This is Art

Was going to ease into this, but whatever.

Changing the blog, yet again for the new year. If you've been reading, you can tell that I haven't been posting as diligently as I have in the past. I'm sorry about that. I've been distracted. Anyway, here's the scoop, I've been away designing in my spare time.


What this means for you, dear reader, is that in addition to the movies which will appear on this blog (sporadically) you'll be privy to the newest designs (and or concepts for designs), which will be put up for sale on the RedBubble website. With that being said, I hope you enjoy the new layout/direction and please if you see anything you like, comment, +1 it, and spread the word in general. I think I may be on to something.

Thanks.


My current art collection is located here @ RedBubble. Take a look.

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Psycho Gothic Lolita (2010)

After assassins kill her mother and maim her father, innocent Yuki --now dining gothic leather -- goes on a mission for revenge.

At a birthday dinner, five hooded assailants, break into their home. In the struggle, her father is seriously injured and her mother is killed right in front of her. 

Lolita sneaks into a gambling den where debauchery is ever present. After disembowling the guard, she heads for her first kill, Sakie, the Queen.

By the time she reaches and executes the fifth guy, she learns that there was more to the story than just a random murder. Her mother was a devil, and they were exorcists. She is also a devil and he's been baiting her until she revealed her true form.

 Harbinger of Justice, executing those responsible for her mother's death. 

Before you ask: Why not? Japanese B movies are still B movies. 

Didn't really know what to expect when I started Psycho Gothic Lolita and honestly I was bored until the fighting started. It plays kinda like Kill Bill. A woman was wronged by 5 people, makes a list and sets out to get her revenge. But this is Japanese, so there's a lot of blood and gore and weirdness. It works for the film, but if you have no experience with the genre you'll hate it.

For a move made in Japan in 2010, it really lacks the flair that accompanies the genre. But technically it's an exploitation flick, so I guess that can explain it.

Idk whatever.

 

Violence? Yes. Oh yes
Explosions? Blood Spray
Nudity? No

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Fun Size (2012)

When feisty teenager Wren losses her offbeat kid brother on Halloween, she joins forces with her best buds to find him during one crazy night.

Fun Size has been on my radar since I learned that it featured Jane Levy. She's my new favorite. It should be known that this is a Disney movie and I've set my phasers to "family."

Wren Desantis is a senior in high school with dreams of attending NYU in the fall. She gets invited to the hottest Halloween party by the hottest guy in school. Everything is going perfectly until her mom, in the midst of a midlife crisis, sticks her with her bratty brother Albert, who is a seriously destructive kid with no boundaries. 

Long story short, she loses him during the night and spends the entire night looking for him while he has a baby's day out type of adventure. Which includes him getting revenge on a bully who has stolen his candy. Their mother comes to her senses and they each regroup in time to have a heart warming family moment before the end of the night and Wren finds love.

Fun Size is like Baby's day out + Adventures in Babysitting. It's an okay family movie. Wasn't expecting a home run and I was only watching it for Jane Levy anyway. Thomas Cub from Project X was a pleasant surprise though. 

Line of the Film:

Why do you say his name like that?
         Because it's either Kevin or Steven. Pick one because Keevan doesn't exist!

Haha. Classic Keevan.

Violence? No
Explosions? Shit bomb
Nudity? No

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Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs (2009)

 

The most delicious event since macaroni met cheese. Inspired by the beloved children's book, the film focuses on a town where food falls from the sky like rain.

 
The Cast:

• Flynt
• Flynts Dad
• Officer Mr T
• Perky young reporter
• The town of Swallow Falls aka Chew and Swallow

Every since he was a child flynt has always wanted to be a scientist and have people like him. After the town is destroyed when the local sardine economy collapses, Flynt invents a machine with the intention to turn water into food, thus saving the town from sardines.

He pretty much destroys the town, in his efforts, but the machine works. The problem is that it is eventually over worked and the food begins to mutate.  Soon the entire town is threatened with food related destruction and In an effort to save the world, Flynt and co travel to the satellite to shut it down.  They find that it now resides inside a giant meatball, filed with live foods and there, humans are at the bottom of the food chain.

Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs is an awesome movie.It's an awkward comedy that's essentially about a man who means to do well and gain everyone's respect, but ultimately fails spectacularly before finding his own self worth and/or saving the world. In between all of that are a ton of puns and simple jokes that amuse immature people such as myself.

                                                                                                              Stray Quotage:

"I wanted to run away that day. But you can't run away from your own feet."

"You've seen a meteor shower, but you've never seen a shower meatier than this."

"Who needs the approval of one family member when you can get it from a whole town of acquaintances?"

"What is that, a scrunchie? I haven't seen one of those since 1995"

Violence? Animated
Explosions? Of fruits and vegetables and non nutritious stuff
Nudity? Seriously?! Have a little decency perv!

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The Hangover Part III (2013)

***An iCheckmovies Listed Film****

The action packed conclusion to the trilogy no one asked for. Part Two was exactly the same as the first making it a blatant cash grab and middle finger to the consumer. This film promises to be different.

Since the events of the first film, it is revealed that Super Criminal Mr. Chow has stolre 21 million dollars from a rival drug lord and disappeared until he was arrested in Bangkok. Alan was the only person he's been in contact with and it's up to the guys to find Chow in three days or the drug Lord will kill Doug, who is being held in exchange. 

Doug is forever doomed to be sub ancillary. 

I think he's only had maybe 20minutes and 20 lines in three movies. 

Dude is a macguffin. Easiest paycheck ever.

Listen, Hangover three is basically the Alan and Chow show. It's possible I'm viewing this from a biased angle, but I feel it tries a bit too hard to be funny. It isn't really a good movie at all. there are a lot of callbacks to the original two films, but the "series" is structured in such a way that it's nearly impossible to do anything differently and if you do, you end up with something like this crap.

I watched it. You don't have to. [If you haven't already]

Violence? Yes
Explosions? No
Nudity? You'll need to be able to see in the dark.

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Master of the Flying Guillotine (1976)

***An iCheck Movies Listed Film***

Well, I could never find a good movie with all the guillotines I wanted so I dipped into the archives. Master of the flying guillotine has to have all of the guillotine I can handle....right?

Here's the quick and dirty:

Essentially, a blind grandmaster travels the country, seeking to avenge the deaths of his two disciples. All he knows is that a one armed man is responsible. So he does what any good master filed with rage would do, guillotine just about every one armed man who crosses his path and those that get in his way.

The one armed boxer is a master of his craft, but he has no desire for fame, fortune or to draw the attention of the Chinese government. He has opened a school and is persuaded to attend the tournament as a way to learn more about kung-fu outside of his own.

After the Grandmaster crashes the tournament, the one armed boxer closes his school and tells of how he defeated the two disciples. He suspects their master is coming for him and he gets ready.

///////////////

It's still a good film, but I'll never get my guillotine. *wistful sigh*

Stray Quotage:

"Was he the one armed boxer?
       No! He was just some bum!
I don't care. I intend to kill every one armed man that I come across here. "

"We all want to learn kung-fu. But we don't want to hide all our lives"

"The one armed swordsman is just a one armed chicken."

Sigh. One Armed Boxer vs Flying Guillotine. That's the original/international title and one that's more apt to the film. Despite its title it's only focus is the tournament and the one armed boxer. Shit there's just about an hour long wait until we get to their first confrontation.

I get it. The Master of the Flying Guillotine is clearly the bad guy, as realistically, you really can't go around taking people's heads, but the equation should be simple: arrive, take heads, leave. Unfortunately, the entire first half is tragically void of guillotines, minus one scene in which s chicken gets it. I'm starting to realize that I'll never get the proper amount of flying guillotine in my life. The irony is that I'll probably be killed by guillotine when it's time. 

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Yes
Nudity? No

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