The One With The Name Game

Just for your information, I am receiving calls for Lauralei Straussi and the voice mail is still that of Valerie Richards.  This is very confusing to the caller. When I initially tried to call Laurelai I got a busy signal so therefore it made it quite difficult to help the person on the phone.  This is happening more and more often with the new people coming into the firm.

 

This is like the quintessential, email that we get from nearly everyone that has nothing better to do but complain, smugly at that.

"Just for your information..." 

aka a phrase that is usually followed by something pretentious or dickish. This is no exception. 

"This is very confusing to the caller" 

Plausible, but how can someone presume what's confusing or not to anyone else. If it's confusing to you, just say so. No need to project. 

"When I initially tried to call..." 

There are no less than 4 ways she could have reached her to let her know about this issue. This entire email could have been avoided, but some people like to hear or read themselves I guess. 

"This is happening more and more..."

This is one of those things that people add to make themselves feel good about writing bullshit like this.

Read More

Siesta, Siesta

So I was on the train the other day...

...and this happened:

It was bad. You can't make it out, but behind his left is a bag of food that he dropped. Also, the woman next to him was not too pleased. I tried to get her to elbow him, but she refused.

Read More

Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs 2 (2013)

Picking up where the first film ended, Flynt has saved the town and has finally earned the respect of his peers. But what he seeks now is the respect of,  xxx, master inventor and the guy who made flynt into who he is today.

Volunteering to clean up the town, xxx, offers Flynn a job and relocates the town's entire population. After running into trouble with the island, he seeks Flynn's help in locating the machine that started it all. Once flynt returns to the island, he finds that although the food has evolved into foodimals, they aren't the only threat to his existence.

If you watched and enjoyed the first Cloudy film, you'll enjoy this one as well. It's more or less the same, but with "higher stakes," and foodimals within a Jurassic Park vibe. All of the familiar characters return and we're introduced to xxx, who's portrayed as a Steve Jobs' type inventor but is in reality a corporate villain.

Kinda like Steve Jobs actually...

Anyway, watch it.

 

Violence? No
Explosions? Yes
Nudity? No

Read More

At the Movies #6: Hot Fozz

I've got a secret:

I like the Muppets.

There. I said it.

Jerks. 

Read More

Red 2 (2012)

At some point during the cold war, the U.S.had a nuclear weapon secretly built in Russia. Documents linking a connection between The RED team and the weapon have also been released. This leads to a race between the world's terrorists and the US government to get to it first, with Team RED caught in the crossfire, since they supposedly know it's location.

 

They are being hunted by Han aka Storm Shadow, who speaks perfect English, btw and is naturally the #1 Contract Killer in the world. He has a personal motive for killing Bruce as he was responsible for Han's imprisonment at the hands of the G.I. Joes.

 Red 2 pretty much continues the story from the first. Retired gov't agents defend themselves from another secret onslaught by the US and British governments, each seeking to quell all information on an obscure subject that could probably be ignored if they didn't have a propensity to fill body bags with the bodies of their own people.

I don't think I want to see a third, but I've actually enjoyed the RED film series and there are a lot of familiar faces in this particular film. Eventhough it became a bit annoying, they gave Mary Louise-Parker more to do and she clearly had fun with it. I was loving that Neal McDonough wass the main villain of this film and the chemistry between the actors is awesome. Specifically Willis and Malkovich. Nes'pas?

As usual, though, Storm Shadow, is just about the best character in the film. Malkovich is pretty good, but no one is touching Storm Shadow. Nobody not code named "Snake-Eyes" anyway.

In conclusion, RED 2. Pretty good.

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Yes
Nudity? No

Read More

You're Next (2014)

You're next is the story 10 people who are trapped in a house by killers wearing animal masks. Basically it is a slasher flick where the inhabitants of a country home are brutally murdered by a group of brutal murderers.

Our killer get he ball rolling at dinner, where before the family can even break bread, they elect to start their reign of terror. One by glorious one, the victims are picked off as they panic and make stupid decisions regarding their health and safety.

 "I want to fuck you in this bed next to your dead mom." 

- This is actual dialogue from the film, btw.

You're Next is a popcorn flick for horror fans. This film is hilarious. Bad decisions, awesome visuals, wooden dialogue. It is needlessly violent, completely unabashed in its gore and I loved just about every bit of it. Those dudes in the animal masks had to learn the hard way that they fucked with the wrong Mexican Australian.

Films of these type are usually all the same, but You're Next played strayed from the formula for a bit. At some point, the momentum began to shift towards "team victim" as they begin to fight back, under the leadership of the hot Aussie, who proves that she can be as ruthless as her pursuers. The third act started to drag a bit, as both sides know what they're up against and each knows only death will end the nightmare, but before then it takes a good turn towards something I should have seen coming but didn't. Shit, I was openly rooting for the bad guys for the first 30 minutes.

Overall, I'd say it is honestly a solid three star film that is much better than I thought it would be and originally gave it credit for. I'm tempted to give it a four, but I don't think I liked it that much.

Scattered Thoughts:

• There are just too many people In this film. I'm waiting for mofos to get picked off. The hot chick with the Australian accent can stay though.
•  These people are kinda insufferable. Let's go sheep masks! 
•  Nothing brings a family together like the slaughter of its members.
• "Someone should make a run for the car" haha. White people. That always ends well
• Honestly, the fact that everyone looks the same age kinda takes me away from the film.  

Violence? Yes
Explosions? No
Nudity? Yes

Read More

The One Who Doesn't Delete

Lately, I've been getting emails saying that my mailbox is full. I thought the auto delete 28 day policy took care of that. 

No, it only does the most recent 28 days. Let me take a look, I'll show you.
Ah, you probably have a lot of older stuff in your delete box

Wow, yeah, 1 got stuff in there from 2004.

Well, that might explain it.

Yeah, I never delete things.

Welp, That'd do it.

So What can I do? 

You can do a blanket delete, which would remove everything, or you can file some away

I'm pretty good with the filing.

Alright

Can we delete some and not all? 

Yes, I'll show you how. But if you try to remove too many at once, it'll slow down your system.

But it will be removed right? 

Yes

Okay, cool. I'm just trying to free up space. 

Alright, take care.

----------------------


This is also known as, "I'm having a problem that is caused by my own stupidity."

Read More

The Hobo Hulk

So I'm on the train the other day...


...and heading to the Bronx, on an elevated track, the train stops and is delayed for some time. After about 10 minutes, the conductor announces that we are stopped because "some idiot is on the tracks, and...if you look to your left, you can see him...now."

Sure as shit, there was a half-naked dude just meandering down the tracks. Motherfucker had the nerve to wave as everyone was glaring at him for messing up our commute.

He probably just finished hulking out, woke up on the tracks, and was headed towards the next town in which to panhandle.

Read More

Tranny Get Your Gun

So I was on the train the other day...

...and this tall woman gets on. Its late at night so immediately all eyes are on her. Sitting across from her, I noticed that her hands and feet are pretty big, but I thought to myself, "Meh, some women are just...big." When I looked up at her face that's when the thought hit me, "this...just might be a dude," and if you ever get to that point, it is safe to assume that she is more than likely a he.

As she gets off to catch a connecting train across the platform, one of the other guys who was sleeping notices her ass in the reflection of the door and gets excited. He screamed out, "Whoa, I almost missed that!" and basically eye-fucked her onto the other train. The guy that was sitting next to me put his hand up and said to him, "Hold on partner, that was a dude." The sleeping guy didn't believe him, "No way, you're buggin'. That was no dude, you see Dat Ass?!?!?" He was firmly in denial and disbelief until I burst his oblivious bubble and chimed in with, "Dude, that was a man. You didn't have the view that we had. 100%. Pure. Man."

It was at that point when reality set in. His face dropped, he sunk down in his seat and he didn't say a word for the rest of his ride. In the perfect twist of the knife, The guy next to me said, "Shit, I better delete this picture...before people start thinking I like dudes!"

Homeboy pulled his hat down over his glasses and sunk a little further into that seat.


Shaaaammeeee!!!! I'll be embarrassed forreeevvverrrr!!!!!

Read More

The Thieves (2012)

This slick caper finds Korean and Chinese personal thieves joining forces to pinch a $20 million diamond from an impenetrable casino vault.

Two competing teams of thieves (Team China and Team Korea) Team up to do a  job worth a potential $20 million. Their task is to steal a necklace which belongs to notorious Chinese gangster, Wei Hong and sell it back to him. They have a very well thought out plan, but as they've said numerous times, they are thieves and none of them should be trusted.

---------------------

I would describe The Thieves as Ocean's Thirteen meets Smoking Aces. A slick crime caper that starts as a slow burn heist thriller and becomes a convoluted tale of revenge and misperceptions after a botched casino robbery.

You know what's crazy about these movies? They almost always pull off improbable heists, in broad daylight and somehow no one ever sees anything or notice anything astray. It's ridiculous, and as cheesy as they are though, I think I just like heist flicks.

Violence? Yes
Explosions? No
Nudity? No

Read More

The Freshest Prince

At the request of a friend, I did a few Fresh Prince related designs. I couldn't find the original font though, so whatever. I'm throwing this in the fail pile just for that reason, but I'd say they came out pretty decent otherwise.

I was going for an antenna look in this first one, and just a regular chill vibe on the second. I think the end result would have been to make it look like the whole thing was spray painted onto a wall somewhere. I just gave up because everything is hurt by the fact that I couldn't find the right font.

Bonus Pic: 

I found this funny, and it's my blog, so whatever.

Read More

The Hobo Bunch

So I was on the train the other day...

...and I ran into this:

I was going to make a joke about the recession, but I'll just let the picture speak for itself.

Read More

Design Dump

Here are a few other designs that I have completed.

Check em out

Read More

At The Movies #5: Death By Snu-Snu

I kicked this idea around for a bit before finally committing to it. It was a bitch to get the pieces individually, but they came together pretty much as solid as I'd imagined it.

It was tough to get the perspective right, but I did what I could. The Colors are a little brighter than I'd like on the first poster, and the lighting is dimmer on the second. I'm still happy with it though.

 

I kinda feel as if I should have included a giant Hypnotoad somewhere in the background or on the roof of the second poster. That would have been interesting.

Read More

The One Where She Swears A Lot

Hello...Kevin?

That's the name. What's up?

Why is this Stupid Fucking Shit not fucking working?

Well, okay. Do you want to tell me what happened or...?

Is there a way that you can just kick me off of everything, so that I can start clean?

Yeah, I can do that, but while that's happening, do you want to tell me what's happened or do you just want to fume?


This fucking--I mean, Shitty--
*gagging on own rage*

Hey, it's Okay.
Breathe.
Relax.

I have some work to do before 11 and this computer isn't working for me. I logged in and none of my icons were there, the ADP screen didn't pop up and there was just everything completely wrong. 

Okay.

And there was this icon that was a box. or looked like a box, but with a lot of boxes in it. 

*laughing*
That's means nothing to me. I have no idea what that is or could be.

Could be something for like defragging or something. 

eh. Could be

*Impressed w that lil bit of knowledge she showed*


Fucking Mondays man. It already started with the morning shit, now this.
It doesn't pay to get out of bed in the mornings.

Not at this place anyway.

I'm back in.

Okay good. Check it out.
Looks good. Thank you so much.

NP. have a good one.

Read More

Displaced Designs

Here, we have a few designs that I couldn't do anything with. They came out the way I wanted, but I couldn't/can't find a good application for them, so eh.

Read More

The One Where We Get Fired

Blogger, in all its infinite outdated-ness, does not allow its users to upload audio. To that end I've transcribed something that you NEED to hear. What follows is a word for word transcription of a voice-mail, left on our machines by one of the partners here. In the past, I have talked a lot of shit about this place, and honestly, I wouldn't believe a lot of what I've said either, but this, this right here is proof that I'm not completely full of shit:

This is McReardon, I am not hooked to a printer again. I had somebody come here last week to set up the printer situation, I was in this weekend and I couldn't hook up to a printer. It's happening today. I need somebody to hook me up to a printer or I'm going to Scott Spencer and Management Committee and talking about WHOSE GONNA GET FIRED BECAUSE I CAN'T GET HOOKED UP TO A PRINTER. I'M GOING AT 12'OCLOCK IF I DON'T HAVE A PRINTER HOOKED UP. *click*

Then when you go to her, she puts on the Strawberry Shortcake voice and is all, "I'm sorry. I've had a rough day. I didn't mean for it to come out like that. You see, my foot hurts and my kid is a soccer star..."

Don't nobody give a fuck about your situation outside of the issue that you are currently having. On top of that, that bi-polar shit does not fly. Yet, somehow, they seem fit to give this woman the keys to the kingdom? SMH

Read More

What Some Men Goo For Love...

So I was on the train the other day...

...and there were 2 females caking on makeup to my right, empty seats to my left, and a Turkish man with a uni-brow seated in front of me. As I turned away from their conversation, I noticed this strange greenish slime in a open plastic baggie just sitting across from me.

Usually, I'd notice something odd like that and no one else would. This time however, all eyes were on that mysterious bag of goo. So The Things aka The Makeup Twins) said, "What is that?" and I shrugged as I replied, "Its clearly a bag of goo." To this, Thing 1 says to me, "You should get rid of it," and Thing 2 joins in, "Yeah, toss it."

So after I gave them my best "Bitch Please" look, they quickly realized that Homey Don't Play That, they asked the Turkish man. He readily jumped up, grabbed the bag and tossed it out at the next stop. I let out an audible "Ugh" as soon as he touched it, and The Things ripped into him. "I can't believe he touched it," Thing 1 said, and "Is that a uni-brow?" quipped Thing Two. I guess he was feeling pretty, pret-ty, prett-y,  good about himself because he didn't hear them, and he didn't notice that for the rest of the ride, I shook my head in disgust as I looked at him.

Read More

Tenemos Terroristas, Aqui!!!!

An old design I did based on the Ramones poster. This was a fairly simple face swap. Wasn't planning on doing anything with it. Just thought it was cool.

I had an ideal to do a whole series of "wanted" designs, but what can I say, I'm pretty lazy and easily discouraged.

Read More