Psycho Gothic Lolita (2010)

After assassins kill her mother and maim her father, innocent Yuki --now dining gothic leather -- goes on a mission for revenge.

At a birthday dinner, five hooded assailants, break into their home. In the struggle, her father is seriously injured and her mother is killed right in front of her. 

Lolita sneaks into a gambling den where debauchery is ever present. After disembowling the guard, she heads for her first kill, Sakie, the Queen.

By the time she reaches and executes the fifth guy, she learns that there was more to the story than just a random murder. Her mother was a devil, and they were exorcists. She is also a devil and he's been baiting her until she revealed her true form.

 Harbinger of Justice, executing those responsible for her mother's death. 

Before you ask: Why not? Japanese B movies are still B movies. 

Didn't really know what to expect when I started Psycho Gothic Lolita and honestly I was bored until the fighting started. It plays kinda like Kill Bill. A woman was wronged by 5 people, makes a list and sets out to get her revenge. But this is Japanese, so there's a lot of blood and gore and weirdness. It works for the film, but if you have no experience with the genre you'll hate it.

For a move made in Japan in 2010, it really lacks the flair that accompanies the genre. But technically it's an exploitation flick, so I guess that can explain it.

Idk whatever.

 

Violence? Yes. Oh yes
Explosions? Blood Spray
Nudity? No

Read More

Karate Girl (2011)

Years after someone murdered her karate master father and kidnapped her sister, Ayaka sets out to put her family back together.

 

A ruthless businessman is attempting to control Kurenai Karate all over the world. To do so, he'll need the black belt held by Sojiro Kurenai, the greatest karate master of all time.

After a short battle,  it's protector is slain along with his eldest daughter. The businessman absconds with the black belt and his youngest daughter. With his final breaths, the protector manages to revive his eldest, Ayako and tells her let no man take the belt, which was around his waist the whole time.

About 8 years later, we find Ayako working in a movie theater. She uses karate to stop a pair of purse snatchers and becomes instantly popular with the crowd of onlookers. The pics and videos hit the web, alerting the bed guys to her presence. When the businessman finds out that the belt in his possession is a fake, Ayako is still alive and he was paralyzed for no reason, he  sets out to track down Ayako and retrieve the real one, but not before heart punching one of his henchman.

Keith Gets His Head Kicked In...

What I like about these Japanese karate flicks specifically is that the actors really take a beating to sell it. No punches are pulled and it just looks better. Comes across more fluid I mean. As the end credits roll, there are scenes showing the choreography.

Karate Girl it's not a barn burner, but it is a decent flick and the fight choreography is well done. It's basically about a girl who knows karate and fucks shit up, but only because she's forced to. In the process she reunites with her sister (who the bad guy kidnapped) and it's double the fun as they take out Keith, the biggest, baddest, whitest martial artist the bad guy has on his team. [Dude ate like 8 tandem kicks to the head. 6 alone, just because of his name.] I also found out that this starred the same girl from High Kick Girl!. I thought those kicks looked familiar...

Violence? Yes. No blood though, just kicks to the face.
Explosions? Of kicks to the face
Nudity? No naked ass-whippings

Read More

The Man From Nowhere (2010)

***An iCheck Movies Listed Film***

 

 

 

A quiet pawnshop keeper with a violent past takes on a drug- and organ trafficking ring in hope of saving the child who is his only friend.

The Cast:

• Badass that just wants to be left alone
• Little girl who warms his heart
• Druggie mom who dances for dollars
• Korean gangsters who are tough guys until they eat a fist or two

The Situation:

After a woman steals a brick of heroin, Korean Gangsters track her down, cut her up and take her daughter. Their neighbor, a reluctant badass and friend of the little girl, gets caught up in the drama when the thugs knock over his shop and rushes out to save her from a grisly fate.

The Resolution:

Badass man goes full Taken and cleans house in route to save the girl. When he gets some bad news, his pissed off meter goes to over 9000(!!!) and he wrecks even more shop.

//////////////////////////////////////

The Man From Nowhere is one of the best crime thrillers to come from (South) Korea. As it starts off, it seems very similar to The Professional, but it quickly takes a different turn once the ball gets rolling and becomes more comparable to Taken. That's not to say it's the same, but Nowhere borrows from both films while guiding the film down a different path. 

It's a solid foreign flick that's action packed, fight filled and well acted. Here's the trailer so judge for yourself.

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Of fists to the face
Nudity? Itty bitty titty

Read More

Machete Kills (2013)

I was kinda under the impression that Machete Kills was an unnecessary sequel with a huge overblown cast. But I like Robert Rodriguez and I generally trust his judgement. When this movie landed in my lap. How could I refuse?

After a, gun battle wipes out a bunch of soldiers and mercs, Machete is somehow ridiculously accused of killing everyone.  While the local PD are trying to hang him, he gets a pardon from President Carlos Estevez who tells him that the country needs him, as a dangerous revolutionary based in Mexico, has a missile pointed at Washington D.C. that will fire if the U.S.doesn't invade Mexico and take out the cartels. Since diplomacy dictates that the U.S.cannot get directly involved, his mission is to go into Mexico, check it out and kill him if need be. For his participation, he'll have his criminal record wiped clean and will be fully instated as an American citizen.

In Mexico, he learns that the missile is wired to the Revolutionary's heartbeat and it will fire if it stops beating. The only other way it can be disarmed, is if they go back to where it was made. (U.S.A.) and they have 24hrs to do so as he's it's been armed it.

Fighting his way back across the border, Machete feels he's on to something big...

Stray Quotage:

"Motherfucker, I'm not asking if you're interested. I'm the President of the United Fucking States, man."

"Try not to be distracted by the cleavage and the hair spray. It's part of my cover."

"Boss has a message for you Machete.  

[Kills passenger]

 End of message."

"You know what this is? This is the enema I plan to fire up the ass of the United States."

"Disarm it.
There's only two men who can disarm it.
[Gunshot]
Hah. Correction, one man."

"Now, if I don't shoot you square in the face, I would be violating a contractual obligation."

"You know what you are? Vengeance. You are vengeance and vengeance never dies. It just changes targets."

"For crying out loud, will one of you well paid, well trained gentlemen, please shoot that motherfucker!
[Gunshots]
Thank you!"

Robert Rodriguez is a talented filmmaker. It's amazing to me how he managed to actually utilize each members of the large cast without dragging down the film as a whole. I feel like the bulk of people were cast to get them the exposure they need to break into more mainstream films, and the inclusion of Lady Gaga and Sofia Vergara were more of a personal thing for Rodriguez, because as we all know, "it's good to be the king." I am definitely a fan of bad guy Mel Gibson. I enjoyed Get the Gringo, but Machete Kills is different. Dude just works as a villain and it seems like he's having more fun as a bad guy in general. Dude goes full on supervillain by the end of the film. 

Machete Kills is wild, action packed and full of stars who don't overstep their roles. The story is solid, the action is awesome, Machete himself is still a badass and and I'm kinda kicking myself for not watching sooner. There's an in film trailer for Machete Kills Again...In Space, which is supposed to be the third film in the series. This entire movie builds to that sequel and I'm actually looking forward to it, knowing that it will probably never get made.

Things Machete don't do:

• Smoke
• Tweet
• Joke
• Fail

Things Machete does do:

• Text
• Love everyone
• Kill

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Yes
Nudity? You know something, I didn't even notice. That's how well everything else worked.

Read More

Bullet to the Head (2012)

Stallone is a Hitman who's been in and out of jail and has a long string of arrests but few convictions. At a bar after his last job, he is attacked by a dude, and manages to fight him off, but the guy escapes after killing his partner. He's being tracked down by Detective Kwon a.k.a.The "Ninja Ninja Ninja" guy from Ninja Assassin. Kwon offers to team up, and he refuses of course, but after a group of guys attempted to murder Kwon, he figures they share a common enemy and decides to take him up on his offer.

What do you mean there are no Ninja!!!

Bullet to the Head is a simple film with a simple premise: two guys on opposite sides of the law have the same enemies and must team up to get shit done. This includes a girl (played by the super hot Sarah Shahi) who becomes a damsel and the hired goon who is a beast that must be taken down for them to win. 

The thing about this movie is that it's enjoyable. It doesn't take itself too seriously, yet its not too cheesy either. Stallone's character is named Jimmy Bobo for Christ Sakes. The other thing about this film is that there's a lot happening, but at the same time, nothing is happening. I can't really explain it better. There's a lot happening, but it isn't about anything and while the action and violence are right for its context, I wouldn't say it's over the top, but more "right at the line" instead.

In a world of twilight, hangover and Madea, This is the type of mindless action film that we need. Something manly to let off steam. Stallone clearly knows his audience. He even included a motherfucking axe fight!  Smh. I'm not going to say this movie is dope, but I will say that it was satisfying.

That moment when you squeeze a trigger and a little poo comes out.

 

  

Violence? Headshots. Chest shots. Shots shots.
Explosions? He used to be an explosives expert in the war, so now he explosives everything. He'd fuck around and put a bomb in your coffee if you aren't careful.
Nudity? Not a lot, but it's there. You'll be pleased.

Read More

Director's Spotlight: John Woo

John Woo

John Woo Yu-Sen (born 1 May 1946) is a Hong Kong film director, writer, and producer. Recognized for his stylised films of highly choreographed action sequences, Mexican standoffs, and use of slow-motion. Woo has directed several notable Hong Kong and Hollywood films.

Sharp choreography, smooth gun play, doves, and stand-offs are usually signs you're enjoying a John Woo original.

With that being said, here are a few of his films that you might want watch at some point in life:

The Killer (1989)
A disillusioned assassin accepts one last hit in hopes of using his earnings to restore vision to a singer he accidentally blinded, only to be double-crossed by his boss.

Hard Boiled (1992)
A tough-as-nails cop teams up with an undercover agent to shut down a sinister mobster and his crew.

Face/Off (1997)
To foil an extortion plot, an FBI agent undergoes a face-transplant surgery and assumes the identity and physical appearance of a ruthless terrorist, but the plan backfires when the same criminal impersonates the cop with the same method.

Hard Target (1993)
A woman hires a drifter as her guide through New Orleans in search of her father, who has gone missing. They discover a deadly game of cat and mouse behind his disappearance in the process.

Mission Impossible 2 (2000)
A secret agent is sent to Sydney, to find and destroy a genetically modified disease called "Chimera."

Read More

Rambo IV (2009)

In Thailand, John Rambo joins a group of mercenaries to venture into war-torn Burma, and rescue a group of Christian aid workers who were kidnapped by the ruthless local infantry unit.

So I'm browsing the site (like you should all be doing) and I realize that I never put up a review for the latest (and greatest) Rambo movie.

First off, John Rambo is a Mother.Fucking.Beast. Dude goes into Burma, rips out throats and damn near destroys the entire Burma army.  Why the Burman army you ask? Well, FUCK THE BURMESE ARMY! That's why.  They were so cartoonishly over the top evil that you would not care how they met their end because they deserved it.

The Burma Commander's sole purpose was to stand around, look tough, smoke and scream, "Dak dlak. Alack lack dlacka!" While his soldiers completely put the Vikings to shame in the way they ransacked and destroyed two villages and everyone within.

You'd have to watch it to fully understand, but by the time Rambo got through with them, you'd be standing and applauding. There's no one more American than John Rambo and did I mention that he ripped out a man's throat with his bare hands? 

Deepthroated - Click the Pic to watch.

Honestly I feel like the hyper violence was a distraction tactic and I think he was just trying to get us to look past his age. Thing is, I do not care...Okay, I cared a little, but Rambo IV released during a time when we needed a movie like this. At the time, the top film at the box office was either Paul Blart or Beverly Hills Chihuahua. Fuck that. I'd take an old ass Rambo, or even Rambo in space if it's attached to action like this.

 

Violence? He shot someone point blank with an M-50
Explosions? Dude blew up an un-detonated bomb from Vietnam.
Nudity? Yes. Dem Burmese is crazy.

Read More

Machete (2011)

After being set-up and betrayed by the man who hired him to assassinate a Texas Senator, an ex-Federale launches a brutal rampage of revenge against his former boss.

After being set up and exiled from Mexico, former federale Machete is living as a day laborer in Texas. When a politician begins to campaign on an anti-immigrant platform, his Public Relations Manager decides to create an event that would make the voters sympathetic to his boss's cause. He hires Machete and fucked with the wrong Mexican as he sets out for revenge nearly just as soon as he discovers he's been set up. The rest of the movie is just that. Revenge, action,  blood, explosions, titty and for some odd reason, a white dude that believes he's Mexican, but is down for the cause.

Based on a trailer that was done for the GrindHouse movie, Machete is a lot of fun. After being in several movies as Machete, the character finally gets his own taste of the spotlight and in my opinion thoroughly delivers. Dude is completely bad ass and his interactions within the scope of the film are hilarious.

The sequel is coming out soon which is essentially why I'm writing this as somewhat of a refresher. I am excited about Machete Kills, I don't love everyone in the cast, but I trust Robert Rodriguez to sort it out. Shit I wasn't expecting Jeff Fahey or Don Johnson to be as good as they were in Machete. I have faith. Plus my man Marko Zaror is in the film and I've glowingly reviewed a film or two on this here blog.

I don't know what else to say about this movie. I'm assuming everyone has seen it by now. That's really no excuse for those who haven't. Anyway, here's a trailer for Machete Kills.

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Yes
Nudity? Yes

Read More

Killer Girl K (2011) [TV Series]

After her mother is kidnapped and killed, a young woman who was (already quite bad ass) joins a shadowy group to get the revenge training she needs. When she eventually accomplishes that task, she wants to retire. But to do so she'll have to fight her way out of the company.


Killer Girl K/Little Girl K is an action filled Korean series. It doesn't break new ground, but it does look good and the fight scenes are well done.

             

Sexy. Bad Ass. Women. They even did an their own stunts.

Here's a fight scene that I think you'll enjoy. Decide for yourself if it's worth checking out or not:

Violence? Yes
Explosions? No
Nudity? Yes

Read More

Singham (2011)

A humiliated gangster, Jaikant Shikre, uses his influence and goon power to terrorize a newly transferred police officer while trying to win the elected seat of Minister. Super Inspector Bajirao Singham will have his hands full watching his back, protecting his woman and cleaning up the police force, all while trying to take down Shikre before the election.

Jaikant Shikre is a ruthless smooth talking gangster. He owns Goa and essentially does what he wants. His intention is to run for government, knowing that if he is elected, he'll be untouchable. His misdeeds eventually land him in the crosshairs of super Inspector Bajirao Singham.

 

Singham=Indian Jon Hamm

Singham is the embodiment of justice. He is an uncorruptable honest cop who not only has his own theme song, his intro includes singing and dancing, cool shades and slow motion walking. Also, According to his song, he destroys evil and never lets bad guys escape.

Because this is a Bollywood movie, there has to be some type of love story and or signing and dancing-- Singhams into notwithstanding-- so we get to watch Singham develop as a character as he meets and falls in love with Kavya Goatum, the daughter of a guy who used to live in the village. He saves her honor and after spending time with each other, she eventually drops the L word. He's initially taken aback but after a song and dance montage he comes to accept his true feelings for her.

With that out of the way, we can get back to the good stuff. During their first confrontation, Singham gets the upper hand and reminds Shikre that he is nothing but criminal scum. Embarrassed, he leaves immediately and sets about plans for revenge. He gets Singham transferred to Goa and outright threatens to kill him because he runs that place and there's no one there that can stop him.

Singham is definitely entertaining and the beauty of it is, I can't tell whether it is intentionally over the top or not. Either way it's glorious.

In the end, Singham delivered:

3 public belt to ass whippings
2 very public shamings of the police
2 song and dance routines
2 inspirational speeches
4 open palm super slaps

I'm having a hard time trying to justify giving Singham just a 5. I really enjoyed it but it isn't a "5" and I really don't want to come back to change this later, sooo...4?.

Violence? Yes
Explosions? No
Nudity? No

Read More

The Grey (2011)

After their plane crashes in Alaska, six oil workers are led by a skilled huntsman to survival, but a pack of merciless wolves haunts their every step.

"Seven days to the wolves...where will you be when they come to take us?" - Nightwish

It was never explained just how he knew what he knew. Granted he's Liam Neeson and he probably does know, but still a little back-story would be nice.

The asshole tough guy gets the most peaceful death? The whole point of that character is to be killed off violently just for making us hate him so much.

The black guy survives a plane crash and survives something like two wolf attacks only to be taken out by Bronchitis? Let's ask Sweet Brown how she feels about this situation:

The film was always headed towards a final fight between the alpha wolf and Liam Neeson because he became the alpha of his group. Problem is, they built up the mystique of the alpha a bit too well. I expected a giant fucking wolf. Not that what we got wasn't any less dangerous, but still.

The Grey is essentially Liam Neeson surviving in the wilderness and fighting wolves. I could probably watch Liam Neeson fight a tree for an hour and be entertained but overall, this movie was too much talking and not enough wolfing.

Out of Ten? 6.5

Violence? Yes
Explosions? No
Nudity? No

Read More

Olympus has Fallen (2013)

Disgraced former Presidential guard Mike Banning finds himself trapped inside the White House in the wake of a terrorist attack; using his inside knowledge, Banning works with national security to rescue the President from his kidnappers

The most unrealistic attack on American soil has just taken place and it's up to Gerard "300" Butler to kick in doors, smash windows, and kill every terrorist on his way to save the president. North Koreans have infiltrated the White House, killed every active Secret Service agent and many civilians in a coordinated attack designed to capture the President, force the US to withdraw its troops in Asia and blow up the United States with their own nuclear missiles.

After an incident at Camp David, (The timeline is never clearly stated) in which the first lady dies, agent Butler has been taken off the president's detail and assigned desk duty at the Department Of the Treasury. He makes no secret that he wants back in and when the Koreans attack, he heads straight for The White House and gets in on the action.

'Merica for 'Mericans!

Olympus contained an impressive number of headshots. At one point though, he took out a sniper with a glock from sniping distance. That was the moment I threw my hands up. I could live with the Korean airplane that was gunning people down for 8 solid minutes in front of the White House, but this? This was too much.

Needless to say, Olympus Has Fallen is not to be taken seriously nor is it a joke. When's the last time we head a brutal one Man Army Pro America Anti Terrorist film? The nature of the film allows it to be over the top. It could have easily been worse, but it wasn't. Thing is we need movies like this. There are too many soft films and not enough guy flicks out there.

One of the best parts of the film is when Gerard Butler carries through on his threat to stab the bad guy in the head with his knife. He has him down, looks him in the eyes, notices the knife in his hand, thinks about it, kinda shrugs, then knifes him. Twas awesome.



Sidenote: 
Olympus sports some of the worst dialogue ever. I know it happens in films like these, but still. Oh and there's also a very dramatic (and emphatic) "thumbs up" which signified that the day had been saved. Also I'm sure they blatantly changed actors playing the president's kid and hoped no one would notice. I did. I noticed.

Extra Sidenote:
I do appreciate the subtle shift in Top Asian villain status as it belonged to Japan for many years, was followed by China for a bit and finally recently passed down to the newest most dastardly Asian enemy, North Korea.

Out of Ten? 7

Violence? Sooo many headshots
Explosions? 'Muricah! Fuck yeah!
Nudity? No

Read More

The Quick and the Dead (1995)

Lady avenger returns to western town owned by a ruthless gunslinger hosting an elimination tournament....In the west, you're either quick or you're dead.

The Quick and the Dead is hands down one of the best films of the Western genre. There's a coherent story, there's gunfights, and there's lawlessness all strung together to make a solid flick. While Sharon Shtone headlines, the bulk of the work is done by Gene Hackman and a young Leonardo DiCaprio. Plus, let's not forget that Russell Crowe is in this film too.

So to sum things up:

A list cast + balance between action/drama + gun fights + the wild west = a solid western and one you should watch.


Violence? Yes
Explosions? No
Nudity? Yes

Read More

Ninja (2009)

A westerner named Casey, studying Ninjutsu in Japan, is asked by the Sensei to return to New York to protect the legendary Yoroi Bitsu, an armored chest that contains the weapons of the last Koga Ninja.

The top two students in the running to replace the leader of the dojo don't like each other two much. During a heated training exercise, the Japan born student tries to kill the Last Samurai and is expelled from the school.Years later, he shows up as a Snake Eyes clone, conducting mercenary work, specifically assassinations for an unnamed secret organization.

The dojo throws a small ceremony to name his successor and pass down the ancient weaponry. My question is, if the techniques are to be passed down in secret, why have a public ceremony? Anyway, Snake eyes crashes the party and after being reminded of his expulsion, he threatens the Sensei and everyone there that day. As the ninja weapons are being hidden, snake eyes is preparing for war. He has a closet full of weapons and at nightfall, he makes his move, taking out nearly the whole school on his way to kill his former teacher. The old man is dope. he even gets in a "I taught you everything you know," but like a good ninja, snake eyes resorts to chicanery to win, using poison darts then decapitation to end the battle.

After giving away her location by calling her father, snake eyes sees the number and deduces that the weapons are in New York. He calls the leader of the secret society to bring in the ninja girl and makes plans of his own to join them shortly. After being attacked, the ninja kids are on the run. This eventually leads to a fight on the train, which not only had to be the longest ride, but it also gave me a new kill to add to the list (skip to 5:15 for the kill)

Sidenote: I don't get how she is the daughter of the head of the ninja school, yet a complete punk bitch during fight scenes. I thought these mofos were ninjas. A little gunfire and she turned into a quivering bitch. She was dead weight throughout the film. Useless. it's like they watered down her character during filming.

After finally getting arrested, the (cliched) stubborn cops believe they are the bad guys and treat them like so. Chaining them to chairs and blatantly disregarding their stories. Snake Eyes shows up at the station and the cops eat sword for their efforts. Nifty little lightsaber effect on his sword too, but that just added insult to injury. After a battle atop the police station, we quickly learn that the last samurai is no match for Snake Eyes, who captures Ninja Girl and flees. The Last Samurai is now on a mission to rescue Ninja Girl. Tearing through the secret society along the way, he gets in contact with snake eyes and offers to trade the ninja weapons for the girl. Making his way to the deal, last samurai puts on the ancient weaponry and finally claims his birthright as an American Ninja. Which of course leads to the final fight scene and the downfall of Snake Eyes.

I came into this film expecting total crap. What I got was decent crap. Passable, but still crap. The dialogue was bad but who needs words when you can let spin kicks speak for you? (Seriously. I think his dialogue was 80% spin kicks. I don't think I saw dude throw a punch the whole film!), the logic behind the plot was flawed, and somehow a police helicopter was written into and out of the movie during the same scene. Outside of all that, the evil ninja was, of course, a total badass and the action scenes (read: bloodshed) saved the film from a worse score.

Out of Ten? 6

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Smoke Bombs.
Nudity? No. Unfortunately

Read More

Taken (2009)

A retired CIA agent travels across Europe and relies on his old skills to save his estranged daughter, who was kidnapped on a trip to Paris to be sold into prostitution.

What more could be said about this film that can't already by this fucking scene:

Everyone and their mother has seen this film by now. I just needed to add it to the site.
(On Father's Day. Coincidentally.)

Thank You.

Out of Ten? 9

(Minus 1-point for the behavior of both the Mother and the Daughter. Yes, it's petty, but it can't be overlooked.)

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Of Violence
Nudity? No

Read More

Geisha Assassin - 2008

This story is set during the Edo ages in Japan. On a rainy night, Kotono confronts the samurais who have killed her father. The samurai attack her one by one, but she manages to withstand them. When she is scaring the remaining samurai away, three ninja's suddenly appear. Will she succeed in beating them as well?

The title card explains that the word "gei" meant weapons. Geishas were ones who practiced swordsmanship and even men could be geishas.

Geisha Assassin starts slow as we come in on a geisha as she follows a samurai through the streets, seeking to avenge her father's death. The man who killed her father tells her she can't defeat him as she is now and sets up battles for her. The rest of the movie is her fighting tough challengers on her way to get to him. Although she reaches her final opponent quickly, the fights are consistently satisfying. The final fight contains the necessary evil of flashbacks to explain the exact situation behind her father's death. But even the flashbacks include a fight scene.

Geisha Assassin is a short movie that begins slow and feels a bit long. (Especially during the end scenes.) But we learn about her father's death and the technique she uses. Plus there's a fight that takes place in the rain with Motherfucking Ninjas(!!!), and when her weapon is unavailable, she's a pretty capable martial artist. Also, as is customary in these films, she has to be beautiful, but deadly. (Although she's not a badass...or really hot. She's just skilled with a sword.)

Its definitely not a must see, but there is an "oh shit" moment or two.

Out of Ten? 6.

Violence? Fuck yeah, its a swordfighting flick that includes Fuckin Ninjas!!!!
Explosions? Ninja bombs
Nudity? No

Read More

Tactical Force - 2011

In this nail-biting action flick, a Los Angeles SWAT team on a training mission finds itself trapped in an abandoned military complex without effective weapons or access to outside help, just as two violent gangs close in on their location

Stone Cold as a police officer is something that needs to be seen to be believed. But with the typical SCSA badassness, him, Michael Jai White and his SWAT team easily dispatch three would be hostage takers. Just how badass is his SWAT team?  Well, there's only 4 members. For.The. Entire. City.
 

"Boss, we're surrounded." Yeah, Well, that's bad news for them."

Of course, with badassness comes.recklessness and their actions eventually pisses off their captain who suspends them, and sends them for re-training. Their training site is the location of some shady dealings and they are pinned in as two teams of gangsters are there looking for a briefcase full of illegal goods. The situation gets worse as each man calls on their respective gangs for assistance.


(pic)This douchestache manages to play everyone against each other

There's a few things about this movie that I don't get. Mainly, if you are trapped in a building with killers, why on Earth, would you take off your protective gear? It just doesn't make sense.
Outside of that, Stone Cold Steve Austin and Michael Jai White? Pfft. I'm in.

Out of Ten? 7
Solid popcorn flick. Not the best, but it will do in a pinch.

Violence? Yes
Explosions? One
Nudity? No

Read More

Gangs of New York - 2002

When his father is killed in New York City, Amsterdam Vallon returns in 1863 to hunt down his father's killer, the ruthless, Bill 'The Butcher' Cutting. It's not easy for Amsterdam as gangs roam a corrupt New York City, with Bill Cutting ruling over everyone.

By now, everyone has seen this flick, so it'll just say this:


What is it with Martin Scorcese and long Fucking films? There should be a rule where the longest you can make your film is 2 hrs. If you can't get your point across in 120min, you've failed and should lose out on potential revenue.

Back on topic, Gangs is actually a pretty good movie and both DiCaprio and Daniel Day-Lewis kill in their roles. It also serves as a lesson in the bloody history of New York. Still, It shouldn't take 3 1/2 hrs to tell the story of a son who vows vengeance towards the man who killed his father. But if you've got the attention span, it works.

Out of Ten? 7.5

Violence? Lots bloody gang violence + armed forces. Looting, Rioting, and at one point, even Cameron Diaz gets punched in the face. You couldn't ask for anything more.
Explosions? Yup Especially when the military steps in.
Nudity? No. 

Read More

They Died Too Soon...

***Editor Note: This list was done in 2010, and as much as I hated 2011 year in movies, I'm sure I'm missing at least one or two characters. Hit the comments, let me know your thoughts.***

King Leonidas - 300

Spartans are warriors and they always fight to the death. But it takes a special type of badass to defy the laws of his own country and lead a team of 300 men who nearly toppled the Persian Empire. Plus he kicked a dude into a bottomless pit and nearly speared Xerxes to death.

Angeline Jolie - Wanted

Honestly, I didn't like Wanted, but there is no denying that Fox was a bad ass assassin. True, some of her scenes were over the top, but the opening scene in which she fires a shotgun out of a moving car, during a high speed chase, while steering with her feet and shitting on the new guy, earned her the distinction of making this list.

Tony Montana - Scarface

One of Pacino's greatest performances. Tony Montana went from a penniless Cuban immigrant to a millionaire drug lord. He was badass even until the end, nearly taking out every one who stormed his house all while high as fuck. Cocaine is indeed a hell of a drug.

John Creasy - Man on Fire

What. A. Character. John Creasy marked Denzel's second foray into Badassery after playing Det. Alanzo Harris In Training Day. After the child Creasy is bodyguarding disappears, he tears through the Mexican mob in search of her. At one point, he even places a bomb in some poor dude's ass. Yep, it was a bad time for villainy when John Creasy was around.

Doc Holiday - Tombstone

Val Kilmer, like him or not, has played some awesome characters in his career. However, he will never top his portrayal of Doc Holiday in Tombstone. Dude got up from his deathbed, just to participate in the final gun brawl. I think that alone solidifies his place on this list.

Gunnery Sgt. Hartman - Full Metal Jacket

R. Lee. Ermy is a legit badass who has played many variations of that in his acting career. His most famous role was that of Gunnery Sgt. Hartman In Full Metal Jacket. He verbally destroyed the new recruits while simultaneously making himself a character we'd never forget.

Big Daddy - Kick-Ass

In a world w/o superheroes, one man took it upon himself to not only teach his daughter how to become a lethal killing machine, he also dressed up in costume with her and wrecked shop. I can forgive the fact that this was Nicholas Cage in a costume. Big Daddy was a legit character.

Juno - The Descent II

Juno led her crew on a spelunking expedition into a cave system that was previously undiscovered. When shit got real however, so did she. Little to no hesitation or remorse as she pick-axed, clawed, and fought they cave mutants.

Bill The Butcher - Gangs of New York

Daniel Day-Lewis is so selective with his roles that nearly every character he plays is badass in one way or another. While some may go with his oil baron in There Will Be Blood, I'm choosing, Bill the Butcher.

Colonel Miles Quaritch aka Colonel Gunz

When he's not benching 250lbs in a tiny wife beater, Colonel Gunz breathes badassery. Not only was he shot with two giant arrows, he pilots a mechanical suit while on fire, and pursues those eco pussies in a known toxic environment without even thinking of oxygen until his clip was empty. All. Man.

Read More