Taken 2 (2012)

In Istanbul, retired CIA operative Bryan Mills and his wife are taken hostage by the father of a kidnapper Mills killed while rescuing his daughter.

 Quick Review:

Taken 1 + Drama = Taken 2.

This film tries to do too much. You have to wade through drama to get to the ass kicking as it takes 27 minutes for the first Arab to be punched in the face. The movie is 1 1/2 hours long. Why does it take 50 minutes for the action to start?

 I've come to the conclusion that Liam Neeson hates Arabs like Steven Segal hates Jamaicans.

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Detention (2011)

Detention is a teenage horror movie involving teenagers and targeting teens while being broad enough to appeal to the genre savvy viewer. The plot is fairly simple, a killer dressed as a character from a movie is out to kill the teens of a high school. Yet as the movie rolls on, it becomes clear that it doesn't exactly follow the established conventions, or at least not in that predetermined way. Detention is like a pastiche of genres. A teen romance comedy, horror, scifi, drama mix that is also a parody, of the aforementioned genres while deconstructing them in the process.Admittedly, all of that is a lot and the film ends up in a few weird places, but despite everything, it still ends up being a surprisingly decent film.

The trailer doesn't do it justice, but it makes the review seem longer:

Final word:

Yes Dane Cook was in this film, and even though his role was minimal, it didn't take away from the fact that Dane Cook blows. I won't be invoking Rule #1 anytime soon.

Out of Ten? 7

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Yes
Nudity? Yes

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Expendables 2 (2012)

Mr. Church reunites the Expendables for what should be an easy paycheck, but when one of their men is murdered on the job, their quest for revenge puts them deep in enemy territory and up against an unexpected threat.

Mercenaries for hire are back and with Stallone owing 5million to Bruce Willis, he comes to collect in the form of a job. He tells Stallone he wants him and his crew to collect the contents of a safe from a crashed plane in China. Among the contents of the safe is the location of an abandoned Russian plutonium mine that he doesn't want to fall into the wrong hands. Bruce also insists they take a bad ass safe cracking Asian (who wasn't bad on the eyes) along with the mission. After they retrieve the map, they are ambushed by Van Damme and his #2, American Ninja Scott Adkins, who has plans to sell the plutonium worldwide. On their way out, they manage to kill one of Stallone's red-shirts, (badassly, I might add) and the stage is set for vengeance.


Expendables 2 is a guy flick. Nothing more, nothing less. There were a few scenes of unnecessary drama and I'm trying to remember if the first had as much drama as this one. I don't think it did, but I guess we can chalk up the drama scenes to being the calm before the storm.

The dialogue was once again choppy and cliched, but I really wasn't too worried about that. Why? Because I'm not in it for the dialogue and it's clear that neither were they. They were there to do reckless shit like throw missiles at helicopters, which was a feat I didn't think could be topped, until they used a running motorcycle to take one down.


Random thoughts (because I, have no where else to put them):

• Hey remember that scene in Conan where Arnold randomly punched out a camel? How about a scene where Dolph Lundgren randomly throws a chicken? Because that happened.
• Chuck Norris shows up, saves the crew AND manages to drop off a "Chuck Norris Fact" along the way. 
• Chuck Norris in this film for about 10 minutes total.
  
• I really do like VanDamme as a villain.
  The gun that Terry Crews used is ridiculous and I'm glad they brought it back from past one.
  
• I'm surprised they wrote out Jet Li so quickly, but i guess you don't need two Chinese characters on the team. 
• There are two dope kills in this film: A Helicopter decapitation and roundhouse knife to the heart.
  
• The climactic battle between Stallone and Van Damme is something we've been clamoring for hypothetically for years and it wasn't disappointing.
  

Expendables 2 is just an excuse to fuck shit up but with more stars of the older generation. It's a reason to show that they've still got it. I can't argue with that, but the slow dramatic scenes are behind them. Aint nobody got time for that.

Out of Ten? 7.5

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Yes
Nudity? No

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5 Scenes from...

John Woo has directed some of the most stylish action flicks in existence. You may not know his name, but you are definitely familiar with his work.


Here are five of his best scenes:

Face/Off (1997) - An FBI agent and a terrorist, assume the physical appearance of one another.

Red Cliff (2008) - A Story centered on a battle fought in China's Three Kingdoms period (220-280 A.D.).

Hard Boiled (1992) - A tough-ass cop teams with an undercover agent to shut down a mob crew.

The Killer (1989) - A disillusioned assassin accepts one last hit, only to be double-crossed by his boss.

 

Hard Target (1993) - Van Damme stars as a homeless Cajun who helps a woman track down her father.

 

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Jon Benjamin Has a Van [TV Series] (2011)

Funnyman Jon Benjamin has a van but he's not some perv; He's just a journalist sticking his mic where it doesn't belong. Whether pushing buttons in ambush interviews or taking riotous trips to the absurd, Jon is going where no van has gone before. 

 

What do these four characters have in common? They are all voiced by Jon Benjamin. The awesome part? All of his voice work is done in the same voice, yet each character is completely different.

 Jon Benjamin has a van is a parody of news crews and special interest reporting. Set as a news crew on the beat, Jon, his sound guy, cameraman and producer usually cover stories that generally starts simple and quickly goes to the absurd.

I kinda slept on the show during its first weeks, but once I pieced together who H.J.B was and how talented he is, I tuned in. I wish the show was given another season. As with any show with segments, some will hit and some will miss. I've highlighted a few I thought were not only funny, but also showed off the show's creativity and absurdity.

WereJew - Jon  becomes an Orthodox Jew during a full moon.
Kidnapped Soundguy - After the soundguy is kidnapped, Jon and the crew race to get him back.
Border Crossing - Jon tries to make amends for a prank war gone bad. 
Hot Beef Injection - Jon does a retrospective on the man who coined the infamous phrase.

Out of Five? 4.5

Violence? Simulated
Explosions? A few
Nudity? No

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God Bless America (2011)

Disgusted with American society and diagnosed with a brain tumor, Frank teams up with teenager Roxy and the two go on a mission to rid society of its most repellent citizens, including reality TV stars, bigots and others they find repugnant.

Being disgusted with the amount of mean people, stupidity and its celebrated status, Frank Murdoch embarks on a killing spree aiming to rid and cleanse the world of this filth. For his first kill, Frank tries to take out a spoiled teen, who he believed was influencing his daughter. After the kill goes awry, he heads to a hotel with the intention of killing himself. There, he is confronted by one of her classmates, Roxanne, who witnessed his crime, approves, and wishes to tag along.

The duo share mutual interests and as they travel from town to town cleaning up America, but when the truth about Roxanne's home life is revealed, they have a fight and split. After their split, Frank buys heavy artillery and heads out to complete one last job. He goes to the finale of American Superstars and threatens to bring the roof down in addition to killing everyone in attendance.
Reuniting with Roxanne, they go out in a hail of bullets, not too different from Bonnie and Clyde.

God Bless America, is a satirical look at our country through the eyes of a man who sets out to right the wrongs of society, -materialism/narcissism- and he just misses the simpler times. Society has become shit. Celebrities are idolized, ignorance is celebrated and we as a people have become self-absorbed and shallow. It's not so much that Frank is a flat out murderer, its more like, he's doing what we logical folks wished we could. In that regard, it's hard to condemn or disagree with his actions.

All ranting aside, God Bless America is a solid movie, but not one that will appeal to everyone. It's pretty straightforward from A to B and doesn't try to force its message down your throat.

Out of Ten? 7

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Yes
Nudity? No

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