***In Celebration of Shark Week, we'll be covering Shark cinema.
Today's film is: Mega Shark vs Crocosaurus***
When the prehistoric warm-water beast the Crocosaurus crosses paths with that cold-water monster the Mega Shark, all hell breaks loose in the oceans as the world's top scientists explore every option to halt the aquatic frenzy. Swallowing everything in their paths -- including a submarine or two -- Croc and Mega lead an explorer and an oceanographer on a wild chase. Eventually, the desperate men turn to a volcano for aid.
Hot on the heels of Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus, the Mega Shark now battles the Crocosaurus in the latest battle of the monster beasts. I barely have time to finish that sentence before the Crocosaurus immediately makes his presence felt and eats his way out of the cave slavers have been digging in. Being no slouch, The Mega Shark makes his presence felt early as well, repeatedly attacking a naval ship without reason. Steve Urkel co stars as a naval audio technician, who believes that the giant shark is back and is only proven right when it appears and attacks their ship for no reason. His fiancee suffers an unfortunate shark related fatality during the attack.
Since it takes so long from setup to execution to fight, here's the story condensed:
Mega Shark and Crocosaurus are fucking shit up separately. Somewhere along the way, The shark has swallowed a nuclear sub and essentially becomes a bomb, while the Croc tears through downtown Miami. The military hot on the trail of both, come up with a plan to lead them both to the panama canal where they will attempt to blow them up.
Inside the final 30 minutes we finally get the "battle" we've been waiting for, but it's mainly just a lot of tail and fin biting with the navy shooting missiles and torpedoes at both. Yet Somehow the day is saved after a mighty explosion wipes out everything within their radius.
Mega Shark vs Crocosaurus was beyond bad. I fell asleep twice before the end. It seemed like Only two people were trying and bless his heart, boy did Urkel try. Ah well. Another bad movie in the books.
(Uproxx via Gamma Squad)
Out of Ten? 4
Violence? Yes
Explosions? Yes
Nudity? No.
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