Showing posts with label Live Blog. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Live Blog. Show all posts

It Waits (2006)



A vengeful beast of legend had been sealed deep within a cave for more than one thousand years. Nearby in a remote forest outpost, young ranger Danielle St. Clair is struggling to confront dark demons of her own.

  1. I watched this film for two reasons: I wanted to know what "It" was. And then, was "it" really worth the wait?
  2. Whoa??? Are those Actual Indians??? In my Horror movie?
  3. Aaannnnd they're gone.
  4. They broke down the walls of a cave and explored the ruins. The pictures depicted a beast killing folk. Then he showed up to kill them. The absolutely stupid thing is that the warning was written on the wall inside the sealed cave and they had to get inside to see that warning. Pfft. Natives.
  5. A forest ranger sits on the floor drunk, crying, listening to Sarah McLaughlin and being chided by her parrot. Her BFF was killed in a drunken car accident and she's been a wreck ever since. Unfortunately for her, she loses any real sympathy when it is revealed that the cause was drunk driving.
  6. She hears a noise at night and goes to check it out. What she finds are huge scratches on the supply shed.
  7. Talking with her friend/coworker, she says that she feels a darkness is coming and she may not be able to stop it. (Hey baby, how about you foreshadow those tits?)
  8. He tries to tell her that is just survivors guilt but the foreshadowing is just too strong and refuses to be denied. (Unlike dem titties!) 
  9. He spends the night and she reveals her deepest darkest secret. He was promptly rewarded with sex (set to country music) for being so cool/supportive. Fellas, there's a lesson here...
  10. The Monster appears on the roof and sets off their alarm. He then tears up their satellite and flips a jeep just cuz. Luckily for forest ranger M, he waited until they were done. The Lesson here? Not even 1,000 yr old Native American cave monsters want to be cockblocks.
  11. They decide to take turns watching the door waiting for it to strike again. In the morning they manage to escape and head to another location to radio for help. (It was a long night. But at least they got one in.)
  12. In the forest, they come across a couple who are lost and too prideful to allow the rangers to help. They are very easily dispatched by the Monster.
  13. Male forest ranger buries the bodies and tells her that it may be the same guy that killed those injuns. He convinces her that splitting up is their best course of action and he gets a slow motion walkaway. You know what that means...
  14. ...So after he's killed, the Monster goes after Danielle who's now at the tower, solo. She survives, but finds Ranger M's head and shoulders at the shed.
  15. After she buries him, she goes on the offensive...by dumping out cans and cans of fruit cocktail, which are supposed to be a crude early detection system. I hope. Or maybe she picked now to express her disdain for fruit cocktail.
  16. She manages to fire off a few shots and in the morning, follows it's blood trail to the cave it escaped from. Somehow improbably, one of the Indians survived and explains to her the Monster's myth and history. He says it is drawn to negativity. She of course blows him off, but he insists she cast aside her logical mind, and believe. He gives her the full story and tells her to read it and he'll join her at the tower tomorrow.
  17. This is what we know of the Monster: He's Indian, mythological, hunts negative energy, doesn't like water or fire and he's also like a cat that likes to toy with it's prey before killing it. Also, he can fly. 
  18. She tries to make her escape during the rain but is confronted by the Monster who takes one good look at dem titties, and decides against it (It does sprout wings as a sign of an erection though) and flies off.
  19. She manages to trap it in a cave and that also doubles as a metaphor for sealing up her personal demons as well.

Eye roll...

Buried in a cave is where I want to put the memory of watching this crap. Better yet, let's end this with an overly pretentious one liner:

Overall, It Waits was not worth the wait nor its weight as a film. 


Violence? Yes
Explosions? Yes
Nudity? No. They wouldn't even give us that. SMH.

Croc (2007)





A huge man-eating crocodile terrorizes people near Krabi, Thailand. Michael Madsen plays a hunter stalking the beast, while a local tries to blame a foreign crocodile-farm owner for the crocodile's rampage.


The Two Thai men are fishing for food when the explosion wakes up a predatory crocodile who immediately takes them out. [Right off the bat, we start with two men dynamite fishing in a boat. Ya gotta love a movie that starts with dynamite fishing]

At a zoo, a local tour guide is smitten with an angry Thai lady who seems to be angry for no good reason. At his show, he pulls a random child from the audience to play goalie against an elephant in soccer. This fails to impress the woman. [This kid sucks. Worst goalie ever! How do you let baby elephants score on you?!]

 Thai lady remains unimpressed.

His next trick involved a crocodile, and after tricking the crowd, learns that angry Thai lady works for the Department of Animal Welfare. After informing him of impending violations, she walks away. [Showing us that she is indeed a sassy confident woman who don't need no man.]

There's some filler as the croc nearly attacks a small child by the beach but then decides it isn't time yet. [He just wanted us to know he's there. We see you, boo.]

Our hero's nephew follows a super cocky, super angry, Asian dude and we learn that he and his brother are something like mobsters who have plans to shut down the park and build a road through it. They plan to use the animal Dept and the Taxman to do so.

Hero dude is soon confronted by the tax man and is told he owes nearly 300k. No one escapes the tax man..except him, after being aided by a few of the locals, who were immediately chomped by the killer crocodile. (Luckily not before we get a sexy slow-motion look at their sexy bodies.)

Trying to warn officials of the crocodile attack, a few witnesses are easily dismissed as there hasn't been a crocodile sighting in over 20 years. Overhearing this is Asian Mobster #2 who immediately sets a plan in motion to frame our heroes and at night, the zoo is attacked by two men who break into the gator cage and wrassle some gators, freeing three.

The next day, the family of the crocodile victims confirm their disappearance while in the background the seemingly inept cops find a leg which is quickly identified. The freed crocodiles are immediately scapegoated and Jack's farm is finally shutdown as news of the escape hits the city and the blame falls on them. Naturally, the bad guys celebrate.

For some odd reason, Michael Madson is on the beach.  
[He probably didn't even know they were filming. Just happened to be there. Dynamite fishing.]

Scene cuts to a whitebread family playing in the water. The crocodile continues his killing spree by taking a small child. Reinforcing its ruthlessness.The mobster dudes offer a 50k reward for it's capture. Which opens up the field for more potential victims and finally gives Madson the chance to speak. He quickly states that he's been tracking it for some time.

The crocodile, manages to cock block hero #2 and attack while he shared some alone time with his lady. [The camera cut to another scene, but I imagined it ending as the killer croc swam away laughing while the guy shook his fist at it.]

The mobsters decide that Jack's sister has to go as she's been bailing him out. They had tried to arrange "Death by Car" for his sister and after failing, their flunky runs, leaving his phone which is found By Jack who then calls mobster number 2 and threatens him with revenge.

The crocodile (who really gets around), somehow manages to get into the swimming pool of mobster #1. He decides to stick around for a second course and eats mobster #2 as well. With that, our 2 of our heroes' antagonists are gone. However the Croc still remains.

Next day they head to the crocodiles lair, intending to kill it (or die trying!). The Croc shows and quickly snags one the sister and drags her away. The guys are hot on her trail and manage to find its oasis. [It may seem like he's always eating, but we all know Asian food makes you hungry again in an hour.]

They find and kill the crocodile, leaving the canyon as heroes. But not before a final feel good moment where we all share a laugh and honor the dead in an academy award style montage.




Violence? Croc on Man
Explosions? Dynamite Fishing!
Nudity? No

The Frankenstein Theory (2013)

***A Flicks n Picks Live Review***



Professor John Venkenheim leads a documentary film crew to the rim of the Arctic Circle in a desperate effort to vindicate his academic reputation.


Frankenstein Muhfuckas!

I'm sitting here drinking and watching movies about Frankenstein all for your benefit. You jerks better appreciate this! I'm just kidding, I'm actually kinda excited. 

Last Warning! This is happening people! Don't read any further if you aren't ready for A Bio/Chemically created monster with super strength that has lived for centuries.

Prologue 1: A Man With A Dream

1. The film starts with Professor Johnathan Venkenheim giving us a quick rundown of his life story.

2. His grandfather showed him letters that were the basis of Mary Shelley's Frankstein.

3. He explains that the story of Frankenstein is real and is one of the most incredible events in human history.

4. His gf bitches him out, but has the decency to do it off camera as he didn't tell her that they would be filming

5. Asked to leave for the night, The film crew introduce themselves and quickly give off the "I'm going to get killed for dicking around" vibe.

Prologue 2: Whatever Happens to a Dream Deferred?

6. Vicky and crew head back to Johnathan's house to continue filming. They are still upset that they are filming some crazy dude with a Frankenstein fetish and while talking shit about Johnathan, they almost hit a guy who goes full irate negro and demands they exit the vehicle in a timely manner. they of course speed off.

7. At the house, Jonathan explains the illuminati and how the work they've done have influenced science and his research. His Great Great Grandfather Johann Venkenheim was the original creator of Frankenstein and he was "the geneticist before Mendel." Apparently. Johann and whoever assisted him destroyed all of their work so that the experiment could never be created. Johnathan is dismayed because his theory will never be accepted as long as everyone thinks his theory is bullshit. He needs to prove that the Frankenstein monster is real.

8. Anna, his GF believes he is obsessed with this bullshit theory and she rips Vicky, the director for egging him on. She utters the ominous words, "This is not going to end well," and now because she threw it out there, it won't. Besides, has any movie about Frankenstein ever ended well?


9. At night, they leave in search of the beast. Frankenstein is in/near the Arctic Circle and Johnathan intends to find him.

10. Anna says her goodbyes while rocking the Abominable Snoman Uggs. I'm surprised she actually did not believe in Frankenstein. People who wear Uggs are not exactly known for their mental capabilities.



Day 1: Canada

11. They took two flights to get to the Yukon and are on the ground from there.


12. They are trying to rewrite the Frankenstein story as they go along. That's actually pretty interesting.


13. Johnathan is a creepy looking dude. Like he may have a screw loose and possibly kill everyone if it turns out that Frankenstein isn't real.

 14. Wait, maybe the monster has been in his head the whole time? If it turns out that he's in a mental ward at the end of this film I'm going to be filled with such a righteous fury....


15. Johnathan introduces us to Clarence a "person of interest" who is actually kinda funny. He's a methhead tweeker who can't seem to focus. He tells a story of his run in with Frankenstein.

16. He looks like Gary Busey and Steve Buscemi.

17. When they explain to him that it was Frankenstein that he met, he flips out, produces a gun and starts to threaten the crew. Even going so far as to sniff their wallets. Then its all hugs and apologies, "I'm sorry. You were just trying to do your job, man." Classic methheads.

Day 2: More Canada w/ Canadians

18. Johnathan hypes himself up and mentions that they will be getting Snowmobiles. While he's away, He goes away and the crew debates how much worse this place is than the last. He returns with his badass contact/creepy tour guide Karl, who warns them about the wilderness and warns them not to dick around.

 
 I'm really digging this Karl dude. he's just the right amount of bad-ass and creepy to balance each other. 
But he's Canadian...

19. Which of course they will do.

20. Dude gets the stare of death after delivering a wet willy to another one of the crew. That's one way to break the tension of a long car ride with Karl. And if things weren't awkward enough, Johnathan drops the bomb that Annie is breaking up with him and moving out. Now he has no reason to turn back. Frankenstein is all that he has left.

Day 3: Northwest Territory

21. Johnathan provides more background on Johann Venkheimen's Frankenstein experiment. He basically built an evolutionary masterpiece. his creature was not mindless, but full of incredible destructive potential.

22. Finally, snowmobiles!

23. Okay guys, that's enough snowmobile! Seriously, there's like a 5 minute tracking shot of them just riding in the snow. Aimlessly.

24. When they finally get off the snowmobiles, They hear wolves and start to freak out, but I believe Karl cracks a joke when he tells them that it's the bears that they need to worry about.

25. Eric the Assistant Producer heads out to be our first casualty as he decides now would be a good time to get a time-lapse shot. In the dark. In the 20-30 celsius weather. Luckily for him, Karl saves him from himself then just kinda stares at him until he gets back in the tent.


Day 4:

26. They find a Yurt. a shelter used by trappers and hunters. (The more you know!) Jonathan is super excited because that's exactly what he was looking for. In the snow nearby they find bones.

27. A bigfoot like creature watches them from the woods and scurries off. (Frankenstein be real yo!)

28. Johnathan belives Frankenstein is tracking a herd of Caribou for sustenance and that he says, that makes him easier to track. using math and crime statistics, he determines that Frankenstein has only killed to protect himself/his territory. After Brian the soundman freaks out at the murder part, Johnathan lays down the law: "I'm paying you and I will continue to pay you and last I checked I wasn't paying to take advice from a soundman!"



29. Karl says he believes Johnathan theory, but he believes a bear is responsible, not a Monster. he says that he could be wrong, but he wouldn't mind bagging a frankenstein. Then goes on to tell us that he's killed 12 polar bears and that Lions and Tigers are pussies compared to them. Ending his story with "respect nature. because nature doesn't forgive." I told you Karl is a badass. Too bad he's Canadian. Good thing this is a movie. I almost started to belive there were actually badasses in Canada. 

30. Night vision! I'm excited. Didn't think I'd get night vision in this film. /sarcasm

31. Wolves were howling around their yurt, then suddenly stopped. A loud growl is heard and everyone is understandably freaked out. Except my man Karl, who is sleeping like a Canadian baby.

Day 5

32. After all of the noise last night, one of their snowmobiles are stolen, one is trashed and one was left untouched. (My Guess is that Frankenstein wrecked one learning to drive, stole one for his own personal use and left the other one because, why would he need two?)

33. Hopped up on adrenaline and maple syrup, Karl was on some "You think you can steal my shit and sell it?!" shit. Dude thought he was O.J. Simpson. He says in his best badass voice "That it isn't a bear or a monster and that he'll have it's ass in 30 minutes." They asked him if he wanted to take a snowmobile and his last words were, "Fuck no! Do you think I want him to know I'm coming?"

34. 4 hours later, two of the crew, Eric and Brian, head out to look for him.

35. Johnathan says that he isn't afraid of the monster. He needs it. He needs the proof of its existence and he has nothing else left to give/show.

36. Eric and Brian head follow the tracks into a forest, where one of them is almost certain to become victim #2. They find a trail of blood and karl's rifle before finding his body lying in a ditch. They come back with urgency saying that they have to leave. Johnathan refuses to leave as he's now on the verge of a major scientific discovery.

37. Since one snowmobile is left, they send another crewman, Luke, solo to try and get help. Seriously, they keep tempting fate. Someone (else) is getting killed soon. I feel it in my bones.


Vicky does the "this is the situation so far/We're all gonna die" monologue into the camera. 
Also, despite how this looks, that is not a black guy. there are no Negroes in this film.

38. Johnathan reiterates that it isn't some type of mindless monster. it reacts to fear and anger and has been searching for companionship. so if they can appeal to its humanity, they'll be safe.

39. At night, the creature growls outside of the Yurt

Day 6 aka Day 1 of officially being stranded.

40. The fun of this film is the tension. I have to admit, they've done a really great job of building that up thus far. I hope the reveal isn't a let down.

41. On foot, they find the snowmobile without Luke. They then decide to split up to search for him and try to do the smart thing of staying within each others sight, but you know someone is just itching to get killed.

42. Told you! Brian finds Luke, dead and frozen and is immediately killed off screen. While remorseful, Johnathan is actually excited. he suggests they go back to the yurt and wait but along the way, they spot him in there. He says that he's agitated and a bit too worked up for them to approach right now. Frankenstein clearly hates to kill whitefolk, but he can't stop himself. It's a vicious cycle.

43. So at first I was going to be upset because they found the camera and didn't watch the tape of the dude being bludgeoned and dragged away. But then they catch Frankenstein coming outside of the yurt. he is indeed real and that is good enough for me.

44. Johnathan says that he's going to call to him and separate himself from the group so that they can get back to the yurt safely. He warns them not to run and he warns them twice, sternly, so someone may just be running and dying.

45. Eric is our winner folks! he sees ol' Frankenstein and runs for his life, all 2 minutes of it. But wait, we're not done running and dying...

46. Trying to find her way back to the Yurt, Vicky stumbles and falls on Eric's body. Johnathan finds her and together they make it back where Vicky continues her nervous breakdown.

Day 7: It's Over

47. Johnathan goes outside to talk to the monster and leaves Vicky inside. He tries to reason with the monster and gets torn apart for being overzealous and kinda creepy. "let me touch you" you're not a monster. I just want your hand, etc. Shit, I probably would have killed him too. Touching on me and shit.

48. Jonathan got lucky that Frankenstein didn't want his companionship. he got the easy way out compared to Vicky. Frankenstein tears open the door, bops her on the head and walks away carrying her on his shoulders while the credits roll. that's just it. she's done.

and on the 7th day, he rested...in that ass!

I'm curious as to how the story would be from Frankenstein's P.O.V. Besides, they don't make Frankenstein movies anymore. He's just not, "sexy" enough as a monster. Whatever. This film was decent. It built up the tension well, fleshed out the story and managed to construct and deconstruct the monster all at once. My only gripe is that all the kills are done off-screen. On one hand, that's a way of not over exposing the monster so we can't pick it apart, on the other hand, you're left with a monster who doesn't actually kill...and that's some bullshit.

Anyway, I think I covered it all, but if you want to watch it for yourself, go for it.


Violence? Off-Screen
Explosions? No
Nudity? No.

Act of Valor (2012)

***Live Blog Review***



An elite team of Navy SEALs embark on a covert mission to recover a kidnapped CIA agent.

- Here we go, The only movie starring active duty marines.Yay!
 
- Chris Brown is putting a hurting on "Roselyn Sanchez"(Chris Brown jokes never get old, apparently.)

-Wait, that is Roselyn Sanchez. Oh man, her career...

- So three days ago two CIA agents were ambushed. The female agent was Taken(wink) wrapped in a carpet and carried out of her house (The old Carpet Burrito.)
 
- The Navy seals are prepping for their mission to bring her back safely. They hang out with their families and friends one last time and say their goodbyes before they head out the next morning. (Nice to see that even the Marines take time for cliches.)

- There's a lot of first person camera work and I'm feeling kinda queasy.

- If we could exchange the "acting" scenes for more action scenes, we'd have one hell of a kick ass film.

- These dudes can't act. But they are so wooden. I kept expecting them to snap and yell, "YOU THINK THIS IS A FUCKING GAME?!! I'M A SOLDIER!!!"

- This movie is a cleverly disguised recruitment tool. Somewhere out there is a 3-Star General, laughing at all the new applications he's processed since the film's release.

By the end of this film, some dude took an RPG to the chest and walked away. Even for a military film starting "Real Life Marines," that's a stretch.


Out of Ten? 6

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Yes
Nudity? No

Shark Zone (2003)

***In Celebration of Shark Week, we'll be covering Shark cinema. 
Today's film is: Shark Zone***



A man must hunt down ferocious sharks that are threatening a small beach community.

**Sidenote: I didn't actually feel like writing about this film, so I decided to live blog it. It was a Game time decision, but I think I may revisit this format in the future. Let me know what you think.**

In 1792 a Ship from Spain carrying diamonds and other goods capsizes after a storm at sea and now that this has been explained, we can start the real story.
  1. On a tour vessel, 6 people are ready to dive.
  2. Douchey guy is easily going to be the first victim.
  3. Nice rack on the douchey guys gf though.
  4. Touching family moment #1 father and son bonding before the dive.
  5. Finally in the water and not only has the douche blatantly ignored the leaders warning to remove his necklace, he goes off on his own ignoring orders to stay together.
  6. Touching family moment #2 father and son discuss how proud they are if each other.
  7. Douche And friend find an abandoned ship and go to explore. They also find a Family of hungry sharks.
  8. Gasp! They're all dead! Yet, somehow the son escapes!
  9. We pick up in S.F. 10 years later. Now a grown man with his own family, And hot wife!) he watches the sea wistfully.
  10. They take a boat to sea during a rainstorm and they are attacked by sharks.
  11. The hot wife is dead! Oh the humanity!!!
  12. Ooh no. It's Only a dream. Whoo.
  13. Meeting to discuss a festival. Bleh. Talking.
  14. They ask him to go back to the death site in search of jewels. He flat out refuses.
  15. Not even 30 minutes into the film and we've reached the part where the hero warns of the danger and he's summarily dismissed. is it wrong to expect lots of bloodshed later?
  16. Hero v Mayor #1: "I know your dad's death weighs heavily on your mind. But I'm asking you, and I'm paying you to get him out if your head for the summer." Douche. Let's see if he dies later.
  17. Touching scene #3: He takes his son to his father's gravesite and explains to him how awesome he was. Then they discuss how much they hate sharks.
  18. Beach shot. Little kids, hot women, high wasted Bikinis and finally our first titty.
  19. They try to pull everyone out of the water, but the sharks are many and that are too fast. They feast and yes. Lots of blood is shed. (Called it!) The sharks show up, wreck shop. Leave. This movie might actually be decent.
  20. Hero meeting with Mayor v. 2
    "The beach stays open!" If the festival doesn't happen, it'll be worse than a shark attack! [It'll be 9/11 x 1,000.]
  21. He leaves the mayor's office and recruits a team with the intention of hunting the sharks.
  22. Before that, he goes home to console himself in the arms of his hot wife. She's being all hot and supportive. Tears are shed. Then she takes him to bed. After some lame dialogue we cut to the next day as they apparently are too good to get busy for us on film.


  23. The mayor is in cahoots with a mobster who threatens to pull his support (money) if our hero isn't out there taking him diamond hunting by the end of the week.
  24. The hunt is on! The plan is to tag every shark that they can't kill.
  25. He stays on the boat while the sharks attack and manage to get through the cages and feast on the hunters inside.
  26. Oh man, they just used the same scene twice.
  27. The sharks are smarter than they seem and they have destroyed everyone. Once again, he can only sit and watch.
  28. Realistic shark physics? That shark was really working to get that body down its throat.
  29. Meeting with the mayor v.3: Beaches will be closed.
  30. While the hero drinks away his problems with about 8 shots + beers, we get our 3rd and final titty shot as a young couple goes diving in the banned waters. The sharks, of course, are not too far away.
  31. The mobster meets with our hero, but he stands his ground. He is not going to help. Mobster promises he'll return... soon.
  32. Meeting with his crew the mobster makes plans to kidnap the hero's son. The ransom? A diamond expedition.
  33. Out at sea, we get hints of another impending shark attack. You can tell because this movie seriously uses the same scenes. Quite brazenly.
  34. Thing is, these sharks are doing nothing, but fucking people up and leaving. I'm starting to think that This is a legit shark attack film.
  35. Because he needed a victory, not only did they save a victim, they also managed to land trackers.
  36. Meeting w the mayor 4:  I can track them. I'm ready to head out and drop explosives. (Because that always works.)
  37. Crappy dialogue preceded the bomb drops, but no one takes the time to say a crappy one liner.
  38. Oh wait, there it goes. "Class Dismissed!" Get it? Because a pack of fish is called a school. Sigh.


  39. Hero v. Mayor 5:
    M: "Are we drinking because we killed all the sharks? I'll have one!"
    H: "Well, the sharks may have had babies. We'll see..."
  40. Mobster calls the hero's house with a fantastic investment opportunity. either He helps him get those diamonds or his family will be in danger.
  41. When he meets the hero he offers him about $500k when he again refuses, he drops the bomb. The pilot who rescued him was his brother. Dun-Dun-Dunn!!
  42. He says he'll consider it repayment if he helps and after another refusal, he has his goons kidnaps his son. From a school bus. In broad daylight. [That Don't matter, he doesn't negotiate with terrorists.]
  43. Getting the news from his wife, he assures her that he will save him and rushes to his rescue. Nice drifting on an old cherokee. The wet roads helped i guess.
  44. On board the mobsters ship, he makes with the kung fu, but he is quickly pummeled by four guys and gets his shit stomped, but never wavers from his trash talk. Even with a boot on his back and guns in his face, he's all, "If you touch my son..."
  45. He gives up the info on the diamonds, but gets to stay aboard the ship with the boss while the bad guys search for the gems. They boast about how easy it is and You know what they means. The sharks aren't too far behind.
  46. Exactly 2 minutes later, the sharks are on their way and they show up precisely when the diamonds are found. One henchman gets skinned alive and it soon becomes a feeding frenzy.
  47. Realizing that he may never get the diamonds, the mob boss threatens to toss our hero's son off the ship if he doesn't dive down and retrieve them himself.
  48. Once submerged, he almost immediately he takes out the henchman #4 and climbs back aboard to deal with his boss. He's shot in the fracas, but still manages to kick him overboard and rescue his son who was apparently too much much of a bitch to save himself.
  49. The Scene then cuts to hero and super hot wife aboard a cruise ship. Basking in the glow of a well earned vacation. He hallucinates seeing a shark in the pool. Then realizes it for what it is and laughs.


Boom. End credits.



Shark Zone, despite its cheesy dialogue, deserves no more than a 5. But for its three pairs of titty and the unrepentent delivery of blodshed and killer sharks I'm going to add another .5. I can't forgive the blatant use of repeat footage.  
Out of Ten? 5.5

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Yes
Nudity? Yes

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