt the Monk and break him down mentally. By the end, we're treated to a montage of sorts, showing the Monk as a crusader now, his heart blackened and cold, he hunts and burns witches.

"Spread the word of God. If there's something out there that's unexplainable, convert it or kill it." That's pretty much the theology of Christianity/Catholicism, but besides that, Black Death is straight filler. Only two scenes are worth your time. Everything else massively sucked. I had to start this film like 3x before I finally finished it. It was just boring and disinteresting. I'll never understand the hype surrounding it.

Out of Ten? 5

Violence? Yes
Explosions? No
Nudity? No

Read More

Darkman (1990)

(via)

A hideously scarred and mentally unstable scientist seeks revenge against the crooks who made him like that.

A scientist working on a new skin prototype, gets attacked by thugs looking for a document that proves government bribery and corruption. At the hospital it is explained that his nerves have been severed and he no longer feels pain but is capable of super strength and mental instability. So, what's a burned and disfigured scientist to do? Why use his new "abilities" to hunt down and kill those that did this to him and although The new skin only lasts for 100 minutes, he uses the technology to imitate and take out his enemies.

Darkman is like an emo bruce banner. All the rage, none of the muscle.

Played by Liam "I have a particular set of skills..." Neeson, Darkman -while not a complete badass- wears a nifty trench + fedora ensemble. I may do darkman for Halloween. I doubt that anyone will get the reference.

Bonus Trivia: Darkman was a completely original character created by Sam Raimi so that he could direct a super hero film.

Out of Ten? 7

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Yes
Nudity? No

Read More

Quick Hits #8

Flick's Quick Hits - Rapid fire reviews and thoughts on a few movies at once.

Featuring: The Incredibles, Man on Fire, Outbreak, Tangled

	The Incredibles (2004) - An awesome Pixar film. I find it odd that its been nearly 10 years and there's hasn't been even a rumor of a sequel. Anyway, the cast gives the movie an almost human feel and both the story and animation are top-notch. Out of Ten? 10
	Man on Fire (2004) - One of the best and baddest Denzel movies in existence. As a former marine turned bodyguard, he had no problems doing what was necessary to ensure the safe return of dakota fanning. Denzel's Badassness made this movie work and kept it afloat as it tended to lag in some scenes. Out of Ten? 8
	Outbreak (1995) - Ensemble disaster movie. A pandemic spreads and nearly threatens to take out the world. Its up to a team of Rene Russo, Dustin Hoffman, Kevin Spacey and Cuba Gooding, Jr. to stop it. Can they? What happens when two team members become infected? Do you care? I guess you'll have to watch this decent flick to find out. Out of Ten? 8
	Tangled is a fantasy film and an animated take on the story of RAPUNZEL. The story is standard Disney faire, complete with singing and dancing. Maximus, the royal horse is far and away the best character of the film. Dude is hilarious. Anyway, I don't have much to say about the film good or bad, soooo... Out of ten? 6.5

Read More

Justice League: Doom - 2012

Vandal Savage steals confidential files Batman has compiled on the members of the Justice League, and learns all their weaknesses.

Vandal Savage has gathered some of The Justice League's toughest villains and offered them a million dollar bounty to take them out. He christens them as the League of Doom and using the divide and conquer technique, the Justice League are summarily defeated by the league of doom, who have somehow capitalized on their greatest individual weaknesses.

Injustice League? No, Not campy enough. How about The Legion.Of.Dooooom!!!!!

Batman, after freeing himself realizes that the Justice League is under attack and after he saves the team, he reveals that he is responsible for all that's happened. In secret, he's developed secret plans to stop the League should they ever go rogue and become a threat. Each of his files are Specifically targeted to the individual physical and psychological weaknesses of each member and is intended to kill or put them out if commission for a large periods of time. He correctly surmises that Vandal Savage has stolen the files and intended to incapacitate the league so that they may not stop whatever he has planned.

The Justice League finds the League of Doom, stop their enemies and save the Earth. But the real pressing matter is still at hand, "Batman has compiled secret in-depth files detailing all our weaknesses and ways to stop us. Should he be allowed to continue as a member of The Justice League?"

What would you do? 

Honestly, I think that if Batman were to ever turn, there would be no one in the DC universe that could stop him. Dude is prepped for everything and even his contingency plans have contingency plans. But according to him, "The Justice League is his contingency plan." Pfft. You might as well just keep him by your side anyway. I know I wouldn't want to make an enemy of that guy.

In a film that have us a few to choose from, here is your "The Batman's a Dick" statement of the film:
After Green Lantern saves him and mentions that it's the third time he's done so, Batman replies with, "Oh, are we keeping score? Because if we are it's 8-7, my favor"



There are only two problems I have with this film. The individual members of the legion of doom, and the actual name of the group itself.  I don't know a lot of these villains, but minus Bane and Metallo, I don't really see them as a huge problem to the Justice League. As for the name, "The Legion of Doom" was a lame, lazy and campy name when it was created in the 70's and it's even lamer now.  Everyone knows, there's only one Legion of Doom and none of those losers could hold a candle to their badassery.

OHHHH, WHAT A RUUUUSSSHHH!!!

Out of Ten? 8

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Yes
Nudity? No

Read More

Along Came A Spider - 2001

  Morgan Freeman reprises his role as Alex Cross in this sequel to Kiss The Girls 

A senator's daughter is kidnapped, and Alex Cross enters into a cat and mouse game with the kidnapper while searching for her.

Morgan Freeman is awesome as Dr.Cross. But two scenes stand out:

One in which the kidnapper forces Cross to run to multiple destinations for about 30min, and you can visibly tell that Morgan Freeman was not made for running. Gasping, sweating profusely. That dude was hurt.

Another where he tells Monica Potter's character, "you did good." There was clearly something in his delivery, but even I felt good after hearing that.

Along Came a Spider is a pretty decent film. Morgan Freeman is always awesome as a cop/detective, the cat and mouse is suspenseful and although it started to come apart at the end its still a well made movie. Mystery and Morgan Freeman fans, you should already have this in your collection. Everyone else should check it out and go from there.

Out of Ten? 7

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Small
Nudity? No.

Read More

Orgasm, Inc.

Extraordinary behind-the-scenes access reveals a drug company's fevered race to develop the first FDA-approved Viagra for women - and offers a humorous but sobering look inside the cash-fueled pharmaceutical industry.

According to the Food and Drug Administration, female sexual dysfunction or FSD is characterized by: a Lack of interest, a lack of desire and a sometime painful intercourse. (Does that rule out rough sex?)
Going by those guidelines, it is easy to see that there are a great deal of women who believe they suffer from FSD.  Many women are just getting older and refusing to accept the change in their bodies, although understandably, the issue is not entirely Physiological. Some women have been a victim of assault, some have body issues, some have religious issues, some are due in part to the use of other drugs. Each of these can be a contributing factor towards sexual dysfunction, But there is no concrete definition of FSD because it's so complex of an issue. There's not even an explanation of how FSD even became characterized as a "disease" But once the idea gained FDA approval, the race was on.

Orgasm, inc. also covers a woman who has been unable to receive an orgasm. She fully believes she's not normal and therefore must be diseased. Coming from a religious background where "The flesh was evil and you're never to give yourself over to the flesh," she subjects herself to many medical treatments in order to try and achieve what for her has been an elusive release.  [In my opinion, Her overly religious upbringing has stunted her sexually. She needs a fucking therapist NOT a pharmacist.]


It is both american and human to blame someone/something else for our problems. But the thing that interests me, is that the bulk of voices loudly claiming that women have FSD and can be treated by drugs, are men.
What about the women that are pressing this issue. Do those women who work for the drug company really believe in fsd. Are they speaking from experience? What about the female doctors? Is it about the money?

With all of that being said, This is what I've learned from the film:

• Drug industries have a vested interest in diseases. If they can diagnose and treat an isis with their drugs, they make much more money. (There's a lot of money to be made telling people they are sick and selling them the cure)
• After any drug is approved, doctors can legally prescribe it for any use.
• In relation to fsd, viagra is no more effective than sugar pills.
• The usa makes up just 5% of the worlds population but it accounts for about 60% of the worlds spending on prescription drugs.

This film is another example of why sex ed needs to be taught. Listen, 70% of orgasms start with direct clitoral stimulation. Some women aren't even aware of where their clitoris is. How the fuck can anyone function sexually with such a lack of knowledge?

Out of Ten? 6
For all the talk, The actual lack of orgasms was greatly disappointing, but I guess that was the point.

Violence? No
Explosions? Not even sexually
Nudity? Nope

Read More

Retro Review: Revenge of the Ninja - 1983

After his family is killed in Japan by ninjas, Cho and his son Kane come to America to start a new life. He opens a doll shop but is unwittingly importing heroin in the dolls. When he finds out that his friend has betrayed him, Cho must prepare for the ultimate battle he has ever been involved in.

In the opening scene, ninjas slaughter Cho's family and then lay in wait get to him. Men, women, children. No one is spared. When he returns, he is pissed off and having no earthly ties, he shows them that they are no match for him. Wiping them all out near single handedly.

Sho Kasugi is the original ninja. Dude catches arrows with his teeth?!

At the request of his friend Brayden, he moves to America with his mother and son, who survived the attack. Cho makes it clear to his son that he has sealed his sword and renounced the way of the ninja. In the six years since he left Japan, he's become a partner with Brayden in a Japanese art gallery, but it turns out that his Brayden is using the museum to snuggle in heroin. After a deal goes bad, a masked ninja appears and uses ninja techniques to take out the associates of a crime lord. Soon after, the big bad orders his men to steal the dolls containing the heroin and that's how the story brings it's focus back to our ninja hero, Cho. After realizing that his friend was a backstabbing secret ninja, we learn the history of Brayden and find out that he lived in Japan for twenty years and trained as a ninja. Cho rationalizes that only a ninja can stop a ninja and seeking revenge for all that has been done, he unseals his sword and ninja gear, and sets out for a final ninja battle with the masked ninja.

The masked ninja is definitely impressive. Effectively using evil laughs, smoke pellets, fire, and body doubles to aid him in the fight. But after a lengthy rooftop battle, the masked ninja falls to our hero and good wins the day.

Violence? Ninja
Explosions? No
Nudity? One scene

Read More

The Killing Jar - 2010

A stranger armed with a shotgun takes seven patrons hostage in a remote roadside diner. But as the body count increases, the desperate survivors discover that one of the hostages may be even more dangerous than their captor.

Diners in a small gas stop diner learn of a murder in another county. After a suspicious looking man walks in, they (naturally) assume he is the killer and interrogate him. Soon after, he pops the trunk and shotguns some people to death. Figuring that the killer is already in the diner, he takes a few unlucky patrons hostage until he discovers who the killer is.

Hey hey look!  Jake Busey!  (pic)

The Killing Jar is one of those, "Somebody in here is the killer but it ain't me." movies. and one thing I've learned from this flick: if you're ever in a rural diner and some vicious looking dude rolls in, either leave or leave him be.

The cover had machete, danny trejo in what looked to be a staring role. That was one of the reasons I watched this dreck. At best, this was a Machete cameo. Dude was in the film for like 10 min. He had like 3 lines and he was taken out by a shotgun blast! Dude was at his 2nd most un-machete-ist. (Harold and Kumar 3D is #1)

Another thing I noticed, Michael Madsen is old. This film makes that apparent. Yes dude still has appears to be a tough guy, but I'm convinced dude has no teeth. How tough can you be with no teeth?

Oh, right. Shotgun. That's how...

Stray Quotage:

-"You've got to separate the weak, from the chaff"
      What does that mean?
"Idk. I read it in a book somewhere about people who don't understand the situation that they're in."

-"You're not afraid to die?"
     No, but I am afraid you're going to keep talking.

-"What about you college boy?"
       I'm no killer...I'm an artist
"Hahaha, I ought to just kill you first"

-Everybody's special. A unique, individual, beautiful snowflake.
    "That's the stupidest shit I've ever heard"

Out of Ten? 5.5 

By the end, the Waitress gets a badass moment and shotguns are always worth an extra half point.

Violence? Yes
Explosions? No
Nudity? Nope

Read More

Lucky - 2011

A wannabe serial killer wins the lottery and pursues his lifelong crush.

Unbeknownst to him, Ben wins the lottery when his mom turns in a ticket she found amongst his things. As his life seems to take a turn for the better, we find out that Ben is a serial killer and he takes out his frustrations on unsuspecting women. After witnessing Ben kill a housekeeper while on their honeymoon, Lucy begins to become a little withdrawn and while making love to Ben, she overhears a news report and discovers that the missing girls all match her description. Lucy heads to Ben's old place and finds the bodies of the missing women. She then digs them up and reburies them in their new home. It's her intent to leave when the next lottery check arrives as she believes that he won't be able to hurt her. When the check does arrive, Lucy tries to grab it and flee but Ben stops her and lays all the cards on the table setting the tone for a deadly confrontation.

Lucy the seemingly insane and definitely enabling blonde love interest of Ben steals the show. Although borderline controlling, I'm find her antics hysterical and Colin Hanks for what it's worth seems to be growing on me. I think it's the unbelievableness of his being. I can't take him seriously, so he brings the quality down to a point where it's easy to suspend belief, and each thing he does is better for it.

I can't take him seriously...and that helps. A lot. 

Out of Ten? 6

Decent film. Something to check out if nothing else is on. Some nudity couldn't have hurt.

Violence? Off-Screen
Explosions? No
Nudity? No

Read More

Black Dynamite - 2009

Black Dynamite is essentially a modern day Blacksploitation flick, done so well that you can barely tell that it was done in the modern era. The performances are both awesome and hilarious and it seems like they really enjoyed making the film.
 
If the Trailer doesn't convince you to give it a shot. I pray for your soul.
(Warning: Opens in New Window)

If you have not yet seen this movie, you need to crawl out from under your rock and slap yourself, then have your momma slap you so the lesson sticks. Black Dynamite is legitimately one of the best movies ever made. For some reason it went under the radar in theaters, but its been gaining steam as more people discover it on BluRay/DVD.

Violence? Sweet Kung-Fu violence. Blacksploitation style.
Explosions? Oh of course. Black Dynamite is a bad muthafucka.
Nudity? Of course. What is an exploitation film without Ass & Titties?

Read More