The Man From Nowhere (2010)

***An iCheck Movies Listed Film***

 

 

 

A quiet pawnshop keeper with a violent past takes on a drug- and organ trafficking ring in hope of saving the child who is his only friend.

The Cast:

• Badass that just wants to be left alone
• Little girl who warms his heart
• Druggie mom who dances for dollars
• Korean gangsters who are tough guys until they eat a fist or two

The Situation:

After a woman steals a brick of heroin, Korean Gangsters track her down, cut her up and take her daughter. Their neighbor, a reluctant badass and friend of the little girl, gets caught up in the drama when the thugs knock over his shop and rushes out to save her from a grisly fate.

The Resolution:

Badass man goes full Taken and cleans house in route to save the girl. When he gets some bad news, his pissed off meter goes to over 9000(!!!) and he wrecks even more shop.

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The Man From Nowhere is one of the best crime thrillers to come from (South) Korea. As it starts off, it seems very similar to The Professional, but it quickly takes a different turn once the ball gets rolling and becomes more comparable to Taken. That's not to say it's the same, but Nowhere borrows from both films while guiding the film down a different path. 

It's a solid foreign flick that's action packed, fight filled and well acted. Here's the trailer so judge for yourself.

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Of fists to the face
Nudity? Itty bitty titty

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Thankskilling 3 (2012)

Hot on the heels of surprise cult hit  Thankskilling, comes Thankskilling 3 with the return of Turkey, the serial killing Turkey. Thankskilling is not a movie you expect to be good. You know it's bad, beyond terrible even, but that's part of the charm. You're just going along for the ride.

 

The Cast:

Turkey
Uncle Donny
Yomi
Randa Space Worm
Muffy
The Pluckmaster 1 self plucking and roasting oven.

The Situation:

While sitting at home with his family, Turkey is watching the news when he hears the news that Thankskilling 2, was named the worst movie ever made and all copies except for one have been destroyed. Turkey sets out to get the final copy as he inserted bits of an ancient curse into it and that would cast everyone who watched it under his spell and cause them to die a horrible lonely death. 

The heroes, Uncle Donny, Yomi, Ronda Worm and Muffy discover the truth about the film and learn that the last copy must be destroyed in space in order to break his curse. Turkey would very much like to destroy humanity and attempts to kill everyone that gets in the way of his plans. 

The fate of the world is directly tied to the last remaining copy of Thankskilling 2 aka "In space, no one can hear you baste."

The Resolution: 

Turkey is defeated and the world is saved. The heroes get their happy ending, but Turkey can never be killed. 

(((((((())))))))))(((((((((()))))))))))(((((((()))))))(((((((()))))))(((((((()))))))(((((((()))))))(((((((()))))))

Thankskilling 3 lacks the charm of the first film. I feel that while it's enjoyable, the film drags and it's apparent that they tried to outdo their original. Hitting on some parts and wildly missing on others.

Besides being a bit longer than it needs to be, it's pretty much an excuse to be as ridiculous and as offensive as possible and only people who have liked the first could possibly like the second --and even then that goodwill may be stretched-- but it is so absolutely ridiculous that it becomes enjoyable.

Stray Quotage:

• Nice tits, bitch...in space!
• Your movie was worse than that toilet paper commercial that actually shows people wiping their asses.
• I'm not mean, I'm nasty.
• I got glaucoma. I've got a glock, you've got a coma. I can't see shit.

 For the record, there is not and never was a Thankskilling 2, but here's another Thankskilling 3 poster:

 

Violence? Yes
Explosions? No
Nudity? First Scene

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Iron Man: Rise of Technovore (2013)

The Cast:

• Tony Stark/Iron Man
• James Rhodes/War Machine
• Shield - Nick fury, Maria Hill, Hawkeye and Black Widow
• Bad Guys

The Situation:

The Howard Satellite, which was created by Tony Stark, is about to be launched. It's technology will allow SHIELD to monitor the full range of human activity all over the planet, with the intention of stopping crime before it happens.

On the day of the launch, a an armored group calling themselves The Raiders attack and try to delay the launch. They claim that their boss is a lot more technologically advanced than Tony Stark will ever be and Tony races off to confront him.

The bad guy is revealed to be Ezekiel Stane, son of Obadiah, one of Tony's first enemies. He calls himself, the future and says that people who place their faith in high technology deserve to die. His goal is to teach humanity a lesson about relying on technology and placing it on an altar. He aims to liberate people from technology by destroying their reliance on it. He also believes that Tony Stark is old technology and his is the new technology that will replace it.

[He also believes in sending mixed messages]

The Resolution: 

Iron Man saves the day. 

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((()))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Stray Quotage:

Stane: Technology and the people who give birth to it are nothing more than false idols leading society to disaster.

Tony: I'll make it up to you. How about I buy you a villa, with a whole support staff?
Pepper: You already bought me that last time you took my vacation.
Tony: Okay, I'll buy you a whole island then. I need your help.

Tony: I've worked with some shady people in the past

The Punisher: This has nothing to do with some rich idiot who dresses like a hot rod.

Tony: Don't do it, Frank. They're just following orders.
The Punisher: Don't worry, they don't need their kneecaps to breathe!

The Punisher: Next time Stark asks for help, I'm gonna put a bullet in him."

   

Rise of Technovore as a whole is kinda dull, but the cameos from the other marvel characters make up for a lot. The Punisher, in particular, is hilarious. The bad guy is Ezekiel Stane, Obadiah Stanes son and in case you forgot who he was, there's a quick flashback to Stane's death in the Iron Man movie.

Now that we got the decent stuff out of the way, let me get to why this only gets two stars:

1) Tony Stark calling this kid "boy" for their anti-climactic face off was kind uncomfortable. Seriously.

2) Nick Fury wastes tons of bots and manpower trying to bring in Tony Stark. Even going as far as to order them to shoot to kill. Which has to be the dumbest thing ever. Logically, if you want him because he's your prime witness or suspect, what would killing him accomplish? Also, he sells you your tech. You don't think he can defeat it? Thirdly, you're friends. Maybe you should just follow him at a distance? Clearly he knows a bit more than he lets on. Fourth: "There's something I've been trying to tell him, but he's blocking all communications" Well, honestly Nick, why do you suppose that is?

The guy they got to voice Nick Fury sounds a good deal like Sam Jackson. It's not 100% match. But enough that I'd allow it.

3) "He's planning on wiping out every living thing on this planet." But that's the thing. If I understand whatever it is this movie had been saying, It's that he wants to eliminate all of the old technology. The people were just bonuses. Then they just kinda shifted the film to fit that narrative. Ridiculous. Also, just wtf is a Technovore? That's never really clearly defined, other than its a threat to existence. [Which it wasn't when the film started.] "Hey look kids, Iron Man!" Pfft. I guess that's enough.

Sidenote: I just want to point out that they lose the helicarrier in this movie and by my count that's maybe the third or fourth one they've lost in general. Get your shit together SHIELD!

Violence? Yes

Explosions? Yes

Nudity? No

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Celda 211 (2009)

***An iCheck Movies Listed Film***

 

 

The Cast:

• Juan Oliver,  a new correctional guard, scheduled to start work tomorrow
• Malamadre, notorious criminal. King of the prison. Voice like Popeye smoked chimneys instead of pipes
• The warden and guards
• Elena, Juan's wife and future baby seal

The Situation:

Touring the prison he's due to start guard work, Juan Oliver struck by falling bricks. As opposed to taking him to the infirmary, the officers on duty take him to Cell 211 to recover. Soon after, a riot breaks out and prisoners take over both the cell block and the entire prison. Out of time, the guards are forced to leave him and he awakens to find himself trapped with the inmates until the situation is resolved.

Stuck inside with no means of escape, Juan immediately gets into prisoner mode, knowing that he must do whatever he can to survive and with virtually no news of what's happening inside the prison, friends and family of the inmates start rioting outside the facility. Right in the thick of things is Juan's pregnant wife, Elena.

The Resolution:

The SWAT team was ready to go the minute they got an opening and they did their jobs when they got the greenlight.

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Celda 211 is actually a pretty tense film. Prison riots are no joke and on top of that, the staff also had to deal with riots outside of the prison as well as someone leaking information to the prisoners.

A couple things threw me off though:

1) At what part does a riot become too much riot? They mobbed outside of the prison, threw rocks at the guards and facility then stopped an ambulance and pulled out its passenger. Why you ask? Because prisoners were rioting inside, some were killed and no one was releasing any information. Only in Spain would they have a riot inside and outside of a prison. Nobody cares that much about the prisoners in America.

2) The ETA members on the outside, decide to create more terrorism in response to their members in the prisons being held hostage. Okay. What do they go with? Car bombings. And not of important people either. Just a quick bombing to let everyone know they are upset about the situation.

Here's my question: Why not just blow up the prison or something? Wouldn't that make more sense? Wait, I'm sure you know where the governor or prime minister lives. How about you use that information? Jerks.

Anyway, besides those two things, Celda 211 is actually quite enjoyable. Malamadre is presented as this really intense and intimidating character and Juan thinks pretty quick on his feet. Both are in a ridiculous situation, but for different reasons and throughout the film as tensions increased, Juan thought more like a prisoner than the guard he was supposed to be.

I found the whole thing interesting for this one concept: In the mouth of madness, how long can you keep your sanity?

 

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Yes
Nudity? No

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Hell Baby (2013)

The Cast:

• The Watsons: The family dealing with demonic possession and pregnancy
• The Neighbor: lives in their crawlspace, often startles folks
• The cops: Just trying to get to the bottom of the matter and spread the Po'boy love
• The Priests:  Chain smoking, Po'boy eating, boob loving exorcists. Not your everyday priests.

The Situation: 

Expecting parents buy a home in an "up and coming" neighborhood, The Maison de Sangre aka the House of Blood. Not too long after the wife begins to act strange and out of character. While strange things begin to occur in and around the house.

Her husband slowly comes to realize that's his wife has been possessed and when he seeks help, two cigarette smoking, sunglass wearing priests sent from the Vatican, show up to investigate.

The Resolution: 

They were unable to prevent the demon baby from being born, but they were able to prevent it from spreading its evil and they found the time to enjoy some Po'Boys along the way.

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Hell Baby is not the funniest, but it definitely does have its moments. It's not like they were treding new ground, but they did make an effort to not use the same stale and worn out old jokes that's usually done in these films. A lot of the movie is actually played pretty straight with consistent laughs that are designed to enhance rather than derail the film into parody territory.

Whatever..I'm not sure any of you will, but I enjoyed it, and that's all that matters on this here blog.

Violence? Yes
Explosions? No
Nudity? Yes

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This Is The End (2013)

Wanted to see this movie when it dropped. Funds wasn't right just then. The stars have finally aligned. 

The Cast:

Seth Rogan, Jonah Hill, Jay Baruchel, Craig Robinson, James Franco, Danny McBride star as themselves. Plus Tons of celebrity cameos including Rihanna, a coked up Michael Cera, and a fiery Emma Watson.

The Situation: 

Jay Baruchel comes to LA to visit Seth Rogen for the weekend. They go to James Franco's house for a party and not soon after earthquakes and the destruction of society as a whole. The guys hold up in the house, board up the windows and doors and try to wait it out. 

Jay floats out the idea that it's the rapture but that is shot down. Yet slowly reaffirmed.

Stray Quotage:

"This place is like a piece of me. You've just stepped in me.
Sweet, you let us come inside you."

"Sick reference, bro. Your references are always out of control."

"Just because a bunch of people fell into a hole outside, doesn't mean we can't have fun."

"Is Michael Ceras butthole as cute as I pictured?"

"A huge earthquake comes, who do they rescue first? Actors."

"We're all actors. We pretend to be hard. We're soft. We're all as soft as baby shit."

This is the End is hilarious. I Thoroughly enjoyed it although I think it went on a bit longer than it should have, it was so well put together that I can't hold that against it. Granted I'm late to the party, but I really can't talk more about it because it's too easy to spoil. So go watch it. Then come back.

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Yes
Nudity? No

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