Showing posts with label Jail. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jail. Show all posts

Maximum Conviction (2012)



Sent to mothball an old prison, a former black ops operative and his partner have their hands full when mercenaries arrive seeking two female inmates.

On the night of a prison transport, a highly trained extraction team runs into the buzzsaw that is Stone Cold Steve Austin and the Jamaican Slayin', Russian Bustin', Police Officer known as Steven Segal.
In case you don't get it, let me break this down further: this flick has Stone Cold Steve Austin--The Second Baddest Man on the Planet --and his sole existence is to lead his team through the chaos and clear a path so that Segal can do his thing.


No bullshit, Maximum Conviction is one of the best popcorn flicks I've seen in quite sometime and I have no idea why I waited so long to watch it. Again, this is popcorn. You don't have to think, just sit back and enjoy. Everything that you expect from this flick is there, quips, one liners, shootouts and just when you thought it wouldn't happen, some mofo gets his arm irreparably broken.

Full disclosure, I'm giving it a three here and a four on Netflix. Nobody reads this blog or cares, but I'm fully aware of what the movie was and it's real value, and I am trying to keep some consistency on this site at least. Also, as far as Netflix it's concerned, I can never get enough of that Pudgy American Samurai.

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Yes
Nudity? No

Lockout (2012)




A man wrongly convicted of conspiracy to commit espionage against the U.S. is offered his freedom if he can rescue the president's daughter from an outer space prison taken over by violent inmates.

After being accused of a crime he didn't commit, a former agent is sentenced to a floating space prison for about 30 years. Before he even gets there however, a prisoner breaks free and instigates a prison break. Among the prisoners is the Presidents daughter and he is given an offer: His freedom for hers.

Freedom...


Eh. First thought: "hey, this movie starts with a dude getting punched in the face, so it can't be that bad." And in reality it wasn't. It just wasn't that good either. Lockout is essentially the definition of a true summer popcorn flick. Logic and plot holes abound, but this isn't the type of movie where it matters. You don't see it for the story or the characters, you just want action and air conditioning.

Out of Ten? 6.5

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Yes
Nudity? No

The Big Bird Cage - 1972


An Innocent Hot chick, wrongfully imprisoned, survives horrible conditions and abuse from her captors, only to lead a revolt and serve up bloody revenge as she frees herself and maybe a few other inmates.

The story always stays the same, but this is where it all began.

Sid Haig and Pam Grier star as rebel guerrillas who plan a prison break. Pam gets herself sent to the prison to lead an escape from the inside. Once there, she immediately tries to take control of the prison which leads to a mud-fight. (yay!) Haig pretends to be a gay in order to get inside and help because Apparently the guards are gay. When the bloody revolt is at hand, no prison authority is spared. The Women even find the time to rape a guard before burning the prison down. It was bloody chaos, until the military showed up to "return order" (ie Gun. Everyone. Down)

Awesome Sauce.

The Big Bird Cage is The first  Women in Prison exploitation film and the one that influenced the genre. Not a bad film. Not a bad genre.

Violence? Yes
Explosions? No
Nudity? Definitely

Women in Cages - 1971


American women prisoners in a foreign country. Sex and action.

I don't know if there's a proper way to review these films. It's a women in prison film. They usually run the same. An innocent is imprisoned and either the prisoners are sadistic or the guards are. Usually in these films shit happens until the eventual riot/escape and the heroine manages to be free.

With that being said, there's not much for me to do but wrap this up so I can get to the pictures.

Final Thoughts:

  • They can't make movies like this anymore. It's just a different climate. Women have come a long way since skin flicks and society is way too sensitive.
  • Pam Grier's chest is a thing of beauty. But her hair in this film is atrocious. She's in the film looking like Buckwheat with tits.

And now, pictures:

Would someone PLEASE get her a hot comb?!

Please.







Violence? Yes
Explosions? No
Nudity? Yes

Bulletface - 2010


Horror and Revenge drive this thriller set in the sex and human trafficking underbelly of a nightmarish city where spinal fluid has become the drug of choice...with frightening consequences.

A Federal agent is sent to prison after a human trafficking deal goes awry. After her brother is killed by the Drug Lord, Marcos, she is released for two days of revenge. Marcos' gang is manufacturing a synthetic drug using spinal fluid. He's looking to recreate a ritualistic formula that would render him practically immortal.

This movie sucked so I'm going to jump to the end:

She succeeds in killing him by overdosing him w his drug.

Moving on...

There are multiple prison rape scenes and I guess they were trying to show what she had been through or what was in store for her so we could understand why she never returned to jail at the end of the two days, but outside of the obvious "don't go to jail or this could be you" heavy handed message they were trying to get across, The significance of  the rape scenes is never discussed.

However, I can appreciate that they put down a mattress before each rapin'. (Considerate rapists are considerate.)

Out of Ten? 4
Violence? Yes
Exclusions? No
Nudity? Yes

Big Stan - 2007





So what would you do if you had 6 months before you entered prison? If your answer was "Learn Karate," or "Prevent Ass-Rape" you may like this flick.

Rob Schneider stars as Stan, a crooked real estate broker who is caught and given time in prison. With the help of an equally crooked lawyer, he gets six months before his sentence and he decides to learn martial arts
as a way to protect himself. After a while, Stan runs the prison and that is when/where the funniest bits occur.


David carradine plays "the master" the guy who teaches Stan kung fu. The thing is, under any other circumstances, seeing Rob schneider beat up Bob Sapp would be ridiculous. Within the scope of this film, it works.

Big Stan is funny and it has its moments. It premiered direct to DVD and I think that was the best way to go. Rob Schneider fans will love this. David Carradine fans will enjoy it, and everyone else may not.


Violence? Mild for comedic effect
Explosions? No
Nudity? Probably. I might have blocked it out. It is a prison comedy

Beyond Scared Straight - 2010


'Beyond Scared Straight!' will once again show young offender intervention programs, only these have evolved since 'scaring teens is no longer as easy of a task.' Each episode will focus on a different prison program, following a group of at-risk teens and preteens going through the program and then catching up with them two months later.


Remember the old scared straight videos they used to show in schools? Basically a bunch of troubled teens were confronted by inmates who were in their position at one point in life. Look at the little kid in the poster. He had know clue what he was getting into and he was just posing for a fucking advertisement.


In this series, the spirit is the same, yet the delivery is different. Instead of everyone meeting in a neutral studio setting, the Teens (both make and female) are sent to a correctional institute where they become inmates for a day and receive a crash course on life in prison and each episode gives you a bit of background on the youths, (namely who they are and why they are there) and at the end you get a quick follow up as to their current situation (at the end of production).

The show makes a case of who is in a better position to help the troubled youth? Parents, prisoners, or government? Overwhelmingly, the answer seems to be both prisoners and a taste of prison life. These kids think they are on top of the world. Nothing can touch them, no one can tell them anything and they can do whatever they want. Damn the repercussions. The inmates give them that hard dose of reality that their parents, for whatever reason, have been unable to provide. The guards contribute too and often, yet they aren't as impactful as the prisoners.


The male inmates are pretty straightforward. "I was like you, I effed up. I don't want you to make the same mistake. You're not tough." The stories with the female inmates, however, are the bread and butter of this show in my opinion. Female inmates are ruthless, they look like dudes, and yet because they are women, they can still be nurturing when it comes to helping the teens stay on the right path. Diabla, Green Eyes, and everyone else in there take great strides to help these kids. But they make certain to let the kids know that if push comes to shove and they do end up in the system, they will be owned.

Do you want to get on the wrong side of Diabla? 

My only real gripe with the show is their heavy anti weed status. On one hand, weed really isn't that addictive and it isn't an out and out life ruiner. (2 out of every 10 smokers become addicted.) On the other hand, when you do start so young (some as young as 12 in this show) it does has a higher chance of impeding your decision making, as presumably, you wouldn't have developed that will power as of yet.

Also, the prison experience has a tendency to "break" some of the younger kids. Like the kids that are aged 8-13 really have no business being in the program. 1) Their minds are too young to comprehend why they are even there in the first place and 2) they are waaay to easy to break. And once they're gone, they are way more likely to become withdrawn and enter the system themselves as they get older.

Anyway, enough talking, here are some clips:



Solid series. I think the show is awesome. You can't beat the entertainment value of a "tough as nails" teen reacting to 20+ dudes calling him a bitch and telling him that his ass in danger.

Beyond Scared Straight airs on A&E and season 1 may be available on Netflix Instant Watch.

Violence? No
Explosions? No
Nudity? No

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