Kill the Irishman (2011)

The true story of Danny Greene, a tough Irish thug working for mobsters in Cleveland during the 1970's.

 
Rags to riches to jail to snitches to riches to death story of a Danny Green, an Irish orphan who became a mafia connected union king pin in the 70's. As most mobster biopics, this one starts slow but is filled with gun play and explosions. ALL the explosions.

Heem cahhn't beee keeled!

Oh, hey, almost forgot. Fat Val Kilmer (aka Val Eatmore) also stars in this flick. I Just thought you should know that.

Despite all the action, and explosions this movie bored me. And I'm a man who loves his "actsplosions"

Read More

Safe (2012)

A former cage fighter's rescue of an abducted 12yr old girl pits them both against Triad gangs, the Russian Mafia and a bunch of corrupt cops.

Mei is an 11yr old Chinese genius who has been blessed with a photographic memory. She has been taken in by the Triad to be used as a counter, to make sure their money is correct in all their interests.

The Stath is a cage fighter who takes dives, hoping that taking a beating will absolve him from his sins. He rubs some people the wrong way and decides to go underground.

Their paths cross after the Stath sees her being pursued on a subway. He hops a train to save her and discovers that they have common enemies. Together, they team up to right wrongs and fight injustice.

 

Well, no, not really, but Safe is actually a pretty decent movie. It's a typical Statham action film that hits on all the usual points: fighting, car chases, shoot outs, etc. It works. I was pleasantly entertained. I feel robbed of a climatic battle at the end, but that was explained away with a pretty good joke.

It's not the best, but something to watch on a lazy day or if you're looking for something entertaining to watch with a female. (They love the Stath). My favorite part off the movie though, was this guy right here:

  You know he means that both ways.

The HAIC of the Triad is James Hong aka David Lo-Pan!!!!!  I love that guy.

Sidenote: Safe was Filmed on the subways and streets of NYC. Meaning that The Stath AND Lo-Pan was in N.Y. and no one told me?! You're all jerks.

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Of violence
Nudity? Nope

Read More

Headshot (2012)

A cop who becomes a hitman for a group aimed at eliminating those who are above the law finds his world turned upside down by a single a devastating blow.

During a contract kill, an assassin,Tul, is shot in the head. His best friend manages to get him to a hospital and he barely makes it. Three months later he awakes, only to find that his vision has gone upside down.

We soon get Tul's backstory and see how he came to be this way.

Tul was a policeman who busted open a case implicating the Minister's brother and refuses a 10 Million Baht sum to back away. He then super coincidentally meets a sexy prostitute named Joy and gives her the business, only to find her dead in the bathtub the next morning. This of course lead to blackmail, to which he responded by nailing the dude with a steel chair. WWE style. That resulted in prison time, which effectively removed him from the case anyway.

In prison he was visited by Dr Demon, who offers him freedom in exchange for becoming one of his assassins. Basically killing high ranking corrupt officials who've escaped legal action. He accepts of course.

Back in the present, Tul is captured and tortured into giving up whoever gives him orders. They strip him and drip hot candle wax on his junk then shove the candle itself into his junk. (they waxed Santa's balls!) He manages to escape but he knows he needs a driver so he hijacks the car of the 2nd hottest Asian in the film. He tells her that he tires of his life and seeks out a life of peace and tranquility with the monks of the island. But that's soon shattered as men come looking to kill him for past transgressions.

Headshot jumps back and forth in narrative a bit too seamlessly. You have to really focus to tell when is when. Outside of that, it was a pretty good film.

Out of Ten? 7 

Violence? Yes
Explosions? No
Nudity? Yes

Read More

Gangster Squad (2013)

Los Angeles, 1949: A secret crew of police officers led by two determined sergeants work together in an effort to take down the ruthless mob king Mickey Cohen who runs the city.

 
Gangster Squad, The Untouchables, and another flick or two that I'm sure I'm missing. There's just Something about cops being just as ruthless as the bad guys. Villains are not constrained by the law and that's their advantage. When the cops level the playing field however, shit usually gets real. It's just something that is necessary, but unthinkable in today's society.

Anyway, Gangster Squad was an enjoyable flick. There was drama (of course), but there were more action and gun fights to make up for it. In the climax, they shot up the lobby of a hotel. Twas good stuff. I feel like Emma Stone was a bit miscast but I've gained a new respect for Sean Penn.

Sean Penn is a man who I've never gave proper credit to. I don't like him, but I cannot deny his talent. 

Granted this was just a generic role for him, but for some reason I noticed him.

Out of Ten? 7

Violence? Some mook ate a shotgun to the face!
Explosions? Mofos were tossing dynamite like they were Looney Toons.
Nudity? No. Surprisingly.

Read More

Outrage (2010)

Writer, director and actor Takeshi "Beat" Kitano returns to his roots in this gripping gangster drama that details the intense rivalry between two powerful yakuza syndicates and the efforts of a small crew to prevent all-out war from erupting.

Two Yakuza gangs have made a pact of nonviolence, yet long standing tensions bubble to the surface and they soon find themselves on the brink of all out war.

This film does not glorify gang violence at all. If anything it is a "behind the curtain" view of the life of a Yakuza. Politics, Power grabs, in fighting, blackmail, extortion, executions, you know, the good stuff. Outrage is long and deliberate but when the gang war is finally on, no one survives. The idea behind that is to wipe out the whole crew so that there's no one who can come back for revenge later and in doing so, I have to give credit where it's due. The ruthless gangs always come up with new ways to kill and in this film, they created a vehicular lynching.

From the front seat of a car, they tied a rope around a guys neck and tied the other end to a pole on the highway. Then they put the car in full speed wich instantly snapped his neck and pulled him backward.

Crazy.

Out of Ten? 6

Not to quote the cover, but Outrage is definitely not for the squeamish

Violence? Yes
Explosions? One
Nudity? Two Titties

Read More

Chocolate (2008)

Acclaimed Thai action director Prachya Pinkaew helms this martial arts drama, which follows Zen, a young autistic woman who discovers that she has the uncanny ability to absorb precision fighting skills just by watching martial arts movies. When her cancer-ridden mother's creditors come calling, Zen attempts to settle the debts by standing up to a hardnosed gang of criminals who have wrongfully swindled money from her family. 

From the people who brought you ong bak and the protector comes Chocolate. The tale of an autistic girl who learns martial arts by watching street fights and film. After her mother is hospitalized, an autistic girl tries to collect debts owed to pay her medical bills. In doing so she runs afoul of many shady dudes and eventually the guy responsible for her father's exile.

Chocolate is an awesome film and fits perfectly within the realm of the Ong Bak/Protector universe. The fighting and stunt work are crazy and the story moves straightforward from A to B. Fight fans, will love it. Plus the villain is a rock star. No matter how many times he is attacked, he never loses his shades. Because that wouldn't be cool.


Here's the trailer. (Spoiler alert!: Fight happens.)

Bonus points for the super cool villain.

Violence? Yes
Explosions? No
Nudity? No

Read More

Clash - 2009

Trinh codename Phoenix, a female mob enforcer, must complete a series of organized crime jobs for her boss Hac Long in order to win the release of her kidnapped daughter. She hires several mercenaries to help, including Quan dubbed Tiger, who she becomes attracted to. Trinh and Quan's relationship becomes complicated as it becomes evident that their motivations are not the same.

Vietnamese big budget action flick.
At the behest of the big boss, A woman assembles a group of mercenaries to complete an arms deal. One of the guys is recognized and they have to fight for their lives to escape. After being betrayed by one of their own on another mission, the two remaining members try to track him down and retrieve the stolen merchandise and extract a measure of revenge. By the time they catch up to him, their motivations for doing so are radically different.

There's nothing special about this flick. Clash is basically about shootouts and Muy Thai. The big boss is actually quite a badass and when he finally shows that side, it's a thing of beauty.

 Overall though, I can say I've seen better.

Out of Ten? 5.5

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Yes
Nudity? Peek-A-Boob.

Read More