Dead Before Dawn (2013)

A group of college kids unwittingly create an evil curse that causes everyone whine they make eye contact with to turn into zombie demons.

So why would I waste my time with this flick? Devin Bostick. He plays Roderick in the Wimpy Kid series of films and I want to Dr what he can do outside of the confines of a family film. Especially as a lead. Also 

Christopher Lloyd is in it. Can't beat that. Anyway, onto the review:

The Situation: 

When he was a small child, Roderick watched his father get possessed by a artifact. He still has nightmares since then and he refuses to go near the occult shop his family owns. Feeling guilty though, he agrees to watch the shop for his grandfather who is receiving an award later that night.

In an attempt to impress a girl he's crushing on, he disturbs an item he was specifically warned not to touch and in doing so releases the curse of all curses. one created by them in jest but becomes real in a few hours. At 10 pm, everyone they make eye contact with will kill themselves and come back as a Zombie-Demon (Zemons). Freaking out because he knows that shit has gotten real, his love interest tells him "Nothing's gonna happen. It'd be cool if it did, but it won't." You can guess what happens after that. 

The rest of the film is spent trying to fix what evil they have wrought with predictable, yet hilarious results. 

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Dead By Dawn was a fun little film. I think dude is still Roderick, he wasn't really playing that much different. Just less confident, I guess. They did find a way to get Christopher Lloyd to yell out, "Great Scott!" which is worth an automatic half star from me, but unlike the Sith, I do deal in absolutes. Meaning It's a bonus full star the film will get: 

Violence? Yes

Explosions? No

Nudity? No

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At the Movies #1: MIB

I was working on this a while back. What you're seeing is the end result. I couldn't get it exactly the way I wanted it and drawing it was a disaster so I figured, "why not just work with what's out there?"

I may or may not do more "movies" in the future. I'm open to suggestions, but it really depends on what I can visualize. Any out right failures will stay with me, but if it's decent enough, you'll see it here.

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Sweetwater (2014)

  

A Pioneer woman is forced to fight for what's hers when her husband disappears and a calculating preacher makes a play for her land.

 

The Cast:

• Sadistic PreacherMan - Mr. Josiah
• Capable Sheriff Hobo - Ed Harris 
• Widowed Whore aka Sweetwater - January Jones
• Unscrupulous Bankerman - Stephen Root

Quick Synopsis:

There's a preacher who believes the land is g God's land and he intends to purge it of sin, purify it, and restore it to the way he believes God intended. These are the types of people who are more than willing to kill to achieve their goals and Mr. Josiah is no different. The major conflict starts when the preacher refuses to build a fence to keep his sheep in and Sweetwater's husband, Miguel, confronts him about it. 

In addition to Miguel's disappearance, Josiah is questioned by Sheriff Hobo about two other missing people who Josiah referred to as trespassers when he gunned them down. Not long after, he makes a play for  Sweetwater's land, offering to convert her and her land to the church, forcefully if necessary. This sets the three on a collision course as they head to a bloody climax that will settle their issues once and for all.

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Sweetwater is just about the slowest of the slow burn revenge thriller westerns. I was expecting a legit shoot'em up western. I thought it would be something like The Quick and The Dead, but plot and character development got in the way. Seriously, she finally starts her revenge with about 35 minutes left in the film. Although she puts in work, 35 min is not really enough time for killin'. 

What I did find funny though, was that back then women were really thought of as different people. "Here, take this to protect your feminine skin." Absolutely ridiculous, yet hilarious. Another thing was that a very public peep hole masturbation scene proved that there really were no rules in the west

I liked Stephen Root (dude is awesome. Google him, you know who he is) and I'm a fan of Ed Harris, who hasn't gotten enough credit for a lot of the stuff that he's done (Post The Rock). He was pretty damn good as the unique but not queer, county Sheriff.

 Overall though, it was not as good as and as action packed as I thought it'd be:

Violence?  Yes
Explosions?  Of subdued violence
Nudity? Yes

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Thor: The Dark World (2014)

When Jane Foster is possessed by a great power, Thor must protect her from a new threat of old times: the Dark Elves. 

The Cast

Thor - Human Loving Norse God

Odin - Asgard Loving God

Jane Foster - Thor Tarzan, Her Jane

Loki - Handsome Trickster God

Dark Elves - Yeah. They went there

The Situation:

A race called the Dark Elves had planned to bring the entire universe back into darkness. After their ultimate weapon, The Ether, was lost they withdrew from battle. Since its power was too great for it to be destroyed, it was ordered to be buried, where eventually  It was found by a group of kids on Earth. Investigating the phenomena is Jane Foster, who inadvertently awakens the Dark Elves from their slumber and with the universe being aligned soon, they are eager to pick up where they left off.

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To sum everything up in one paragraph:

Dark Elves exist and aim to bring about darkness. Their plans are stopped by the Asguardians. They hibernate and reawaken when their ultimate weapon is found. Since it happens to be on Asgard. They aim to kill birds with stones and destroy them. Shit gets real as People die and are exploded and Thor is now assigned to protect the peace and get revenge.

Here's what worked for me:

Loki is brought to trial for his crimes in N.Y. meaning Thor is a direct sequel to The Avengers.

Thor shows up and exits via rainbow force field.

"Ho-Lee Shit" -Kat Dennigs aka Lizzie Caplan with boobs

The Set pieces are amazing. This movie just looks fantastic.

The Cameo. [You'll know it when you see it.]

Here's what I didn't like:

For as pretty as it is, it really isn't that good of a film. 

Learning that one of the characters was quite a badass then having them die near immediately to further an already think plot.

The "strong female scientist" turns into a quivering mass of vagina as soon as Thor is around. I get the dude is like 93% muscle, but come on. And don't even get me started on

Randoms with unexplained super powers

The dialogue.

 

The Post Post credits scene.

Thor 2 is just as mediocre as the first, but neither are terrible films. They just aren't great. They look amazing. I posit that the film is actually hurt by Natalie Portman. There's no logic behind that statement, but whatever, this is my blog. 

Violence? Yes

Explosions? Yes. Tons

Nudity? No

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HypnoToad

There is admittedly a good amount of HypnoToad  merchandise. I figure it wouldn't hurt to throw my hat into the ring as well. It could probably be done better in general, but I am pleased with the way it came out.

All Glory To The HypnoToad.

All Glory To The HypnoToad.

All Glory To The HypnoToad.

All Glory To The HypnoToad.

All Glory To The HypnoToad.

All Glory To The HypnoToad.

All Glory To The HypnoToad.

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To Care Is To Beer

Alt Title: Caring is Beering.

What more says you care, than giving the gift of a bear who can provide beer? As opposed to those other ones, The Care Beer stares rains down sweet, sweet liquid gold.

Right off the bat, this is available for Tees and Phone cases.

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