The One With The Inactivity

Context: Intending to rid the office of the curse of the dreaded Blackberry, we have enacted a Bring Your Own Device policy at the job.

Hey, did we get the blackberry's from Harriet and Jacob? 

Yeah

Well, they haven't activated the product

*shrug*

Oh okay.

Jacob just bought a new phone and it's a Droid 2 and Harriet's phone is right there

*groan*

Seriously, It's a Droid 2 with Droid 2.2 OS

*Louder Groan*

So she's still trying to figure it out. As for Harriet, IDK what she's waiting for.

*10 minutes later, Harriet calls*

Hey, I'm having trouble with the BYOD stuff. I'm not getting any emails or RSA

Okay, so you set up Good and you're stuck at the RSA?

Good?

The Good email service?

*silence*

Okay, let's back up.
You filled out the BYOD form and turned in your BB, correct?

Yes

Did you send those emails to your personal accounts?

No.

Ah. Okay, so you never set it up. I got it. Let me help you with that...

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The Hot Box

So I was on the train the other day...


...and at 14th St. I entered one of the hottest train cars imaginable. Hot cars occasionally happen, as air conditioners usually break down. That day however, was ridiculous and It seems I was the only one
bothered by it.

As I entered the car, I saw maybe 8 people. I thought the first thing everyone does, "ooh seats!" After the doors closed it hit me. Hot car. "Damn it!" I said aloud, "Why is this car so hot, and why are you all just
sitting in it?" when I looked around, I saw a few people talking in a corner and one fat dude drowning in a pool of his sweat. They looked at me like I was crazy. The fat dude looks up at me, wipes his brow and says, "yeah it is kinda hot." At that moment, I took one last look at everyone in the car, shook my head, and got off at the next stop.

 Cool 'em off boys. Its hot in there.

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Justice League: War (2014)

Justice League: War is the fourth Justice League feature film following Crisis on Two Earths, Doom and The Flashpoint Paradox. Once again, The Warner Animation team has knocked it out of the park.

War is essentially a Justice League origin film. 5 super powered beings, a teen who feel into the gig and Batman don't know each other but stand together when the Earth is threatened by God-King Darkseid and his legions of space beasts.

Besides the comedy pairing of Batman and Green Lantern (who thinks Bats is a vampire) and the violence and swearing, my favorite part of the film was the cockyness and arrogance of  Superman. Gone was the boy scout and in his place was a bad ass Superman who is fully aware of his powers and is quick to put people down. Even Batman

Dope

And did I mention the swearing? Hell, damn, ass, boobs, swearing. I keep saying that each of these films have progressively gotten darker and more adult and War is no exception. Although there are a ton of comedic moments, don't mistake that this movie isn't for little kids.

The "Batman is a Dick" line of the film:

Surprisingly, Batman was the most level headed character in this film. I'm sure he said something dickish, but it wasn't anything that stood out compared to the other films. 

One of the other things they had going was the running gag that Batman wasn't real:

  

Green Lantern: Flash, my man! Good to see you. I'm here with *mumbles* Batman.
Flash: What? Batman? He's real?!
Lantern: Yeah he's...right over there.

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Yes
Nudity? No

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G.I. Joe Resolute (2009)

Listen, I'm fairly certain that I've written about this masterpiece once before but if not, here goes:

G.I. Joe Resolute is just about the best G.I.Joe film/resurrection the property has ever seen. Yes, even better than Retaliation. 

Now, I know what you're thinking: "Crowe, no. They took another beloved children's toon and ruined it, chasing dollars." No. Actually they took a beloved children's cartoon and turned it into something it should have been all along: a team of commandos, taking out a team of ruthless terrorists by any means necessary.

Doubt me?  Here's are a few reasons I gave it that star total below:

• Look at that fucking poster. That doesn't sell you?
• It was aired on the cartoon fucking network and wasn't TV Y-7
• They explained away the cobra commander's uselessness and made him into a complete badass at the same damn time.
• Snake eyes 
• Motherfucking Snake Eyes
• There's a red and blue laser reference with comments on how no one can shoot
• Motherfuckers actually die. Like for real.
• The Joes are almost as ruthless as  Cobra
• The Baroness. Say what you will about Lady Jaye, but the Baroness is where it was at. Jet black hair, glasses, an accent? *wait, uh, are anyone else's pants getting tighter art this moment?* anyway she was the type of girl you could not bring home to mama and she knew it.
• It didn't have The RZA teaching Snake Eyes (or Storm Shadow) Kung fucking Fu.

I stand by what I've said above, despite the lack of Dwayne Johnson, Resolute was better than Retaliation.

In retrospect, I think Retaliation took a few of their cues from Resolute. At the least, I doubt these three things are Coincidental:

• Cobra Commander being a ruthless bad ass
• The inclusion of Road block
• The inclusion of Firefly
• The destruction of a whole country 

 

Violence? Yes
Explosions? Yes
Nudity? No

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A Company Man (2013)

 

Hyeong Do, an assassin who look just like a company worker. He wants to stop but things doesn't go easy like he thought.

I put off this movie for a while. Can't say why. It sounded good, but I was just never in the mood for it.

The Cast: 

• A dedicated hitman who is a rising star in his company of secret assassins.
• Middle Management
• The rest of the company

The Situation:

Losing interest in his work, a top hitman makes a few career altering decisions, (finding love, leaving people alive, etc.) that can't go ignored in his industry. And they don't due to his meddling middle manager who has had it in for our hero since his star had begun to rise.

A Company Man was a pretty good film overall. A lot of action, a lot of gun fights and unfortunately drama. But in reality, the story is about a conflicted hitman who is losing his zeal for the job, so you kinda have to expect drama. In exchange for putting up with that however, the climactic scene sees a pissed off Hyeong Do return to the company and engage in  gun battles with all the current employees as he makes his way to his former boss. 

Violence? Yes
Explosions? No
Nudity? No

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Asian Schoolgirls

Violence and mayhem ensue after four school girls stumble upon an underground night club.

The Cast: 

• Asian Schoolgirls
• Rapists
• Hired Goons

The Situation:

Four schoolmates obtain fake ID'S and head out for a night on the town. As events unfold, they find themselves  drugged, raped and abandoned by the side of the road. After one of the girls commits Seppuku due to shaming her famiry, the three remaining friends set out to find their attackers and bring them to justice.

Their first order of business is to acquire weapons, and their second is to track down the guys. In order to kill birds with stones, they've decided to take on jobs as strippers, both to earn the money, keep tabs on the bad guys and also to provide us with that oh so gratuitous nudity. 

After a "quick" fight training/stripping montage where we see the girls acquire the skills to kill and pay the bills, we dive head first into the revenge story as the girls spot their attackers in the club and start their bloody path to the boss.

---------------

Asian Schoolgirls was a better movie than I expected in general (because of all the nakedness) and took a quick turn into decent film territory once they started offing bad guys. I also feel like this movie world have worked better with "adults" as opposed to "teens" but eh. It would have been the same movie. Just minus the schoolgirl aspect, which was apparently very crucial to the plot. Which was clearly just to provide fap material for all of the male viewers. 

Speaking of which, you can't deny the film's sexiness (or attempts at such depending on which side you lean), what with their Asians and their tattoos and the stripper scenes and such, but outside of that? Eh. It's your typical girls are wronged and take up and to get revenge film. It plays like a white dude's elaborate excuse to see naked asskicking Asian Schoolgirls though. Not that I'm complaining. 

There's even a montage that combines stripping with learning how to fight and use their weapons. This movie was about a foot fetish away from hitting all the mainstream fetishes and although the film is unrated, I did not think there'd be nudity. Was genuinely surprised, but not really. Again, the whole film is a fetish flick.

Violence? Yes
Explosions? In pants
Nudity? Yes

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