Assassination Games (2011)

The indestructible Jean-Claude Van Damme returns to big-screen mayhem in this light-'em-up action thriller, with rival assassins joining forces to dismantle a global drug cartel operating in league with the U.S. Drug Enforcement Agency.

In order to head off a government scandal, two officials try to take out the only agent who can incriminate them. Their plan is to kill Flint, the only agent who can identify them. In doing so, Interpol releases Polo, a criminal with ties to Flint, on the hopes that he will come out of hiding and try to eliminate him. When he does, complications arise when Van Damme gets wind of Polo's release and sets out to collect the bounty for himself.

The film starts to drag a bit when the love interest(s) comes into play especially when they lay the guilt trip on them about their profession and cause them to soften and rethink their lives. Bleh. But ultimately they are used as motivation, so we're rid of them fairly quickly. Also, it was shot in some sort of sepia tone. I don't know what that was about and I found it kinda weird.

Anyway, I am digging this darker van damme. As a badass assassin, he's waaaay less cheesy and actually seems a bit intimidating. (minus that knot on his forehead.) Scott "Ninja" Adkins is the assassin and government target Flint, and I must admit, I was very impressed with his performance.

It's just so...there.

Out of Ten? 6.5

Violence? Yes
Explosions? No
Nudity? Yes

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Pretty Persuasion - 2005

Kimberly, a sophomore at a posh Beverly Hills high school, is obsessed with the idea of fame and popularity and will stop at nothing to get what she wants, with no thought for how her actions might affect others in her path. Kimberly and two friends decide to file a sexual harassment suit and incite chaos and a media frenzy when she accuses her drama teacher of sexual harassment.

Three high school girls decide to come forward with the accusation that one of their teachers has molested them. Throughout the film, there is an undercurrent that he is guilty of something yet at the same time, there's a sense that they are lying and making it up. Once the case goes to trial, the narrative jumps back and forth through time to give you an idea of what has actually transpired and  unsurprisingly, the film ends in devastation for the accusers, the accused and for many innocent bystanders.

Stray Quotage:

• I have respect for all races, but I'm really glad I was born white.
• I know all about the immigration experience. I'm from Canada.
• High School is all about cock-teasing girls, and those two, are on the honor roll.
• He said, 'Now I'm going to touch your boob'.
• Boob? Come on! I'm an English teacher, I would never say boob!
• What's the greatest thing about this country?
         Um, Sylvester Stallone?

Look out for an unexpected twist at the end of the film. 

Out of Ten? 6.5

Violence? No
Explosions? No
Nudity? No

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South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut

When the four boys see an R-rated movie featuring Canadians Terrance & Phillip, they are pronounced "corrupted", and their parents pressure the United States to wage war against Canada.

After the boys sneak away to watch the new Terrance and Phillip movie, they come away with a new vocabulary. Soon all the children are just as crass, much to the chagrin of the adults. Displeased with their new vulgarity, their mothers form a group, intent on taking out the two comedians who they deem responsible for corrupting American youths. In their quests to rid the world of the very Canadian Terrance and Phillip, they have started a war, one between the United States and Canada. In Hell, Satan and Saddam Hussein are plotting to take over the world. Once the blood of Terrance and Phillip are spilled, it will be the 7th sign and bring about the Apocalypse.

The boys will have to save their heroes, end a war, prevent an apocalypse and find the clitoris all within an hour and a half.

Stray Quotage:

• "Kyle, All the times I called you a big dumb Jew, I didn't mean it. You're not a Jew."
        "But I am, Cartman. I am a Jew!"
  "No, no. Don't be so hard on yourself."
• "Operation Get Behind the Darkies"
• "Fuck Gregory! Fuck him right in the ear!"
• "Ahem. Fuck Canada!"
• How would you like, to suck mah balls. Mr. Garrison? 
• "What would Brian Boitano do?"

Out of Ten? 10

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Yes
Nudity? No

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Mirage Man - 2007

A shy, inconspicuous man named Maco decides to become a self-made superhero when he gains national notoriety for unintentionally rescuing a television reporter from the clutches of two dangerous criminals.

Running along the streets at night, Marco Gutierrez comes across a burglary in progress. Inside of the house, he spots one of the robbers as he prepares to rape a woman. At the top of the movie, we learn that his parents died in a rape n rob so flashing back to that, he uses his pent up anger to destroy the thieves.
After watching and getting inspired by the report of his heroic work, he decides to become a superhero. After finally settling on an outfit, shit gets real and the crimefighting begins. Mirageman is saving the day and dude is fucking cats up along the way.

After his attempt to rescue a girl from a gang of pedophiles goes awry, Mirageman disappears to regroup after the reality of his "work" hits him. (ie shit got a bit too real and he got fucked up.) Out of the game for three weeks, the public's initial dismissal becomes concern. After getting the very public message that his lady was abducted, he returns to the game and wrecks shop as he goes to rescue her. Once his identity is threatened in the process, he receives a helping hand from a man who believes in him and implores him not to quit. Getting back to work, he vows to solve the pedophile case that nearly ruined him earlier. Since this is a gang of pedophiles, and considering his history with them, he's allowed to get a bit more violent and he does. Killing nearly every one them along the way to save the kidnapped girl and save the day and in true superhero fashion, the door is left wide open for a sequel.

Mirageman is a solid flick. Not only did it manage to ground the modern day vigilante mythos, it also managed to find the right balance between the action, comedic and dramatic elements.They even managed to include the "trying on costumes" and "coming up with a good name" part of superhero films. It was kinda like a Chilean Spiderman film and they even make a joke about it at one point.

Marko Zaror. 

Remember this face. If he ever blows up, I want you to say that you heard about him here first.
Out of Ten? 7

Violence? Yes
Explosions? No
Nudity? No

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The Caller - 2011

Troubled divorcee Mary Kee is tormented by a series of sinister phone calls from a mysterious woman. When the stranger reveals she's calling from the past, Mary tries to break off contact. But the caller doesn't like being ignored, and looks for revenge in a unique and terrifying way...

After moving into a new apartment, a newly divorced woman begins to receive a series of disturbing calls. The caller is a woman named Rose who claims that she is from the past. In time, Mary develops a relationship with Rose and they talk near nightly. Rose claims that she is calling from the past and when Mary tries to end their relationship, she becomes increasingly unhinged and suddenly Mary's timeline becomes unstable. How can she stop someone who has control of the past?

Rotary Phones are creepy

The Caller is a trippy film but Idk what to make of this one. I was digging the concept, but I feel like the film was flawed on its execution. Besides the fact that it started to fall apart towards the end, another issue is that it was a bit hard to hear Rose's side of their conversations. On the bright side, Luiz Guzman is in this film. He is my favorite supporting actor and any film he's in will automatically get a .5 point bump until I say otherwise.

My man Luiz Guzman!

Out of Ten? 5.5 (5 + The Guzman Bump)

Violence? End Scenes
Explosions? No
Nudity? No

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Ghajini (2008)

After a vicious attack claims the life of his girlfriend and leaves him with a debilitating case of short-term memory loss, mobile phone mogul Sanjay Singhania sets out on a quest to bring down the perpetrators that have ruined his life.

It is quickly explained that a man suffers from short term memory loss after receiving an injury from an assault. Everyday he wakes up, he reminds himself, via notes and pictures, that his mission is to hunt and kill those responsible for his condition and taking the life of his lady. As the movie unfolds, The narrative transitions from a revenge thriller into a romantic comedy. Although this may be par for the course in India, as an international viewer, It's a little jarring to sit down for Memento and have that spliced with Enchanted.

The action part of the film is pretty much a direct knockoff of Memento. A tattooed, super buff guy with short term memory is out to hunt and kill the people responsible for his condition and the death of his wife. Sound familiar?

The romantic comedy part is pretty standard fare. She pretends that she knows him and says he's proposed. He has never met her, yet falls in love instantly when he does. No Bollywood movie is complete without a song and dance number and this film is no exception. 

At three hours long, Ghajini has a little something for both men and women in the same film.

 

Nip Slip.

 Out of Ten? 6

Long, but ultimately rewarding if you can make it to the end.

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Of violence
Nudity? Definitely could have used some.

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