A masked man has kidnapped 9 strangers. He tells them that there's a reason they're all locked in that room and he'll return every ten minutes and kill one of them until they figure it out. If they do, he'll willingly turn himself in and confess to everything he's done and has planned to do.
Film starts with the villain taking final precautions to ensure the evening goes according to plan and The Nine potential victims include a black guy, a gay guy, a priest, and an asian. (It's like Saw, but not.) From there, It's all dicking and farting around until the first ten minutes pass. Once the killing starts, and they realize that tits dude is serious, they start to access their brainpower figure out what they did to this guy and why is he so pissed that they ended up in that room.
It a diversity full ho--Oh no, She peed her pants.
Stray Quotage:
- "You can be a real asshole when you want to be!"
- "What language is she speaking?"
"I don't know but it's annoying!" - "That's fascinating. Any other useless facts you want to add?"
- "You're one tall drink of water."
"Oh, so you're turning gay now?" - "I've got 8 minutes to live. I'm not worried about you bitches."
- "You're not a father. You're a dick! Literally."
Melissa Joan Hart does not belong in a movie like this. Her voice is way too cheery for a movie this dark. It stands out and it pulls you away from the flick. She's still hot though. Aside from her, my only other gripes:
- Before they die, he tells them why they are there. They tend to simply nod in understanding, yet don't get why don't they just blurt out what he said. Seriously, that shit is retarded.
- How exactly did the killer find out exactly what everyone did and when?
Outside of that, Nine Dead is a decent film that comes together towards the end, then fumbles at the 2yrd line. Ultimately, this is a rare case of the star actually hurting the final product.
Who Farted?
Out of Ten? 6
Violence? Yes
Explosions? No
Nudity? No
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