Quick Hits #13

	Series 7: The Contenders (2001) - The film is set up like a reality tv  program where 6 strangers are chosen at random and given guns to compete in a contest where the only prize is their own lives. The last person left alive Is declared the winner. Keeping true to the reality tv theme, Series 7 Opens with a tv intro, has a narrator, and even comes complete with contestant biographies and confessionals. Watching this film, I laughed a bit more than I thought I would. But I wouldn't really recommend it.  I can see why and I get what they are trying to do, and yet it still drags. At The end, the door was left wide open for a sequel, but I'm hoping no studio is that desperate. Out of Ten? 5.5
	True Lies (1994) - You know, I forgot how fun this movie is. I think this was the last great action movie for both Jamie Lee Curtis and The Governator. I think the pairing of the two as husband and wife was odd, but their on-screen chemistry helped to smooth things out. This was also one of the first of the "my husband is a secret agent" films that you see so prevalent now. Also, we get one of the best one-liners captured on film. As the terrorist is hooked to a missle, Arnold hits the launch button, winks and says, "You're Fired." Classic.
	Galaxy Quest (1999) - A group of Aliens belive a TV space crew to be real  heroes and enlist them to save their people and their planet. Big names were attached to this project, and maybe it was the writing or maybe it was the directing, but something failed along the way. Could have been the concept, but something prevented this flick from being as successful as it should have been. With all that being said, it is still an enjoyable cult fave. Out of Ten? 7
	Time Crimes (2007) - Low budget Spanish thriller about a man who accidentally travels back in time and makes a mess of things as he tries to kill himself to restore the timeline. Despite the wtf feeling that generally accompanies time travel films, the writing is actually sharp and everything no matter how crazy, actually brings everything together. Cohesively. Out of Ten? 6.5

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Spork (2010)

A colorful and foul-mouthed feature musical comedy.A film about a frizzy-haired, pink-cheeked outcast named Spork who is trying to navigate her way through the annals of junior high. When a school dance show provides a chance for Spork to show up a mean girls gang, her trailer-park neighbor steps up to coach her with some "booty-poppin" moves.

14 yr old Spork is an awkward teen hermaphrodite who is trying to fit in. After seeing an infomercial for late night pills, she enters into the school dance competition to earn the money to buy the pills to change herself. By the film's end, she learns that she only needs to accept herself and her life will get better.

These films are usually the same: shy, awkward teen, coming of age in school where they are just trying to fit into a world that hates them because they are different. The kid's actual talent is downplayed (awkwardly) to the point in which when they finally cut loose, it's both a relief to you and them. With all that being said though,  Idk why this movie was so entertaining. Maybe it's because they hit all the right awkward kid in high school notes and included The bitchy white girls, the gay bff, the hip black kids, the heartfelt talks. All of it. or maybe out was the equal opportunity offensiveness. It really isn't for the easily offended. Sex, racism, homophobia, no stone is left un-turned, yet they're all played for laughs and I'm all about the equal opportunity offensiveness.

Spork is a coming if age story  about an awkward teen. It works because the other characters are equally as outlandish as she is awkward. The kids are clearly talented and I was impressed with the film overall. Definitely feeling the soundtrack too.

Violence? No
Explosions? OF DANCE!
Nudity? No, perv!

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Fallen (1998)

Homicide detective John Hobbes witnesses the execution of serial killer Edgar Reese. Soon after the execution the killings start again, and they are very similar to Reese's style.

After being sentenced to death, a murderer creates his own stay of execution. casting a spell, he moves his soul after death to the next person and he can switch bodies with a touch. He then uses his gift as an opportunity to track down and torment his arresting officer. (Denzel)

After being led to a former officer, he gets information from his daughter about the voodoo that Reece used.
As the bodies pile up, the clues lead denzel to an abandoned house in the woods where he finds the word "Azazel," The Demon who moved by touch. So, the question he has to answer now is: How does one stop a killer that could jump from body to body with a single touch? He could be anyone and anywhere.

Eh. At some point, every major star either will do or has done a supernatural thriller. But Clocking in at a little under 2 hrs, Fallen didn't really offer much. There was a demon, aramaic, people touching each other and Tony Soprano sporting a ridiculous mustache:

Would you just look at that thing?

Violence? Yes
Explosions? No
Nudity? No

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Viva Riva! (2010)

Hustler Riva hopes to make a fortune by smuggling large quantities of gasoline and selling it for high prices in fuel-starved Kinshasa. He'll have to deal with Cesar, a ruthless, sharply dressed foreigner thriving in Kinshasa's lawless streets and Azor, a crime boss in the classic style: big, decadent and brutal. 

It took a while to get to the plot or point if the film. Basically we follow Riva as he parties it up and courts the beautiful girlfriend of a powerful gangster. There's another seemingly powerful guy who spends half of the movie trying to locate Riva for reasons that are not really explained until the halfway point of the film. I'll save you the time:

Riva is a hustler. Angolan Andre 3000 and company are looking for him because he has stolen gas from them. He also covets the girl of a well known and powerful gangster and he eventually steals her away with a high stakes act of cunnilingus.  So now there are two guys after him and one looks like Andre 3K.

 

In scenes designed to show how ruthless they are The Angolans blackmail a military commander, take down three policemen, and utterly destroy Azor, the former big bad of the film, this inadvertently solving one of Riva's problems. Their eventual violent confrontation makes up the second half of the film as the film takes a few twists and turns on it's way to it's bloody conclusion.

I don't really get the point of the film, but there is.a lot of sex. I mean, they really got it in. Outside of that, not much happened until the last 40 minutes. That's really no bueno. I felt like he hustled me too.

What.I.Want...Is My Time Back!

Out of Ten? 5

Violence? Yes
Explosions? No
Nudity? Yes

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Ali G Indahouse (2002)

Ali G unwittingly becomes a pawn in the evil Chancellor's plot to overthrow the Prime Minister of Great Britain. However, instead of bringing the Prime Minister down, Ali is embraced by the nation as the voice of youth and 'realness', making the Prime Minister and his government more popular than ever.

The Ali G movie. The one that started it all...

For those who haven't seen it, Ali G is basically the story of a suburban gangster who is becomes a member of parliament with the sole intention of keeping his local community center open.  The Deputy Prime Minister of England recruits Ali to run for Parliament in an attempt to tank his party and snake his way into the Prime Minister's office. Somehow Ali wins the vote and is elected. His policies and behavior captures the imagination of the country and his star rises, much to the chagrin of the D.P.M. After being ousted from government on charges of drugging elected officials, he finds out that the prime minister has been setup and sets out to recover the video footage to clear his name. Of course he manages to save the day, live happily ever after and embarrass the former D.P.M. One last time.

I skipped out on the Ali G phenomenon when it started. Didn't think it was funny or worth my time, but now that the hype had died down significantly, I figured it was time to check it out. Turns out, it was actually funny. Enjoyable even. The comedy comes from the satire of wiggers, wankers, posers that is nearly spot on. complete with all of the blatant outrageousness that comes with the entire country playing the straightman.

Surprisingly, this the film of actually well done and consistently funny. At one point, there's a Borat cameo that surprisingly works well within the context of the film. The Soundtrack isn't bad either. I like the British version of Montel Jordan's "This is How We Do It."

Sacha Baron Cohen is legitimately talented (for a dude named Sacha) and watching it now probably didn't hurt.

Out of Ten? 8

Violence? No
Explosions? No
Nudity? No. surprisingly.

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The Assassination of a High School President (2008)

An aspiring journalist, Bobby Funke, is given the task of writing an article on the Student Council President, Paul Moore. But after the SATs are stolen from the Principal's office, he is asked by Paul's girlfriend to find them. As he continues to investigate the Student Council for his puff piece, he finds enough evidence to conclude that Paul is responsible for the theft and prints it. Paul claims he has been setup and causes Bobby to doubt his story. Back on the case, he uncovers a school wide conspiracy that reveals there's a lot more to the stolen tests than meets the eye.

I actually liked this film. It's High School noire. Well acted, well directed and it actually keeps you interested in the politics of the fictional high school. I should mention that having Bruce Willis as the super intense principal didn't hurt.

Plus:

You get to see boobs.

Violence? No
Explosions? No
Nudity? Yes

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