More Things Change, Denzel Stays The Same

**Don't ask me where I'm going with this. It is just something I've been holding onto. I figure that since I have a blog, I might as well make a post.**

So I was conversing with a coworker the other day and we started taking about Safehouse(2012), the new Denzel movie. Besides the fact that it's an apparently decent film, I noted that denzel plays the same character in every movie. She disagreed.

Essentially, that discussion led to this post.

Now don't get me wrong, When I say Denzel plays the same character, I don't mean the same exact, just the same qualities or characteristics amongst genres. For instance, I'm sure you can take his character from one film, swap it with another and have essentially the same film.

[Now, to be fair, this doesn't work with crossing genres. Action characters aren't the same as Dramatic characters, so naturally, they won't make good examples. But within those genres, you can essentially swap and have (roughly) the same film.]

For example, Try pulling Man on Fire Denzel and swapping him with The Book of Eli Denzel. Can you not see that as the same film (more or less). Why not swap Philadelphia Denzel for John Q Denzel? Concept still stands. Understand that I don't mean any of this as a knock on him or his talent, as each of his performances are consistently good. For the record, he's hardly the only one. Morgan Freeman does this as well as Jack Nicholson. They are all equally accepted as awesome, so no one points this out. I just find this interesting.

So, Denzel, Jack, Morgan. Who am I missing?

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Caveman's Valentine - 2001

A cave-dwelling man sets out to track down the killer of a homeless boy and bring him to justice.

Yes I watched this shitty movie. It took about 3 beers, but I finally crossed this shit off my list. With that being said, I'm not spending a minute "reviewing" this ridiculous film.

Here are five good reasons why:


1) Samuel Jackson plays Romulus, a homeless pianist.

2) Dude lives in a cave and is actually called Caveman.

3) Sam Jackson in dreads and fully bearded is ridiculous.

4) There's a sex scene?!

5) A homeless dude that has a relationship with the police?

6) It's called "The Caveman's Valentine." I mean, really.

Out of ten? Five 4.

I have repented, dear readers, and I've seen the light, through all it's dreaded and bearded foolishness.

Violence? Mild
Explosions? No
Nudity? Least they could do is throw us a titty, right?

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Straw Dogs (2011)

L.A. screenwriter David Sumner relocates with his wife to her hometown in the deep South. There, while tensions build between them, a brewing conflict with locals becomes a threat to them both.

Sigh...
If you'll indulge me, I'd like to take a moment to discuss James Marsden and his typcasting.

Marsden, who I'm sure is a nice guy in real life, has been playing pussy characters since his film debut. dude is officially typecast as "pussy male #1." Let's take a brief look at his filmography:

Straw Dogs - Pussy Writer
X men - Pussy Superhero
Superman - Lois Lane's pussy husband
27 Dresses - Pussy love interest
Enchanted - Pussy Prince Charming

Are you sensing a pattern here? I can't be the only one.

Oh Yeah baby, put it in. Daddy likes...

Whoo. Thanks for that. Had to get it off my chest.

...for the Ladies...

Moving on, the movie was okay, just plodding along and not being significant. Then they introduced a bear trap. The minute I saw it, I know out would come into play. he asked to have out wall mounted. My excitement grew exponentially. Someone's head was going through a fucking bear trap!!! But no. in another letdown, the trap was taken off of the wall and slammed on the villain's head. Wtf? I can tolerate that, but He's still a pussy. granted straw dogs was not a horror movie, but as revenge/self defense fantasy, why not go all the way and shove his fucking head in there?

Oh hey, look its James Woods. And he's in a little hat:

Out of ten? 6.5

Very, very slow build, but when you reach the climax, shit picks up quickly. tensions finally boil over and violence is the name of the game.


Violence? Yeah, but boy do they ever they make you wait for it.
Explosions? No.
Nudity? Teased, none delivered

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This Film is Not Yet Rated - 2006

Fed up with the secrecy surrounding the MPAA? This Film is Not Yet Rated is a documentary in which we watch as Kirby Dick documents his efforts to uncover more about the mysterious MPAA, their secret raters, and the criteria for rating movies. In this film, (as of 2006) we uncover the identities of each rater and discover some of their recent movie ratings.



Everyone knows the MPAA is a powerful organization in Hollywood. Their ratings can make or break a movie. Thing is, they are also very subjective as what is okay in one movie is not allowed in the next, and apparently, when confronted they become very secretive. This movie actually provides some leverage and a small measure of revenge for every filmmaker who's had to deal with their system.

Unfortunately, I watched This Film is Not Yet Rated a few years too late, but the impact was the same. For a public organization, The MPAA has always been very vague and secretive regarding the way it operates
and it was actually very interesting to learn about its history, albeit in an unauthorized way.

It is not available on Instant Watch just yet, however the trailer may sell this movie better than I can:

I really liked this flick. It is definitely dated, however it is still entertaining.

Violence? in multiple movie clips.
Explosions? in multiple movie clips.
Nudity? in multiple movie clips.

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The Good Guys - 2010 (TV Series)

Jack is a by-the-book detective whose habit of undermining himself has resulted in a dead-end position with the Police Dept. His partner Dan, a drunken, lecherous veteran hangs onto his job only because of one heroic act years ago.

The good guys is a buddy comedy about a burned out 70s super cop and his straight arrow partner who have been named partners due to their previous transgressions.

Dan Stark is a "Screw procedure! Let's bust some punks!" type of cop and his partner Jack Bailey, (played by Colin Hanks) is a by the books straight arrow cop. The comedic timing/pairing of this odd couple only gets better as the crimes on the petty crimes list they've been assigned to suddenly become much larger and dangerous.

This show was unfortunately canceled after it's first season and that's only because no one watched it. Which, again is partially my fault, as well as yours. I, like all red blooded Americans, didn't believe anything starring Colin Hanks would be worth my time. Then I found this show. Unfortunately, it was way too late to save it.

The Good Guys is currently available on netflix instant watch. If by the time you read this, the show is not there, find some other way to watch it. It's worth it.

Also, the quietly foxy Jenny Wade costars.

How can you pass this up?

Out of Ten? 5

Solid cop show. Plenty of laughs and a lot of action scenes. 

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Yes
Nudity? No.

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Haywire - 2012

A black ops super soldier seeks payback after she is betrayed and set up during a mission.

As you may have gathered from the plot description above, there's not much more you need to know about this movie. It stars a hot chick who beats up dudes and shoots guns. She sets out for revenge after a failed attempt on her life.

My main gripe? The soundtrack.
The music totally took me away from the film. Imagine if they decided to use the footage from the Bourne Identity with the musical cues from the Ocean's 11 series. Well, that's pretty much what happened here. It made it seem like they didn't know which direction to take the film. Was she a former contractor out for bloody revenge or was she planning an elaborate jewel heist? Maybe both.

Maann, I wish she'd wrap dem legs 'round me...

Also, I'm definitely not a fan of having to wait until the end of a film to find out exactly what happened to set things in motion, but again, as long as people are getting kicked, shit don't matter. She fired only one shot throughout the film, but made that count. The movie was essentially a showcase of her hand to hand skills. Clearly talented, Carano is a badass in this film and a force to be reckoned with. A hot chick who beats people up for a living doesn't have much use for dialogue. As long as she was kicking someone, it really doesn't matter what was said before. But the lady has charisma and hopefully she'll go far in this business. We are sorely lacking female action stars.

A broad daylight beach beatdown aka one of the funniest scenes in the film.

Out of Ten? 6

The movie was bad, but unintentionally hilarious.

Violence? Yes
Explosions? No
Nudity? No.

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