The Flash

So I was on the train the other day...

...and I noticed this attractive female sitting across from me. I thought nothing of it, and pulled out my phone to read a news article I had saved earlier. 5 seconds later, there is a flash of light and when I look up, the attractive woman is glaring at me. I smiled, but she just rolled her eyes and the situation got real awkward real quickly. Looking around the car, I noticed a guy shift and stuff something into his coat pocket. When I put two and two together, I realized what happened. It turned out the guy two seats from me was taking her picture and his flash went off. Since I had my phone in my hand and a stupid look on my face, she just assumed it was me.

Bastard.

You know what? Even reading this it sounds like I'm a scumbag. smh. This story sucks. 

Alt Ending:

IT WAS ME AUSTIN!!, IT WAS ME ALL ALONG!!!!!

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At The Movies #4: Panda Heist 2: Bamboozled

Plot details haven't yet leaked, but we do have a look at the first poster(s):

Could have done a better job with his left paw, but eh, whatever.

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No More Sales

 

So, a grand total four of my designs were pulled from my Redbubble site due to DMCA/Copyright claims. The Issue with that is, if my designs are infringing, everyone's designs are infringing. I'm using the same characters as the other artists. What makes my work so much different from everyone else's?

Anyway, below is the conversation I've had with them and while I've cut both of our responses a bit short, I tried to keep them on point:

RB: We are contacting you in accordance with Redbubble's IP/Publicity Rights Policy and as a result of having received a complaint in relation to the following content...If you would like to send a counter notice please email the required information above to dmca@redbubble.com

This was the fourth notice that I have received and the third in 2 weeks. 

KC: How do I know that these are legit requests that you've received? In addition, can I see a copy of these claims that have been made against my work? Are you actively removing everything that contains the characters referenced in my work?

RB: Thank you for contacting Redbubble! This automated response is to confirm that we have received your message. 

It goes on to explain the rights of content owners and seller according to the DMCA (Digital Millennium Copyright Act) being that a "bona fide rights owner or licensee" can make a claim against a work but must provide "information" proving that they represent who they say they represent. As a seller, we're allowed to counterclaim as parody or fair use and we have a legal right to sell.

KC: I'd like to know who can answer my questions and who specifically are making these claims.

RB: Hi, there. Thanks for being a valued member of our artist community. Redbubble has moderated the content in accordance with the DMCA as it was named in a complaint from the WWE...We have a legal obligation to act on reports filed in accordance with our IP/Publicity Rights Policy where content is specifically named. If you believe this report was in error or should not apply to your work...

KC: And who made the claim to the [other three designs]? Can you see why I may be upset? I understand your position, but considering the copious amounts of similar designs (which may or may not use the same characters) that are still being offered for sale, I'm beginning to feel as if I'm being unjustly targeted.

In the end, I've decided It isn't worth the hassle and I've cancelled my account. You don't have to respond to this email, but you should consider having some plan in place in case it's determined that these notices are false as some have proven to be.

Thanks again.

-----------------------------------------


So, effective Immediately, I will no longer be selling my designs on the Redbubble website. I'll keep posting designs to the blog, but until I find some other way to get them printed, you'll only be able to aadmire them from afar. I'd apologize for any inconvenience, but none of you were shopping for my designs anyway.


The WWE has been known to hit people regarding their "property." So I'm not too upset about the Emma shirt. The information I was looking for came after I had already closed the account. 
 
Here are the Four designs that were pulled:

 

 

 

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Dry Clean Only

So I was on the train the other day...

...and I'm moving through the cars. When I looked into the window of the last train car, I noticed a hobo cleaning himself with a newspaper. Part of me was happy that he recognized the importance of hygiene, another part of me realized there was no water and the last part of me came to the conclusion that I didn't need to be in that car.

Unfortunately, he got picked up by the cops at the next station, as cleaning yourself is apparently, somehow a crime.

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Wait, Beeeess??!!! or Beads???!!!!

So I was on the train the other day...

…and there was a bee on the train. The fun in the story was how no one noticed until it was too late. Then, predictably, all hell broke loose. People were ducking, dodging, holding their breath. Motherfuckers were doing anything and everything except fanning at it. No one was trying to fan it because no one wanted to piss it off.

Before it was "shoo-ed" off the train, the bee managed to land on one guy's lip. Immediately, a hush fell over the car. Like a "Mexican Standoff," everyone wanted to see who would make the first move. He let out a barely audible "Help me!" and everyone within earshot responded with some variation of, "Hmm...no. Not much we can do now, buddy. Sorry." Luckily for this guy, the bee broke the standoff and everyone let out a huge sigh of relief.

Before he exited, one passenger remarked to this guy, "Look at it this way, now you've got a story for your grand-kids."

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A Fantastic Fear of Everything (2012)

While researching a book on Victorian-era murderers, author Jack Nife comes to fear they're really stalking him and grows agoraphobic.

Jack Nife is a writer who, while researching serial killers for an upcoming book. He got so deep into his research that he begins to suspect that he's being stalked and anticipates his own murder. To that end, he's become something of a shut in and rarely goes outside, because he feels safest at home. After a lunch date with his literary agent, he learns that she's set up a meeting with a producer who could decide the fate of his work. The catch, he's out of clean clothes and the only thing he fears more than being murdered is washing clothes at the Laundrette. (That's Laundromat for all of the American readers). But he soon discovers that the night has just begun.

Honestly, A Fantastic Fear of Everything started out real slow and definitely became a different film by the end, yet everything played into itself and made a good cohesive story. No bullshit, it feels longer than it is, but it is a good story. Simon Pegg is awesome and you can tell that he's given his all to this performance as a man who begins a slow descent into paranoia. To his credit though, he plays it equally convincing as a man who's trying to conquer his fears and bring himself back to sanity, while dealing with a nearly impossible situation. 

 I'm not a fan of seeing Simon Pegg w/o Nick Frost (and Vice Versa) but they are each capable actors and don't need to be joined at the hip. The other thing that bothered me was his character's name. Jack Nife? really? Lazy fucks. 

Violence? No

Explosions? No

Nudity? No

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Bra Pockets

So I was on the train the other day...

...and there's an obese woman, standing maybe two seats away from me. Suddenly, she starts to move suspiciously. She looks left, then right, and feeling that no one is watching her, she proceeds to place her hand into her shirt. No big deal, women adjust all the time. Thing is, this woman wasn't adjusting, she was looking for something. Maybe 15 seconds later, she pulls out a checkbook. After she was done, she puts it away, then again, looks left and right then pulls out half of a sandwich.*

*No not really, but would you have been surprised if she did?

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Tomb Raider Ascension (2007)

**So it turns out that this was a legit film. Wow. It was bad enough to convince me it was a fan remake. You can disregard this entire review. I don't feel like rewriting it.***

Tomb Raider Asencsion is an hr long attempt at a reboot of the popular Tomb Raider franchise. In this one, Lara is 17 and kinda bratty. Her father is world famous explorer, Richard Croft and he has requested that she join him in his newest dig in the Himalayas. Along the way, Her plane starts to break apart and she wakes up in a hospital about a week or three later. 

At the request of her uncle, She returns to her home after her father has gone missing for three years and he's been declared dead. She does not believe he's dead and after an extended dream sequence the film cuts to her running through the jungle, training with a military guy in weapons and hand to hand combat. The family butler, Winston, informs her of the Mayan calendar and her father's last mission. The Ascension Stone is said to hold the power to save the world from the events of the Mayan apocalypse. She decides to take up his search, hoping to both find him and succeed where literally, everyone else who has tried has died failing.

I'm grateful for The most recent Tomb Raider game. It has successfully rebooted the franchise and was so good, it made us forget all the other Tomb Raider related shit (minus the first game). This film was pretty bad, but I've learned since then that it was a fan made remake. Keeping that in mind, I can't judge it too harshly. I can see where they wanted to go with it but seriously, no. 

I know that this movie seeks to cover a lot within an hour, but seriously here's a mixed bag of things that were put to film:

• The Mayan Apocalypse is real and although we've been feeling the symptoms of our impending doom, the governments of the world have managed to convince its populations that global warming is the true culprit and there's no reason to be concerned.
• Lara walks into a, cave, trips over one rock, and finds the unfindable stone that has been lost for centuries.
• It's like they tried to make it as much like the original video game as possible. Including shit like avoiding bullets by doing several cartwheels and backflips in a row.
• There was a moment where her partner calls out to Alfred, her butler, when they've explicitly stated his name was Winston.
• They tried to dress her up like the late 90s version of the character. (Braid, shades, camouflage, etc.)

Despite the bad, (and there was a lot of that,) it was a decent film that did what it could in an hour and it did manage to mix in some humor though. That made things a little easier to swallow. It's a fan made remake, and those are pretty hit or miss. Usually miss though. 

It would be unfair of me to score a fan film, so I won't. Sucks for you. 

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Would You Rather (2013)

Based on the best selling board game, Do you Rather takes a new sadistic approach to a beloved ice breaking/drinking game. Led by Brittany Snow, Sasha Grey and the Crab Man from my Name is Earl, a group a people are gathered to a dinner party that asks the question, which would you rather do?

A rich man likes to play games with plebeians. On this night, he has invited 8 people to his place for dinner and game night for a chance to win his financial assistance with their hardships. Everyone who shows up is in a situation where they need money. Before the game starts he leads in with a game I like to call, "How much money would it take you to do whatever it is you wouldn't do if you weren't offered money to do it."

Now, while that scene sets the mood, it is also a pretty funny lead into the main story of the film. He explains that his version of Would You Rather, it is essentially a psychological experiment to determine which of them he will help. The one caveat being, whatever they choose, they must act upon or they will be eliminated from the game. He gives them all a final chance to get out, and no one takes him up on it. They instantly regretted it once those bull nuts came out.

Would You Rather is actually kinda funny in a dark and twisted sort of way. Maybe I'm just fucked, but I enjoyed it a bit more than I anticipated. The guy that plays the rich dude is hilarious. Dialogue, mannerisms, speech pattern, dude is good. I didn't realize how much I missed the Crabman, until I saw him again in this film. I was thrilled to see his fro is still intact. Sasha Grey though. Smh. Sasha Grey still can't act or emote, but this is the liveliest I've seen her without being penetrated first. So, there may be hope for her yet.

Overall though, I enjoyed it. So 3, yes, count'em, three, stars will be awarded.

Line of the Film:  "I'm sorry, you're gonna just have to take one for the team." 

That line is always funny, both in and out of context.

Violence? Yes
Explosions? No
Nudity? No

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The One Without a Name

Kyle? Bert?
*Silence*
Steve? Larry? 

Okay, so how can I help you?

Yeah, who am I talking to?

Did you need help?

Yes, who am I speaking to? 

Do you have an issue you need help with?

Yes.

Then how can I help you?

Ugh, why are you so uptight? 

Why don't you know my name?

I don't know. You all sound alike. 

Oh, alright. So how can I help you?

I was working on a doc and I closed it w/o saving. Is there a way I can get it back? 

Well, if you didn't save it, there's a very good chance that you lost your changes. What's the document #?
*going through  motions*
Last saved version I have here is as of one week ago.

Well that sucks.

Yeah, sorry dude.

Okay, thank you.

Bye.

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1. This was a relatively small company. She is someone that I pretty much spoke to regularly due to the amount in which she'd call.
2. Everyone else at that place could tell the difference between the IT guys. What makes you so different? 
3. You're mad at me b/c I'm not happy you don't know my name and you're calling me for help? 
4. Do you really think you deserve assistance?

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Riding in Cars with Boys in Blue

So I was on the train today...

...and on my way uptown and while sitting in a station, everyone has become annoyed that the train isn't moving. 5 more minutes of sitting in that station the train driver shows up with 2 police officers and points out
someone in the car.

As it turns out, the conductor had called the police on this woman. When they began to ask her to leave, she started to get defiant. She said, "I'm not leaving until you tell me what I did." The policeman told her that she was going to be ticketed for "moving through the cars." At that point she flipped and she was determined not to leave the train. The 2nd officer leaned in closely and said, "I'm only going to ask you this once, will you please step off the train ma'am?" She said, "...let me get off this train..."

When she was gathering her stuff, a young man started to antagonize the cops. Immediately, 2 more cops arrived. She claimed he was her cousin and they told him to back off. But he remained persistent. They warned him again, and when he didn't comply, they forcibly removed him from the train. Before the doors closed, we could hear on officer ask them both for ID and we could see her "cousin" act up. As the train is pulling away, we see the officers restrain him, and one of the old women screams, "See? Look, look. Here comes the abuse!"

 

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The Sleep N Creep

So I was on the train the other day...

...and there was a man sitting across from me sleeping. Generally, I leave sleeping people alone, as it isn't cool to fuck with people in their second most vulnerable state. This guy though? Every time he woke up, he looked up to see if I was still there. So instead of being a point of reference for this guy, I decided to mess with him and for the next 10 minutes, every time he put his head down, I would be in a new spot the next time he picked it up.

The first time, I moved to the end of the seat. He woke up, looked across the seat, saw that I wasn't in the original spot, and went back to sleep.

The 2nd time, I moved to the end of the car, he woke up, looked around for me, found me and went back to sleep.

The 3rd time, I sat next to him and pretended to read a newspaper.

The 4th time? There was no fourth time. *crazy eyes* Seriously though, when he woke up after the third time and saw me there, he didn't sleep for the rest of the ride.

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Sharkeisha: Urban Legend

So I feel, actually I know, that there are a ton of you who have not yet seen the video/context behind this design so it makes no sense. When you get a chance find a way to watch the video. I (apparently) can't post it here because it keeps getting taken down. Also, don't watch if you're squeamish or opposed to watching someone get wrecked for no apparent reason (aka hood reasons).Don't say I didn't warn you, either.


Knowing full well that I had/have no intentions of actually selling this,
[okay, maybe I did, but the moment's passed] I figured I might as well have a little fun with it:

From there it became this:

Confession: I really enjoyed this design. There wasn't much to work with (obviously) but it just got better and better as I went along. Plus I can't not crack a smile whenever I see this.

Sharkeisha is a goddamn urban legend. Don't get it twisted though, I'm still running if I ever see her.

Bonus Pic:

 Notice Sharkeisha wearing a Sharkeisha shirt? That's a meta-ass kicking she just delivered.

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Rude Awakening

So I was on the train the other day...

...and a hobo gets on and stands opposite where I'm sitting as I'm seated next to this attractive girl. She had knocked out and I started to do the same, but just then, I looked up at the hobo and I noticed five things:

1) A tear in his pants.
2) The tear was from his pockets to his crotch.
3) His hands were in his pockets.
4) They were moving.
5) Shit just got real.

Before I spazzed completely, I realized (and was secretly hoping) that he was after the girl next to me. [I mean, it's flattering and all, but no thanks.] I tried to wake her but she just became annoyed. What could I do? I figured that if I blatantly pointed at that hobo's dick, he would have blown his load at that exact moment, probably on my finger, and I was not having that. I tried to wake her again, but no dice as she wasn't having any of that. I was guessing that this is how the religious must feel, because she flat out refused salvation.

My stop was next and thankfully, I got off before he did. I can't say the same for her though. Fortunately, She was wearing leather. Should rub right out.

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Lovelace (2013)

One infamous film revolutionized the entire porn industry. And newly destroyed its star's life. Amanda Seyfried stars as adult film icon Linda Lovelace, a woman coerced into and abused by the porn industry before taking charge of her life.

Lovelace attempts to tell the story of Linda Lovelace, in her own words. Basically things boil down into a he said she said regarding how her adult film career got started and how she's been perceived since. If you aren't familiar with the story, allow me to sum it up for you thusly: 

A young woman meets and falls for a guy who discovers she has an incredible talent for oral sex. Her talents are put on display in a mainstream adult film and she becomes world famous. She attempts to break free from the business and when the dust is settled, she becomes the most famous name in the anti-pornography movement. Her case being, she was drugged and forced into every scene she's ever done and she hadn't received a dime.

Apparently, parts of her story are true and others are wildly embellished so, it's really a he said/she said situation and the truth lies somewhere in the middle. This movie though, contains events mainly from her POV. It's a very curious case and one that I would encourage you to read up on if you're interested.

Anyway, because this movie is told from her pov, her "coersion" is a, bit more heavy handed as we see it.

With Lovelace, it feels like you're watching two films. One being her rise to stardom from what appears to be everyone else's pov and the other from her pov, which essentially fills in some missing parts and characterization. In essence, you're watching the same sequence of events, but one is a dream and the other a nightmare. After Deep Throat becomes a cultural and mainstream success, Linda Lovelace becomes a household name. Six years later, she's renouncing her fame and business and is planning on releasing a tell all about her marriage to Chuck Traynor, claiming he's an abusive scumbag who forced her into the business.

I got into this movie for two very good reasons: Amanda Seyfried and Boobs. Specifically, Amanda Seyfried's boobs. [But I wasn't planning on complaining about anyone else that wanted to put the boobs on screen either. What can I say? I'm a simple man.] I was skeptical of her casting as Linda Lovelace, but she rocked it. I'll shout if from the heavens, "AMANDA SEYFRIED KNOCKED THIS ROLE OUT OF THE PARK!" The highs, the lows, the mannerisms of a woman from innocent teen to strong confident woman who is eventually worn down by the ways of scumbags before she takes control of her life.

Obviously, there's a lot of porn culture in this film and that will probably bring about nostalgia for a good amount of people, but you gotta remember, It was a different time. A braless time. And in my opinion, there was only one thing that cast doubt on the Lovelace story. At one point in the film, she paints Hugh Hefner in a negative light. I refuse to believe he's anything other than a charming gentleman who gets bitches by respecting them and not referring to them as such. So basically her whole life is a lie.

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Heh. No
Nudity? Yes

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The One The Started It All

1/31/14
The Birth of Kevin Crowe.

Receiving this Offical Memorandum from the Executive Director was the official confirmation that no one in management has cared about me or any of their employees. The sad part about this is that it was hand delivered to me himself as if to make a statement. The irony behind it though, is that he he was asking/instructing me to update the company personnel on the intranet. The same intranet to where if he had looked, he would have been able to spell my name correctly.

Turns out I had done the work already and he would have known, if he had looked at it. SMH That right there is a shining example of Corporate Culture being full of shit.

At first I was afraid, I was petrified upset, but then I realized I got this sweet new Pseudonym out of his fuck up. So I'm good.

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Flashpoint (2007)

 

Detective Ma's partner had finally infiltrated a notorious gang and Ma enters the fray to go up against the leader before he takes over the streets.

 

Flash Point is a modern day action thriller so it isn't heavy on the martial arts, but it's there. Detective Ma (Donnie Yen) is a hot tempered badass detective who has no time to waste on bureaucracy. After his partner has his cover blown,  the gang makes an attempt to take him out. This of course enrages detective Ma and now he has even more of a reason to destroy. His only consolation was that they managed to get the head gangster, but once they kill his chief and try to blow up his team,  he decides that all bets are off.

 One of my personal mottoes in life: "If it stars Donnie Yen, I'm in."

There's only one film of his that let me down, 2010s Return of the Fist. That kinda sucked. Anyway, what I don't get I'd why it took me so long to watch Flash Point. Granted I'm not happy with the drama, but the fight scenes are so well worth it. Watching Donnie Yen play an arrogant dude was a treat and along with the fight scenes at the end and beginning of the film, that helped make things more enjoyable.

Violence? Yes

Explosions? Yes

Nudity? No

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On The Job (2013)

Filipino crime thriller inspired by a real-life scandal in which prison inmates are temporarily released from prison to work as contract killers on behalf of politicians and high ranking military officials.

On The Job, supposedly based on a true story, is about 2 convicts, who are occasionally released from prison to perform the duties of a contract killer. It sounds interesting right? Well, meh.  In concept? Yes. Very intriguing. In execution? No. I say "it was pretty lame."

The movie is about Tatang and Daniel. Tatang, the older of the two, has been informed that he's being paroled. Naturally, Thelma, who he takes orders from, lets him know that she will no longer need his services once he gets out as she wouldn't be able to control him. She asks him to prep Daniel, his cellmate and partner, to take over his role.

On a mission to hit a snitch, Daniel's gun jams and they inadvertently leave him alive. They manage to finish the job at the hospital and narrowly escape after getting into a shootout with police. Thelma is rightfully pissed as the last thing she needs is the national attention coming from a nearly botched job. In addition to all of that, The New chief of the FIB, [Think, FBI but more Pinoy] is the son of an influential man. He is investigating the killings and trying to straddle the line between good guys and bad guys, but his family connections may be too much to overcome.

So this is the thing, I don't think I've ever watched/reviewed a Filipino film on/for this blog. if I have, then disregard this sentence. I find Tagalog to be an interesting language. A unique mixture of English, Spanish and quite possibly Portuguese. That has no impact on my enjoyment or review of this film, just something I felt like typing out.  Anyway, On The Job was supposed to be a tale of corruption, wrapped inside of an crime drama. When they weren't killing people, it was boring. After a while, you're kinda just watching it to watch it. I was curious to see how it ended. Either Tang makes it out or he dies, Daniel dies, or they both get caught and the operation is exposed.

 

  

Violence? Yes
Explosions? No
Nudity? Yes

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Go Go Ranger Text

So I've been seeing the name based shirts for quite some time. Figured I'd have a crack at it. Unfortunately, my design didn't come out as dope as I hoped. Sadly I'm moving this one into the failure pile. At least until I can find another use for it. (I'll probably never find another use)

You can see the progression of the design. That's something that I hadn't noticed until now. Either way, whatever. Maybe I should have just gone with the helmets alone? I did a good job with the helmets.

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What My Name Is?

They'll Ask My Name, And I'll Respond: Steve Holt!

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Odd Thomas (2013)

In a California desert town, a short-order cook with clairvoyant abilities encounters a mysterious man with a link to dark, threatening forces.

A man with clairvoyant abilities races to stop an evil. The problem with it is that he doesn't know the nature of the incident. The bulk of the film is Thomas, with the help of his super foxy girlfriend, Stormy, using his psychic and detective skills to try and uncover the mystery. The one thing he does know is that someone is going to bring a massive amount of death and misery to the town, and being the only secret psychic detective, he must to solve the case and save the town.

I can't remember when I heard about this, or what for that matter,  but I vaguely recall it being good things.

Odd Thomas is very similar in tone to John Dies at the End and if you couldn't tell from that review, I really liked that film. It's a fun little detective story that's unlike any of the previous ones we've seen and the chemistry between the cast is fantastic and one of the highlights of this film. Unfortunately, it seems to be one of the films that got caught in the 3D fad. The 3D is kinda weak, and while it doesn't ruin the film, it does take a bit away. Outside of that, I can't express how much I enjoyed the movie. The comedy works in the context of the film, as in it isn't too much or too little and the visuals are excellent as well. By the third act, I found myself really invested. Like emotionally. I like films like these; Witty dialogue, likable characters, cohesive story and everything fits together and all is tied up neatly by the end. 

Violence? Yes

Explosions? Yes

Nudity? No

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At The Movies #2: Deck's Hex

The story of a skate boarder, who rides into the wrong side of town and is cursed by a Gypsy woman.

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The Crowe's Nest

"A crow's nest is a structure in the upper part of the main mast of a ship or a structure that is used as a lookout point." -Wikipedia

I'm intending for the Crowe's Nest to be the look out point for nearly everything I do/post online. We all have to get started somewhere and I figure it's time to bring everything under one umbrella. At some point I will have all of my content in this here blog. You won't even notice, but it'll happen. You can't fight it. I also realize that no one is reading this or even viewing the blog, so I can say and do whatever in this space, but I won't. Being reckless just for the sake of being reckless is how people catch a case later on in life.


So if you see some shit here that isn't a movie review or a design, don't be alarmed. It was the plan all along. Honestly, I should have written up something like this sooner, like when I changed the blog name for example, but whatever. I've never claimed to be a smart guy, only a lazy one.

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The One That Isn't Bones

It ain't the Terror Dome neither!

Don't bother pointing out that the font should have been red. By the time I finished it, I realized that no one would get this design or what its referencing, so why should I bother?

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V/H/S/2 (2013)

 

Searching for a missing student, two private investigators break into his house and find collection of VHS tapes. Viewing the horrific contents of each cassette, they realize there may be dark motives behind the student's disappearance.

I think the dopest thing about this movie, is that poster right there. But you came for a review, and because pt. 1 wasn't bad enough. Here's a sequel to finally set things right.

Story 1: The Eye (redux)

After an accident, a man gets an eye implant, which is actually a camera. He sees things....Dead things. Shit happens.

Started with an interesting premise, but fizzled as there wasn't enough time for it to fully develop. It's basically The Eye with significantly less Jessica Alba.

Story 2: The Zombie Experience

A guy gets like 2 minutes into his bike ride before riding into a zombie infestation. He's done, but we get the pov of a zombie thereafter so that's dope. We watch fist hand as he learns to be a zombie which is also pretty clever as it gives a first person view of a, zombie outbreak, stiffening that hasn't

been done before. It also humanizes them in a small way

This is one story I would have liked to seen fleshed out. It was original and strangely captivating.

Story 3: The Cultist of Personality

A group of documentary filmmakers convince a cult leader to let them film in his commune for an unbiased look at his life and work. As you can guess, shit happens.

Story 4: Pranking out of this World

Sibling rivalry.taken to the next level is Interrupted by a flash of light and a loss of power. Then it gets real. 

Story 4 is the one story that can't be talked about without spoiling it. The only thing that I can say is that it should come with an Epilepsy warning.

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I had been holding off on V/H/S/2 ever since I heard they were doing a sequel and every since the first one kinda sucked. Honestly, I did not have high hopes, so there was no hopes to dash. The first two stories were decent for what they are. The last two are very meh. If you're going to invest time in this movie, find something productive to do and multitask. You'll thank me for it. I just don't see the appeal of the V/H/S series. True, the sequel did up the ante, but much like the first, I wasn't thrilled with the offerings overall.  I know I'm a harsher critic than most, but I don't ask for much. I just want entertaining stories that aren't likely to trigger epilepsy.

 

Violence? Yes
Nudity? Yes
Explosions?  No

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Cottage Country (2013)

 

Todd (Labine) wants everything to be just perfect at the family cottage where he plans to propose to Cammie (Akerman). But things go awry with the arrival of Todd's slacker brother Salinger (Petronijevic) and his free-spirited girlfriend Masha (Punch). When Todd accidentally dispatches his irksome sibling with an axe, Cammie is determined not to let murder stand in the way of their happiness.

The Cast:

• Tyler Labine as the straight man pushed too far
• Malin Ackerman as his gf who will not be denied an awesome weekend and potential marriage
• Salinger the obnoxious brother
• Masha his eastern European girlfriend
• Dov, a friend who is investigating the renters

The Story: 

A man rents out his family's Cabin in the Woods (wink) with the express intention of proposing marriage to his girlfriend. That very night, his brother shows up and attempts to throw an obnoxious wrench in his plans, but his girlfriend works to ensure that his sudden and unexpected death does not put a damper on the weekend's plans. 

Cottage Country was not a terrible film, but it was not a fantastic film either. I watched it because I support Tyler Labine and I did find it funny how they inverted Labine's usual role as the obnoxious friend and had him play the boring straight-laced character. By the end if the movie though, not much happened. It started meh, got dark, like a dark comedy should, then somehow lost its way. It'll do for a passable film to watch with your SO if they are into such things. You could do worse and you could do much better. But it'll do. I'm giving it a three because I laughed and the death scenes were pretty good. (In general)

 

Violence? Yes
Explosions? No
Nudity? No

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At the Movies #3: The Incredibly Iron Hulk

Heroes United #1 was terrible, but there was one scene that piqued my interest and led to me designing an Iron Man/Hulk hybrid. I didn't want to do anything fancy because "fuck that movie. It deserves a shitty design."

Hence this was born:

But, I'm better than that and I decided an actual Iron Hulk movie would be much better:

Bam! The Incredibly Indestructible Iron Hulk!


Coming Soon...

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