Asian Schoolgirls

Violence and mayhem ensue after four school girls stumble upon an underground night club.

The Cast: 

• Asian Schoolgirls
• Rapists
• Hired Goons

The Situation:

Four schoolmates obtain fake ID'S and head out for a night on the town. As events unfold, they find themselves  drugged, raped and abandoned by the side of the road. After one of the girls commits Seppuku due to shaming her famiry, the three remaining friends set out to find their attackers and bring them to justice.

Their first order of business is to acquire weapons, and their second is to track down the guys. In order to kill birds with stones, they've decided to take on jobs as strippers, both to earn the money, keep tabs on the bad guys and also to provide us with that oh so gratuitous nudity. 

After a "quick" fight training/stripping montage where we see the girls acquire the skills to kill and pay the bills, we dive head first into the revenge story as the girls spot their attackers in the club and start their bloody path to the boss.

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Asian Schoolgirls was a better movie than I expected in general (because of all the nakedness) and took a quick turn into decent film territory once they started offing bad guys. I also feel like this movie world have worked better with "adults" as opposed to "teens" but eh. It would have been the same movie. Just minus the schoolgirl aspect, which was apparently very crucial to the plot. Which was clearly just to provide fap material for all of the male viewers. 

Speaking of which, you can't deny the film's sexiness (or attempts at such depending on which side you lean), what with their Asians and their tattoos and the stripper scenes and such, but outside of that? Eh. It's your typical girls are wronged and take up and to get revenge film. It plays like a white dude's elaborate excuse to see naked asskicking Asian Schoolgirls though. Not that I'm complaining. 

There's even a montage that combines stripping with learning how to fight and use their weapons. This movie was about a foot fetish away from hitting all the mainstream fetishes and although the film is unrated, I did not think there'd be nudity. Was genuinely surprised, but not really. Again, the whole film is a fetish flick.

Violence? Yes
Explosions? In pants
Nudity? Yes

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You're Next (2014)

You're next is the story 10 people who are trapped in a house by killers wearing animal masks. Basically it is a slasher flick where the inhabitants of a country home are brutally murdered by a group of brutal murderers.

Our killer get he ball rolling at dinner, where before the family can even break bread, they elect to start their reign of terror. One by glorious one, the victims are picked off as they panic and make stupid decisions regarding their health and safety.

 "I want to fuck you in this bed next to your dead mom." 

- This is actual dialogue from the film, btw.

You're Next is a popcorn flick for horror fans. This film is hilarious. Bad decisions, awesome visuals, wooden dialogue. It is needlessly violent, completely unabashed in its gore and I loved just about every bit of it. Those dudes in the animal masks had to learn the hard way that they fucked with the wrong Mexican Australian.

Films of these type are usually all the same, but You're Next played strayed from the formula for a bit. At some point, the momentum began to shift towards "team victim" as they begin to fight back, under the leadership of the hot Aussie, who proves that she can be as ruthless as her pursuers. The third act started to drag a bit, as both sides know what they're up against and each knows only death will end the nightmare, but before then it takes a good turn towards something I should have seen coming but didn't. Shit, I was openly rooting for the bad guys for the first 30 minutes.

Overall, I'd say it is honestly a solid three star film that is much better than I thought it would be and originally gave it credit for. I'm tempted to give it a four, but I don't think I liked it that much.

Scattered Thoughts:

• There are just too many people In this film. I'm waiting for mofos to get picked off. The hot chick with the Australian accent can stay though.
•  These people are kinda insufferable. Let's go sheep masks! 
•  Nothing brings a family together like the slaughter of its members.
• "Someone should make a run for the car" haha. White people. That always ends well
• Honestly, the fact that everyone looks the same age kinda takes me away from the film.  

Violence? Yes
Explosions? No
Nudity? Yes

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Tomb Raider Ascension (2007)

**So it turns out that this was a legit film. Wow. It was bad enough to convince me it was a fan remake. You can disregard this entire review. I don't feel like rewriting it.***

Tomb Raider Asencsion is an hr long attempt at a reboot of the popular Tomb Raider franchise. In this one, Lara is 17 and kinda bratty. Her father is world famous explorer, Richard Croft and he has requested that she join him in his newest dig in the Himalayas. Along the way, Her plane starts to break apart and she wakes up in a hospital about a week or three later. 

At the request of her uncle, She returns to her home after her father has gone missing for three years and he's been declared dead. She does not believe he's dead and after an extended dream sequence the film cuts to her running through the jungle, training with a military guy in weapons and hand to hand combat. The family butler, Winston, informs her of the Mayan calendar and her father's last mission. The Ascension Stone is said to hold the power to save the world from the events of the Mayan apocalypse. She decides to take up his search, hoping to both find him and succeed where literally, everyone else who has tried has died failing.

I'm grateful for The most recent Tomb Raider game. It has successfully rebooted the franchise and was so good, it made us forget all the other Tomb Raider related shit (minus the first game). This film was pretty bad, but I've learned since then that it was a fan made remake. Keeping that in mind, I can't judge it too harshly. I can see where they wanted to go with it but seriously, no. 

I know that this movie seeks to cover a lot within an hour, but seriously here's a mixed bag of things that were put to film:

• The Mayan Apocalypse is real and although we've been feeling the symptoms of our impending doom, the governments of the world have managed to convince its populations that global warming is the true culprit and there's no reason to be concerned.
• Lara walks into a, cave, trips over one rock, and finds the unfindable stone that has been lost for centuries.
• It's like they tried to make it as much like the original video game as possible. Including shit like avoiding bullets by doing several cartwheels and backflips in a row.
• There was a moment where her partner calls out to Alfred, her butler, when they've explicitly stated his name was Winston.
• They tried to dress her up like the late 90s version of the character. (Braid, shades, camouflage, etc.)

Despite the bad, (and there was a lot of that,) it was a decent film that did what it could in an hour and it did manage to mix in some humor though. That made things a little easier to swallow. It's a fan made remake, and those are pretty hit or miss. Usually miss though. 

It would be unfair of me to score a fan film, so I won't. Sucks for you. 

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Sweetwater (2014)

  

A Pioneer woman is forced to fight for what's hers when her husband disappears and a calculating preacher makes a play for her land.

 

The Cast:

• Sadistic PreacherMan - Mr. Josiah
• Capable Sheriff Hobo - Ed Harris 
• Widowed Whore aka Sweetwater - January Jones
• Unscrupulous Bankerman - Stephen Root

Quick Synopsis:

There's a preacher who believes the land is g God's land and he intends to purge it of sin, purify it, and restore it to the way he believes God intended. These are the types of people who are more than willing to kill to achieve their goals and Mr. Josiah is no different. The major conflict starts when the preacher refuses to build a fence to keep his sheep in and Sweetwater's husband, Miguel, confronts him about it. 

In addition to Miguel's disappearance, Josiah is questioned by Sheriff Hobo about two other missing people who Josiah referred to as trespassers when he gunned them down. Not long after, he makes a play for  Sweetwater's land, offering to convert her and her land to the church, forcefully if necessary. This sets the three on a collision course as they head to a bloody climax that will settle their issues once and for all.

 -----------------------------------------------------------------------

Sweetwater is just about the slowest of the slow burn revenge thriller westerns. I was expecting a legit shoot'em up western. I thought it would be something like The Quick and The Dead, but plot and character development got in the way. Seriously, she finally starts her revenge with about 35 minutes left in the film. Although she puts in work, 35 min is not really enough time for killin'. 

What I did find funny though, was that back then women were really thought of as different people. "Here, take this to protect your feminine skin." Absolutely ridiculous, yet hilarious. Another thing was that a very public peep hole masturbation scene proved that there really were no rules in the west

I liked Stephen Root (dude is awesome. Google him, you know who he is) and I'm a fan of Ed Harris, who hasn't gotten enough credit for a lot of the stuff that he's done (Post The Rock). He was pretty damn good as the unique but not queer, county Sheriff.

 Overall though, it was not as good as and as action packed as I thought it'd be:

Violence?  Yes
Explosions?  Of subdued violence
Nudity? Yes

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Psycho Gothic Lolita (2010)

After assassins kill her mother and maim her father, innocent Yuki --now dining gothic leather -- goes on a mission for revenge.

At a birthday dinner, five hooded assailants, break into their home. In the struggle, her father is seriously injured and her mother is killed right in front of her. 

Lolita sneaks into a gambling den where debauchery is ever present. After disembowling the guard, she heads for her first kill, Sakie, the Queen.

By the time she reaches and executes the fifth guy, she learns that there was more to the story than just a random murder. Her mother was a devil, and they were exorcists. She is also a devil and he's been baiting her until she revealed her true form.

 Harbinger of Justice, executing those responsible for her mother's death. 

Before you ask: Why not? Japanese B movies are still B movies. 

Didn't really know what to expect when I started Psycho Gothic Lolita and honestly I was bored until the fighting started. It plays kinda like Kill Bill. A woman was wronged by 5 people, makes a list and sets out to get her revenge. But this is Japanese, so there's a lot of blood and gore and weirdness. It works for the film, but if you have no experience with the genre you'll hate it.

For a move made in Japan in 2010, it really lacks the flair that accompanies the genre. But technically it's an exploitation flick, so I guess that can explain it.

Idk whatever.

 

Violence? Yes. Oh yes
Explosions? Blood Spray
Nudity? No

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Karate Girl (2011)

Years after someone murdered her karate master father and kidnapped her sister, Ayaka sets out to put her family back together.

 

A ruthless businessman is attempting to control Kurenai Karate all over the world. To do so, he'll need the black belt held by Sojiro Kurenai, the greatest karate master of all time.

After a short battle,  it's protector is slain along with his eldest daughter. The businessman absconds with the black belt and his youngest daughter. With his final breaths, the protector manages to revive his eldest, Ayako and tells her let no man take the belt, which was around his waist the whole time.

About 8 years later, we find Ayako working in a movie theater. She uses karate to stop a pair of purse snatchers and becomes instantly popular with the crowd of onlookers. The pics and videos hit the web, alerting the bed guys to her presence. When the businessman finds out that the belt in his possession is a fake, Ayako is still alive and he was paralyzed for no reason, he  sets out to track down Ayako and retrieve the real one, but not before heart punching one of his henchman.

Keith Gets His Head Kicked In...

What I like about these Japanese karate flicks specifically is that the actors really take a beating to sell it. No punches are pulled and it just looks better. Comes across more fluid I mean. As the end credits roll, there are scenes showing the choreography.

Karate Girl it's not a barn burner, but it is a decent flick and the fight choreography is well done. It's basically about a girl who knows karate and fucks shit up, but only because she's forced to. In the process she reunites with her sister (who the bad guy kidnapped) and it's double the fun as they take out Keith, the biggest, baddest, whitest martial artist the bad guy has on his team. [Dude ate like 8 tandem kicks to the head. 6 alone, just because of his name.] I also found out that this starred the same girl from High Kick Girl!. I thought those kicks looked familiar...

Violence? Yes. No blood though, just kicks to the face.
Explosions? Of kicks to the face
Nudity? No naked ass-whippings

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D.E.B.S. (2004)

Recruited by the U.S. government for their unique ability to lie, cheat and fight, Amy, Max, Janet and Dominique join an underground academy of secret agents known only as D.E.B.S. These crime fighting hotties set out to save the world and keep their lipstick perfectly applied while doing so. When D.E.B.S. star player, Amy, falls for Lucy Diamond, the deadliest criminal the world has ever known, chaos erupts and the D.E.B.S. loyalty is put to the test.

Sarah Foster and Jordana Brewster star as lovers on the opposite ends of the law in this flick that's about teen crime-fighters which quickly becomes a thinly disguised lesbian love story. Didn't know what to expect, got an action comedy that's heavy on the sexy. Lesbians are hot, lesbians in short skirts and guns are hotter. And they put together a hell of a cast list. Look for Meagan Good, and Devon Aoki as well.


Trailer:

Violence? Yes

Explosions? Yes

Nudity? No

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American Mary (2012)

A medical student who's piling up debt jumps at the chance when she's offered a lucrative opportunity to perform extreme body-modification surgeries.

Mary is a promising medical student with an expertise in surgery and a large amount of debt. She finds an ad offering $1000 for "services" and responds, meeting the client in a seedy sex club. During her interview, the club owner offers her $5000 on the spot to perform surgery on a guy in the basement that he needs to be kept alive. Since she had left her resume at the club, she becomes their preferred underground surgeon. She isn't a doctor and can't legally operate, but the money is too alluring and after an incident at a med school party, she jumps in with both feet, effectively leaving her legal options behind. 

American Mary starts like any similar film in its genre. A gifted student gets an injustice performed and gets revenge. Where American Mary differs is that it is a movie for the body mod continuity. There aren't a lot squeamish scenes and  there are so many people out there with mods they were able to cast them in the film. On top of all of that, proper respect was given to both surgeons and the community in whole. I was impressed. It's not a terrible film at all.

Violence? Mild
Explosions? Of self expression
Nudity? Yes

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Barbarian Queen (1985)

When Roman forces invade her village, violate her sister and capture her fiancé, an Amazonian queen vows revenge and sets out to liberate her people.

 As Amazonian Queen Amethea gets ready for her wedding, a group of Romans attack on horse back and although the men fight valiantly, the invaders do a lot of damage and collect a lot of new slaves. After the battle, she learns that her sister has also been kidnapped and she embarks on a path of revenge.

Revenge never looked so good...or fought so bad.

Barbarian Queen is such a crappy movie filled with bad dialogue. But that's the thing. You aren't supposed to love the dialogue, your supposed to be watching the hot Amazon women kick all sorts of ass. The sex appeal is the only reason these films were made, might as well enjoy it. Sword fights, barbarians, titty. Can't ask for much else. Okay, maybe you can ask for better dialogue. ::Shrug::

Violence? Yes
Explosions? No
Nudity? Yes

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Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life (2003)

Lara Croft is on a quest to save Pandora's box.

The Tomb Raider movie franchise was basically an excuse for Jolie to hold guns and be what nerds would consider sexy for about an hour and a half. The plot has her searching for "Pandora's Box," because she's a treasure hunter who doesn't want it to fall in the wrong hands.

Angelina is badass as Lara Croft. That I can't deny. The movie itself however, isn't that good. At all. I wasn't expecting it to be awesome because it was a sequel to a previously crappy film, but shit, I what I got was barely better than Blood Rayne. (Strong statement, I know) A Pre-Spartan Gerard Butler co-stars if you're interested, but I'd say watch only if you'd like to suffer through another bad video game movie or if you have a Jolie + water fetish.

 

Violence? Yes

Explosions? No

Nudity?  No

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Sector 7 (2011)

While searching for valuable petroleum deposits off the coast of Korea, an oil riff crew encounters a terrifying sea monster.

Not much goes down until the monster shows. Just a bunch of Koreans living on an oil ship, waiting to strike gold. A lot of the early stuff is just to establish characters and character relations, but it drags.

Having not found oil, They are ready to abandon the mission but resident tomboy and resident hardass, Cha Hae-Jun, stubbornly refuses to quit and actually manages to get a few more months tacked onto the project.

Things start to pick up after one of the crew members dies of an apparent suicide. Hae-Jun gets an uneasy feeling and begins to search the ship. Something leaps out of a cabinet and makes its way through the ship. Killing at random.

[Funny thing is, if she had allowed them to abort the mission, they wouldn't have ever faced the monster. They would have lived awesome stress free lives. But they stayed and you know what eventually revealed itself. Ah Well.] One of the crew survives an attack and alerts them to the fact that there's a monster on the ship. In the middle of a storm that seems to have knocked out their power, the remaining crew have no choice but to seek out and destroy the monster if they aim to live.

This monster looks like something out of Resident Evil

What we know (about this monster)

• It's a product of bad CGI
• It's sea based
• It has a whip like and barbed tongue
• It's blood is flammable but fire pisses it off.
• It can climb walls
• Super thick skin
• It may or may not be attracted to oil
• Although it was found in underwater, it was bred in a lab.

 

Sector 7 is a decent movie,  It's a popcorn flick. Something to throw on and watch when there's no other options. It's entertaining, but I'm really not a fan of the monster. It just looks wrong. And crappy.

I like sea monsters, but If I should ever run into one, you best believe I'm gonna make sure I'm carrying about tree fiddy

 

Violence? Yes
Explosions? No
Nudity? No

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Killer Girl K (2011) [TV Series]

After her mother is kidnapped and killed, a young woman who was (already quite bad ass) joins a shadowy group to get the revenge training she needs. When she eventually accomplishes that task, she wants to retire. But to do so she'll have to fight her way out of the company.


Killer Girl K/Little Girl K is an action filled Korean series. It doesn't break new ground, but it does look good and the fight scenes are well done.

             

Sexy. Bad Ass. Women. They even did an their own stunts.

Here's a fight scene that I think you'll enjoy. Decide for yourself if it's worth checking out or not:

Violence? Yes
Explosions? No
Nudity? Yes

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Orphan Black (2013)

Imagine if you were walking down a street and saw your exact duplicate as they killed themselves. What would you do? If you were looking for a way out, you'd assume their identity and use the opportunity as a means to escape. What you may find however is that there is no real escape; You've just jumped out of the frying pan and into the fire.

Thus goes the story of Sarah Manning a.k.a. Orphan Black.
Sarah was a street urchin, a con woman in an abusive relationship who was just looking for a way to gain custody of her daughter and escape that life. She assumes the identity of Beth Childs, and gets more than she bargained for when she learns that Beth was a cop who may or may not be dirty, but definitely has some secrets. As Beth, she learns that there are 9 other women who are her but with completely different lives.

Orphan Black is crazy. I really didn't think this show would be that good. Shit is crazy. How do you watch yourself die twice in a week, pretend to be you as a cop, chase down and nearly kill an assassin that is you and imitate a suburban clean cut version of yourself all within the span of a month?

It seems like a lot, but everything is actually well thought out and more importantly, it's presented in a way that's intriguing, clear, concise and gripping. Orphan Black will not be the best Sci-fi show you'll see, but it's damned good. Plus there's a sassy gay guy, a former military contractor and a shadow org that intends to "clean things."

I think the girl that plays Sarah does all her clones (otherwise that is simply incredible casting) and she does an amazing job. Each character is completely different, from their speech patterns to their body movements to how they interact with other people. Even when she pretends to be one of the others it seems as if she's trying to be something she isn't. I'm blown away by her performance and dare I say it, I think she's earned a fan.

Enough gushing, here's are some videos


The Trailer:

Bad girls do it well:

Who are you really?:

Behind the Scenes:

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Bluberrella (2011)

Hefty half vampire Blubberella sets her sights on a Nazi leader who's concocting a diabolical plan to create an army of undead soldiers.

First and foremost this is a Uwe Boll film. Those of you that understand that will stop reading after this sentence. That's cool. Explore the rest of the site. Some of the other lists are (finally) updated now.

For everyone that stuck around, you should also know that Blubberella takes itself about as seriously as film like this could. That is to say, not at all.

Quick synopsis:
Blubberella is a rather large half-human half-vampire daywalking superheroine. After arranging a date at the local rail yard, she unexpectedly walks into a battle with Nazis; who were there to transport Jews to Berlin. In the battle, she suffocates their commandant with her Boobs. When he returns as a vampire, he hatches a plan to use her blood to raise an army of vampires and gain immorality for Hitler. Being a superhero, she aims to stop him.

Here are some of the highlights of this film:

• Her favorite room is a meat fridge and her breakfast is cotton candy.
• The sassy Gay dude.
• Blubberella killed a dude and (somehow) turned him by suffocating him with her breasts.
• There's a precious parody. In Blackface.
• The Germans are planning to use vampires to gain immorality for Hitler
• All of the dream sequences feature a black face parody. Shit is pretty funny.
• Multiple references to one of the lead actors not knowing how to act.
• There is a Warhol like picture of her eating a turkey on her wall. Hilarious.
• Uwe Boll himself cameos as Hitler.
• Clint Howard is in this film

Besides being an excuse to make fat jokes for about an hr or so, Blubberella knows what it is. A silly, slapstick, one liner action comedy with a big girl in the lead. It's a bit longer than it needs to be, but it's surprisingly entertaining from an Uwe Boll bad film standpoint.

Violence? Yes
Explosions? No
Nudity? Yes

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Hoodrats 2: Hood Warriors (2008)

After a woman accuses her gangbanging bf of cheating, he gives her the Chris Brown special and beats her down. After hearing of the incident, her amiga, Lucia, (with legs like tree trunks) confronts him and beats him with a bat. It turns out that he is the leader of the 5th Street gang and she's pretty much signed her own death warrant. Acknowledging that in the hood, there aren't as many things as important as your ride, She declares it "on," after they try to gun her down and get her car instead. She has decided to bring the war to them.

 Tree Legs is in the middle.

Hoodrats II is like a homage to The Warriors (1979). After a violent incident, they are trying to get home and they'll have to fight their way through other female gangs along the way. The main difference is that they actually caused the mess that they are in.

If nothing else, Hoodrats teaches us the three rules to fighting:
-Never bring a knife to a bat fight.
-Never bring a bat to a gun fight.
-Never bring a bat to a trash can lid fight.

Seriously, they're wielding bats like swords, and they get stomped the fuck out by girls carrying trash can lids. Yes, it was as bad as it sounds.

Sidenote: I started the film liking Tree Legs because she was wreckless, but the Thai looking chick is the MVP. Smart, Sarcastic and strong, She's everything I look for in a Chicano gang member. And even though they seriously reused the same takes during the fight sequences, she was leaving people laid out left and right.




Eventually, since this is a female empowerment film, all the female gangs show up to help when she confronts The Man, and the film ends with a big Kung Fu fight because, of course, everyone in the hood knows karate.

If you just read that and doubted that it's an empowerment flick, I'm going to spoil the ending for you:
The film ends with the affirmation that it's a woman's world. The men are done. The women run the streets now and as they walk off, they chant "Long Live the Queen!" towards Tree Legs after she wins the big fight.


With a title like Hoodrats 2, the last thing I expected was a girl power flick, but it had a lot more substance than I originally gave it credit for and for a low budget hood film It was well done and surprisingly entertaining. I didn't even know there was a Hoodrats 1!!! This was like one of those crappy hood novels come to life. I felt compelled to watch.

Violence? Yes
Explosions? No
Nudity? Yes

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The Quick and the Dead (1995)

Lady avenger returns to western town owned by a ruthless gunslinger hosting an elimination tournament....In the west, you're either quick or you're dead.

The Quick and the Dead is hands down one of the best films of the Western genre. There's a coherent story, there's gunfights, and there's lawlessness all strung together to make a solid flick. While Sharon Shtone headlines, the bulk of the work is done by Gene Hackman and a young Leonardo DiCaprio. Plus, let's not forget that Russell Crowe is in this film too.

So to sum things up:

A list cast + balance between action/drama + gun fights + the wild west = a solid western and one you should watch.


Violence? Yes
Explosions? No
Nudity? Yes

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Butter (2011)

When a gifted butter sculptor announces his retirement, his ambitious wife sees her hopes for future fame -- and the presidency -- melt away. She sets out to take up the mantle, but soon learns how cutthroat the world of pro butter sculpting can be.


[In this review the main character, Destiny, will be henceforth known as Butter.]

Butter carried herself well and had a presence. She actually seemed "wise beyond her years," As they say.

The cast list overall was surprising and both Alicia Silverstone and Jennifer Garner rose from the depths of celebrity oblivion to remind us that they still exist and are competent actors.

Oh hey, did I mention that Olivia Wilde plays a foul-mouthed stripper. Think about that for a second.
Wait. Fuck thinking. Here's a  pic.

 Besides the Heavy handed message, of the film, (believing in yourself/general optimism) Butter was actually a fun and charming. I don't think I'll ever get the appeal of butter artwork, but like they so readily admitted, "White people are weird."

Out of Ten? 7

Violence? No
Explosions? No
Nudity? No

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Nude Nuns with Big Guns (2012)

After sweet Sister Sarah is victimized by the brutal and corrupt clergy members in her church and nearly dies, God tells her to take revenge. Now she's packing heat and blowing away the bad guys. 

Some members of the clergy are in bed with a local gang. They cook up and Sell drugs to and for Los Muertos and their ruthless leader Chavo. After a drug deal gone bad, Chavo kidnaps a nun known as Sister Sarah, as penance and turns her into a doped up prostitute. After recovering and escaping Chavo's place, she claims that God has asked her to kill all sinners. One year later, she sets out on her mission.

Sister Sarah

A bit longer than it needed to be, Nude Nuns includes all of the Grindhouse staples (Blood, guns, drugs, tits etc.), but if it wasn't for the abysmally slow pacing, I would have given it a higher score.

Out of Ten? 5.5

Violence? Yes
Explosions? No
Nudity? Yes

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Chocolate (2008)

Acclaimed Thai action director Prachya Pinkaew helms this martial arts drama, which follows Zen, a young autistic woman who discovers that she has the uncanny ability to absorb precision fighting skills just by watching martial arts movies. When her cancer-ridden mother's creditors come calling, Zen attempts to settle the debts by standing up to a hardnosed gang of criminals who have wrongfully swindled money from her family. 

From the people who brought you ong bak and the protector comes Chocolate. The tale of an autistic girl who learns martial arts by watching street fights and film. After her mother is hospitalized, an autistic girl tries to collect debts owed to pay her medical bills. In doing so she runs afoul of many shady dudes and eventually the guy responsible for her father's exile.

Chocolate is an awesome film and fits perfectly within the realm of the Ong Bak/Protector universe. The fighting and stunt work are crazy and the story moves straightforward from A to B. Fight fans, will love it. Plus the villain is a rock star. No matter how many times he is attacked, he never loses his shades. Because that wouldn't be cool.


Here's the trailer. (Spoiler alert!: Fight happens.)

Bonus points for the super cool villain.

Violence? Yes
Explosions? No
Nudity? No

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Clash - 2009

Trinh codename Phoenix, a female mob enforcer, must complete a series of organized crime jobs for her boss Hac Long in order to win the release of her kidnapped daughter. She hires several mercenaries to help, including Quan dubbed Tiger, who she becomes attracted to. Trinh and Quan's relationship becomes complicated as it becomes evident that their motivations are not the same.

Vietnamese big budget action flick.
At the behest of the big boss, A woman assembles a group of mercenaries to complete an arms deal. One of the guys is recognized and they have to fight for their lives to escape. After being betrayed by one of their own on another mission, the two remaining members try to track him down and retrieve the stolen merchandise and extract a measure of revenge. By the time they catch up to him, their motivations for doing so are radically different.

There's nothing special about this flick. Clash is basically about shootouts and Muy Thai. The big boss is actually quite a badass and when he finally shows that side, it's a thing of beauty.

 Overall though, I can say I've seen better.

Out of Ten? 5.5

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Yes
Nudity? Peek-A-Boob.

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