A Fantastic Fear of Everything (2012)

While researching a book on Victorian-era murderers, author Jack Nife comes to fear they're really stalking him and grows agoraphobic.

Jack Nife is a writer who, while researching serial killers for an upcoming book. He got so deep into his research that he begins to suspect that he's being stalked and anticipates his own murder. To that end, he's become something of a shut in and rarely goes outside, because he feels safest at home. After a lunch date with his literary agent, he learns that she's set up a meeting with a producer who could decide the fate of his work. The catch, he's out of clean clothes and the only thing he fears more than being murdered is washing clothes at the Laundrette. (That's Laundromat for all of the American readers). But he soon discovers that the night has just begun.

Honestly, A Fantastic Fear of Everything started out real slow and definitely became a different film by the end, yet everything played into itself and made a good cohesive story. No bullshit, it feels longer than it is, but it is a good story. Simon Pegg is awesome and you can tell that he's given his all to this performance as a man who begins a slow descent into paranoia. To his credit though, he plays it equally convincing as a man who's trying to conquer his fears and bring himself back to sanity, while dealing with a nearly impossible situation. 

 I'm not a fan of seeing Simon Pegg w/o Nick Frost (and Vice Versa) but they are each capable actors and don't need to be joined at the hip. The other thing that bothered me was his character's name. Jack Nife? really? Lazy fucks. 

Violence? No

Explosions? No

Nudity? No

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Would You Rather (2013)

Based on the best selling board game, Do you Rather takes a new sadistic approach to a beloved ice breaking/drinking game. Led by Brittany Snow, Sasha Grey and the Crab Man from my Name is Earl, a group a people are gathered to a dinner party that asks the question, which would you rather do?

A rich man likes to play games with plebeians. On this night, he has invited 8 people to his place for dinner and game night for a chance to win his financial assistance with their hardships. Everyone who shows up is in a situation where they need money. Before the game starts he leads in with a game I like to call, "How much money would it take you to do whatever it is you wouldn't do if you weren't offered money to do it."

Now, while that scene sets the mood, it is also a pretty funny lead into the main story of the film. He explains that his version of Would You Rather, it is essentially a psychological experiment to determine which of them he will help. The one caveat being, whatever they choose, they must act upon or they will be eliminated from the game. He gives them all a final chance to get out, and no one takes him up on it. They instantly regretted it once those bull nuts came out.

Would You Rather is actually kinda funny in a dark and twisted sort of way. Maybe I'm just fucked, but I enjoyed it a bit more than I anticipated. The guy that plays the rich dude is hilarious. Dialogue, mannerisms, speech pattern, dude is good. I didn't realize how much I missed the Crabman, until I saw him again in this film. I was thrilled to see his fro is still intact. Sasha Grey though. Smh. Sasha Grey still can't act or emote, but this is the liveliest I've seen her without being penetrated first. So, there may be hope for her yet.

Overall though, I enjoyed it. So 3, yes, count'em, three, stars will be awarded.

Line of the Film:  "I'm sorry, you're gonna just have to take one for the team." 

That line is always funny, both in and out of context.

Violence? Yes
Explosions? No
Nudity? No

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Cottage Country (2013)

 

Todd (Labine) wants everything to be just perfect at the family cottage where he plans to propose to Cammie (Akerman). But things go awry with the arrival of Todd's slacker brother Salinger (Petronijevic) and his free-spirited girlfriend Masha (Punch). When Todd accidentally dispatches his irksome sibling with an axe, Cammie is determined not to let murder stand in the way of their happiness.

The Cast:

• Tyler Labine as the straight man pushed too far
• Malin Ackerman as his gf who will not be denied an awesome weekend and potential marriage
• Salinger the obnoxious brother
• Masha his eastern European girlfriend
• Dov, a friend who is investigating the renters

The Story: 

A man rents out his family's Cabin in the Woods (wink) with the express intention of proposing marriage to his girlfriend. That very night, his brother shows up and attempts to throw an obnoxious wrench in his plans, but his girlfriend works to ensure that his sudden and unexpected death does not put a damper on the weekend's plans. 

Cottage Country was not a terrible film, but it was not a fantastic film either. I watched it because I support Tyler Labine and I did find it funny how they inverted Labine's usual role as the obnoxious friend and had him play the boring straight-laced character. By the end if the movie though, not much happened. It started meh, got dark, like a dark comedy should, then somehow lost its way. It'll do for a passable film to watch with your SO if they are into such things. You could do worse and you could do much better. But it'll do. I'm giving it a three because I laughed and the death scenes were pretty good. (In general)

 

Violence? Yes
Explosions? No
Nudity? No

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Hatchet 3 (2013)

In pt 2 reverend zombie led a group out into the swamps to help Mary Beth take revenge on Crowley for the deaths of her father and brother. We learned a bit more about Crowley then, but part three aims to wrap things up and destroy the character for good. Plus part two introduced us to Crowley's comically large chainsaw

I'm super psyched about this film. 

/////////////////

The Cast:

• Mary Beth
• PoPo
• Crowleys
• A Journalist
• Supreme Firepower

The Situation:

Picking up directly where we left off, Mary Beth finds her way out of the swamp and walks into the local sheriff's station, only saying, "I killed him."

She relays to the sheriff that's she's killed local boogeyman, Victor Crowley, who is a widely known urban legend in Louisiana. He doesn't believe in Victor Crowley and finds it hard to believe that a ghost has killed her whole family. Suspecting her, he puts together a team and heads to honey island swamp, where they keep finding bodies. Investigating the situation, Crowley reappears and fucks shit up.

A journalist who goes to visit Mary Beth in the jail, has been doing an investigation into Victor Crowley. She basically says that Victor Crowley cannot be killed. He's been cursed to relive the day off his death forever and no amount of physical damage can keep him from returning to a physical form.

There is a way to break the curse however, but to do so, Mary Beth must once again return to the island and face down the monster.

The Resolution:

In theory, the only way to end the curse is to give Crowley what he wants. So Mary Beth and Amanda the journalist, head out to another town to retrieve the ashes of Thomas Crowley. Believing that giving Victor his father's ashes would finally put his soul at peace.

///////////////

Leave. The Swamps. Alone!

Stray Quotage:

"This isn't Casper the Friendly Ghost.
      Well how do you know?
Because Casper doesn't tear people apart with his bare hands."

"You didn't fight back?
    No, I hid. And that's the only reason those aren't my balls hanging from that tree!!

 

"Hey, you want to hide in a bush with me?!"

 

"Fuck this. His ego is gonna get us all killed. I'm out.

"What's up, you swamp bitch?! Running around in your fucking overalls, killing everyone I know..."

Hatchet 3 is everything I thought it would be: Short, gets to the point quickly, is equal parts gore and comedy. Crowley exists. The curse exists. Mary Beth must be the one to break it. In the meanwhile, Crowley runs amok and destroys nearly everyone until he's put to rest. The best part about the Hatchet movies are the kills and although we had to wait about 30 min it's well worth it. Dude was killing people who weren't even in the film. Someone just wandered on screen and got it. I think he went through about 10ppl in 5 min. Brutal.

As it did with the first two, Hatchet 3 has completely satisfied my bloodlust. From the opening scene it establishes itself as dark, gory and as funny as the first two. It has also satisfactorily wrapped up the storyline started in the first. If you haven't seen the previous films, The story is retold in film and it isn't a 10 minute long thing. There's also in jokes and references to the first few films and they actually flow with the film and don't seem forced.

Overall, It's actually pretty cool how consistent this series has been.

Watch it. Watch it now.

/////////////

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Yes
Nudity? No

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Santa's Slay (2005)

Santa Claus is actually a demon who lost a bet with an Angel, so he becomes the giver of toys and happiness. But when the bet is off, he returns to his evil ways.

This movie supposes that Santa is the son of Satan and was tricked into becoming benevolent and I can tell you honestly that If I didn't need an xmas movie for the blog I would have never bothered. But in the first five minutes it's a given that this will be a bad movie masterpiece. It stars Bill Goldberg as the Bad Santa and if he doesn't deliver at least one spear I will never forgive him or me for watching this shit.

The Cast:

• Goldberg (post taser)
• Teen boy - Nicholas
• Teen girl - Mary
• Artie (they let him out of the warehouse)
• Deebo
• Inept cops
• Grandpa

The Situation:

Goldberg is Santa and he's pissed. People will die. Yaks will be ridden.

As the demon rides near, one teen, his girlfriend and his grandfather must stop him before he destroys their town.

The Resolution:

 

Find a way to survive until the end of Xmas

Goldberg looks like he's having fun. That's important.

Stray Quotage:

"You got me a gun? I don't  want to seem ungrateful, but are you a fucking retard?"

"Ho. Ho. Ho's!" [walking into a strip club]

"We're trapped in a closet on Christmas with Santa trying to kill us. How fucked up is that?"

"What in God's name are you doing?
Well I'm just trying to spread a little yuletide fear.

Santa's Slay is a very enjoyable bad movie by my standards. Bad acting, bad cgi, shitty music, explosive presents, Goldberg. This film has it all and what do we get 34 min into the movie? Spear! Spear! Spear! Yes It was a shitty version, but I'll take it. 

Again, if I didn't need the film, I wouldn't have bothered, but I'm actually glad I did. Dude really is a pretty brutal/efficient killer. and I'm all about the Evil Santas.

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Yes
Nudity? Yes

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Trick 'r Treat (2007)

Four interwoven stories that occur on Halloween: An everyday high school principal has a secret life as a serial killer; a college virgin might have just met the one guy for her; a group of teenagers pull a mean prank; a woman who loathes the night has to contend with her holiday-obsessed husband.

 
I remember looking forward to this flick. I thought it was a new horror movie with a new type of villain. But I was disappointed. Trick 'r Treat is actually an anthology of four horror stories. Connecting each of them is that little sack-headed thing on the poster. Each story revolves around someone breaking a "Halloween rule" and being punished for it. It was decent for what it was. I expected different so I'm biased now. Fuck this film.

Violence? Yes

Explosions? No

Nudity? No

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Osombie (2012)

While in Afghanistan, a young woman discovers that Osama bin Laden has risen --and is building a zombie army to carry out his evil bidding.

The US government believes that Afgani militants are using a secret militia base in the mountains to plan a future attack. A group of U.S. Army Rangers have been tasked with finding the base and wiping out the threat. Along the way they run into freedom fighter Derek Miller and his sister Dusty who are also in search of the camp.

Derek, believes that bin Laden is hiding out at a militia camp and he is creating the zombies as a new weapon to aid them in war on terror this is dismissed, but they decide to travel together since they are all headed to the same place. They have 48 hrs to cut their way through both zombies and the few living Taliban militants and reach the camp before a scheduled air strike that will provide them a chance to escape.

Dakka Dakka Jihad. Zombie jihad.

Stray Quotage:

"Why aren't there any Wal-Mart's in Afghanistan? Because they're targets all over."

"Look alive gentlemen. Alive? Oh, the irony."
 
"Confucius say, man who fart church, must sit in own pew."
 

"Thank you Call of Duty"

Osombie or Zombie Bin Laden is a concept so beyond ridiculous it just begged me to watch. The weird thing, it wasn't terrible. Shit, the opening scene covered the Seal Team Six raid, the "burying his body at sea", and Bin Laden's well known use of zombie guards. It is not a movie to be taken seriously. Obviously. It's an entertainingly bad zombie flick that may go on a bit too long, but is worth it for its interesting concept (and tons and tons of headshots).

Zombies themselves are so overdone that I will always react positively to any movie that deviates from the norm. Even slightly. Osombie is a zombie movie with a war on terror twist and in the scope of the film, it works. They even brought up the fact that you never see zombie shit. All they do is eat, but they leave no excrement. What is that about?
  

Violence? Tons and tons of headshots
Explosions? Bodies and faces
Nudity? No

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Magicians (2007)

A pair of rivaling stage magicians are forced to confront their falling out over a guillotine mishap when they compete in a magic competition.

Magic duo Karl and Harry were best friends and partners until Harry caught Karl and his wife together in a sword box.

Four years later, they are individually trying to get their lives together when Harry comes across across a flyer advertising a magic competition with a grand prize of 20k. He calls Karl suggesting that they enter it, but for purely business reasons as he still hates him and at the competition qualifiers, they break up again and decide to go at it solo. But by the end, all is made right and a good movie was made.

I don't want to give too much away, that's why the review is paced as such. Magicians is actually a pretty decent movie. A lighthearted comedy involving friendship, betrayal and of course, magic.

Violence? Marie Antoinette
Explosions? Of Magic
Nudity? The Booty. Man Butt!

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Too big to fail?

Q: What happens when you have a project soooo good, that everyone wants to be in on it?

A: You make it an ensemble movie, try to give everyone equal billing, and hope against hope that all of those actors mesh, and the plot is thick enough to support the extra weight.

Hollywood has taken this approach numerous times. Has it worked? Or Has it failed? The answer is yes to both. Personally, I'd say they fail more often than not, but that's a debate for another day.

Today, I'm just listing 10 ensemble flicks. Nothing more, nothing less.

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Stand Off (2012)

Unable to pay a debt to a mobster, Jimbo robs a fish market. But when he realizes the mobster owns the market, he goes on the run with his baby.

A young man named Jimbo owes local mobster, Mad Dog Flynn about 4k and is given 3 days to return the money. Upon seeing his kid, Mad Dog then revises the offer, and says he'll erase his debt if Jimbo gives up his son. Freaking out, he decides to rob a fish market, which unbeknownst to him, has ties to mad dog. In doing so Jimbo grabs a bag that mad dog will kill to get back.

Look at that poster. Seriously, look. I'll wait.

Now I've seen a lot of things in my time, but Brendan Fraser as a tough guy?  Ohh you must mean that Brendan Fraser from Ghana in Africa, right?  You can't be talking about The Mummy Brendan Fraser. 

You are?!

Seriously, This guy?!! 

I've never met a tough man named Brendan. The name itself is as soft as baby thighs.

With all that said, the first thing you should know about Stand Off is that, Brendan Fraser is not Jimbo nor is he Mad Dog Flynn. That means he's staying in his lane and not playing a tough guy of any kind. I'm still standing by what I wrote earlier because it's true. People named Brendan are not tough guys.

I feel like I should give Stand Off a proper review, but honestly, the film is largely forgettable. Yes It is a little darker than his usual films, but I watched it because of that poster. Again, guys named Brendan are not tough and should never ever be depicted holding guns. 
 

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Yes
Nudity? No

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Stitches (2012)

A clown comes back from the dead to haunt those who took his life during a fatal party mishap.

At Tom's 10th birthday party, his mother hires a clown named Stitches to entertain the party. Dude was clearly disgruntled but the kids were just as bad. I immediately understood his frustrations. But he did suck, so I get the kids' frustrations too.

Trying to make their own fun, they eventually tie his laces together and trip him. He stumbles onto the business end of a butcher knife and impales himself. He gets up and tries to stab Tom, but in doing so, he comically slips on his own blood and stabs himself again. But not before staring Tom dead in the eyes, burning his face into his mind and traumatizing him forever.

After the funeral, Tom follows some clowns into a crypt and stumbles onto some type of secret ritual where he's rather ominously told, "a clown who doesn't finish a Party can never rest in peace."
It's about 6 years later and, Tom and his friends are in high school. His birthday is coming up on the weekend and he starts to get that ol' eerie feeling. At the urging of his friend, He agrees to a party thrown at his house for his birthday. it doesn't cross into Project X territory, but it looks like a good party. At least until You Know Who reappears.
 

Stitches is hilarious. Part of the fun is that it doesn't takes itself too seriously. It really can't. The fact that this dude is a clown who can move around the house and kill unnoticed is ridiculous. At one point, This dude was on the phone smoking a cigarette and driving with his feet. I'm like, "Are all clowns this reckless?" (Don't answer that.)

At the end of the day, it's a movie about a zombie clown. It could only be better if he was from outer space, but I'll forgive that trespass, because a killer clown is still a killer clown and they are all horrible people.

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Of blooooddddd
Nudity? Blink and you'll miss it

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Bad Kids Go to Hell (2012)

At the exclusive Crestview Academy, six students serving Saturday detention begin falling prey to a series of gruesome "accidents" at the school.

 
Six students, (the blonde, the rebel, the outsider, the token, the awkward nerd, the nerdy rich girl) are all serving detention for various offenses. The Outsider claims that the library has been haunted since the school took over Indian land and demolished it to build the library. She finally convinces them to have a seance and they place a bell there for the spirit to ring. It's all fun and games until it rings. Then shit gets real.

Ooh, just look at how bad those kids are. Those Hooligans!

Bad Kids go to Hell is the type of film that takes a few turns on it's way from A to B. Surprisingly, this actually helped. The story had to stay tight to pull that off and all loose ends were tied. I didn't really know what to expect as I went in blind. But after seeing the intro, I got hooked. Be warned though, there is some bullshit in the end, that had to happen for the ending to make sense, But it was really some bullshit.

Although it starts slow Bad Kids is a surprisingly entertaining film. I laughed fairly often, but it outright drags in some parts. If you like horror comedies, you may find this interesting.

Violence? Yes
Explosions? No
Nudity? Yes

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The Jeselnik Offensive (2013) TV

I like Anthony Jeselnik. His Comedy is just the right mix of snark and deadpan offensive to which a lot of people won't even know why they're mad, just that they should be.

I'm not a fan of his opening monologue as that seems kinda forced. It looks like he's trying to do the best he can with it, but Jesus Christ dude, you don't have to read your headlines before getting into the joke. It's not funny when Leno does it and it isn't funny when you do it either.

My only other gripe involves the panel. While I find the panel concept hilarious, how many times can one possibly say the word panel. It just bothers me. makes me do like he's again trying, which comedians shouldn't do.

It reads like I'm being negative, but I'm not. I really do enjoy this show. The jokes are funny, the guests are funny, even the audience is funny when prompted. I just hate when I feel like a comedian is trying to be funny. Comedy Central built a whole show around him being offensive, so now he has to live up to it.

Anyway, check out some of this stuff out and judge for yourself. You can find his show on Comedy Central if you're interested.

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Young Adult (2011)

Soon after her divorce, a fiction writer returns to her home in small-town Minnesota, looking to rekindle a romance with her ex-boyfriend, who is now happily married and has a newborn daughter.

After receiving an email announcing the birth of her HS sweethearts child, a woman packs up and heads back to her old town to try and win him back. She's 37 and feels that she doesn't have any reason not to go for it even if he has a wife and kid. She was really laying it on thick. It's a shame that some women really do think/act like this and she is really hung up on him.Eventually, she uses her life experiences to finish her novel. Eventually writing him off and finally starting fresh.

Patton Oswalt stars as Matt "The Hate Crime Kid" an old classmate who is aware of her plans and tries to keep her grounded in reality. That is until he sleeps with her after her very public meltdown.

Seriously, he just took advantage of a mentally unstable woman and we're okay with this because he's a love sick nerd? Or because she was has low self-esteem? I don't know how to feel, but I don't like it either way.

 This movie is an instructional guide on how not to live your life. 

She's aimless, unscrupulous, and worst of all, she wears Uggs. UGGS!! (Unforgivable!)

Best contribution of the film:  "KenTacoHut" a.k.a. KFC + Taco Bell + Pizza Hut in the same location. Genius.

I guess it's better to leave things in the past. Like this movie.

Violence? No
Explosions? No
Nudity? No

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Pulp Fiction (1997)

The lives of two mob hit men, a boxer, a gangster's wife, and a pair of diner bandits intertwine in four tales of violence and redemption.

I'm not going to review this film because everyone has seen it by now. I just needed to put it on the blog.

The only real question I have concerning this film is: Whatever happened to Ving Rhames?
All of the characters from this film can be found today except him:

• Travolta is "not" a gay scientologist
• Sam Jackson is Sam Jackson (and arguably moreso as he gets older.)
• Bruce Willis appears in a lot of shit randomly. (Seriously.)
• Uma Thurman is hot and still semi-relevant. 
• Christopher Walken still finds work.

What the fuck happened to Ving?

Even Matthew Maconalamalamalama has found other roles to take his shirt off in. But Ving? He's all but disappeared. Weird.

There's a solid soundtrack somewhere in there that I can't argue with, and I'm also fairly certain that Tarantino wrote and acted in the role he did solely because he wanted say "nigger" a few times and get away with it.

So, quotes and stills?
Nah. Better. Internet quotes and stills:

 

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Roast of Bob Saget (2008)

 

This ain't for the "Full House" crowd. Join a host of comedians and Hollywood personalities as they take playful aim at actor-comedian Bob Saget, best known for his role as the squeaky-clean dad on the long-running ABC sitcom. Among those taking jabs at the man of the hour are Norm MacDonald, Jeff Garlin, Jon Lovitz, Greg Giraldo, Brian Posehn, Cloris Leachman, Sarah Silverman, Jeffrey Ross and Uncle Jesse himself, John Stamos.

Comedy Central presents the celebrity roast of Bob Saget. The roast follows the usual format of celebrities on a dais, getting drunk, cracking wise on each other and their roastee, ending with him or her, turning the tables and ending the show. This roast was hosted by John Stamos, who while being handsome, is really not that funny. He did do an admirable job however, and there's no one else better suited to be the host of a Sagat roast than uncle Jessie.

Out of the roasts I've seen I'd say that this one was the weakest. It was funny, but not funny haha. I think there's more pressure when there's a larger amount of roasters, so it's even more apparent when they don't deliver. I also had trouble understanding how Bob Saget was big enough to be roasted, but it I guess we need a sacrifice every now and then.

Out of Ten? 6.5

Violence? No
Explosions? No
Nudity? No

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Roast of Flava Flav (2007)

Notorious rapper and reality television star Flavor Flav is given the business, Comedy Central style, in this totally uncut and uncensored roast hosted by "Roast Master" Katt Williams.

Hosted by Katt Williams, the roasters included:

Jimmy Kimmel
Patton Oswalt
Ice-T
Snoop Dogg
Carrot Top
Lisa Lampinelli
Bridgette Nielson
Jeff Ross
Greg Giraldo
Sommore

Every single person on the dais got at least one big laugh, including Carrot Top and Bridgette Nielson who while also being the weak links, provided the rest of the crew with the necessary ammo to keep the the show going. Plus, anytime you have Ross, Giraldo and Lampinelli on the same dais, you're gonna have a good time.

Top to bottom, The Roast of Flava Flav is one of the best roasts in modern times. Flava Flav is like one of those gifts who keeps on giving. and is a perfect target for this type of event.

Out of Ten? 8.5

Violence? No
Explosions? No
Nudity? No

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Sleepaway Camp III: Teenage Wasteland (1989)

Axe-wielding Angela returns for more gore in this third installment, which finds the crazed killer chopping up participants at a retreat that brings together rich and poor teens. Posing as a camper, Angela joins the culturally diverse group -- but as expected, the camp's feel-good philosophy escapes her. She soon goes about offing her fellow campers, an exercise she finds much more enjoyable than bonding with them.

Apparently Angela really loves to camp and a year after last year's events, Angela is back at Camp New Horizons after quickly killing and impersonating one of the newer campers.
This years camp intends to promote harmony and unity amongst both the rich and poor kids who are attending and one of the camp counselors is not only a cop, but the father of one of the boys killed in the second film. He was also the officer who arrested her at the end of the first. He doesn't recognize her because as he so helpfully explains, although her exploits have become mythological amongst the camping community, no one has any idea what she looks like and her juvenile records were destroyed after she turned 18. He also admits that he'd kill her if he ever met her.

Angela racks up her second kill as soon as she gets to camp, and by the time it takes to read this sentence, she's already killed three more campers while musing, "Why did I think this year would be any different?" (I laughed) Eventually she runs afoul of counselor cop and being cornered by him she reveals herself, and after he's named all the ways she's previously killed, he asks, "what's next?" And the answer is simply, "a gun," then she shoots him dead. (I laughed again.)

 After playing a game with the last three campers, she attempts to do something nice and leaves one untouched while she flees the camp. She is arrested after a short struggle in which the camper manages to stab her a few times. In an ambulance, Angela manages to kill her way out and open the door for the fourth sequel we've all been begging for.

Sleepaway Camp 3 is for obvious reasons the third film in the Sleepaway Camp film series. This film, like it's predecessors, is also a cult favorite. A key factor in this film is it's dark humor. It knows what it is and what you want and it doesn't take itself that seriously. In fact, it takes itself less seriously than its Sleepaway Camp II, but I think therein lies the problem. It has exhausted all of it's mojo and without starting fresh, I think this series has gone on as far as it possibly can. Or maybe not. Jason, Freddy and Michael were all one note characters who lasted many films. But there's just something about these films that just doesn't seem to resonate as well. *shrugs, sips beer with raised pinky*

 My favorite exchange comes from this token: 

 What's your favorite movie? "Well, I like ones with tits and blood." Hmm. Yes. Irony. 

There's a new kill to add to the list as one of the campers is blindfolded, hoisted up a flagpole and then just dropped. Amazing.

The soundtrack continues to be amazing and overall, Teenage Wasteland is not as put together as Unhappy Campers(part two) but still serviceable as a sequel.


Violence? Yes
Explosions? No
Nudity? Yes. Oh hell yes.

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Sleepaway Camp II: Unhappy Campers (1988)

Five years after a series of horrifying murders left Camp Arawak looking like Armageddon, the killer returns to the scene of the crime to work as a camp counselor. But since Angela Baker looks like a normal, everyday 20-something, only she knows what she's truly capable of.

After the events of the first film, Angela manages to return to the camp some 10 years later as something like a misguided morality counselor, except completely insane. All she wants is for her campers to be happy and have fun. That's not too much to ask for, why is that so hard? Why are teenagers so difficult?!!!

During the opening scene, the events is the first film are rehashed through tales told over a campfire. And after disposing of her first camper for being disrespectful everything is smiles and sunshine, until the next few cross her path. Her cover story is that she has been sending the unruly students home. After a while, a few of the remaining campers start to piece together what's happening. Things start to spiral out of control for Angela as the body count rises and they get closer to the truth.

Sleepaway Camp features 2 some of the most non-sex sex ever filmed and the dialogue and killed kills are both comical but not over the top. The one exception being, the unfortunate camper who was drowned in an outhouse. (Thats just wrong,) Sleepaway Camp Two is one of the best B-movies. Ever. I don't understand why I waited so long to watch this movie. It's really a work of art.
There's also a staged battle between movie monsters and a classic scene of one upsmanship as two kids show up as Freddy and Jason intending to scare Angela. She shows up dressed as Leatherface and quickly gets chainsawing. One dude is impaled with his own Freddy claws.
The movie is almost worth it for that scene alone.

Violence? Yes
Explosions? No
Nudity? Yes. Straight-up Titty Son!

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Todd and the Book of Pure Evil (2010) [TV Series]

A book of awesome power -- one that will make your deepest, darkest desires come true but at a horrifying cost -- is loose in Crowley High. Thankfully, four teenagers stand between The Book of Pure Evil and the end of the world as we know it.

Todd and the Book of Pure Evil is a Canadian horror comedy that was only allowed two years of awesomeness before it was shut down by the Canadian Government. At it's core, TatBoPE was about a high school slacker stoner who discovers that he is the "pure evil one," a being destined to bring about a new age of death and destruction. Todd decides that he ain't about that life and rejects the book. However, the book has the power to grant anyone's desires and usually anyone that uses it meets a grisly fate. With the help of his friends, he has to track it down before it gets into the hands of his nemesis Atticus Murphy Jr., the school counselor/secret Satanist who intends to use to book for his own evil deeds.

I've read that paragraph maybe six or seven times trying to improve it. Don't let that description fool you, Hands down, TATBOPE is one of the best tv shows ever made and just about guaranteed to be the one show that can only be enjoyed by me...and maybe a few folks in Canada. Everything about this show is amazing. The story, the monsters, the music, and most importantly there's blood, guts and swearing. Aside from Metalocalypse, there's no show like it and it's relatively uncensored for the most part.

They've even saw fit to bless us with some choice swears:

Shit Rooster (my personal favorite)
JizzMagician - (because you make jizz disappear.)
Cock Holster (known, but still comical)
Cock Lamp
Ass Taxi

Todd and the Book of Pure Evil has got to be one of the best shows I've ever seen and I completely understand why it was not renewed. There's no way a show this awesome could last on television and there's no way to censor it that wouldn't completely ruin it. At least it had two seasons and a proper ending.

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Yes
Nudity? Only in Monster Form

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